MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Reviews For Black and Blue

Name: wishiwereaweasley (Signed) · Date: 05/16/06 14:41 · For: One Shot
Amazing. I've got chills.

I loved all the descriptions, especially the use of color, your running theme. I liked this line a lot: I wished I could put words to its beauty as I looked at it, but I had forgotten the adjectives to give life to such color long ago. because despite the fact that she can't use adjectives to describe colors, she does it anyway...it's like something subconscious in her. Very Hermione-like. Picky-wise, I think the last 'to' is a little out of place...it breaks up the flow of the sentence, though it's still clear what you mean.

I do love how you've portrayed Hermione here. She's always overanalyzing things, when she should be feeling. The part where she falls down the cliff, especially. All she can think about is the spell Harry used. I can really see a broken Hermione withdrawing into her analytical, clever side and forcing emotion away. After all that had happened, I marveled how he could worry over such a small thing as me. I sort of thought that summed it up. She would be amazed that someone still cared about her.

But if you open yourself to the better feelings in life, then maybe the others can come later. This is the perfect line. Really. I wonder how much Harry had to go through to learn that. He seems to have a habit of shoving things aside as well. For me, at least, this helps establish the connection between them.

The first time through, I thought that the end was a little abrupt...like it should have taken her longer to remembe how to feelr. But then I realized that she's been dealing with this for a long time...that the healing almost starts in the beginning of the fic.

Great job!

Author's Response: Amazing review, thank you! I'm glad you latched onto the bit about Hermione overanalyzing things -- because that's very much something I wanted to incorporate. I love your observations - they make me feel like a better writer than I actually am. You're a dear. Thank you so much for reviewing!

Name: immortal_evil (Signed) · Date: 05/10/06 20:09 · For: One Shot
Awesome. I love the dramatic scenery and location. Cliffs are love.

This is such a nice Hermione. It's still her, but a more mature and wiser Hermione than the school girl we knew her to be before. And Harry is the same way. He's different, yet the same.

And there, in that desolate land of black and blue, I remembered how to feel. So cool.

Author's Response: Ana - thank you, my love. Your words are appreciated. Thank you!

Name: Fly to Dawn (Signed) · Date: 03/28/06 13:37 · For: One Shot
I usually don't read Harry/Hermione, but yours caught my attention until the very last word. It was so sad, really sad - and it made me want to cry throughout the whole story, but the last scene made me smile, although it was quite a sad one. The dialogue was great too, and as you may know now, I'm rubbish at any sort of 'constructive criticism', but I'll give you one word, or two - truly powerful.

Author's Response: Eeee thanks love *huggles* I'm honored I could affect you so much with a ship you don't even read. What a way to boost my ego ;)

Name: Foxy Wolf (Signed) · Date: 03/27/06 13:36 · For: One Shot
I've got chills; the good breathtaking kind ;-)

Your story was so powerful. I felt every feeling from it sorrounding my head and my heart, and I felt tears coming to my eyes in the end.

I would love to be able to give some constructive critisism, but I can't find anything to criticize. I could say something like 'Where were everyone else?', but it didn't matter. All that mattered was Harry and Hermione and what they were feeling in the moment. I loved how she wasn't able to smile or even to feel cold.

It didn't even bother me that it was written in first person. I usually don't like that, but it made Hermione's despair and numbness seem more intense throughout the story.

You've definately gotten yourself another fangirl :-)


Author's Response: Yay!! thanks so much, dear :) At some point, I may write a piece describing the situation that landed the characters in this setting... it would explain a lot. It;'s all in my head - just a matter of getting it out in the right way.

Name: Adelfore Flamell (Signed) · Date: 03/22/06 9:46 · For: One Shot
wow i really like that one. very different from the norm. Dark and yet understandably so. I could see how the second battle could cause this result. Well Done.

Name: BeckyRose (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 11:44 · For: One Shot
Excellent story. It was a very unique idea, and you wrote it well. Nice description, by the way- it really put a lot into the story. It was a very enjoyable read- I liked it.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Name: SomberBallad (Signed) · Date: 03/12/06 22:59 · For: One Shot
Oh Haley, I get chills every time I read this, and you wouldn’t realize how often I read it. I have in printed out and in my desk for easy access and I’ll happen upon it and get chills, not only because I can feel where they are physically but I can feel what Hermione feels and though you don’t say it, I know she gets chills too. Oh I love every angsty minute of it, and the way she banters with him is amazing. I don’t know how you knew, but everything in this story is like the perfect romance in my mind, and I love it.

“Hermione,” said a rich tenor voice from behind me,

Not only is that a good description of his voice from a writer’s perspective but also from someone who can really appreciate music and understand exactly what a tenor voice sounds like it’s a pretty amazing sounding voice. Harry is definitely a tenor.

“If I had stayed where I was, I might have gone insane long before.”

“You speak as if you are insane now.”

“Aren't I?”

That is some good dialogue right there; it reminds me of something out of a Jane Austen novel. (Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy anyone?) The banter is perfect and chilling, I can see them speaking in my mind and their expressions without you even writing them, the dialogue itself describes it perfectly. When dialogue can set up the scene as well as tell the story, oh, that is amazing.

“You wouldn't,” I merely said.

I really enjoyed this characterization of Hermione here, because it’s so true to life. (or at least mine). She doesn’t believe in love anymore, or that anyone could love her because of what she had done or hasn’t done and she is numb. Even if she was in a right state of mind she probably still wouldn’t believe he said it because no one has really ever loved her and she doesn’t know what to say to that. Her state of mind is so accurate, and just incredible; her emptiness is real, very real. I love it. (well not that she’s empty but that she should be…you know what I mean?)

“I would and I'm saying it now. I love you.”

I’m thinking maybe there should be a comma after “would” it seems appropriate that he would pause there.

And then he was there beside me. He must have floated. Silly boy, always so powerful. Once upon a time, I would have been jealous of his ability to float

I love this part because I’m not sure whether he floated or not, but it doesn’t matter if he did because Hermione believed he did. This part is just so amazing on an intellectual level, he floated down to save her, not only is it romantic and chivalrous but it’s mind blowing just thinking about the symbolism this could mean. Then her very Hermione though about how she might have been jealous at one point. She is denying her feelings yet showing them all in the same part, it’s just mind blowing.

And there, in that desolate land of black and blue, I remembered how to feel.

That is a very powerful last line, plain and simple. It is a brilliant conclusion to a chilling story.

This was an amazing story Haley, whoever got this Secret Santa better feel pretty special *giggles* because this story is and incredibly written H/Hr angst with heart and depth. Good job!


Author's Response: Thank you my dearest love, it was an honor to write this for you :) It's one of my best pieces, I think... and it wouldn't exist without you. SO thank you, Ashley!

Name: Monster Book of Monsters (Signed) · Date: 02/26/06 23:30 · For: One Shot
DAMN that was good. What a good freaking job... I've got goose bumps. Very vivid, creative imagination. Thank you for sharing. Wow...

Author's Response: Eee! Thank you incredibly much. It's not every day that I get a review so positive... :)

Name: padma_sam (Signed) · Date: 02/19/06 1:51 · For: One Shot
Wow! your first chapter is super nice wait no not super nice extremely wonderful!!! please make the other chapters i cant wait!! Padma Patil p.s. why does harry have a beard? (just curious)

Author's Response: Awww thank you! This was a tough piece to write, though I was very pleased with the outcome. And, Harry has a beard to cover all the scars he recieved during the war.

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