cool! very well done :)
The Phoenix Speaks by Slian Martreb
First off, I wanted to say how much I enjoyed this one-shot. It was a very unique point of view to tell a story in, and I think that was one of the best aspects of this tale -- its uniqueness, really.
Overall, I think it was very good, and I particularly liked the first few paragraphs of the story. The imagery created in such simple lines is wonderful, and employing the opposites, for lack of a better word, to describe the age was fabulous. Lines like I am as old as the sun and the moon. as well as many others, just really help in creating a feeling of weariness, yet wisdom at the same time.
I did, however, notice a few minor typos, (and some of this might just be me reading too much into something).
he allowed himself be led on -- he allowed himself to be led on
Dumbledore was dead and the phoenix flew. -- Most of the story is told in a first-person point of view, and I'm not sure if you meant to use phoenix here, or if it was a slip into third person. To me, it felt out of place, like it was a slip up.
not even one as myself -- should this have the word "such" in it? -- not even one such as myself -- Personally, I think the "such" makes it flow a bit better.
Other than that, and to reiterate what I said earlier, I think this one-shot was very well-written, and by using first-person point of view, it made the story even deeper than had it been written in third.
Well done, overall.
Thank you. I do try to tell stories differently than anyone else....
Thank you for the lengthy review and the concrit.
I really liked it. It was very interesting hearing about everything that has happened through a phoenix's eye. You don't realize how much they've really seen, being alive for so many years. I like how you put his perspective on many things, like on Harry and Dumbledore. It really interested me.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you found it interesting and compelling. I did try to make it that way. Fawkes ought to be an interesting character, and he isn't used as often as he could be in fanfiction. Thanks for reading!
Oh, wow! This is so gorgeous! It feels almost poetic, like a Greek epic!
I love the way we really get inside Fawkes' head. I've never found a Fawkes-fic, and I pity any others I find, because I'll have such a high expectation after this!
It's also interesting to hear what he thinks about his own mortality, and that of life in general. This must be such a strange thing for a Phoenix.
There are a couple of breaks in the paragraphing, and it might be nice if you could fix them, but it's not a huge problem.
To finish; these little phrases kept popping into my head as I read!
"What we call "progress" is but the exchange of one nuisance for another."
"Nothing endures but change..."
*points out that this won't get you extra points in WWW & MoM*
I'll fix them right away
*squee* I love getting quoted in reviews; it means the reviewer really paid attention and really appreciated something in the fic. So thank you for reading!
Let me congratulate you for so accurately entering into the mind of the bird who lives on forever. I enjoyed this fic from the beginning to the end. The opening lines, particularly, drew me in. This entire fic was amazing. However, for the sake of saying something constructive, I do think you could have the bird speak more about his master, talk of some of his unique qualities, and give examples, maybe. Fabulous job!
Author's Response: I'm so glad that enjoyed it. Might I say: you mentioned that you congratulate me for 'so accurately entering...the mind of the bird who lives on forever.' That was kind of the whole point; to get Fawke's POV on everything, not on Dumbledore. I do see where you're coming from, and how that would be beneficial to the fic, however-in the thousands of years that the phoenix lived, the hundred years or so that Dumbledore was 'in posession' of him are only a drop in the bucket. The fic was meant to show the entire picture. And, yeah, I know that it ends with Dumbledore's death and whatnot, but I wanted to give it what it deserved per Fawkes and no more. Gosh. That was complete rambling, wasn't it? :D
I really liked the way this flowed. It was interesting because even though one can find many stories on different characters' feelings on Dumbledore's death, there aren't many (or any) that deal with Fawkes. Very nice, I give it a ten.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Fawkes was such an interesting character to...work with (as it were). It wasn't hard to figure out the flow and the tone of what his POV would be and I couldn't help but give him a superiority complex. ;P