It's interesting that you made your story begin at graduation. That's not done very often.
Hogwarts graduates especially their beloved Head Boy and Head Girl, James Potter and Lily Evans make their speeches. You just need commas after the bolded words to separate that phrase from the rest of the sentence and make it flow better.
I love your details about the Leaving Feast. That was never named in the books, was it? Nice.
“Hiya,” said James, taking the chair opposite Izzy and pulling the doughnut from which Sirius had been about to take a bite. The syntax doesn't really make sense here. Maybe you could replace the bolded word with 'grabbing'?
I was giggling like crazy as they discussed leaving and going out into the real world. Poor dear students. The food fight was delightful, and McGonagall. So precious. I like that you included the professors.
Then, to the gathering, he said,” It is time for me to give a speech, ladies and gentlemen." This is just a little typo. The quote needs to be over next to it. Like: . "It instead of ." It
I give you all permission to celebrate the graduation of the seventh years — with all the other classes — in the Great Hall! Wouldn't it be 'all the other years'? I think that would make sense.
What a lovely ending! I could almost feel the students' sadness as they left the school. So very sad. Thank you so much for sharing this story!
Er... I don't know what to say, except that I'm glad you liked it. This was one of my earliest one-shots, and I'm not very proud of it, and surprised someone read it.
I liked the sadness, too, but somehow, I could never get the characters right in this fic... they seem sort of dim, don't they?
Thank you so much for pointing out the errors! I will get around to fixing that as soon as I find some time... I'm taking a break from fanfiction, you see. And thank you so much for reading! :-)
This is a great story! Your characterization was fantastic, expecially of Sirius and James, they really were wonderful. I really liked the ending of the story, when Sirius says he thinks the teachers have been Imperiused, that made me laugh. Very nice job, keep up the fantastic writing!
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Really nice story about how someone would feel when leaving Hogwarts. We haven't really got to see that in the HP series so far so really good read. P.S. I do know who Jonty Rhodes, one of my favorite cricketers too.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you!! It's nice that someone knows Jonty Rhodes over here.. I like naming my OC's after cricketers!! Haha.. ~bL
A very nice, fluffy piece with the Marauders and faculty well in-character... I liked it. Do write more!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! ~bL