Nice ending that was a very well written one-shot. *applause* =)
I think it was reasonably good. I've read better but I've also read worse. Well done.
Aww thats really sweet, I like the way you potrayed Draco at the start with his mum hasling him.
This was beautiful, Delaney. Just guh-worthy. :) *steals Steph's word* Anyway, I feel like Draco should have been OOC. I really, really do. But he just wasn't. I have no idea how you managed to soften him up to this level without any snarkiness and make him still be Draco, but you did it and I applaud you for it.
So obviously, characterization, to me, is one of the most important parts of the story. But I'm going to have to pick on the plot this time around. WHY is Draco being allowed back into Hogwarts after letting Death Eaters into the school? I feel like that's a vital piece of background that must be at least MENTIONED somewhere for the sanity of a reader as OCD as me. ;)
To finish, the kiss at the end could have easily been cut, you know. It's such a friendly, getting-to-know-you encounter. At the same time, it didn't feel forced. This incredible soft!Draco that you've created would kiss Ginny, I think.
The last thing I want to say is that the growth Ginny shows - leaving Harry behind enough to kiss a new boy - assumedly only a few months/weeks after Harry leaves is shocking. I would have loved some backstory on why she decided to move on and how she did it - it just seems to me that Ginny is planning to wait at the end of HBP so I would love some justification for the new way of thinking for her. It's not necessary for the story -- just my personal (again) OCDness. :D
Lovely story - the soft!Draco that was IC blew me away, and overall, just a NICE D/G fic. As always. You have the absolute coolest style of writing and are always wonderful to read, my dear.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm so glad you felt Draco was in character - I had to rewrite his thoughts and dialogue a bit to get it to where I was satisfied.
I will be sure to look for what you said about the plot, and I don't know how that could have been *over*looked, so maybe I put something about that in there in a way that only made sense to me... or something. I guess there's always AU.
Thank you again for the review. It made me very happy. *loves*
Okay, I love the opening paragraph of this. Guh, I just heart/fangirl/love your writing in general. Iím quite sure your narrative style is better than mine. Itís lovely, itís descriptive and meaningful but not superfluous; I see no contrived attempts at sounding nice. Only this wonderful pure writing full of just the right amount of imagery. *content sigh*
Anyhow, as to the content of the first paragraph. Ginny looking in her reflection and wondering what others would see there. If thereís one thing that I like about Ginny, is that sheís a great character to let people connect to, and from the get-go of this fic, you have me understanding a little bit of what she feels and who she is. I think thatís something we all do Ė see ourselves and wonder how others perceive us. One of the most important parts of characterisation is making them human, and you do that so well. *heart*
I adore the description of Ginny Ė itís refreshing. Itís natural, but itís original. If I see one more character with eyes the colour of precious stones or skin the colour of Crayola crayonsÖ Though, I would mention that Ginnyís eyes are canonically brown, not green. Correct? [And that, since Ronís eyes are blue, even if Ginnyís are a recessive gene colour, it would be unusual for them to be green.]
Then there are the things she throws into her trunk Ė itís like a further sprinkle of characterisation. Itís like Ginny in a trunk. *giggle* Thereís also something nice about remembering to say Ďsecondhand spellbooksí, and an elaboration of why sheís taking a blazer. Itís not really necessary to the story, but it deepens it, creates a nice pace, and reminds the reader of who Ginnyís family is and what her place is in the world.
The picture of her and Harry is a small pang in the heart. Even if I rarely sail aboard the Harry/Ginny ship, and if itís usually because Iím holding a canon book in my hand, I can understand how Ginnyís feeling, and I adore that you take the time to address that instead of being silly and doing a ďHarry, who?Ē like some Ginny/Draco shippers do.
It was time to leave him behind, just as he had done to her. And that is a powerful line. It just speaks volumes and it fits. Thatís all that needs to be said. :)
I like the complex characterisation of Draco. There are some moments when heís the same as always, and other moments where itís just clear to the reader that --- hey, he has been through a horrible ordeal. Portraying this outside his own PoV is not an easy feat for all writers, but you do it marvellously.
I love Narcissa too. Iíve always been a fan of the Mother-Son!Malfoy dynamic. Itís one of the most reliable canon facts that we have in the Malfoy file. And, Narcissa is just perfect. Itís something I love about her character Ė she isnít some cold-hearted wench, but sheís still a Pureblood, a Black, a Slytherin. [She and Siobhan have more in common than Iím sure either would care to admit].
Poor Draco, being fussed over by his mum. I love the ďbemusedĒ expression.
I suppose I should quickly mention that in Britain, a ďpurseĒ is literally a small coin-purse, or the what a female would use for a wallet. So, if thatís not what you meant by Ginny looking in her Ďpurseí, you should change it to handbag. ;)
I like that Ginnyís annoyance with Draco seems quite sincere, and that there does have to be more to him for her to realise an attraction. Itís very, very Lizzy/Darcu. Iím not fond of the misconception that hating someone means you like them, or that you can hate someone and then suddenly love them. Itís generally a mix of the two. A potential for attraction, held back my sincere distaste. Oh, Delaney, if thereís one way to win me to Fire and Ice itís to use the Lizzy/Darcy dynamic. *squee* Did I mention that P&P is the true greatest love story of all time? So, all those Romeo&Juliet!D/G Romances, they have nothing to allure me. But thisÖ *wink*
Then of course thereís Ginnyís thoroughly IC outburst, which needs to happen. I donít see Ginny and Draco ever crossing any lines until something happens between them that calls attention to the problems that separate them. And Ginnyís words are just so honest Ė itís one thing that her character is great for.
Iím also very fond of the fact that in the end we see something in Draco that we see in Ginny at the beginning. You donít use a neon sign to point to it, but itís definitely there. In the beginning, Ginny wonders how people will see her. And so it makes sense that she should connect to Draco, because thatís what one of his problems is Ė the way heís perceived. Heís done something huge, and it effects his image in a powerful way. Itís not a popularity thing, itís very important, and itís a personal issue that he does have to deal with. So, while this could be to some people a cute little story where Draco and Ginny get together, it has a lot of depth and emotional value, and itís powerful. Thank you for sharing your brilliance with us, dear.
Author's Response: *floats* Jenna, this review is positively gorgeous. I love that you notice and point out bits of my story that I didn't really even see myself were so significant, like the relationship between Draco and his mum. Thank you! And you're amazing, too, for appreciating the outburst and its necessity, as well as the mention of Harry. And everything. And I adore you.
wonderful!!!!! i loved it hurry and write more!!!!! i want to read it badly!!!!!
Author's Response: This is a one-shot, meaning there won't be more! But I am planning on going back and editing some, so you may read that.
Delaney - this has become one of my favorite stories!
I love your style - you write in such an interesting way:
The beginning of this story takes on a different approach than other fics. Many stories begin with the main character thinking about something else, but you start with the main character thinking about themselves.
She knew what she herself saw: deep green eyes, the color of the ivy crawling up the side of the burrow below her bedroom window. She saw a sprinkling of creamy brown-sugar freckles across her cheeks and nose.
This is one of my favorite sentences. Such wonderful vivid description! I love the way you compared her features to other things, it helped create a strong mental image in our minds and set the mood for the story.
The picture frame brings about a certain sadness. It's only reminding us that Ginny is leaving everything behind, and there's a sense of loneliness here. As readers, we are uprooted in a sense, by finding out that whatever happened in the books has little or no affect on this one shot. This story is purely different - and that makes it even more memorable.
Ginny first saw Draco when he was sitting on a bench on Platform 9ĺ. He was reclined nonchalantly, his posture contradicting his expression. He appeared so out of place, Ginny was taken by surprise. Then he smiled his slow, insolent smirk and launched into another one of his stories, and Ginnyís confusion was banished.
Again, great sentence. You reintroduce what we already know about Draco and add more to it. There's a hint here that already shows us that Ginny might care about Draco. She observes him deeply, and notices things others do not.
aused there, staring at one another, frozenĖuntil Dracoís hovering trunk bumped him from behind. He started, blinking, and continued walking along the passageway.
I like this moment, because it connect these two main characters for the first time. It's starts their strange relationship. It jump-starts their curiosity for each other; their wonder. It starts building up to the climax of the story.
inally, she pinpointed it. It was the depth of his eyes: theyíd never been so revealing before.
There it is again. Love does strange things to people - it makes them notice things that others cannot. We can already see that Ginny *thinks* she knows Draco, the way she judges him. And then she sees the eyes, where there is another story entirely.
Ginny, however, unleashed her anger without a second thought.
When reading the following paragraph, I thought that you brought Ginny's anger on too quickly. You could have certainly waited longer, or added more on Ginny's thoughts so that that moment would appear longer. But I thought more about it, and realized that it's perfect the way it is. You give us another peek at Ginny's characteristics, and we know one of them is her temper. When Ginny is mad, she gets mad. Her feelings must have been bottled up for quite a long period of time for her to give such an outburst.
Your story is great until the end. I have a couple of nitpicks about it - I think you rushed a bit too fast through it. I believe it would have been better if you had Draco a bit more restrained, and then slowly melt and reveal his true feelings. But here, you just had him deflate entirely, without giving his previous
countenance much thought.
Other than that, I truly enjoyed your story. *applauds* Great job, dear! =)
Author's Response: Peri, I'm so delighted you reviewed this, even though it's anti-your OTP. I've really been trying to figure out what's wrong with it, and I absolutely can't wait to change the things you suggested to make it flow better. I might not hate it anymore after all! *huggles*
WOW. I dont know what to say. I was great!!!!.
Author's Response: Thank you! I felt like it was a little unfinished, but I'm glad you liked it.
you should have wrote more.
Author's Response: I've been trying to continue it, but other stories just keep taking precedence. Sorry!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
Great Story! I Love It. You Captured Their Characters Perfectly. You Wrote A Really Good Plot Line Too. I Like It Even Though I Don't Support This Ship.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the D/G even if you usually don't.
Very cute but with a tingling tinge of passion. I'm not really a fan of romance but I actually liked the fic. =D
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the hinted sparks between them. Thanks for reviewing!
I like how you show that Draco has emotions, like everyone else, and how he can care and has feelings. : )
Author's Response: I'm so glad you got that from the story! I appreciate your review.
Very good story, Hermione! I love the way you introduced their emotions earlier on so that it didn't seem unrealistic, yet you easily conveyed the sudden change of heart Ginny had. I don't normally go in for Draco/Ginny fics, but this one is especially well written. Brilliant!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I was really apprehensive about the quickness of this story, and your review really put me at ease. Thanks!