Ooh, Molly noticed! I enjoyed the tension between them very much, and the way Charlie asked Hermione if he could kiss her was really sweet and certainly unexpected. This chapter was different again in style - it was like a mix of Chapter 1 and 2 - upbeat, yet with serious splashes in there. I like your characterisation of Fleur a lot; it's spot on! Brilliant chapter. I look forward to reading more!
Very interesting follow-up. So this chapter set two years later? Something is telling me that that means it's more than a crush... A slightly different style to before, but appropriate to the mood of the chapter. I liked the way you portrayed Oliver and Charlie's relationship, particularly contrasting it with Percy and Chralie's. I had a good chuckle at the comment about removing Percy's stomach. Next chapter looks exciting!
So, I've been intending to read this for ages, and finally I've got the time to do so. This is amazing so far. You've written this chapter with so much delicacy - the exchange was simple, making it brilliantly effective. You were sensitive to their characters and made this pairing seem completely natural. Excellent!
Oh, Mar! It's gorgeous! I can see why you love it so much. I fully intended to use this as my third review for the month, but now I'll have to find something else, for I can't possibly write a SPEWly review on something that I'm in love with! How could I ever pick it apart? It would ruin it if I so much as touched a single sentence. Okay, I'm done gushing now.
I absolutely adore your characterisation in this story. It's eloquent and beautifully done. This has just about everything woven perfectly together: a hint of romance, an ounce of humour, and a great big dollop of fun (yes, I am a dork). I don't know what else to say except to reiterate how much I love it and I'm adding to my favourites, an honour usually reserved for those I beta-read for.
Curious to see where you are heading - I've enjoyed this so far. I love George being shoved in the pond and Hermione almost knocked by Charlie.
I LOVE IT!!!!KEEP WRITING!!NOW1!!......PLEASE?.....PRETTY PLEASE???!!!!
I love this chappie! I can't wait till the next one! Keep on writing, it is awesome!! Okay, now I am using too many exclimation points! *laughing* Oh well!
Thanks for the good read!!
I love love love it. I also love that I was reading the 2nd chapter when you posted the new one. You've a big huge talent, quillster. I will definitely read on.
Haha. Run Oliver! I'm guessing this is what is keeping you from Lightning Bond? *sniffles* I liked that one, and it can't be the end, could it? What happened? I thought you were a mod? Hm...Oh well. Good start. How old is Charlie, though? Hermione must be around twenty...
Hi Mar! I must say, I really enjoyed your handiwork, as always. Charlie/Hermione isn't exactly floating around the Harry Potter fandom, so the rarepair is very fun to read. I'm going to start with nitpicks and follow up with the compliments. Hope that's ok. :)
First off: "He reappeared just down the road from the Burrow. He needed to come home. He needed to provide the extra support to a mother who had lost two sons and a daughter. His family needed him. He also needed to come home." Even though I can see the artistry in that, I wouldn't be opposed to combining two sentences. I think the last two would be the best to do that with. I'd make it like this: "His family needed him, and he needed to come home." Doesn't ruin the artistry of the first part, but breaks up the paragraph nicely.
"Out here, the memories always seemed to encompass more people as well - there was that lovely evening before the Quidditch World Cup with all of the Weasleys, her, and Harry; Bill and Fleur's wedding, etc." "Weasleys" should be "Weasleys'". :)
Other than that, I don't see any more mistakes. I think you're writing is gorgeous when you do interaction of two characters. I loved Hermione's heartfelt dialogue about how much she missed them -- it really makes the war seem real, that yes, people are dying, and yes, that no on is safe. Brilliantly done, my dear.
My, my, if it isn’t my first Hermione/Charlie fic to read! I wasn’t sure what to expect. I guess Charlie’s fun to write since nobody really knows much about him. Considering that, I really think it’d be wonderful to make a great character out of old Charlie; I hope to see some character development in the later chapters!
...there was that lovely evening before the Quidditch World Cup with all of the Weasleys, her, and Harry; Bill and Fleur's wedding, etc. Something about the “ect.” makes me think of a research paper — or at least, not describing memories.
*giggles* Fred and George gave Mr. Weasley Pokémon cards... I’ve been waiting for those to pop up somewhere!
Hermione felt so connected to Charlie when he was listening to her, and she felt drawn into him completely when he talked, and when they sat in silence for a while, she felt that it was completely entrancing. I think I’d suggest splitting this sentence in half, as it is a bit long a repetitive. Or perhaps using a dash or semicolon somewhere in it.
I really like the scene you’ve set up here. I thought of a movie in my mind when Charlie saw Hermione out in the garden (beautifully written, by the way)! I think because of the time period — after Harry’s defeated Voldemort and all that, with a few details of your own — the story has a lot of potential, and I look forward to reading more.
Cute... Love the story about Charlie. Who would have even thought to put Charlie and Hermione together? Well you of coarse but your just brilliant that way! * smiles.* Wow...* Jumps up to hug you.* Well that's all....
Killing Weasleys is NOT nice!! Unfortunately sometimes it just has to be done.
I like how you put the phrase: embracing the crisp September night air. Very different and creative. It seems like she is out to think, to clear her head.
Although it seems to me that if Hermione is reminiscing and feeling such a deep loss she wouldn’t end with etc. Perhaps it would give a more personal feel if you add a detail about each of those events and then end with an ellipses and a sigh on Hermione’s part. I think it would be much more poignant.
I also think that this chapter seems a little rushed. I think I would have enjoyed some more tension, an almost kiss, an interruption and then wait for another chapter for the kiss. I just think it would be more realistic. However, I do like that they talked about the happy and the sad, the good and the bad, all rolled together. It makes for a good relationship if you can talk about anything and everything.
I like your writing style, its simple and clean and the dialogue seems to flow nicely. I like your title too. It seems odd to paint a silence any color, but it is comforting and quiet and fits with the mood of your chapter.
I guess I will have to read on to find out what happens next!! Keep up the good work!
Oh, this is nice! Lovely dialogue and great the way you have them not taking the kiss forward straight away. Silly Weasley men! Still, it makes for a good story. And Oliver Wood, too. That's just great. Really enjoyable, thanks
Wow. What a great story. Amanda's right - they just seem so tired, so world weary. And this story was seemlessly structured, you let us know what had happened without us even realising we were being told. Skilful writing.
Just one gripe: there was that lovely evening before the Quidditch World Cup with all of the Weasleys, her, and Harry; Bill and Fleur's wedding, etc. How can you sully this lovely writing with an 'etc.'?!!!
Right. I'm off to read the next chapter. Thanks!
Ah, Oliver Wood, and Charlie Weasley. Two characters I like, who are woefully neglected in fanfic.
Of course it does not help that I'm not fond of Ron, so here I am going "GO CHARLIE!"
I do like the parallel of Harry/Oliver versus Ron/Charlie. I also like the mention of Bill being gone and Charlie being confused, although I would hope he actually *does* go to the wedding. Yikes.
I *especially* like Hermione working in the DoM. So often in fanfic, you see her being in Muggle Relations. With her brains, I find that somewhat implausible. Much, MUCH better as an Unspeakable.
Heh. Charlie's got a crush...
I cried about the 3 who died but Charlie is Wonderful. Those Weasley boys how long does it take them to act on their feelings. Please continue. We need to know more about Charlie. Of course Hermione is a dear.
I don't often come into the other romances, but I quite like how this is going. There are some very nice points in here.
Percy's very good. He's on speaking terms, apparently, but still too arrogant to come home. The contrast drawn between the brothers, and Oliver, is excellent.
Oliver actually turned out to be the sort of brother Percy should have been, but Charlie never admitted that even to himself.
I really, really like this. It's so revealing of the way Charlie regards his family.
The whole brotherly dynamic is great. I actually think this chapter is slightly better than the last -- you "show" a bit more instead of "telling". In this one, we witness all that happened instead of hearing it as in the last one. Great job, and I'm watching this story for the next update!
Oliver is perfectly captured. I've been waiting quite a while for this second chapter...*tsks* And it's wonderful...also wonderfully short. We, the rabid minions, require more! *arms self with ruler for constructive knuckle-slapping* Hermione works for the Department of Mysteries now, eh? Does she perhaps study the Veil?
*snicker* That's a lovely continuation. I love the comment about the ministry removing Percy's stomach so he could devote more time to work. And Charlie combing his hair repeatedly? Lovely. Now you've got some more writing to do. Get to work.