I'm new to your story and have just read all 20 chapters at one shot. :) And I LOVE IT! It's beautifully written and I love the way you capture Draco's emotions, making him more human than the annoying Slytherin git, while still maintaining his snobbish, cold personality. Great job! Can't wait to read more. :)
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you!! I appreciate that very much...I'm trying hard to keep Draco as in character as possible for a romance. I don't want him to go all 'fluffy' on anyone, and I hope that isn't the case here. I'm glad you're enjoying! :)
I loved this chapter. I felt thoroughly bad for Pansy, though she was able to come back with some very smarting remarks. Nicely done!
Author's Response: Thank you. I appreciate your kind comments. This was one of my favorite chapters to write.
I have to give at two thumbs up on Pansy's response to Draco. He maybe "perfection" in his world, but not in the Weasley's world.
Author's Response: Exactly. No matter how perfect Draco beleives he is, in the Weasley world, he will never be good enough, IMO. But I don't think Draco will ever really "get" that, because of the way he has been raised. The dialogue between Pansy and Draco was fun to write. Thanks for reading!!
Excellent chapter. It made me feel a bit sorry for Pansy. I really liked when Draco said something about being perfect and Pansy replied that he would never be perfect in their world. His attitude reminded me so much of this guy I know, outwardly thinking he is perfect but knowing different inside. One question, Draco said he is almost 18, but I thought the story was before GoF?
Author's Response: Totally my bad. The story is AU after PoA but before GoF. I guess I'm not specific enough somtimes. The history prior to GoF is the same, but I guess I didn't pay ANY attention to their ages. I'm going to go adjust that. Thanks.
Great chapter! I am very intrigued by the connection between Draco and ginny. She seems to be picking up on his signs, on his pleas. She sees him different than everybody else and even dared to disagree with her hot-headed brother. I love that you portrayed her as a strong girl, as a sister who can control her brothers. Ron was written very well, especially his stubborn comments about Malfoy. Draco's remark about Dumbledore siding with "them" was spot on in my mind. I really think that Dumbledore is biased when it comes to Slytherin, just like Snape is towards Gryffindor. Draco's mental struggle becomes more and more clear. I felt so sorry for him when he told himself that his father would not lie to him and that his father did everything for the good of the world and did not hurt innocents. He is in for quite a suprise. I am really looking forward to seeing how you deal with that. Again some minor spelling mistakes, like and instead of an or you instead of your. Another aspect that irked me a bit was your layout. You start some sentences at the sideline. This creates some weird looking paragraphs among normal ones, which makes it a bit harder to read. However your plot is quite gripping throughout the chapter which compensates it a bit. All in all a pretty good chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks for the thoughtful review. The weird thing is, just recently on my last chapter submitted, I got a rejection for formatting...I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, since I'm not doing anything differently than I did before, and this is 20 chapters into the story, so...I'm going to have to look into it more closely. The struggle between Draco and Lucius is shown throughout the rest of the story, and I want to make that a part of this plot, and Draco's feelings for Ginny. I feel it causes conflict, which is good.
And another excellent chapter. You seem to have a very firm grip on the lesser characters. I love your portrayal of Pansy especially. Just like Rita in the previous chapter, she is really annoying in her own way and that gets across very well. The repetition of the word tabloid in the chapter also worked very well. The desperation Draco felt just shone through that word, I could just feel him telling that to himself. Telling it over and over and wishfully thinking that one day he would actually believe it to be true. And I absolutely loved teh power that Ginny has over him without her actually realizing it. His feelings were so strong and so contradictory. A slight downside to your chapter was the fact that you had some minor spelling mistakes, for example though instead of thought, but that did not hinder the chapter at all. I especially liked your ending: Just another day in the life of Draco Malfoy, after all. Very strong! You did a good job here!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, always appreciated. Especially the comment about Pansy. I'm really working hard on her in this story, and am enjoying the way she's coming across so far.
nice story. pls update soon
Author's Response: Thanks...next chap should be up any day...I hope. ;)
So far the story is enthralling and I can't help but cntinueing to read it. Why did Pansy become so nice, even if it just to Draco? I loved this chapter though.
Author's Response: Hey, thanks. I think that Pansy was always nice to Draco, just not to the Gryffindors. From the trio's point of view, she might not be so nice, but to Draco and to her friends in Slytherin, I would think that she would show some friendliness. In this story, I try to paint her as someone that the reader could feel sorry for, anyway. She cares about Draco, but he doesn't completely return her feelings a lot of the time.
Great great story! I just started reading and ended up reading the whole thing! I loved it and I love that Ginny is willing to just keep trying to break through Draco's barriers.
Well I feel a bit sheepish . . . haha. Didn't know about the familial relationship . . . otherwise I would never have dreamed of intruding on sisterly banter . . . Silly me! Sorry there Moca, I'm a complete arse some times.
'DO try and make it more interesting.' . . . Demanding much, aren't we? It WAS interesting. . . Not every chapter is going to be chock full of suspense, romance, and action. Go read Anna Karenina or Pride and Prejudice and come back and talk to us about 'fillers' . . . Granted, none of these stories are on par with classics such as those, but every author knows that some chapters just have to be written to move the story along . . . whether they are interesting or not. . . A word to the nitpickers: it's best to sandwich criticism with praise. What did she write well? What were her strong points? That's a skill for life too - everyone should learn that trick . . . Linkster happened to take the criticism with great dignity, but it irked me. It's all about delivery - I prefer constructive criticism more than the fluffy happy reviews, but if someone dictated their opinion to me in that manner, I would not take it with a grain of salt . . . I digress. Forgive my tirade. Linkster - good chapter. I enjoyed the break from drama; it was nice to just read/observe Ginny's thoughts. Keep up the good work. . . (the preposition part was all right, I do it all the time too. Better luck next time, right?)
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review, as usual. I don't mind Moca's reviews, 'cause she's my sister, and she helps me out every step of the way a lot of the time. She's always working on me to make my stories shorter, therefore elminating the fillers, LOL. I like my fillers personally, so we banter back and forth about that all the time. I love prepositions too. :p
I'm in a nitpicking mood. First off, the first paragraph has 'he blah blah blah' instead of 'the blah blah blah'. Second, you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, 'at', for instance. Third, if this story is Pre GOF, then the trio does not know about the order, therefore they won't talk about it or even want to join. And adding to this point, Fred and George wouldn't be old enough to join. In GOF, they were sixteen, one year too young. Oh yeah, I made money from that funeral...hehehe. This chapter was almost like a filler. Do try and make it more interesting. The only exciting thing was the whole thing where Bill and Charlie made kissing noises and when she asked the 'rents about Draco. Yeah...
Author's Response: OMG, you're right about the Order thing. I'll have to either adjust it or put an author's note in there about it. This is AU after GoF, so, I guess I could make it so Harry and the rest of them know about the Order...but I know know. Thanks for that. This was NOT a filler, Moca. Please. ;D
Ginny's fallen in. Poor girl. And she doesn't even know it yet. I'm surprised and Mr.Weasley though. Considering his verlasting hate for Lucius. Anyway, great chapter! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Yeah, I wasn't sure about Mr. Weasley. I figure that his hate is towards Lucius, and he wouldn't be so quick to judge Draco...but anyway, they don't really LIKE him, they're just willing to tolerate him for their daughter's sake. ;)
Your story presented a unique challenge for me because I don't like Draco Malfoy. Further more, this is a romance story between Draco and one of my favorite characters, Ginny. So, let me review my anti-Draco bias and get to my points. I liked the direction that you're going here with Draco. How he tends to agree with his father, but is not quite as militant about his beliefs. I was looking for some more details to get me started on the whole romance thing, but I am wondering if that awful look in Draco's fathers eyes is because of the romance with Ginny. Hmmm, will need to read more. I think you have created a believable image of Draco. I would have liked to see something that hinted at Draco's romance with Ginny a little more clearly. This is a romance story, so I want to get a least a little hint of the romance to come in future chapters. Right now, this seems much more like a story about Draco and his problems. In all, it's still a very good start. 8/10. Good job!
Author's Response: It is a romance story, but I develop things very slowly. To me, Draco cannot easily show emotion. (Though I beleive he can feel it much easier than show it.) I'm quite Draco-centric, so therefore, it is more than just a romance fic. But thanks for the review! :D
He is getting so close to telling her, I can't wait to see how it finally happens...........Post again soon please
Great, great, great. I really like how you have kept Ginny and Draco pretty much in character. A lot of fanfics seem to rush how Draco warms up, but as he has been in a rather nasty family with certain ideals for 15+ years he's not bound to change overnight. More soon please!!
Author's Response: Thanks...that's sort of my goal. I hate to rush anything with Draco, because I just don't see him warming up quickly at all. Thanks for reading!
Wonderful chapter. It actually showed Ginny caring about Draco because she didn't want him to be lonely on Christmas. How sweet...Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: I'm glad you noticed her caring...although she's always cared about him to a certain extent, this is the chapter where I really wanted to emphasize it. Her feelings for him have been confused, but she's going to realize how she's feeling for him in the next several chapters to come. They've almost made it! :D
Another great chapter! I was a bit confused in the beginning as to the timeline of your story, but then I figured it must be AU from PoA onward with keeping some things that happened in tact. Something I loved very much in this chapter were the three different POVs. All three are intellectual people and observe the situation in a different way. You described the characters very well. Especially Dumbledore and his very vague remarks, which leave you with the feeling that he knows far more than anybody else. And then that article of Rita Skeeter. I laughed so hard. You captured her tone perfectly. I was incredibly lucky... I am still wondering how she ever became such an esteemed journalist. The only thing that made me wonder is why Hermione was not very concerned about what was said in the article. She usually overanalyses everything and by now she must have soem concern about what he is claiming. And another question: Has Neville a bit of a crush on Ginny? You seem to hint at it when you state that he is overly nervous. Lovely chapter and I can't wait to read more when I have time again. :)
Author's Response: Thanks again. I wasn't sure if I wanted to put in the article by Rita, since it only serves to show why Draco is so upset at the beginning of the story, and about the fact that Lucius is quite vocal about his views and beliefs. But I did finally decide to leave it in. I thought it was kind of funny myself. I guess I've always viewed Neville as a more nervous/shy character, so this is why i wrote him that way. But I guess what's not stated in a story can be implied. ;) About Hermione, yeah, you're probably right. She'd be more concerned, but maybe that concern will come out later in the story (I hope). I didn't go to write her unconcerned, LOL.
I just found this story and I loved your first chapter. It is very compelling and I really like the way you write Draco. His dream at the beginning of your chapter was very powerful. I loved how you repeated the word pain and linked it to Lucius Malfoy in a roundabout way. This really sheds a different light on the father-son relationship. You continue doing this in the whole chapter where you grand us a look what is inside the mind of Draco. I loved the fact that he uses a facade to maintain his image and that he wants to be normal. Unfortunately for the poor boy he has a father that makes this pretty impossible for him. An aspect you might want to watch out for is purple prose (the overuse of adverbs). You are now close to edge of overdoing it, which will turn your story more sappy than you might want it to be. Your descriptions are very effective and certainly an important part of your writing style, which makes it crucial to keep an eye on that. The ending of the chapter was very strong, much more than the beginning. It really hinted at what was to come and how Draco intends to deal with it. Loved it!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading...the adverb thing is a habit that I just fall into all the time when writing. I'm watching it more now that several people have pointed it out to me. Sometimes, I don't even notice it. The relationship between father and son is pretty important in this story and how it unfolds. The decisions that Draco needs to make between what he wants and what his father wants.
*cries* Whens the next chapter?