MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Moons of Deceit

Name: Gin_Drinka (Signed) · Date: 12/14/06 7:17 · For: Truth under a Waxing Moon
It's very nicely written. I wonder what happens next...onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks, Gin Drinka! Next chapter is coming up. GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 05/07/06 14:15 · For: Sunrise after Hunter's Moon
Awww. Um, it says Emmeline Vance was going to go on the trip then randomly at the very end of the discussion a "strange man" is inserted. I assume you purposely didn't include who that is however I think you could stick him in rather more subtly. YAY. Lovely.

Author's Response: Dear Nox, I'm sorry if I led you to think that this was a clumsy attempt to create a mystery. Actually there is no mystery at all - it's just that Ariadne doesn't know the man concerned, and he won't appear in this story in person, so there didn't seem to be any point in mentioning his name. For your information, he is Sturgis Podmore. If I ever revise this story, I'll bear in mind that I could introduce him more carefully. And I'm so glad that you liked the ending! Regards, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 05/05/06 20:26 · For: Moon after Endless Moon
Hmmm, interesting, she can see lies in the written word as well as the spoken. I kept expecting there to be more about the Severus/Christmas/Ariadne time. I kept waiting for them to have some sort of interaction but oh well. Janet is entertaining.

Author's Response: Dear Nox, Ariadne knows Narcissa rather well by now, and that is why she can see the lies in her written words. She wouldn't pick it up from a stranger. There will be more Ariadne/Severus interaction in the sequel, but I didn't have room for more of it here - the story was already too long! Snape is a very interesting character, and of course Ariadne has his number. Janet is just ultra-conventional - I'm interested that she entertained you anyway. Thanks for keeping up the reviews, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 05/01/06 12:28 · For: Deceits Laid Bare
The dream was very.....odd, and slightly random. All continues to be interesting and I look forward to more. :) In the line "instantly sorted into Hufflepuff" you've capitalized sorted, did you mean to?

Author's Response: I always feel that Sorted ought to be capitalised because we have a Sorting Hat. But most betas disagree ... that one must have slipped under the radar. JKR makes a Freudian use of dreams for her foreshadowing, and I really wanted to include some faint hint of Sirius's innocence. Obviously Remus couldn't take his dream too seriously, so I had to throw in the random stuff too. Thanks for reviewing, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 04/17/06 17:46 · For: Deceived on Every Side
Question: How long is this one, how long are the following stories and have you written them yet?

Author's Response: Dear Nox, This one is about 70,000 words. The sequel is 80,000 and the next two ended up at around 90,000 each. I didn't mean to become increasingly wordier, but I seem to have lost my ability to write succinctly. Yes, I have finished writing them all. Regards, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 04/17/06 17:29 · For: Moons under the Order
HE SAID WINKLE! BRILLIANT! Why on earth did any of them belive a story as highly implausible as Peter's? I mean, really..... I know they're sort of in shock, but still.

Author's Response: Ha, the respond function is finally running again! It has been very eractic. Why did they believe Peter? Well, they had no reason to doubt, and he was just as trustworthy as Sirius, for whom it looked pretty dark. Yes, yes, I'd like to think I knew my own friends better than that... but one of the casualties of war is that you never know whom you can really trust. Grrr, it's no surprise that everyone hates Peter!

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 04/17/06 17:16 · For: Double Deceit
The Fenwick bit was so sad! I enjoy your warnings by the way.

Author's Response: Ah, the "respond" option is back! Yes, it's sad about the Fenwicks. You don't have to be actually dead to be a casualty of a war.

Name: Puss_in_Boots (Signed) · Date: 03/20/06 20:10 · For: Double Deceit
Sorry it took me so long to review. I'm going into midterms (currently, I have more homework than time to finish it) and, concequently, will probably be very slow at reviewing your wonderful story. I really enjoyed this chapter. Everything is beginning to climb to the climax!!! (or so it seems to me) I did have one question about cannon: How does Kingsley Shakelbolt's age fit in? He seems about Lupin's age in OOP, but in Moons of Deciete he is about 7ish (I'm assumeing) years younger than Lupin. It's a very minor issue, but I was wondering. Thanks!!

Author's Response: Dear Puss, Thanks for reviewing. And take your time - you shouldn't let fanfiction impede your homework. The question about Kingsley is a good one. It's exactly the kind of tiny detail that I like to ask authors. I have assumed that he is between 2 and 6 years younger than MWPP. This is because he wasn't in the first Order of the Phoenix, so I'm assuming he was still at school/training when Voldy fell, but he appears to have met James Potter, so their time at Hogwarts probably overlapped. However, in my story, purely for my own convenience, I've made him 7 years younger than MWPP. I'm assuming that his parents knew the Potters and that's how he met James. As to where the climax is: there will be six more chapters. But I may be slow to post, because they are still with the gamma reader. She works very hard for about eight authors, so it would be extremely bad manners to hurry her. I hope your studies keep going well, GhV

Name: Puss_in_Boots (Signed) · Date: 03/02/06 22:03 · For: Resigned under a Crescent Moon
I think I need more cyber tissues, *sniff* . I had never thought about Remus having siblings. If he did have a large family and lost them all in the war his sense of loss (and consequent loneliness) is much more understandable than if he is lonely only because he is a werewolf and such. I love the way you presented the Marauders beginning to distrust Remus. It seems very in-cannon even though we don’t know what happened to make them distrust him.

Author's Response: Dear Puss, take as many tissues as you like, because Madam Pomfrey has an infinitely self-replenishing box in the Hogwarts infirmary. I'm sure Remus isn't naturally given to self-pity, so if he's sad, it's because he has a real sorrow. There will be more about trust among the Marauders in chapter 14. Sirius wouldn't have suspected Remus without a reason, would he? Thank you for reviewing, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 03/02/06 20:12 · For: Resigned under a Crescent Moon
The first part was very sad. So was the very end. The Lock Ness Kelpie was funny. The continueing theme of "Someone else to love" is a nice touch. Such a deeply sad chapter. Inexpressably so. It grows. Like that.

Author's Response: *Cyber-hugs on their way.* Don't cry, it's only a story. I wouldn't want you to feel too gloomy, because the next two chapters will also include some rather unpleasant events. But we shall definitely be continuing with the theme of "someone else to love", and I hope that will sweeten the bitter bill. Thanks for reviewing, GhV.

Name: Puss_in_Boots (Signed) · Date: 03/02/06 12:51 · For: Deceit around the Crystal Orb
Waaaahh! I am sorry to inform you but you have just abused your “author rights”. You had gotten me totally attached to one of your characters and then you KILLED them!!! That is definite abuse...sigh. As always, it was a wonderful chapter. I just wish she (I'm not going to say her name incase someone reads the review before the chapter) hadn't died. Next to Ariadne she was my favorite character.

Author's Response: *Sends cyber-tissues and cyber-hugs across the world.* I was just following JKR's example: she did kill Sirius Black, and her excuse was that authors have to be ruthless killers. But I HAD to strike out this character, because the circumstances of her demise will be important to the later plot. The impact just wouldn't have been the same if Ariadne hadn't cared about this person. Thanks for reviewing. *More cyber-tissues following.*

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 02/27/06 14:35 · For: Deceit around the Crystal Orb
Ahh, I wondered when she was going to die. You do go through characters don't you. The Grandmother didn't stick around long either although she isn't dead yet. But of course you had to get rid of her so Trelawney could happen in canon. Which you have now done quite smoothly by the way. I think I was going to ask you something but I've forgotten it now. Oh well.

Author's Response: Dear Nox, I'm interested that you expected Veleta to die. What gave you that impression? But, yes, there had to be a few personal losses. Thanks for reviewing, GhV.

Name: Puss_in_Boots (Signed) · Date: 02/22/06 20:14 · For: Examined under Rose Moon
Wow. You've out-done yourself. Again. I love Remus' giving up his badge and his internal reasoning for doing so. You do such a good job of capturing personalities (I know I've said this before but it amazes me every time I read your story!!!) Thanks for such a great plot:) Puss P.S. Thanks for answering my question. I like the idea that magical gifts can mutate... It makes the possibilities endless.

Author's Response: Dear Puss, Thanks for keeping up the reviews. I don't like the thought that Remus could have lived through the Prank without feeling some guilt, or responsibility for his friends' actions, so I had to make him perform some atonement. (And there had to be a reason why James became Head Boy without having been a prefect.) I see Remus as a person who doesn't easily forgive himself, and that will shape his actions in adult life. Best regards, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 02/22/06 12:23 · For: Examined under Rose Moon
I had forgotten the vampire bit. I was momentarily confused by the stool but not long enough for it to leave the interesting-plot-twist category.

Author's Response: Dear Nox, The experts disagree about vampires. Some say that any piece of wood will work as a stake, but others claim it has to be a "holy" wood (holy as understood by the Ancient Germanic tribes, I think!). Lestoat was about 200 years old when they finally caught him, so obviously nothing too easy was going to be effective in his case. Thanks for reviewing, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 02/22/06 12:08 · For: Death Eaters Undeceiving
I enjoy your explanation of why you've chosen to rate each chapter as you have. Your description of the toad was, I can't find the word, in some ways something like that would seem kind of trivial but you managed to convey how rotten it was of them to do that.

Author's Response: Dear Nox, I wrote the toad episode on the assumption that it was as nasty an episode of bullying as anything in canon. It was a deliberate causing of pain to a sentient creature for no other reason than the enjoyment of feeling more powerful. And that's not counting the emotional pain inflicted on Wendy, or the malicious intention of casting an illegal spell with Hestia's cat. I'm something of a rebel with the ratings. I have my own moral system, and my own understanding of children's maturity and interests (I am a mother of three), and it doesn't necessarily coincide with anyone else's. I suppose I'm making a statement about how I believe the rating system ought to work ... I don't necessarily expect anyone else to agree with me ... Thanks for your support, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 02/22/06 11:51 · For: Defying the Moon's Demand
Ahh, how nice, someone who doesn't just say "Well they were just boys and they know better now." We like them, they did something wrong, it was wrong and it's still wrong. Amazing how subtle it can be, being influenced by others. I like your comparison of Ariadne being influenced by her friends in a good way, being truthful even if it isn't what people want to hear, and Remus being influenced by his friends to do things he knows he shouldn't.

Author's Response: Dear Nox, I can't STAND the idea that they were "just boys" and that this somehow excuses bullying. JKR thinks it doesn't, and that ought to be good enough for Harry Potter fans! I suppose the difference between Remus and Ariadne is in their choice of friends. Sarah tells plenty of lies, and Wendy or Hestia might fib if "necessary", but Ariadne unerringly picked the best friend who shared her values. But Remus didn't choose his friends at all - he waited for them to choose him. I don't think James and Sirius would have rejected anyone who really wanted to be included, so I do wonder what Snape did to alienate them. But whatever it was, nothing excuses the Worst Memory episode, and certainly nothing excuses the Prank! Thanks for reviewing again, GhV

Name: Magical Maeve (Signed) · Date: 02/22/06 5:19 · For: Cursed by Thunder Moon
Gah! Everything about your writing is so completely convinving that it's in danger of overtaking canon in my mind. I could have wept for Remus' innocence, especially with the line about going to St Mungo's just to have plasters put on his fingers. And I loved the lack of drama you put into the confrontation between Fenrir and him. That was so understated and so convincing. Fenrir is a heartless creature, so I can imagine him doing this in a calculated manner to get his revenge. And how chilling was the discussion with the man from the Ministry? I was gritting my teeth through the whole of that conversation. This is a wonderful example of officialdom in action, caring little for people's feelings, but caring a lot about their forms. I love the way that Remus' innocence mirrors Ariadne's. If anything, he seems a little less knowing than she does. You also lock them both in a darkened room, for different reasons, and give us the chance to see how they deal with it. Clever writing. And when he says he hasn't cleaned his teeth? You really know how to make a poor reader feel for the characters. I wonder what his parents thought? They must have been able to hear him cry for them. Perhaps my only crit is that sometimes I would like to see other's reactions to what is going on in the story. But it's a minor crit, and probably just me being lazy. I'm perfectly capable of imagining what they are thinking! And so Remus and Ariadne both learn that lying is sometimes acceptable, or ignoring a falsehood is allowed in order to save face. What lessons to learn at such a young age.

I liked your depiction of his schooldays, although I'm not entirely convinced by his teacher's attitude. It's not my experience of being a pupil, or my children's, but I accept that there probably are teachers like that, and it suits the story well. The attitude of his peers, however, seems spot on. And you also give us his parent's desperation to find a cure. I think that's something that translates perfectly to those with a serious or terminal illness, trying desperate measures to help them or their loved ones.

All in all, a sad chapter. But there's nothing uplifting about lycanthropy.

Author's Response: Dear MM, I'm glad you were convinced by this chapter, because I actually wrote it pre-HBP, before I knew that the werewolf was Fenrir. I decided it didn't really need revising, but I did wonder if he seemed aggressive enough. I had fun writing that horrible Ministry official. There wasn't room, writing from the child's PoV, to include his name, but I gave him one: it's Castigatus Clerk. You're not the only one who found this section distressing. My seven-year-old begged me to read him the chapter, but he didn't enjoy it at all. He was on the point of tears, and told me, "I don't want the little boy to be locked up in the garage!" I knew at that moment that this was a PG-13 chapter. I'm glad you noticed the parallel between the childhood experiences of Remus and Ariadne. Chapters 3-16 are written as seven complementary pairs, so the parallels will continue. The question about PoV was interesting. It's current literary convention to adhere to one main PoV (two in this case, since I alternate between the two main characters). That means we can't know everything that every character is thinking, since people don't always reveal themselves to the audience. I agree it might be interesting. I'm certain that Stanley and Edith were heart-rent by what was happening to their child. However, However, they couldn't hear the crying; they had to put a sound-proofing charm on the garage so that the Muggle neighbours wouldn't hear the howling. You're lucky if your schooldays didn't include anything like Remus's experience. The school down the road from me actively discouraged parents from teaching their pre-schoolers to read. It was school policy to have all the pupils begin and the beginning together, so that none was ahead of the others. A child who arrived at school already literate was defying the system. My parents sent me to the school in the opposite direction! Yes, it is all pretty dark, and it can only become darker in a time of war. I hope there will be some lightening in later chapters, but I'm afraid it's humour and valour rather than real happiness. Thanks for your support, GhV

Author's Response: P.S. Forgot to add ... I wouldn't say Remus was more "naive" than Ariadne, but definitely he's a less acute judge of character, and more inclined to believe people's lies. This difference between them will be developed as the story continues. What they have in common is that they both hate deceit in all forms.

Name: Magical Maeve (Signed) · Date: 02/22/06 4:54 · For: Ineffable Deceit
You covered such a lot of ground here, and it didn't feel at all rushed. Your development of Ariadne is a delight to read. She is the perfect childhood innocent, trying to play by adult rules, but not quite understanding what they are yet. And what an awful, and yet realistic, punishment she recieves. This also gives you the perfect opportunity to shown who really is the head of the household. And I would have liked to have popped into Lucius' head when she came out with her little truths at the table. I wonder just what names he was calling her under his breath?

As always, your descriptions and attention to detail are lovely. The care with which you describe the day to day activities of the farm really bring the place to life. The Potions brewing is so well done, and the sense that the family is old and established is implied through clever narrative, rather than told explicitly.

Just a couple of nitpicks.

“That is too sad for a little girl to know,” was all she would say.

You have a really close repeat of sad there. The sentence that precedes it has Ariadne using the word, and I wondered if it was intentional. If not, I think it would be better to change it.

By the time when it no longer seemed like play to help Mamma with the chores,

That seems a bit clumsy and could do to be reworked.

But everything else was just a treat to read. Thank you for such an engaging story!

Author's Response: Dear MM, Thanks for such a long and detailed review. In your own words, a delight to read! I agree about the clumsy sentence; I think it's already reworked from an original that was even clumsier, so clearly I don't have my thoughts in order yet. I don't remember whether the repetition of "sad" was deliberate; it had more to do with realistically imitating a conversation with a four-year-old than with complex literary effects. What Lucius was thinking of Ariadne can't possibly be written down for a respectable site like Muggle-Net. One advantage of keeping the PoV strictly with Remus and Ariadne (I don't think anyone else is permitted a look-in) is that I can keep the language restrained. Lucius need not worry, however. There is no way his aunt and uncle will accept the word of a four-year-old over that of a wealthy almost-adult. The MacDougals are indeed a very old-established pure-blood family, and this point will be of some importance to the plot. Thanks for your support, GhV

Name: Puss_in_Boots (Signed) · Date: 02/21/06 21:12 · For: Death Eaters Undeceiving
Hmmm… the McDougal Seniors don’t have much of a backbone do they? Although Mrs. McDougal’s upbringing does kind of explain their behavior. Anyway, I loved the chapter! Your imagination seems to go on and on. Out of curiosity, did you make up the idea of “Locospecting”? It's a very interesting concept.

Author's Response: Dear PiB, No, Mr and Mrs MacDougal certainly don't have much interest in reality! If they believed their daughter, they would have to admit that their nephew had bee ni nthe wrong - and then what would happen to family harmony? To say nothing of safety from Voldemort, since at some level they must know where the Malfoys' real loyalties lie. There will be more about Mrs MacDougal's childhood in one of the sequels. But we already know from canon that the Macnairs are horrible people. Yes, I invented Locospection. I think the idea was first suggested by that scene in "The Horse and his Boy" where Aravis watches the battle through a magic pool. Locospection arises from a mutation of the prophetic gene, which is recessive. Veleta's inheritance of a mutant form is probably because her mother is a Muggle-born. Thanks for reviewing. Chapter 10 is the most violent in the whole story - you have been warned. Regards, GhV

Name: NoxSomnium (Signed) · Date: 02/21/06 21:04 · For: Eschewing Deceit
Well, it took me two tries to actually have time to finish the chapter (silly other things I'm supposed to be doing) so I don't actually remember what or where it was, but there was a line that made me think "If that's not foreshadowing I'll eat my hat." Which means a lot because I really like my hat. Ah hints. Jollification. :)

Author's Response: Dear Nox, I'm glad you did finally finish! I don't think I deliberately put any foreshadowing in ... thinks ... well, Sarah will certainly find out whether werewolves exist. The reader knows why Professor Viridian wanted the Sword of Gryffindor, even if Ariadne doesn't. And in chapter 10 you will find out which member of the Order of the Phoenix staked Voldemort's vampire. But as for the rest ... at this stage in the story, there was still a large amount of background information to be planted, so nearly every minor incident is there for a reason. Thanks for reviewing, GhV

You must login (register) to review.