I thought you did a great job portraying Draco's feelings--I've always felt like there was more to him, and this seems to fit. I like the way that this is going so far.
Nit-picky things: I noticed that Death Eaters wasn't capitilized, that's one of those things like Muggle and Apparates that should be. One line that I thought sounded a bit awkward was: Usually this annoyed him, however this early morning, the usually obnoxious snores soothed his frenzied mind. I think it would flow more easily if you put a comma between "however" and "this." Nothing very serious, just a sentence I stumbled across.All in all, I thought it was very good, and that you have a gift for imagery and description. I liked the way you integrated different lengths of sentences, although I felt like these two could have been joined together: Cruel, heartless and cold. As he always looked. I liked it a lot! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review...I always take the nitpicky things seriously..and will eventually edit them...when time permits. I'm glad that you enjoyed the first chapter..it's always a challenge for me to begin anything. :)
Yet another great chapter. I really like how you're bringing Draco and Ginny together without it being overbearing or making the plot completely about the two of them. It's so nice to read about other goings on in the lives of Draco and others. I also liked the interaction between Ginny and Draco in the library.
It’s always been there… I like this. I like that, in your story, Draco has always felt something for Ginny. It makes much more sense than if suddenly he had feelings for her. I also liked Pansy and Draco together. I feel badly for her, as I wish Draco felt something for her as well... How torn I am... She's so considerate of him. How could he not see?Did she not know that any man with the name Malfoy was automatically above all this meaningless work? Fantastic bit of characterization here. You've shown that despite his feelings for Ginny, he is still a Malfoy and rather full of himself. It was as if a wall was suddenly being erected between them, and a coldness filled Ginny’s heart. Great line here.
The chance meeting between them went great. I liked how Draco just kind of zoned while looking at her. Ginny's internal debate about liking Draco was also nice. The way she was kind of trying to convince herself to feel otherwise was well done and it felt IC as well.Nice chapter. :)
Author's Response: Thanks...I appreciate your comments always...I'm glad Draco still seems IC...I'm trying hard to do this, in spite of the fact that his being in love will make him as OOC as he can possibly be, right?
I hope you don't mind that I skip a few chapters here and there in my reviews. I've actually gotten pretty far into your story and I want to make sure that I review every once in a while. :)
Each chapter seems to be getting better and better. Initially, when I watched the interaction between Ginny and Draco, I was worried about OOCness, but now that I've been to this point, I can see that it's more subtle aspects of characterization. We don't know what goes on in the mind of Draco in the books, so it's completely possible that he had a crush on Ginny. Anyway, in this chapter, I like how you'ved shown his reaction to the divorce announcement. I've never experienced divorce, but I imagine hearing about in the manner that Draco did would sting.Ginny, who hadn’t said a word up until that moment, spoke up.
“Poor Draco.” This subtle bit of characterization was exactly what the story needed to move it along. I like that generally, Ginny still has her own, strong opinion about someone, but yet the ability to see them outside of their personality and have compassion. It was nice to see. Hadn’t she, just days earlier accused Draco of having no heart? Even more awful than Ron’s hurtful comment was the fact that Ginny had thought the same thing earlier. I liked this as well, bringing full circle the range of emotions that Ginny feels.Some errors: In the chapter title, Announcement is misspelled. She called as she rushed out the door, leaving the trio in confusion. The trio is fanon reference. If you end up typing it a lot, it might be a good idea to have Auto-correct automatically change it to "Harry, Ron and Hermione." You also used that here: The trio stared at her, and Ginny rushed to defend her words.
I really liked this chapter and I'm really liking this story, even though it takes me a while to get back and review for you. ;) I also liked Ron's use of swear words. Seemed quite IC for him and it made me smile. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Don't know why it happened, but I missed these two reviews until now...LOL. I'm glad you're enjoying, and I never did know that "trio" was fanon..I'll be sure to change that when I get a chance and the misspelling. Oops..thanks for the comments as usual.
Well, I found this chapter absolutely lovely. I have to say, I really like the time changes, like when Ginny is with her family she thinks about Draco, it's very nice. I think what I loved most about this chapter is the feelings. There were so many emotions and I felt so engrossed in it all. The fact that Ginny is going to stick by Draco shows, in my opinion, that she truly cares about him, more than she realizes. Nicely done! I can't wait for your next chapter!
Author's Response: As always, thank you very much...I'm having a horrible time trying to get the next chapter edited...but it IS coming. :)
Am I strange because I like Pansy? I find her really interesting in your story. I like it when Draco is interacting with her.
She made a splendid picture- red hair against white snow, sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks. When I read this, I envisioned "red" hair, not the usual redheaded redness. (Does that make any sense whatsoever?) Having envisioned the red against the white snow, I wonder if you're foreshadowing. It just brought images of blood against snow. Even if it's not foreshadowing, it's a great image.“Who are you staring at?” came he question from Draco’s left. "He" should be "the." I also noticed that Muggle needs to be capitalized, but I think I mentioned that in my earlier review... Can't remember. “So, father tells me your parents are finalizing the divorce,” she said. Would "father" be capitalized? Or did you intend to put "my" in front of it?
I liked reading about Draco's mother. It seems like she is so often portrayed as cold and distant, but I think any distance would be toward Lucius rather than Draco. It's sad that he is neutral toward her. But perhaps living with a Death Eater has that affect on a family dynamic. Perhaps, he missed his mother. :( Sad.Like I said, I like Pansy and Draco's interaction together. I think they play off each other well. Even when Draco is being evasive, you've shown Pansy to be perceptive. Nicely done with these two. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for reading through this far. :) I appreciate the comments about the Draco/Pansy dynamic. I like writing her because I can kind of play with her personality a little since it's not developed that much in the books...and I think that a human side to her is very interesting. My favorite chapters to write were actually the ones with D/P interaction. I will go back and change some of the little things you mentioned when time permits me. :)
I've just discovered that all my previous reviews have vanished! Strange..anyways, I enjoyed this chapter. The beginning was normal but then it built up to that lovely scene with Draco and Ginny. :) Loved it..and loved the funny lines in it too, especially the one about D/G snogging and not talking! Great chapter!
Great chapter! Yea I was wonderin bout how Ginny didn't no Siruis either! Pleez update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm working on the next chapter this week...
The chapter wasn't too bad. . . However, if this is Ginny's 5th year, she definitely spent significant time at Grimmauld Place with Sirius during her 4th year when all the OotP stuff went on . . . So she would have known him - just a little correction. I liked the ending however; Ginny doesn't know what's going to happen, she even doubts if Draco will turn out good, but she's there for him . . . love thy enemy.
Author's Response: Well, I get your point about Sirius and Ginny...however, OoTP never happened in my story...it is AU after CoS...if there are discrepancies, it's only because I myself get confused sometimes what's happened and what hasn't. LOL. Thanks for reading.
Hurray! Update! Well Ron reacted VERY in character. Poor Ginny, how's she going to handle the change in their relationship once Draco becomes a Death Eater? Will there even be a drastic change to Draco once he takes the mark?
Author's Response: I haven't decided what is going to happen, if/when Draco does take the mark. I haven't even decided if I'm going to have him take it, LOL.
Sorry, I forgot to tell you I love the repitition of the word 'pain' throughout it as well. 'Pain' is such a strong word; it fits quite well with the tone of this chapter.
I think I'll just say this now and get it out of the way, because it has no significant meaning since the others informed you of it: The only thing that was captured by my nitpick net was the capitalisation of Death Eaters and the italicising of spells. But like I said before, someone's already mentioned it, so you're already fully aware.
Now, on to the better half of this review. I love this! And I'm not just saying that. For me, it's very hard to find a story with Draco being Draco. In your story, you have him being himself, and him having small incentives of where it doesn't seem like he wouldn't think that. But we don't know what Draco would actually be thinking. Your story supports my theory about the character Draco Malfoy. I think he has a slight fear of his father, and acts the way he does because of his father. I mean, if my father frightened me, I would do anything and everything to keep him pleased. I also enjoy your story immensely, because you give a believable personal perspective on Draco's life. Some stories are...let's just say blah. You have such a strong beginning, fantastic description, and though there isn’t any dialogue, this chapter didn’t need it if for some reason you thought dialogue would’ve made it even better; anyone who thinks otherwise obviously doesn't know great quality when they read it. I'm off to chapter 2. Great job!
Author's Response: I thank you very much for the review...I do know the small things wrong with my story, and I plan on editing them when I have more time. I'm glad that you like the way I potray Draco's character...I work very hard to do this. Thanks for reading.
Most of the time I judge a fic by the opening paragraph and wow was that intense. It showed that his true feelings were showed when he couldn't control them. In most cases, repetitiveness is terrible, but the way you used, 'pain', was very powerful. The way you write makes me feel his emotions and his, well, pain. Here is a little critique. When you say, "He remembered that;" I think that it would be better if you said something like, "That is what he remembered." Of course this is not nessecary, but I think this flows better. I think you made a typo when you said, "The look in those dark eyes…." I think you added an extra period. Another small factual error. You wrote, "Someone shifted in his or her sleep, and then all was silent again in the room." Only boys sleep in a dormitory, so it should not be his or her. I love how you skip lines to show importance. It really draws the reader in. The ending shows us the Draco we see all too often. You used arrogance just enough in the final statements to make him very IC. This is a great starting to an interesting fic!
Author's Response: You are SO right about the dormitory thing! Ack..I'll go change that. Thanks for reading. I'm glad you think Draco is IC...I'm trying very hard to keep him that way.
Well...Draco doesn't deserve Ginny if he isn't going to avoid his father and do what he wants. No comment on the Pansy thing yet. Too early in development. Maybe next chapter? Good work.
Really excellent chapter. I really liked how you described Draco's reaction to Lucius in the pub, showing how fearful he is of his father. I'm curious, are you going to show a reaction soon of Harry/Ron/Hermione to Draco/Ginny's new closeness? And is Draco going to go to anyone for help/advice? Such as Dumbledore or maybe Snape? Looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you. I have written the reaction of most of the Weasley's in the next chapter, actually. Hermione, who plays the role of Ginny's friend in this story, will be more supportive than the rest of Ginny's family. I have yet to develop the reaction of Harry and some of the other Gryffindors (I will do this, but I have a hard time writing for Harry, so it will take time.) I am also working Dumbledore into this story more as well, and planning to have an exchange between Draco and DD. I had one written way at the beginning of the story when Draco was getting into fights with fellow students, but I cut it out, being that it wasn't quite relevant at the time. Thanks for reading...I always appreciate any thoughts. :)
I loved this chapter. I really liked how you had described the kiss between Draco and Ginny. Like the last review said, it would have been a touch odd if they had just started snogging in the first chapter as they hated one another. Although I guess that is probably another fanfic plot. :) Anyways, it was very sweet and really helped to show how the two of them have fallen in love. Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks! It's been one of my favorites to write. Draco never did hate Ginny in this story though...it was Ginny that needed that small push towards him. :)
Reading this chapter, I couldn't help but see a parallel between Draco's experience with whispers in the hallways and Harry alway dealing with people talking in hushed voices around him. It's an interesting angle, because Draco to me has always been very opposite of Harry. The way you have chosen to go about this has been portrayed in a very realistic and believable way. I can absolutely see Draco dealing with the fallout from his father's going public. It'll be interesting to see how he deals with those whispers, as he has always put on such a front.
A couple of nitpicks and I'll rush through them quickly: His support of the death eaters who were slowly gaining power and popularity once more. Death Eater should be capitalized and I saw it further down where it needed to be capitalized. Also, spells are traditionally italicized, like Incendio! Like I said nitpicks, and they're pretty specific because from I can see, you've taken great care to write your story well.Normalcy. It was exactly what he craved. The feeling that what he had just experienced was merely a dream, and nothing more. Now that Draco was awake, the horrible chains of the nightmare wouldn’t bind him any longer. I love this part. I think it's very descriptive and sets a great tone for how Draco is feeling throughout this chapter. You've used great words to create your tone and to maintain it. I really felt what Draco was feeling, like when he was waking from his dream and when he lamenting about his father's publicity. He seems like he is very conflicted about how he feels about everything, teeter-tottering between loyalty to his father and the desire to live a normal life, even if it's under Dumbledore.
I love how it ended. To me it felt like he was putting on a face, the one that showed none of his feelings and insecurities, the one that showed that he was better than anyone else. Good job. this was a great chapter. :)
Author's Response: Wow..thank you for that thoughtful review. My Draco is quite torn throughout this whole story, so I'm glad that I have gotten that point across...it is now a conflict between his father, and the life he has chosen for Draco...and eventually it will involve Ginny as well, and how she fits into that life....I will fix up the minor things...thanks again.
Loved it! I have said this before, but I'll say it again. I love how well you portray Draco and Pansy. They're very tricky characters since they're both Slytherins, and yet you do such a good job on them both. I loved how the Parkinsons stood up for their daughter and yet Lucius couldn't do the same. And the part with Ginny was amazing as well. What can I say? Wonderful! Waiting for the next chapters...
Author's Response: I appreciate that...I'm working hard on Pansy...so positive comments are appreciated...if you feel that something is amiss, do let me know....the next chapter is coming along slowly... :(
Nice backround story to Draco's plight. Now it seeems that he and Pansy are in the same boat, sort of. Update soon!
I'm confused. What happened? It was Draco and Ginny in the tower and then what? Whatever. *10*
Author's Response: Those were flashbacks....I think. I was trying to go from present time to his flashbacks with Ginny that morning...maybe it was sort of unclear.
Definately a sweet chapter! Everyone seems to be saying that it took quite some time for that kiss to happen, but I like it this way. I mean, you couldn't just expect Draco and Ginny to start making out on the spot. The building up to this scene was really worth it! It was so much more special! Anyway, loved it! Can't wait for more!