MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Amortentia

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 15:45 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
Wow, I'm so sad it's over! That story was such a joy to read! I like how you had Merope run into Tom. I was always under the impression that they never saw each other again, but I thought that was interesting. The ending was so sad; even though she was Voldemort's mother, I couldn't help feeling sorry for her. I think you wrote her final moments very realistically, and I loved the last paragraph. It's so eerie to think that Merope died loving Tom, just like Lily died loving Harry.

Nit-pick: She again had to several breaths before continuing,

I think you want a 'take' in there after 'to'.

Overall, a truly wonderful story. I'm so sad it's over! I guess reading another story by you will have to suffice! =)

Author's Response: Haha, thanks. I'm always happy to hear that authors are sad to see a story end. It's one of the best compliments. Thanks for all the great reviews!

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 15:28 · For: Chapter Five
That was so sad and beautifully written! You really made the reader sypathize with Merope. When she broke her wand, I wanted to cry 'No!' Lol! I love your description in the last few paragraphs. It was very moving. The only thing I noticed was:

She had no one to go to, no one to lean on, and no one to go to for help.

You said 'she had no one to go to' twice in that sentence. I would rephrase it once.

*Goes off, humming, to read the big finale*

Author's Response: Enjoy the 'big finale'. I'm glad you liked this, as I had originally intended for this to be the final chapter. Thanks for the review!

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 15:19 · For: Chapter Four
Aww, that's so sad! I feel so bad for Merope! I think that him being angry is very realistic. I like how you mentioned how the last of the Amorentia had drained out of Tom. I thought that was a very original take on it-- I had always seen it as: Drink the potion and you're in love. Don't drink it, and you're not anymore. I think that twinge of love that Tom still had for Merope was very interesting.

He grabbed Merope’s hand and ran outside dragging Merope behind him.

In this sentence, I would change a 'Merope' to 'her' so it doesn't sound redundant.

Midnight found Merope lying half-asleep in her bed with tears streaming down her face.

Hehe. I loved the sentence. I had to re-read it several times, because I kept thinking that you meant my cat, Midnight. At first I was like 'Wait a second, my cat's in this?' Teehee.

Anyway, I thought that this was excellent. Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, I love using inanimate objects as the subjects of sentences like "midnight". I'm glad you liked that. Thanks for the review!

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 15:07 · For: Chapter Three
Ooooh, cliffy! Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Anyway, your characterization was, as always, flawless. I think it's interesting how you made Tom a little questioning, but not down-right mean when he didn't take the potion, like I've read in most fanfics with him. I was wondering why Merope was feeling sick so much. I like how you brought on the fact that she was pregnent subtly.

Now, on to nit-pick: I have two things to say about the coffee. One: I think that because Tom is a Muggle, he would have heard of coffee before, even if he's never drank it. Two: (This may just be the most stupid nit-pick you've ever gotten) I think that coffee takes some getting used to. Like, when I first had it I was like 'Bleh!' But now I love it. I just don't think that Tom would like it that quickly. And please, ignore that second nit-pick. I just thought I'd mention it, however.

Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, I actually did realize that coffee thing. Some people mentioned it before, and I agree that Tom would have known what it was. But *sigh* we all make mistakes, right? Thanks for the review!

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 14:52 · For: Chapter Two
Looks like someone did their research! I usually don't care much for historical information in writing, but you really had me hooked! And I'm not just saying that! Was all that information about the holiday real, or did you make some up? I thought that it was really interesting. I can really see their relationship progressing. I think that characterization is by far your strong point in this fic. A few nit-picks:

“That’s all we need.” Merope cut in, trying to get straight to the point so they could leave this blonde-haired-beauty. She always hated it when Tom talked to other women.

First, I would use a comma after she speaks, because cutting in is explaining what she's doing when she speaks. Also, I would say 'Merope' at the start of the new sentence, because I was under the impression that you were talking about Sara.

At any rate, lovely chapter, Shayla! *Skips off to read next one*

Author's Response: Haha, have fun with the next chapter. And, this is a real holiday. This story was originally written for theTerm Challenge a few months ago where you had to put a pairing in a different country. All the translations, holiday facts, and things of the like are acurate. Even the name of the hotel is a real one in Romania.

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 14:32 · For: Chapter One
Ooh, I loved that! I've never considered that they'd go anywhere as a couple, but now that I think about it, I doubt that they would just sit at home through their whole marraige. This is a very interesting take on their relationship.

I loved your characterization of both Tom and Merope. I like how you added Tom's feelings in the morning before he got his potion. It's a small detail, but you easily show the reader how crucial it is for Merope to give him his drink. I like Merope, also. Even now, we're begining to see the regrets she has about the potion, but we still know that she cares for Tom, even though he doesn't truly love her.

I can't find anything to nit-pick in this chapter, except, isn't 'hair-tie' a bit of an Americanism? I use that a lot where I live, which is New England (woah! I just realized that where I live has the word 'England' in it!) Sorry, never mind me. Anyway, I think that 'elastic' or 'ribbon' would be better suited, there.

Other than that, wonderful job!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it.

Yes, I originally had it as "ribbon", but my beta changed it to hair-tie, so I just left it at that.

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 13:06 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
Ah. The infamous locket. I wondered when she would venture home. I love the idea of Tom being with Sara and "throwing" money at Merope, as if she were a common street urchin and not the woman carrying his baby. This has been such a wonderful story. I'm sad that it ended, but I love all the insight it provided into the life of the mother of Voldemort. Excellent!

Author's Response: Thanks! I've always been intrigued by the story of Tom and Merope, and I'm glad you liked this telling of it. Thanks for the reviews!

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 13:01 · For: Chapter Five
How horrible for Merope. To be in a place she had once called home without any help or support. Aside from the lack of magic and money she could have gotten for it, I wonder if she regretted breaking her wand as it distanced her from the wizarding world. Then again, I wonder if she ever truly felt like she belonged.

Author's Response: I'm glad you're getting that back-and-forth feeling, as that's what I wanted to give off. Thanks for the review!

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 13:00 · For: Chapter Four
Oooh. What a jerk. Leaving in the middle of the night after trying to break Merope's spirit. not that I think Merope was justified in giving him the love potion inthe first place, mind you. What a cad. Your style of writing is so amazing and realistic. I can't get over how upset Tom's actions have made me, and how great your writing is to be able to describe them that well. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Aww, thank you. I'm glad you're liking it.

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 12:57 · For: Chapter Three
Ohhh. I can't wait to see how Tom reacts. If he is acting this way without the potion, I wonder how he will react to the pregnancy. I think it is hysterical that Merope thinks that coffee could solve her love problems. She also seems to think (or have tricked herself into thinking) that Tom might really be able to love her. Your story is incredible, portraying all of the depth and emotion (or lack thereof) between Tom and Merope.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. And, actually, I added in the coffee thing because I know a lot of people who like it a lot and it sort of was just humorus for them. Thanks for the review!

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 12:53 · For: Chapter Two
Romania's version of Valentine's Day is a great idea. I wonder why Tom forgot about his alarm clock. Is that a side effect of the potion wearing off? Merope's jealousy is interesting. If I had someone under a love spell, I woder if I would be jealous knowing that they were mine for as long as I wanted them. On the other hand, I would probably be constantly wondering if they could ever love me for who I truly was, which is what Merope seems to be going through. Quite understandable, in fact. I hope that we see more of Tom and his thoughts under the potion in the next couple of chapters. I am looking forward to the contrast after she stops giving him the potion.

Author's Response: This fic is based mainly on Merope, so no, you don't get a lot of Tom's inside thoughts.

Yes, the effects of the potion wear off after about twelve hours in this fic, and that's why he forgets about the alarm.

Thanks for the review!

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 12:48 · For: Chapter One
This is amazingly realistic. The way you capture Tom and his behavious in the morning before he'd had his dose of the potion is like something straight out of the wizarding world. Merope seems to have resigned herself to a life of unpleasant mornings and false nights. I wonder how long she will be able to keep it up before the strain gets to her. You are writing both er and Tom's emotions so well, that it makes me wonder how she will react when she decides to stop giving him the potion.

Author's Response: Thanks, I love writing my characters. Tom and Merope are some of my favourite.

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 12:44 · For: Prologue
This is a fabulous prologue. You hage really captured the thoughts and feeling behing Merope and Tom as they embark onthe love potion adventure. I had honestly wondered how she had manged to slip him the potion, being so far removed from his world. You did an excelllent job of making it believable and real. I can't wait to get to the first chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for all the great comments.

Name: Lily_greeneyes (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 8:47 · For: Chapter Two
I just realised that I'd missed this chapter...Well, I'll review now!

Very interesting to see Merope's jealously around other prettier women...especially when Tom is talking to them. I like all those parts mainly because of the characterisation. It shows her insecure side quite well..."Will he fall for someone else? What if the potion doesn't work?" You can imagine the paranoia...

Author's Response: Yes, amny people don't like the paranoia, but I rather like it a lot. It shows Merope's character in a new light. Thanks for the reviews!

Name: Lily_greeneyes (Signed) · Date: 08/18/06 3:37 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
And again, you've described everything wonderfully.

At the beginning, you showed her sense of being "out of it" really well, and it felt almost as if she was in a dream.
Seriously, the number of stories that have ever made me feel like that, so - connected- to a story, I could probably count on one hand.

Another I like is the title of this chapter- it really suits it. And I really loved the last two lines : "Despite being one striving for love, her new son would become the one that tried to prevent it. It was a sad end, but a necessary one, as it led to the birth of a new legend." It was a great way to end such a beautiful story.

I really enjoyed reading this story, and reviewing it. You're a great writer! :)

Author's Response: Oh, wow. You really hit me hard with saying that last thing. COuldn't you have given me a hint that it was coming? ;) Wow. Thanks so much!

Name: Sarakime (Signed) · Date: 08/17/06 22:49 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
Excellent. Beautiful story. I love this entire idea, and how this gives us a backround on her. I love the finality of this last chapter. Wonderful ending for a wonderful story!

Amazing work! Every chapter was great!

Author's Response: Haha, thanks for the wonderful review!

Name: Sarakime (Signed) · Date: 08/17/06 22:40 · For: Chapter Five
Beautiful chapter. I can really tell the difference between your chapters before, and this one. Your descriptions are wonderful, and her sadness is grealy expressed. I feel like I can relate to her sorrow, that is how great you've written it.

Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks. I also feel that my writing gets better as the story gets further on. Probably because this was one of my first fics.

Name: Sarakime (Signed) · Date: 08/17/06 22:33 · For: Chapter Four
Very nice ending. I like the way that they began fighting, and how Tom still had the composure not to explode in the cafe.

This must be one of my favorite chapter of the story, only because it kinda goes into Tom's feelings of being decieved.

I'm beggining to feel some sympathy for Merope.

"He grabbed Merope’s hand and ran outside dragging Merope behind him. All he had on his mind now was getting out of this place and yelling at her in the comfort of his own home." - Just had to say, my favorite sentence. It shows him in a light of supiriority, and taking charge, doing something about his anger.

Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks. I've written this story from many points of view, but in this one I really wanted the reader's sympothy to go toward Merope. I'm glad it worked!

Name: Sarakime (Signed) · Date: 08/17/06 22:24 · For: Chapter Three
Wow. I really, didn't see that coming. I'm so blind sometimes...

I like how Merope didn't give him the potion, for it leaves space for trouble to unfold.

Plus, it's nice how Merope doesn't mind him with other girls as much, because she thinks he loves her, and she loves him.

Great discriptions. It really feels as if I'm there with them.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you like the descriptions. Those are my favourite.

Name: Sarakime (Signed) · Date: 08/17/06 22:09 · For: Chapter Two
*grumbles about being signed out while writing previous review*

Great work! You really show the effects of the potion with great detail, through Tom's actions.

Also, I like how she got jealous of Sara. It's as if she's afraid to expose him to the world, because he'll find out that he doesn't really love her.

I must admitt, I got scared for a second at the end that he would realize what was going on...

Great chappie!

Author's Response: I love it when people say they bcome worries about the characters. It makes me so happy. Yay! Thanks for the review!

You must login (register) to review.