Reviews For What if...?
Reviewer: EatMyPixieDust
Date: 08/20/11 13:55
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Kind of weird, but hey, weird is good! Never really thought beyond what if? with this side of the AU, but I liked it. Good job :)

Reviewer: huffpuff94
Date: 02/07/08 17:26
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Awwww Lily and Remus are sweet but I don't think Petunia and James go together. I feel sorry for Lily in this one.

Reviewer: huffpuff94
Date: 02/07/08 17:21
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Awwww Lily and Remus are sweet but I don't think Petunia and James go together. I feel sorry for Lily in this one.

Reviewer: huffpuff94
Date: 02/07/08 17:19
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Awwww Lily and Remus are sweet but I don't think Petunia and James go together. I feel sorry for Lily in this one.

Author's Response: Thanks :)

Reviewer: AllFairInLoveOrWar
Date: 11/18/07 10:55
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Very cute =]] I never thought of it that way.

Author's Response: See below :)

Reviewer: AllFairInLoveOrWar
Date: 11/18/07 10:55
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Very cute =]] I never thought of it that way.

Author's Response: Thanks :)

Reviewer: invisible sanctuary
Date: 02/10/07 23:33
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

I noticed that you said that you aren't adding on to this story, but I really like your ideas for this story and I wanted to comment. I've never actually read a story where Lily wasn't magical. It seems to me that you take the point of view that Lily's magic shapes a great deal of her personality and Petunia's lack of magic shapes a great deal of her own. At first, I didn't quite like this idea, since it slightly diminishes the importances of choices, but you won me over in the end. Lily's life as a Muggle is much more magical than Petunia's and this does demonstrate the courage and compassion that I think is inherent in Lily and stifled in Petunia. I do have a few recommendations, though. It would probably be more effective to make the structure more consistent. The "When Lily was..." is a good way to show brief flashes of her life, but it feels very separate from the story of how Lily and Remus met. I would also like it if you could keep the level of detail more consistent, rather than it falling off at the end. For instance, we know that Lily's family is hugely important to her, so it would be nice to hear more details about her children. I think that you had a really neat concept here and you pulled it off well, since I'm definitely left wishing for more!
-invisible santuary
Knight of the Turnip Table

Author's Response: Thanks :) The reason i didn't continue with the format was that my other one shots were only drabble length and therefore not long eoguh to be posted. I have had lotsd of comments about the lack of detail and I thought it would add a sort of use your own imagination kinda thing to it...I also wrote it at about 2am lol But things such as the death of Petunia were meant to be short and sharp hence there isn't much to it. Thanks for taking the time to review! :)

Reviewer: HermionePotter
Date: 09/04/06 17:47
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

This was pretty good... not many stories where Lily is a Muggle do her character justice... and this one did!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks a lot :) I'm glad you liked it!

Reviewer: seeka blood
Date: 07/05/06 14:20
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

it needs more details like "what would happen if lily wasn't a wicth would she still meet james potter?" stuff like that

Author's Response: mm see your point

Reviewer: Mely
Date: 05/22/06 12:03
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

I think you should go on! I never tougth of petunia going to hogwarts and getting james.I liked it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: Thanks I'll try after my exams :)

Reviewer: Dory_the_Fishie
Date: 04/01/06 19:38
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

I really like the ideas this presented. It was a very interesting premise for a story, especially an AU one. I also am a J/L shipper, but I suppose I expanded my horizons with this, eh? lol

I do have some pieces of constructive criticism, though. First off, I felt that this went a bit fast. It was like one minute Lily is eighteen and the next she is eighty. I think you could have slowed it down a bit and filled in more gaps. For example, here I think you could have expanded: When Lily was thirty, James and Petunia were killed in a freak snowstorm whilst skiing in Canada. Lily was devastated. Why not go into more detail about Lily? Was she depressed for a while? Did Remus seem to know more about the deaths than her? What about the funerals? It just seemed rushed. There's nothing wrong with a little explanation. =)

And then you jump to when Lily is eighty-five. Something must've happened in between the ages of thirty and eighty-five. Why not include the births of their children? Or maybe a significant wedding anniversary? When did Lily's parents die? Remus's? What was that like for the two of them? The childrens' first years at Hogwarts? There's so much more you could have included. If you're going to cover a person's whole life in one chapter, I think you at least need to make a longer chapter. I would've liked to see more. I feel like I would've enjoyed this more had there been more to it.

I do like that Lily ended up with Remus. It was a very sweet alternative to James. I do, however, find it a bit weird that Petunia married James. Wouldn't he be a year younger than her? It's not that big of a deal, but I found it a bit odd.

I think overall this was very good. It presented some great ideas and really got me thinking. Except for it's short length, it was really good. Nice work!



Author's Response: Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. Oh, I thought I had included the births of the children...I guess because I had this idea late at night and wrote it all down in a big gush the next morning, that's why there are gaps and it goes so fast. I did intend for it to be quite fast and the comment you've mentioned about their deaths was meant to be short and sharp, if you know what I mean. Yes, I know it's unlikely that Petunia would marry a man a year younger than her but I thought for it to connect in anyway with Lily, it would have to turn out like that and I wanted to make the most of exploring AU. Thanks for your comments and I'm glad it made you think :)

Reviewer: xoliversxxgurlx
Date: 03/28/06 11:33
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

I liked the different path you chose for Lily. Though she couldn't marry James, she did end up happy with Remus in the end. Like some of the others, though, I too felt like it was a bit rushed and jumpy. I got a little confused in a few parts, but it all evened out in the end. I did like the plot. Good job.

Author's Response: Yes, I apologise for that. I tend to write in bursts of inspiration and have to get it all out before I forgot. I'm not good with going back and editing either. But I'm glad you liked my plot :)

Reviewer: Blossomlily
Date: 03/27/06 5:57
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

I really enjoyed this story though I'm fully a J/L shipper. I love it because it is rushed. That sort of adds an element of... I'm not too sure, but it sure is good! If it was full of complex paragraphs, it would be messed up. The flow of the story was great, and this was a fabulous AU story. Fantastic job!

Author's Response: I, myself, ship J/L but I just thought it would be nice to have a go at an AU story for once :) I'm really glad you liked it, I'm forever having people tell me how rushed things are and to stop and smell the roses as it were lol. Thanks for reading! :D

Reviewer: pandafan81
Date: 03/15/06 23:43
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

This was a very sweet story. As much as I hate that there was no James/Lily, and no Harry, I still like how there was a happy ending for Lily. She was able to marry Remus- who would genuinly love a girl for who she is- and yet still try to sacrifice himself and his happiness to keep her safe. I was a bit confused by the ending, she cried because she couldn't marry Remus because of his condition- even though a solution was suggested. And then the next jump stated that the solution had gone through anyway. I think we needed one more step in there for when Lily/James/Sirius/Peter/whoever convinces Reumus that the willow would work and they could be happy. And we don't have a Peter. I know people don't like him, but this is AU so he should be mentioned in there somewhere either as being good or bad. Really, I love your concept and think it was well written. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks. I didn't mention Peter because I didn't think he was relevant to this particular story although I realise now he is the only Marauder I didn't mention- originally I didn't mention Sirius either. The reason there was no convincing scene is because the story followed Lily and was from her point of view so ultimately you wouldn't see Remus' POV or what happens to convince him. Um about the solution bit I think it was because Lily, not being a witch, wouldn't be able to charm a shed or something to hold him when transformed and therefore he wouldn't run the risk of hurting her. I'll have a read through later, I'm at my friend's at the moment lol Glad you enjoyed it though :)

Reviewer: lily_writes
Date: 03/15/06 9:04
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

So sorry, when I read this I was at home and my slow computer doesn't let me review all the time for one reason or another. I really liked it as it shows one example of what life could possibly have been like for the Marauders should fate have lead them else where.

Author's Response: Oh that's fine. Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

Reviewer: A Excess of Phlegm
Date: 03/05/06 15:03
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

I think it was a little rushed, kinda like the GoF movie. It needed a bit more detail. but i think it was pretty good. interesting path for Lily to take.

Author's Response: Thanks. It probably seemed rushed because I had the idea quite late at night and just went with it. But I appreciate your feedback :)

Reviewer: janice
Date: 03/02/06 10:37
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

That was really good. Different, but really good!

Author's Response: Thanks :)

Reviewer: wandaXmaximoff
Date: 02/25/06 11:49
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

That was very well and beautifully written. I like your idea a lot. I was so sad whan you didn't pair James and Lily together, but I really like Lupin and Lily. The end part about Lupin and their children visiting Lily's grave was very sweet. Are you planning on writing more, about the other Marauders? I hope so and can't wait to read them.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I didn't expect such praise :D Yes, I have written some about the other Marauders but they're very short and may have to be done together. I'm not sure if they're very well written but I'll leave that up to you to decide :)

Reviewer: Kerian
Date: 02/17/06 21:10
Chapter: Witch? Nah, you must be after my sister.

Very Well Written! At first I was confused and then I realized what was going on. Will the story just be different chapters of different ways that it all could've gone? Great work I'm really interested!

Author's Response: I'm really glad you like it, it's my first attempt at an AU fic. The chapters will be things that could've happened to different people- I might have to try and do all of the Marauders in the 2nd chapter because I think each person's short story is too short. And I'm hoping to write some more when inspiration strikes :) Hope you keep reading!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
MIT: Entente Cordial by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
Through the Mines by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Tom Riddle remarks on the power he held while at the orphanage and at school.Written...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
CATEGORIES