I loved that!! It was such a sweet story. I think that you wrote Harry and Luna's characters perfectly. Harry/Luna isn't exactly canon, but the way you explained their actions/thoughts made this the most canon H/L I've ever read. (If that made sense.) Their characters were just like they were in the books, and I thought that was great. I also loved the Hermione/Ron shippiness. I am a huge H/R shipper, so any fic with even a little romance between them is great. My favorite line was 'Keeper of the Snogs.' How did you come up with that? I was laughing SO hard when I read it. Anyway, this was an over-all wonderful story. GREAT job!
~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
[scream] BRIDGET! [/scream] I told you I would review your Luna story after my recent interest in the character, and I am going to do, but first I am going to shoo my stinky dog from underneath the desk because the smell is clouding my thoughts. Great, even when she’s gone the smell remains.
Anyway, I love this story for two main reasons: Firstly, the plot is amazing and goes above and beyond Anna’s request, adding both the complications of a long distance relationship and the added twist that when Harry does return it is in a hospital bed, It’s sort of like a ‘careful what you wish for’ scenario – the moment Luna asks for him to return, he gets bitten and so has to, but in a less than ideal circumstance. Secondly, I loved this story for the characterisation of Luna. She really did shine out in this story above the other characters and I can see elements of your own personality shining through (the shopping list distinctly reminded me of an LJ entry of yours where you listed the ingredients of your lunch!) Yes, Bridget, you are a little Luna yourself, and in this fic you show her as the most likeable, quirky character that fights away any critiques who say she’s simply loopy. The only downside to this fic is that it’s so well organised and grammatically sound, I can’t make many constructive comments and so will have to resort to being irritatingly nitpicky.
But it isn't fair, love. It lingers in my mind, distracting me when I should be working or reading or experimenting. I think it would be easier if you weren't so far away.
As you probably already know, I’m not a big fan of fluff, but I do like it when written well, not excessive, and is appropriate to the story. You ticked the criteria with this letter to Harry by mixing in fluff with humour and not just doing fluff for fluffs sake – you reveal a lot about Luna’s personality through her soppy desire for a snog. I especially liked the line: Do you find yourself dreaming of me when you should be stunning a Death Eater? You might get hurt. This is the dopey type of comment that I’d say if I ever found myself a boyfriend (heaven forbid!) and it just shows how helplessly in love she is. This is very humorous, yet there is sincerity in it.
Her owl, a gift from her father, was a Cactus Ferruginous Pygmy. His long exotic tail and docile copper eyes always made Luna smile.
I love how you put your unique twist to everything. An owl isn’t just an owl in your story – it’s a reflection of Luna’s personality, especially with its “docile eyes” and “exotic tail”, and by doing this you are constantly adding bits to her personality. I especially like how later on you talk of a boring brown owl that delivers the news of Harry’s sickness from the Ministry. From Luna’s perception, things like the Ministry (and Daily Prophet) are boring bureaucratic places, whereas she’s a creative spirit who needs an exotic bird to resemble that.
The Daily Prophet's assistant editor was a small wizard, short and wiry, but he had a resonant voice, Luna thought as his tirade washed over her in a wave.
I simply loved this line, mainly because I do it myself! When I’m in one of my writing moods yet I don’t have time to put pen to paper, I find myself making strange narratives up about my surroundings. I imagine Luna would do the same type of thing, so I found this a very true reflection of her character. Yet again, it is a way of showing us what Luna is like rather than telling us.
He was bitten, and at least one of their targets survived today. "Her minions saved her," Harry whispered. "They would have exploded first and she used the cover of their demise to protect her from the sun. We were suffocating in the cloud while she was escaping."
I did become rather confused at this part. I remember you sending me this excerpt while we were doing Covert Cupids, and then I was just a bit bewildered about the talk of minions and targets. I’ve had to read it several times to get my head around it. Maybe I should begin watching fantasy horror films and Buffy. But, I think maybe a little more backstory is needed here so that everything becomes clearer. Such as, where did these clouds come from? Whose demise, and why would they have to die for the vampires to escape?
Judging by the increasingly red colour of Mr. Boyd's face, he didn't like her answer.
I found something to nitpick! *jiggles* The phrase “increasingly red colour of…” just sounds a bit awkward. Perhaps have it as “Judging by how red Mr. Boyd’s face was turning…”
An active vampire bite, from a viable undead creature wasn't painful.
And another nitpick – I think you need a comma after creature. *smiles*
Hermione grabbed the Daily Prophet without waiting for him to reply. "I can't do it all Ron."
Just one more – You need a comma after all and before Ron. Since when did I become a comma Nazi? That is your job usually. *sniggers*
Luna emerged from the bathroom, dressed and haphazardly coiffed. "What are you doing in the floor?"
Ooooh! And I found a typo as well. “In” instead of “on.” *Feels she’s been nitpicky enough for one review and goes back to complimenting*
With Best Wishes for Your Continued Health
I loved the irony of this statement. The letter itself is very impersonal – you are receiving this letter because it says in our file that is you that we send it to – and there is almost a mocking in this signing off message. I love it. I love you.
The Amazonian purification ritual was pure amazingness. I hate any sexy moments that involve Harry but the fact that you had Luna dress up in a ridiculous outfit and go on about some bizarre ritual just distracted me from that fact. It was a great moment of romantic comedy that could have come straight out of one of my favourite films. I loved the line: “Occasionally a censorship spell would activate blurring out sections of the photo.”
So, that is my rather giddy review for your lovely fan fiction. It was amazing. You are amazing. And I agree with your author’s note – Anna is the “sweetest Swede in the HP fandom.”
Note – I just submitted Ashley’s review and it was all spaced out and weird, so I’m taking the html breaks out of this one. If it’s all scrunched up, I’m really really sorry. *hides*
This was wonderful! You did an excellent job, especially with Luna. She was definitely in character. And I loved the Amazonian purification ritual!
Unlike most people, upon making this realization, Luna didn't rush from the room grabbing the things she would need for the day. Instead, she went to the kitchen and poured herself another cup of tea. If she was going to be three minutes late no matter what, she might as well enjoy her morning and be an hour late.
This passage reminds me why I like Luna so much, and you do a terrific job capturing her oddity, while still showing her as the young woman she’s become rather than the awkward child we meet in the books. And, despite my reservations when I started reading the story, she and Harry make sense as you write them. I can understand the appeal completely when you explain, “She brought balance into his life, a light fluffy ray of eccentric joy that brightened his days. But he had loved Ginny too. That love had flared brightly before it consumed itself and died.” Ginny is vivacious and full of life, but after all Harry has been through and still seems to be going through as an Auror, perhaps he needs a bit of quiet, sometimes ethereal happiness. I got an especially nice laugh out of Luna’s seduction scene; it’s so perfect that her idea of “experimentation in the bedroom” is an Amazonian purification ritual! And her response to Harry’s proposal—“Sure, but I'll need to get dressed”—definitely had me laughing out loud.
Hmmm…I can’t find much to quibble with. For a moment, I did want to take issue with her working at The Daily Prophet, but you put my confusion to rest when you explained how Luna’s father wanted her to learn the ropes before working at their “family's prestigious paper”—an excellent way of putting it, by the way. Of course Luna and her father view the Quibbler in this way, but it’s so funny to hear it said! (And it’s even funnier that Luna thinks that being fired from the other paper is perhaps better experience than working there!)
So I can only make one recommendation. I suggest replacing the question mark with an end-stop in the following sentence: “Maybe he would fire her?”
I love how I can totally picture Luna becoming completely side tracked by things and go from one thing to another completely unrelated topic and have it make complete sense in her own mind. Kind of like people who are distracted by bright shiny objects. Like me, for instance. Besides, a shopping list is a very creative way to open a story. It is different and engaging.
The voice you give Luna throughout is rambling but connected her thoughts just flow. To others they seem rambling but it is her own string of consciousness, it is a good insight into how her mind works.
I also enjoyed how you wrote the “mushy” parts. They are sweet, a little funny, but not so much you make a person gag. Like “Keeper of the Snogs”. Just enough fluff, thank you.
Oh, and for some reason the part where Luna walks in and says “You look bored” reminds of the exchange in Ocean’s Eleven between Brad Pitt and George Clooney’s characters. /random comment.
I also like the little bit about the censorship spell, quite original. And I have read to the end and must admit, I read it twice looking for something to comment on. I can find nothing but good things about this. I just really enjoyed this little piece. You and your beta did a very good job. I feel like a slacker for not saying something. Hm, you uh, … never mind, I am a slacker, I can’t make anything up either. Oh well, will you still pester me anyway? Please?!
This was a really cute easy to read story - I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thanks!
*Sigh* You're such a good writer that you can even make me enjoy reading fics about ships I hate. It was a good read, even though, as I might have mentioned, Harry and Luna aren't my thing. At least I didn't have to go picking through this one for clues. Not that I find many anyway, but not the point. Anyway, it was quite good. Still can't forgive ya for the ship though, sorry, even though I know it was for a challenge. lol
Author's Response: Thanks Josh... I think. Seriously though, I'm glad you enjoyed it despite the subject matter. Peace! ;)
I love your story! It's realy well writen! And I even think something that could actually happen! :):) I am certenly going to read more of your stories :)!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review dear. :)