Interesting... Very interesting...
I like it!No I don't like it! I LOVE IT!!!
And then, a whisper, a sharp breathe of a voice… “Minerva.” This is where the marvelous creepiness of this story really sets in - and with great effect. And it just gets creepier from there on out. I’m really not sure what’s more disturbing; the implied Minerva/Dumbledore, or the strange lure of the Minerva/Tom.
If there’s a problem with this story, I think the opening might be a bit longer than necessary. There’s some very nice description there, but it’s a bit superfluous to the rest. It feels a bit like padding. It does set the stage, though, preparing the reader to shiver when Tom is introduced.
Your characterizations are simply perfect. Tom, and how poorly he deals with even that relatively small rejection. Minerva, and her slight hero-worship of Dumbledore. I see the older Minerva perfectly in her. You deliberately leave a lot of questions here. What is going on between Minerva and Dumbledore? Something, clearly, if only attraction. What is the history between Tom and Minerva? Does Tom seek some sort of revenge, either in his school days or later?
This is one of my favorite creepy stories; I’ve read it before, and now I’m going to make a note to read it again.
*Squees because she finally found her OTP and because this is completely brilliant.* Minerva and Tom were both so perfectly in character... I could truly see Jo writing the younger versions of them that way. The encounter is far from casual; they both know what the other wants, and you can tell from their actions. The ending has a lovely finality to it, which I also like. Great job... I love it!
Extremely interesting, and very well thought out (or so it seems)! You're the first i'm going to give a 10/10!
Very interesting. I like how you kept them both IC, and your vivid descriptions kept me reading until the end.
[i]The winter night was colder and darker than most. Eerie patterns of frost crawled across the glass window panes that reflected the black hours of the morning, as a draught crept through the corridors, chilling the castle’s inhabitants and creeping into their unconscious thoughts.[/i]
I really liked this sentence. It drew me into this story; kept me wanting to read more.
[i]“Yes, Tom. That is all.”[/i]
I also liked this sentence. It gives a certain finality, and satisfaction. Splendid job!
This is such a little slice of goodness. Or badness. But the good kind of badness. What I mean is, I love it down to the last striking exchange between such an unthinkable pair of characters. One-- young, quick witted, and righteous, the other-- dark, devious, and plotting. And the moment they come together, it's just like candy.
I really admire how you turn Minerva's character around. When we first see her, she seems meek and naďve, a mere child who could hold no power over someone like Tom Riddle. But when she delivers that last biting line to him at the end, I feel like swooping her up and kissing her on the forehead—though can you imagine how she would love that!? Hah! In many ways, she reminds me of Hermione. Lines like “I am not prowling,” Minerva proclaimed in her defence. “I was restless, I thought I’d go for a small stroll…” are very reminiscent of something Hermione would say. However, there's something new, something more, [is dangerous the right word?] about her. I adore it.
You have me a little confused, though, with your italicized sentences, because they all seem to be italicized for different reasons. The first, [- are you doing up at this hour?”] seems to be a sentence she's finishing in her head. And while I like this, I don't think it's necessary. However, if you really want it in there, I suggest you do something like:
--are you doing up at this hour? The words never reached her lips as she blinked at the dark haired boy...
The second italicized bit looks as if she's having a bit of deja vu. Why is this familiar? Is this what she feels when she's with Dumbledore....?
Then, the third: He plays games with people’s minds and hearts, and he wins. I can't decide whether this is something she's thinking, or whether this is something she remembers Dumbledore saying about him. I want you to connect this, because I have a feeling if it's clarified it will make this story even more powerful than it already is.
Love, love, love. Wonderful one-shot, Jen.
Lovely story, Jenna. It could be smoothed out a bit, but very nicely written. And wonderful emotional interplay (don't you dare read that the wrong way) too.
And since I never looked it over for you... “I’m sure all of Hogwarts knows how the Gryffindor prefect won favour with her Head of House,” he said icily Dumbledore’s favourite girl, aren’t you, Minerva?” You're missing a period and quotation marks between icily and Dumbledore.:: huggles ::
I hope you know you're marvelous.
That was beautiful. I'm afraid I can't see Minerva kissing anyone, let alone someone as evil as Tom, but everyone must have been young once eh? 10/10