good job..you made a blonde cry. That is the saddest thing I've ever read.
wow, i wouldn't call it sadish since tears are still rolling down my face.
It was really great! It was practically what I thoght happened.Keep it up!
This fic is really good. I love how you did flashbacks to some f Lily's happiest moments with James. I also liked how you said James was "blubbering." Really made you see that he grew out of his big-man, hotshot stage.
I saw that you used the quotes from book three. That's good. But you didn;t use the James quote from book three, you know, about him telling Lily to take Harry and leave? Tha's bad...lol.
It wasn't all too "sad" for me, just terrible. NO, not terrible as in you're a horrible writer! Terrible as in, its terrible and horrible how Lily and James died.
Very good fic.
You completely captured the moment! It almost made me cry, the way you described how Lily felt when James died. The only things I saw were a few comma and apostrophe errors, but otherwise i completely loved it.
Author's Response: I - I captured the moment? *dies from loveliness of review* Thank you! Aw, errors? Well, this was one of my first fics and I don't think I got it betad so, I think I can get away with a few of them. But of course, I won't let it happen again, I swear. *giggle* Thanks for the review.
I cried I must admitt. I thought it was beautiful. i read it over and over again and i cried each and every single time
Author's Response: She cried! *dances* I love it when I make people cry - though of course, I mean that in the best way possible. Thank you so much for the review!
SOO SAD I loved it though
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing. :)
It's very sweet. I like the flashbacks. The kiss was especially effective and the swings are fun. Good description, excellent characterization, great job with the final deaths. Well done!
Author's Response: *excessive amounts of blood rush to cheeks* Thank you!
Hmm.. Not bad, actually. One thing I thought was a little off was the blood coming from Lily's mouth after she was killed, since the Killing Curse leaves no physical damage to the body. I thought it was great otherwise, though. Great job!
Author's Response: Oh really? I didn't actually think of that. Thanks for the information - I'll go back and change that when I have the time. Thanks for the review!
i cried...i admit it...10 of 10.
Author's Response: You cried!? I actually didn't think I would evoke as many tears with this story as I have. I'm sorry [/hands out tissues to everyone who is crying] But I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review.
*sniff* *sniff* That was...*sniff* ... very good. *bawling*
Author's Response: Aww, it will be okay! But I'm glad you liked it despite the tears. Thank you for the review. :)
okay, so i read this one awhile ago, but for some reason i didn't review. shame on me!
i have to say that i REALLY liked this story. and i like how it really emphasizes that sacrifice that lily made that night. the sacrifice that any mother would make for their child. she didn't give up and just surrender, she put her own life on the line for her son, and this story does such a good at bringing it to life. awesome job once again! :)
Author's Response: [attacks you] I love seeing your reviews! I just see your name and I get all happy inside like someone just turned on the sun inside of me. I was always facinated by the fact that Lily sacrificed herself for Harry - just because sacrifices are an amazing thing. Thank you so much for your review! [/huggles]
What a touching look at the night that made Harry's life what it is... you did a great job portraying the sadness Lily must have felt when she saw James die. I don't think that's something a lot of us really consider when we think about what happened... we tend to think that Lily and James' focus would be more on Harry, but they were together first and, I don't mean this as a way to discount Harry's importances, I just think it would be so devastating to watch the one you love die like that... like I said you did a great job of bringing that to life.
woodwoman! You reviewed me? That is awesome!
I really tried my hardest to show Lily's emotions as true as I could when James died, but I never thought I pulled it off good enough. But I suppose that if it worked for you, then it works for me.
Thank you so much for your compliments and encouragement. They are so sweet and heartfelt to read and I'm really thankful for them. Thanks for reviewing!
Wow, you actually send shivers up my spine with this one. Just two things I picked up though:
It felt like there was a hint of fear in the air, like the darkness outside was slowly seeping in through the small cracks of the house like ink; almost as if the pitchy blackness was wrapping smooth fingers around the house, suffocating its occupants.
Whoa, this is a really long sentance. I would break it up as...
It felt like there was a hint of fear in the air, like the darkness outside was slowly seeping in through the small cracks of the house like ink. It was almost as if the pitchy blackness was wrapping smooth fingers around the house, suffocating its occupants.
The spell deflected off of Harry and hit Voldemort...
Technically, you can't say 'off of' in proper English. It's just 'off'.
Other than that, I loved it. Your characterization of Lily and James was great, I especially liked the first flashback. It gave a kind of happy-side to the dark story. Great job!
Yay! A nit-picker! Do you have any idea how much I adore nit-pickers? Well, it's a lot. Thank you for finding those mistakes for me.
I gave you shivers? Wow. That's amazing. I really enjoyed writing this because it was the first thing I ever wrote that had a darker aspect to it. So I'm really happy it had to effect I was looking for.
Thank you so much for the review. It means a lot. :)
i think its very good for a one chapter story. i liked the flashbacks because they brought more depth into the characters.
Author's Response: Thank you very much, froggie. I'm really happy to hear that you liked it. I'm pretty sure that writing the flashbacks was my favorite part of this fic - thanks for the review!
Ah, yes, AKT (well EPT) this is your lovely prize. You know, that was beautifully written. I thought you depicted the events really well, and the flashbacks were very effective. I think you really captured well the sense of family and love that Lily and James had for Harry and for each other. I wouldn’t say it was exactly sad (I don’t find things sad very often), but it was very sweet. It was touching as well. I thought that the flashback scene with the swing was great and really cute. You really managed to make them seem like young lovers :) You have a lovely writing style and this one-shot was a pretty good snapshot of what their last moments were like. Not dark and heavy, but still very meaningful. Excellent job! 10/10
Aww, little_kitty! I can't believe you reviewed for me! That's so sweet. I'm glad you enjoyed it - even if you didn't think it was sad. It's all about emotional ranges, y'know? Being as Ron has the range of a teaspoon...
This was the best prize ever! It was a lucky day when I guessed you were eating green grapes. A lucky day indeed. Thanks for reviewing! I'll check out some of your fics when I have the time.
I loved this story! It was really sad! I had tears in my eyes!! I thought you put the flashbacks in at the right moments. You captured what happened really well.
Author's Response: I got another person teary-eyed? Yes! That was my ultimate goal! I'm really happy that you liked the flashbacks, I thought they were very important to the story and I'm glad other people think so as well. Thank you for your review!
Very well-written! I thought the swing thing was /filled/ with sexual innuendo, or maybe I'm just crazy? Heehee. ^^ Anyway, the ending part at first kind of confused me, but you clearled it up right away so props on that. ^^ I give you ten!!
Author's Response: Sexual Inuendo? [/laughs] Oh my, that makes me smile. I can see where you're coming from, but I honestly didn't mean for it to come off like that! Oh well, what's life without a little hint of sex, eh? I was never very sure how I wanted to end it, but I thought it would be odd to just say Lily died and then stop writing. And I personally do belive that when someone dies they stick around for at least a minute in spirit before leaving to wherever spirits go. Thanks for the review (and the ten, for that matter)!
Yup, I'd say that's sad, all right. Ack. What is it with you people tonight, making me read and review and concrit dark and sad and angsty pieces?! Bah.
That said, it's very nicely done. The flashbacks are very appropriately chosen and placed. And yeah, if sad was what you were after, I'd say you got there.
I think maybe the swing flashback could be better. I think I understand why you chose a moment like that. You've got to help the characters transition from the antagonistic pair at school to a pair of young lovers. But there are some little bits that just aren't quite ringing right for me. For example:
“I was hoping – that maybe – I know I’ve been awfully cruel to you – but it’s - It’s nice to hear,” she stuttered nervously, taking a step closer to him. She could hear his breathing; it was so light, so calm…
I'm trying to put my finger on why this doesn't sound like the Lily in my head. I think it might be the use of the word cruel. I don't see Lily as having the capacity to be cruel, not really. Interestingly, I think you've done a better job of capturing James in this little flashback than Lily. My sense is that he changed more than she did, and you show that well.
The naming flashback is quite nice. I'll spare you and not tell you who my children are named after! ::wink:: Nice writing.
Author's Response: You know, I never really liked the swing scene ... I didn't think I captured Lily very well in it either, to be honest. But, I know that I personally only get emotional about death when I can see an emotional part of life, so I thought that I needed flashbacks in order to make it upsetting. If it was just "Voldemort-burts-into-the-room-and-"Avada-Kedavras"-James-into-oblivion" it wouldn't get very much sadness. And actually, about the names, it's kind of ironic because I love both of those names and my little brother was almost named Silas! Thank you for the review, Poultrygeist - it's very appreciated.
you did a very good job capturing their last day. very very good job. i liked how u did the flashbacks.
Author's Response: Thank you. i figured the flashbacks were important to get people into the characters a bit. Death is only really sad when you've gotten to see what the characters are like, how they love, how they live. It makes it more heartfelt and touching (or so I think). Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it!