I thought this was really excellent. You used the second person really well. I love the last two paragraphs, especially the line 'You live the pages of your childhood fairytale books as they turn slowly towards the inevitable ending.'
I noticed a few little mistakes; there were a couple of places that the word 'Muggle' wasn't capitalised, but apart from that, I loved it.
Very well written--I'm not usually one for second person, but it didn't feel like it got in the way, and you didn't get preachy that I noticed.
You were also creative with your interpretations of the characters, though I found it hard to find in there why Remus was friends with all of them. You said a lot of awful things about all three of his friends, but not much about why he liked them. I would've liked to hear about that. Even if it's because he's being cynical because he's depressed by the war, it would've been nice if he had some thoughts about the way he remembered them from school, the good things about them that he wished he saw more.
However, it's a bit out of canon for James to distrust Remus because he's a werewolf. Remus himself tells us that his friends didn't care. None of the three are mentioned as exceptions, and so I find it hard to believe that they would feel that way. What would be better is if they were the only ones who didn't feel that way. That would make the sorrow at the end that much more poignant: Peter and James are dead, Sirius is in Azkaban, who is left to remember that Remus is a person cursed not a monster?
Also, you have a contradiction in there. You first say that he was afraid of everything, and then later mention that it was because he preferred peace. It seems a bit contradictory to me, but I doubt that was the way you meant it. I know that "cowardice" is not the same as "fear," but if you could phrase one or the other differently, it might lose the feeling of contradiction that I get.
I also loved your use of fairy tale imagery and tools. It was well woven-in and made the whole thing more tragic because fairy tales are supposed to be happy.
Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your critique, it's always nice to get some constructive criticism.rnrnAs far as Remus's relationship with the other three goes, I always saw this as the last legs of their friendship - I figured it was vaguely implicit that they were friends before in school, and this is just when things started to fall apart. Sirius says at the end of PoA that they didn't tell Remus they had switched Secret Keepers because they thought he was the traitor, and this was the most obvious reason I could think of that they would start to mistrust him. It's one thing to forget your friends' flaws when you're happy in high school, but I'm thinking in wartime when you know someone's out to destroy your whole family it's a lot easier to let prejudice affect you. But yes, it would've made sense to include some of the fun times they had in there too. rnrnI see where you get the feeling of contradiction - I've never read it like that so I don't know what to say really. I always saw it that he was scared of things but the fact that he can go on living despite his fears is part of his bravery; when I said he was scared of things I was thinking more of when he was younger. Now he's a bit more grown up he's learnt more from life and even though there's little things in the back of his mind in general he's fine. I don't know if that makes sense, but there you go.rnrnThanks very much for the comments though, it's always nice when someone takes the time to reply thoroughly to what you've written :)rnrn~*Lady*~
This is a really good fic and I'm shocked that you've only had two reviews so far!
Second person pov can be really hard to right, I should know I'm attempting it right now. :P You pulled it off really well.
I find it really interesting that James doesn't really trust Remus for his "furry little problem" unless I mi read it wrong. I always thought that James would be noble and stand by his friends no matter what. Even when both Remus and Sirius were suspected of being traitors.
I've never really thought of how hard Remus must have had it about that time. You've charactized him really well.
Well I have to go now, bye!
This is such a sad story, but I love it...It's so touching...I especially think the next-to-last paragraph is really sad, but it's my favorite. You, my dear, are a GENIUS with words. Do carry on!
Your writing is impeccable, amazing, jaw-dropping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please write more!!!!! I promise I'll review =)