MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/31/05 20:28 · For: Griffindor Troubles
I really like this chapter because it slows the story down a little and focuses a lot on class instead of just James and Lily. Having James and Remus answer the two questions in the class show that they are just as smart as they are troublemaking. I also really like the description for the griffin and the fact that you created a scale to rate its dangerousness. However, my favorite part of the chapter was the way in which you ended it with James and Lily being encircled together by a chain link fence after they were picked to examine the griffin closer.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/31/05 20:16 · For: Never forget, never forgive?
Okay, I have a hard time wishing pests like ants well, but if you insist. As for your chapter, I think it's marvelous. I love the way you have the Marauders closing ranks around Lily once James tells them about the letter. It's somewhat confusing to me the way Lily does a complete turnaround in her treatment of James from the time at the Unicorn fountain last chapter to the end of this chapter. Her behavior seems somewhat odd because there doesn't seem to be much motivation for her to change her attitude to him. Anyway, I really, really enjoyed reading this chapter, especially the end where his friends mention him smiling like a maniac, as well as the little tidbit about them having blown up the bathroom with Snape in it. I look forward to whatever twist the next chapter has for me.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/31/05 20:00 · For: Unicorn Fountain
This chapter is absolutely fantastic. I really like the way James was standing right behind Lily when she gave him 15 seconds to show up. Their scene together was really interesting, especially the way it ends with Lily acting concerned for James when she had basically given him the cold shoulder the whole time. I like the way you have James discover what is going on and how he immediately guesses some of the more prominent Death Eaters. It will be interesting to see the way he will handle himself around not only Lily, but the Death Eaters as well. For Lily's sake I hope he will be able to act somewhat normally until something can be figured out about how to handle the whole sitution. I can't wait to read through the next few chapters! Nicely done!

Name: hp3190 (Signed) · Date: 10/30/05 16:22 · For: Betraying Alarm and Alarming Betrayal
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! how can you do that to us?!?!?!? you're evil!! *sniff* not really, but that is a mean cliffie!! :S arr! give us the next chapter ASAP!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! 1000/10

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 18:28 · For: Chaser Try-Outs, Part Two
Wow, that was some really great flying by James, and Lily too. I like the fact that Lily scored by kicking the ball through the hoop. However, the end of the chapter where James asks Lily out for the 3,001 1/2 time really gets back to the story. It will be fun to see what role Quidditch will have to play in the rest of the story, especially if Lily is named to the team.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 18:20 · For: Chaser Try-Outs, Part One
Beginning this chapter with Sirius beating himself on the head with his bat is excellent. Although, I'm not quite sure I buy the reason one of the other characters give...I think he might just do it out of boredom. He seems the type who needs to be doing something, not waiting around for something to happen. There really wasn't a lot about the actual try-out but everything surrounding it, from Lily figuring out about Julianne liking Remus to her having to face off against James is incredible. I especially like the way you worked in Lily's memory of the first time she rode a broom, it really established her desire to beat Potter at his own game. I can't wait to read the second half of the try-outs to find out how well she did.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 16:12 · For: Burning Spells, Dangerous Warnings, and Blazing Fire
Wow, what a fantastic potions class! This was definitely an action packed chapter, which made it so fun to read! I feel bad for poor James. He just keeps getting beat up in various different forms. I wonder what will happen to either Snape or Malfoy now that Dumbledore is involved. Or, maybe Dumbledore will have a talk with Madres about maintaining control in his own classroom. The only thing that really bothered me about this chapter is that Madres probably could have put that fire out with a little bit of magic instead of everyone panicking. Did Madres forget how to use magic because he was slightly flustered by the whole commotion? Also, where did Madres go when he left the classroom? Why didn't he make sure all of the students got out like any responsible teacher would have? I hope Dumbledore has a talk with Professor Madres about it. I will just have to read on to find out. Keep on with the story!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 14:22 · For: Professor Madres, Part Two
Wow, Lily's abnormal behavior really comes out in this chapter. Having her snap at her friends because they are concerned about her lack of appetite shows how her run-in with the Slytherin Death Eaters has really affected her. I think it is great the way she saves James from Professor Madres, even though it gives away the fact that she probably knows, in general, who caused the cave in. However, right around that part of the story, there were a couple of things that bothered me. 1. In Lily's statement "Students are innocent are proven guilty..." the second "are" should be "until." 2. In the sentence, "She felt had felt it for seven years now...", the first "felt" should probably not be there. 3. You should really watch your verb tenses because in the line "...returning to staring ... and pretending to be interesting in how to make a potion...", "returning" should probably be "returned" and "pretending" should probably be "pretended." Okay, I think that's enough nitpicking again. I hope that's not too bad because I really enjoy reading your writing. Anyway, I wonder if Professor Madres is about to reappear in the classromm where James is holding his want to Snape's head. I'll keep reading to find out!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 13:47 · For: Meeting Professor Madres, Part One
Yet another really good chapter. I'm a little disappointed that we didn't find out what Sirius did after the Slytherins left Lily, or what the Slytherins might have done to him, but I did really like this chapter. There is one place though that you might want to look at revising. It's this sentence close to about 1/3 of the way into the chapter: "James snapped out of her reverie and took his chin off his arm." The "her" should probably be "his." I just thought I should let you know. Great way to end the chapter on a cliffhanger about what James did to Professor Madres.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 13:27 · For: Full Moon, Part Two
Well, this chapter went very quickly. All of the action made for a very quick read because I felt compelled to find out what would happen to Lily as quickly as possible. I like the fact that you don't simply let her get away, even with the help of Sirius in his animagus form. The whole part where Malfoy threatens Lily's family is written very well. I really get a feel for his nastiness as well as for Lily's struggle to decide what the right thing to do is. I was a little disappointed that you didn't write about what happened to Sirius? Does he just stay there and watch Lily or does he take off and catch up to the rest of the Marauders? Also, what will he do with the knowledge about the Slytherin Death Eaters??? Maybe I'll get some answers in the coming chapters.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 13:09 · For: Full Moon, Part One
Once again, you have written a very captivating chapter. I wonder why Lily was awake so late so that she could hear James talking to Remus down in the common room. Poor girl, she should have known that the Marauders would figure out a way to get around her trying to keep them from going out. I'm very anxious to find out what is going to happen to her with all those Slytherins lurking about, it's a little bit of a cliffhanger in the middle of the chapter. It is possible that Sirius may turn around and figure out a way to help her while still getting out to have fun with the other Marauders?!? One of the things I really like about this chapter is that you finally bring back the Slytherins who were wandering around that you mentioned earlier in your story. I wonder if we might find out what they're up to soon.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 12:53 · For: Divination Proposal
Your story just keeps getting better. I like the balance in this chapter where it's not so focused on James and Lily, but allows for more on Julianne and Remus. My favorite part of this chapter though, were the tiny little parchment owls sent by Sirius to James and Remus. That was such a fantastic little touch. One thing I was curious about though, was who Lily was partnered with since she was paying more attention to James and Amos than to actually doing the assignment. Sirius was paired with Peter, so it was not surprise that he wasn't paying attention, but I figured Lily would've been at least trying to do it. Oh well, still a very, very good chapter!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 12:26 · For: Dismissing Diggory
Your story just keeps getting better. I was slightly surprised when Sirius was the one to keep James from pulling out his wand, but it ended up working out well. Lily's rejection of Diggory is great, especially since James overhears it. I wonder what is going to happen between the two of them now, especially since she knows he overheard her.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 11:56 · For: The Word and Picture
Wow, great chapter! Opening the chapter with the whispered exchange between James and Lily was brilliant. I think it's great to see her slowly warming up to him. Her reverie about how he was only able to save her life because she saved his shows that things are slowly changing. The picture of the dementor on the cover of the Daily Prophet was a nice touch. Definitely scary to see at breakfast. However, I was a little confused by the way Maya vehemently denied that a dementor could have been on the train. If a dementor wasn't there, what does she think happened to Lily? I find it hard to believe that Maya is so questioning of something many people have confirmed as actually happening. Is she so focused on the future that she can't see the past and present? It might be nice to see a little bit more development of Maya's character. Anyway, the ending to this chapter is really great because I can hardly wait to see what James will do to Amos. I hope it's nothing really bad.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/28/05 11:33 · For: Peeves' Prank
This chapter was very good. I really like the many varying scenes there are in it. Of course, my favorite was the short little Quidditch scene where Julianne takes Sirius' bat and hits the bludgers towards him. The scene with Peeves soaking both Lily and James is pretty funny, especially since Lily is so ungrateful that James allowed himself to be soaked by the bucket of water instead of her. However, I'm still slightly confused as to why Sirius had to bring his bat to breakfast, even though it is alluded to that it has something to do with the Slytherins. Great little touch by sneaking in the part with Julianne being slightly uncomfortable sitting next to Remus because of her huge crush on him. It will be interesting to see what develops in the next chapter.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 17:16 · For: Night Patrols and Chocolate Frogs
Wow. This chapter is great. The little conversation between James and Lily was done in such a way that I could really feel how awkward they were behaving nicely to each other. Lily is really starting to come around and James is showing he's not always an immature prat. Fantastic! Once again, however, my favorite part of the chapter is the end. I like the little bit of a cliff hanger you end with where the Slytherin's are sneaking out into the Forbidden Forest. I wonder what they're up to. I'll just keep reading to find out!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 16:59 · For: Rumors and Remus
Wow, this chapter was absolutely fantastic. The rampant rumors going around the castle are so typical of teenages and you have captured that brilliantly. I really enjoyed reading the very beginning because you gave a glimpse about the way Lily is softening towards James by having her keep his flower. But the ending was probably my favorite part. It's great to see a little romance for Remus, even if he doesn't realize how close he is to having what he wants. I'm so excited to read the next chapter and see if anything does happen between Remus and Julianne.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 14:44 · For: Evan's Lily
This really was a great chapter. I like the duel between James and Amos, especially since James gave him a rabbit's tail instead of actually harming him. Also, Lily's reaction to James' saving her life is totally great. She really shows how little she actually understands him and I think that couple with his giving her the flower might allow her to begin changing her views about him. This story is really going. Keep up the writing.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 14:32 · For: Dumbledore's Announcement and Stardust
I like all the drama in this chapter. The way you have Dumbledore drawing out the announcement of what happened on the train is fantastic. I also like the whispered conversations going on that James hears little bits of while trying to pay attention to Dumbledore. But, my favorite part of this whole chapter was Sirius with his not-so-subtle hinting at the dementor being sent by Voldemort. I can't wait to find out if he is right, and what purpose was behind Voldemort sending the dementor.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/05 14:14 · For: Jamesís Patronus
Okay, I really like this chapter. I like the way you turn around the whole life saving and left James save Lily since she has already saved him. Also, I like the way you used Maya's prediction from the second chapter. It is a little curious to me that Sirius, Remus, and Peter don't seemed to have noticed that anything strange happened on the train, especially since you had it stopping and the lights going out. Oh well, maybe they were just too engrossed in coming up with their next prank. I can't wait to get to the next chapter and find out why the dementors were on the train and how Dumbledore reacts to their presence.

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