I was instantly drawn to your OC and the first paragraph manages to show some of her character traits right from the start. You introduce us to her timid and slightly invisible personality and you even bring a touch of humor into the first paragraph. I was already curious about Sandra and the way she interacts with the patients along with everyone else just was perfect. The way you described her feelings for Sirius was so cute and I was cheering for her throughout the whole story.

Having your characters be a bit older really helped the story. When I saw it was Sirius/OC I half-expected some glamorous and overused Mary Sue to come into the picture along with a playboy Sirius, both at the usual Hogwarts masquerade ball. But the St. Mungo’s setting was just right and the characters weren’t the typical teenagers you see in so many romance stories. Sandra having a hectic time on her first day at work was both amusing and realistic. It’s something normal people can actually relate to.

Sirius was so well written. I actually believed he was Sirius. Everything from his dialogue and attitude was just how I imagined it. I like how you write his dialogue as not too formal and not too immature, but just right in the middle, much how I would picture him at that age. And the way he asked Sandra out was just adorable! The sweet subtlety and the friendly gestures…honestly, what girl wouldn’t fall for him?

Now for the nitpicky stuff…

But what with all the pay cuts and strikes, there were less and less healers in St. Mungo’s every day, resulting in patients having to wait with unpleasant symptoms in the hallways and waiting rooms of the hospital.

I noticed you forgot to capitalize ‘Healers’ in this sentence. It seems to be capitalized everywhere else, so you only need to fix it here.

You also switched between British and American spelling throughout the story. I’d suggest reading through and changing it to one type.


I could totally see Sirius with Sandra. You make this pairing so believable and original. I don’t think most of us see him with someone like Sandra, but I think it really works. It’s so different from the usual and seeing Sirius with a different type of girl was just so refreshing. Having the coffee be sort of the theme of the story was also something I really liked seeing. This was an adorable one shot!

Katty – Knight of the Turnip Table

This is such a sweet story! You have created a lovely OC in Sandra, she's kind of accident prone and humorous -- just right for our Sirius. Your characterisation of Sirius was great, and as for Mrs Datson and her attempt to fly the mop - lol - what can I say. Excellent! Well done on a great little story.