Wow, talk about internal change.
Author's Response: Yes, I agree. Thanks for reading!
Envy, Envy, Envy. That’s how I feel reading your writing. The pace, the detail, the description – you have the perfect balance and flow. Love, Love, Love.
They were unresponsive, but Draco knew what was underneath them: fear pain, and no sense of direction.. I reacted so strongly to that first part – his eyes were unresponsive. It does amaze me that eyes can hold so much emotion, or lack thereof. And just the word ‘unresponsive’, it’s such a powerful statement.
I think the characterisation rings wonderfully true to what we saw of Draco in HBP. He’s not a horrible person, he’s not evil, not a murderer. But here, instead of being trapped by expectations and what he thinks he should be doing, he’s come to terms with the fact that he’s not proud of what he did. In a way he’s better off, but now he has a new kind of fear and darkness to face. Regret, isolation, even some self-hatred. That’s an incredibly important skill for a writer – original or fan fiction – to possess. To write a character so true and consistent to themself, but at the same time show them evolve, develop, move into a new phase of life.
You have some lovely subtle word choices. “Time for school. Get up,” she said briskly, - that ‘briskly’ totally sets Narcissa’s tone. The dialogue kind of came into my mind soft and gentle, but then I saw the word briskly, and I was much more satisfied.
*sigh* I’m reading a lot of more character-study-esque one-shots today. I love it. I don’t tend to like long narrated stories in a one shot. I love what an author can do just getting inside a characters head, and holding a reader’s interest even through something as seemingly mundane as a first day at school.
I really love what you’ve done with Draco here. I’ve never ever been a Draco fan, it took Half Blood Prince to soften me on him, and you definitely brought out that element in him. I wish I could go on longer and gush about all the wonderful little lines, but the truth is I find your word use and narration just seamless and thoroughly lovely. :) I’ve been fond of D/G lately, but I’ve never read any. Venturing into MNFF’s D/G archive never seemed a wise idea to be. I’ll have to check out your other stories and see what you’ve done with them.
PS. Did I tell you that I’m in total lust with your writing now?
Author's Response: You? Like.. MY writing? I might.. just.. die. I am permanently in lust with your writing. This is so exciting! Anyway, thank you endlessly for the wonderful review! Your compliments were encouraging and refreshing, especially since you're not a Draco fan, like I wasn't! I can help recommend D/G fics for you, too. Thank you again!
Callmehermione, just thought I’d stop by and show some Ravenclaw Love.
This particular one-shot is just fantastic. I rarely read a fan fiction where I find myself feeling sorry for Draco. And a fan fiction rarely makes me refer to him as Draco! You’ve shown a different side to him, and I find it fantastic. Not many people can get inside Draco’s head without making him LostLittleBoy!Draco or DramaQueen!Malfoy.
One of my favourite line’s was “He sometimes felt he could barely remember the night on top of the Astronomy Tower, how ripped apart he had felt when he’d stood there, alone with the Headmaster.” I think it’s great how you referred our fiction back to that particular memory.
”When he had calmed himself down in the humid air, he rose and leaned over the caramel-coloured marble basin to peer into his silvery eyes in the mirror. They were unresponsive, but Draco knew what was underneath them: fear pain, and no sense of direction.” was also a lovely description of loneliness within ones self.
Once again, just like to congratulate you on an awesome fic!
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I love how you used quotes from the story--lovely. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I really like how you've explored Draco's complexity. You did a great job evoking the mood. There was one point, where I thought you meant that the Dark Arts were actively enticing other objects, and was confused (since I wasn't sure how that was possible), but then I realized you meant that they were the objects and that they were enticing to Draco.
Anyway, great job!
Author's Response: Ooh, I'll have to find that part, or ask you to show it to me! Thanks for pointing it out, and I'm glad you liked the story!
Wow this sounds so good. The words just seem to flow. Great work ;)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it.