MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 13:53 · For: An Old Enemy and a New One
Once again, it is the dazzling dialogue of the characters that pushes your story along. The interchange between Lily and Amos where she sees the Marauders in their compartment, especially James, really shows her wavering feelings towards James with her hesitation to accept Amos' offer to go to Hogsmeade. However, there were still a couple of spelling mistakes and left out words that had me stumbling with the reading in a couple of spots. For example, in your first paragraph of just prose, you write "It was then, the Lily...." It should probably read "It was then that Lily..." with "that" instead of "the" and no comma. The other spot that sticks out in my memory is the part where James walks past Lily and Amos and you write "...when someone brushed, roughly, them aside...." The structure here is a little hard to follow. It should probably read either: 1. "...when someone roughly brushed them aside..."; or 2. "...when someone brushed them aside roughly...." Anyway, with my little bit of nitpicking aside, your writing is generally ver good and engaging. Even with the small problems I had reading certain spots in this chapter I really, really like the story being painted by the words. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 13:04 · For: James' Fury
Your writing in this chapter is fantastic. The conversation between the Marauders definitely gives us, the readers, a feel for your interpretation of them. I like the way Sirius eggs James on while Remus tries to talk some sense into him, their personalities really reflect the bit established by JK. Good job!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/26/05 16:54 · For: Maya's Prediction
Another good chapter - great follow-up to the first one. I really like the interaction between Lily and the boys at the beginning, especially her part in helping them with James. Your part where Lily's in the compartment having conversations with her friends helps build their characters. However, there were a few very small things that distracted me while I was reading, you wrote 'truck' instead of 'trunk' (which happened in the first chapter as well), and there were a couple of sentences where you change your verb tense within a sentence. I know those are small things, but they impacted the flow of reading. Other than that, though, your chapter was great. Your story is coming along nicely.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/26/05 16:33 · For: The Platform 9 3/4 Fall
Wow, this is a really good start. You use the dialogue very well to establish the characters. The scene with Lily's family was quite touching, and I especially like the description of Petunia as Lily went through the barrier. I think the part with James and Sirius "dueling" on the platform was really funny. However, my only problem with it was the fact that Sirius left James upside down long enough for him to pass out. I know James makes a comment about the whole thing as practice for facing Voldemort, but I doubt Sirius would have done that to James or that Remus would have let it happen. Anyway, it's a really good start and I'm now off to read Chapter Two.

Name: Thestral45 (Signed) · Date: 10/25/05 19:57 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
::puts on a whiny voice:: Ahhh...a cliffhanger? I don't like cliffhangers...:) Anyway, I loved this chapter. Oh my goodness, when it said "I am going to be the best and most useful member their group has ever had." I just about started crying, it was such a[n important] line...! I love this chapter, please update ASAP, and go fix that cliffhanger! I command thee to fix it...;)

Name: peachesandcream (Signed) · Date: 10/24/05 11:19 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
That was really good. I hate cliff hangers so I am now anxiously awaiting the next update!! Please give us a chapter soon!

Name: Griffingold (Signed) · Date: 10/14/05 20:13 · For: Even with Hexington
I think she really was right when she asked if you are JK Rowling! Keep it up!

Name: pottersperfectprincess (Signed) · Date: 10/11/05 15:04 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
FINALLY!!! ive been checking a lot to c when you'd put up the next chapter, and it's finally here!!! *jumps up happily* anyways, great chapter! i hate cliffies, and yet i used them in my fic. hmmm, i wonder where james went?!?!

Name: magic_chick (Signed) · Date: 10/10/05 13:22 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
i don't know i'm starting to get used to cliffies it was an AWSOME chapter hurry with the next one please :)

Name: Free_Phoenix (Signed) · Date: 10/10/05 12:25 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
One word: EVIL! How could ya? Leave it at a cliffie??? Bad bad you! But great chappie so far, I'm waiting for the next one not very patiantly(sp?) See ya next chappie!

Name: Tashskies (Signed) · Date: 10/10/05 10:55 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
I have to agree with everyone else on this one so far--that was just pure evilness leaving it off there! I mean really... "we have not yet found James Potter" and then it ends... it ENDS!!! AHHHHHHH!!! That's the most evil thing a person could do! Ahahaha... anyways, I think this is my favourite chapter so far--or one of them at least. I must say, it's a lovely thing indeed--except of course the fact that you left it off right there! Arrrggggggg!!!! Wonderful job, spectacular and all such what-not--update soon, and 10/10!!!!

Name: evil_fairy (Signed) · Date: 10/09/05 8:39 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
How dare you leave us on such a cliffhanger! You are evil!! lol...well I can't wait for the next chapter! So please update soon!!!!!!

Name: harry_potter_star (Signed) · Date: 10/09/05 5:01 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
This. Is. The. Best. Story. In. The. Entire. World. Hope that I made my point clear. Please update, i hate you for leaving it at such a cliffhanger AAARRRRGGGHHH!!! (By the way, is there a mark higher than ten?.....Didn't think so, ten it is. ~Sophie~

Name: the_fifth_marauder (Signed) · Date: 10/09/05 2:08 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
OMG. What's happened to James? I demand you tell me at once! Beautiful chapter but I'd really like it if you'd update more often...:( Anyway... I LOVE YOUR STORY!!!

Name: rita_skeeter (Signed) · Date: 10/04/05 17:24 · For: Even with Hexington
great story! i really enjoyed it! update soon! 10/10

Name: loonymoony8 (Signed) · Date: 10/03/05 23:06 · For: Even with Hexington
This was a great chapter! I really love your story! When are you updating?

Name: Tashskies (Signed) · Date: 09/30/05 18:21 · For: Even with Hexington
Awesome!! Ya! What a wonderful thing to read on a Friday afternoon... ahhhh, but oh! Now I have to wait for the next one.... ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Anyhoo, this was perfection... I adore it. Keep it up and all such what-not!! 10/10

Name: Tashskies (Signed) · Date: 09/30/05 18:20 · For: Even with Hexington
Awesome!! Ya! What a wonderful thing to read on a Friday afternoon... ahhhh, but oh! Now I have to wait for the next one.... ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Anyhoo, this was perfection... I adore it. Keep it up and all such what-not!! 10/10

Name: Dawn Lionheart (Signed) · Date: 09/29/05 6:54 · For: Even with Hexington
Please keep writing!!! it's fab - and R.I.P ants. Poor ants.

Name: theunit1016 (Signed) · Date: 09/27/05 22:38 · For: Even with Hexington
so how freaking awesome was Eldest? yeah, pretty much about as awesome as your story...keep writing!

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