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Reviews For Amortentia

Name: Periwinkle (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 20:16 · For: Chapter Two
Intriguing turn of events. I didn't really anticipate something like this happening, but if you've taken the time to write a chapter on it, it must have some importance later on.

I can understand Merope's jealousy but it would be peculiar that Sara would publicly show her distaste of the woman.

Up to this point, you've shown Tom as pretty much helpless. I was going to comment on this if you kept it up, but I see I do not have to. In this chapter, Tom is portrayed as able to fend for himself but Merope is still the person he focuses on the most.

Merope knew that Tom was much better at coming up with excuses on hand than she was, but it was a very logical explanation. After all, when had he lied to her before?

Superb job with this here! It gives me the impression that she doesn't worry about his loyalty, something that might be the end of her undoing, which it actually is.

“Mmff” Tom groaned as he rolled over in his bed.

A comma is needed before the quotation marks end. Just a typo, but I'm being nitpicky here. :)

Author's Response: Haha, yeah, thanks for finding the typo. Also, I tend to do that a lot-- get you just to the point where a character is starting to annoy you and then completely turn them around. I hope Tom didn't bother you too much. ;) Thanks for the review!

Name: Periwinkle (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 20:05 · For: Chapter One
It has been only now that I've made the connection of this story to that of 'Born on the Streets'.

You've kept the suspense going nicely here...I'm really hanging onto what happens.

She wondered how an innocent question about some white mountains made her feel so guilty.

Ahh, nicely done. I was wondering when Merope would begin to feel the guilt or if she would feel anything at all. Lovely beginning.

“Good morning, Tom,” he said sweetly as her husband walked into the room. “Did you sleep well?”

“Where the bloody hell is the bacon?”

I'm glad that you included this part, as it just justifies that the only thing connecting Merope and Tom in the Amortentia. There wouldn't be a relationship at all if not for the potion.

I'd like to see more of Tom's thoughts, though. So far, you have Merope's. It would be interesting if we had Tom's to compare.

Overall, great chapter!

Author's Response: I'm working on another fic with this pairing from Tom's point of view. I have this story from Meropes, "Born on the Streets" from Sara's, I thought Tom deserved a fic. I hope you enjoy the rest of this!

Name: Periwinkle (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:56 · For: Prologue
And I see that you love the Merope/Tom pairing, as you have a few stories finished on this pairing. Very interesting. It is not a well-known pairing, but you do gratify it.

Very interesting, for Merope to be this devious. You've given this pair a nice background and the prologue is nicely set up.

I like the banter going on between the two most of all, as it shows the sides of each of them superbly. You've set up this relationship wonderfully and it shows through. Tom is so like his son in a few ways -- i.e. the annoyance.

I can't wait to see how/if Tom gets his way out of this!

Author's Response: It's not much of a mytery, huh? Seeing as it's all canon. But, I'm glad to see I pulled you in. And yes, I based Tom n this slightly on teenangst!Voldemort. I'm also happy that you've liked all my Tom/Merope stories. They're my favourite pairing. :)

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:42 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
Wow, you did a wonderful job ending this story. I liked how Tom gave Merope a bit of money, even if it was probably mostly Sara's doing. That was sweet.

I liked how Merope's wish was to livee for her son, because he was pretty much the only thing she had left. Even though I knew from HBP that she was going to die, it was sad nonetheless.

"As her soul drifted off to its final resting place, Merope’s sad life came to an end. Despite being one striving for love, her new son would become the one that tried to prevent it. It was a sad end, but a necessary one, as it led to the birth of a new legend." I thought that that ending paragraph did a really nice job at summing this story up.

All in all, I really enjoyed this story. I thought you did a marvelous job writing something pretty much all canon from the stories and making it very interesting to read. You are a wonderful author, and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. I enjoy reading them, and I'm glad you like my stories. I must say that this epilogue is one of my favourite pieces I've ever written, and I've never really understood why. I'm glad to hear someone liked the ending, too; I was having a lot of trouble with it. Thanks again!

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:35 · For: Chapter Five
I loved the irony at the beginning of this chapter. That the Romanians would be celebrating their love festival while Merope is in grief over her husband leaving her. That was a nice touch having Merope notice that.

I also thought that your descriptions at the beginning of this chapter were excellent. Just the way that you worded everything in this chapter made it one of my favorites so far.

I also enjoyed the ending when you wrote, "She knew they would either find their way to the heart of a new friend, or they would die in the same place that they lived: at home." That was a nice way to close up this chapter.

Very lovely chapter. Well done. I can't wait to see how you tie up the story in the epilogue.

Author's Response: Thanks! I rather liked the way I ended this as well. It was originally going to be the final chapter, but I just couldn't resist adding the final epilogue. I hope you enjoy it!

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:29 · For: Chapter Four
Wow, interesting chapter. You definitely showed just how drastically the Amortentia has effected Tom. Now with the last of it out of his system he is basically realizing that he doesn't love Merope.

Once again, even though Merope isn't a very likeable character, I feel myself pitying her. All she ever wanted was for Tom to love her, and now she'll be alone while she's pregnant. I guess that just goes to show that you shouldn't mess with love.

I love how you portray Merope, and Tom also. You write Merope perfectly, as the desperate women trying to get Tom to love her, and having her grovel on her knees in front of Tom trying to save their "relationship." You've done an excellent job. I loved this chapter. Nice work once again.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. My favorite thing to do is twist how people think of characters, and Merope is one of my favourite ones to play with. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:21 · For: Chapter Three
Wow! Although I knew that Merope would eventually get pregnant, after all, Voldemort is her son, I forgot about it until the ending of this chapter. Excellent work.

I like how throughout this story, Merope tries to convince herself that maybe Tom really does love her. I almost feel bad for her, especially when she thinks, 'he really does love me' and then she remembers it's not true. Even though she deserves it for giving Tom love potion, I still feel pity for her. She just wants him to love her, and has resorted to very desperate measures to make herself happy.

One comment I wanted to make was about Tom in this chapter when he wasn't under the influence of Amortentia. Although he was be no means as happy and in love with Merope as when he is under the love potion, he didn't seem to have to urge to leave her, or even become totally himself again. Is this supposed to be because of how long he's been under the influence of the potion? I was a bit confused at that part.

All in all, great chapter. It should be interesting to read Tom's reaction to Merope's last line of dialogue next chapter.

Author's Response: Yeah, I was wondering if anyone was going to point this out. Originally, when I had written this I imagined that as time went on the strength of the potion increased and it took longer for it to wear off, however, in "Born on the Streets" it doesn't do that. I was hopeing no one would pick that up-- but it seems you're too smart for me. Hehe. I'm glad you liked it, though.

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:13 · For: Chapter Two
Very interesting chapter. I liked the part about the holiday and the amulet. Is that a real holiday, do you know? Or did you make it up?

I also liked the part when Merope said Tom had never lied to her before. I'm not quite sure why, but I liked it because it just seems to fit in, since in your other story, "Born on the Streets" at night, Tom is more himself as opposed to during the day when he acts as though he loves her, so when Merope says that he's never lied before, that's not exactly true, since every time Tom says he loves her, it's a lie, even though he doesn't know it.

Sorry if you didn't catch what I just said. Reading it back it seems to ramble on just a bit.

Anyways, I thought the ending to this chapter was quite interesting, with Tom setting his alarm for midnight, but when the time comes, he has no idea why he set his alarm so late.

Very nice chapter. I'm really enjoying this story so far.

Author's Response: The holiday is a real one, celebrated only in Romania. And I'm glad you've loved this so far. Enjoy the rest!

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 19:05 · For: Chapter One
First of all, I love how this ties in with your contest submission "Born on the Streets." When I read that I was so happy because I thought it was great that you decided to write this using the same characters, and plot, but from a different POV; that of Merope when her and Tom are together, rather than Sara.

I thought you did a nice job showing, not only the effect that the love potion has on Tom, but also on Merope. Though she is happy she also feels guilty and upset knowing that Tom's feelings for her are only because of the potion he is under.

I liked reading the transformation Tom makes as he takes the love potion. It really is a big difference seeing him before and after the effects of Amortentia have taken place.

Nice work, and I'm off to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks. And, actually, I wrote "Born on the Streets" after this one, but I'm glad you understood it better after having read that one. I tried to connect them on purpose. Thanks again!

Name: Aquilus Luna (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 18:55 · For: Prologue
First of all, this is a very interesting idea for a story. I haven't seen any stories before that showed how Merope got Tom to drink the love potion. So already this seems good.

I thought it was great how their was a bit of trouble for Merope to get Tom to drink the water. It seemed she didn't expect there to be so many obstacles along the way.

I also thought that this prologue was made more interesting by you showing the character's thoughts. I thought it was interesting that Merope was more concerned as to how she was going to get Tom to drink the water, whereas Tom just wanted to get out of the situation.

A line of dialogue I really enjoyed was, "Am I wrong," Riddle began in a slightly annoyed tone, "or did you just call me over, hardly a few strides from my own home, to see if I wanted a glass of water--here, at your..." He paused, glancing at the dilapidated ruin the Gaunt house had become,"...house." I thought that was a funny line of Tom's behalf. Obviously, Merope was so blinded in her quest to make the love potion and get it to Tom, that she didn't realize how stupid it was to stop him to ask him if he wanted water, so close to his own house.

Lovely work, and I can't wait to read the rest of this story.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked the Prologue. I also loved that line that you pointed out, as I've always imagined Tom Sr. as having subtle humour that only he understands. Thanks again!

Name: anAnachronism (Signed) · Date: 08/12/06 18:09 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
This fic went by very fast, I'm dissapointed to reach the end of it. Even though I know how it ended in canon, I kept hoping that Tom would do something for Merope of his own will.

Romania. What an unusual place! Perhaps that's why Voldemort later sought refuge in nearby Albania? I'm also curious to know if the translations are accurate. It's certainly a twist I've never seen in fic before. Though after being imprisoned by Merope for several months, I doubt Tom would go out and attach himself to the next woman he laid eyes upon. After all, what happened to Cecilia?

While we saw a lot into Merope's character, we didn't see much into Tom's. Remember that Amortentia generates obsession and lust, not love. It would have been helpful if we could see how possessive Tom became. Rather than Merope being obsessed with Tom, it should have been Tom paranoid and overly attentive.

This last chapter was sad, but also a bit confusing. It would help if you had indicators between past and present for your flashbacks, I'm still not sure of the order they occured. If you could put a little sentence such as "One month later" or "Present", it would clarify quite a bit.

Overall this was a good read. Filled in the gaps between the Pensieve memories.

Author's Response: You know, I wrote this so long ago that I don't remember a lot of it myself. However, I do know that I wanted to keep the focus on Merope because I thought of her as the main character, however I have written one or two other oneshots about this same story from Tom's point of view. I'm also working on another right now.

As for Romania, that is because this was originally written for the Term Challenge in which it had to take place in a other country. And, yes, the translations are accurate.

Thanks for the review!

Name: nikkiolapotter (Signed) · Date: 07/29/06 19:39 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
That was really cool. Not a lot of people write stories from that era.

Author's Response: Why thank you. I actually wrote this to be different from other fics one may read, and I'm glad someone noticed that. Thanks for the review!

Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 07/24/06 0:10 · For: Chapter Two
Oooh, I really love this story, Shayla. I never really thought of what it must have been like for Merope. In my mind it was just the simple explanation Dumbledore had given: she game him Amorentia for a while, and one day could no longer bear it. But you've brought a lovely little tale out of this pairing. I want to say 'romantic' but... well, not really ;)

I think the way you have painted Merope's daily routine is very believable, and Tom's morning behaviour, too. It's a little heart-wrenching, that this is what she has to go through every day to be with the man she loves. Again, very twisted. I like the jealous streak you've put in her too, not only because it's very believable, given her situation, but it doesn't make her character completely likeable. Merope is usually painted as a pathetic, demented victim, who just didn't know better. But, aside from being slightly deranged, there is a clear consciousness about her actions in the way you've characterised her. To take it one step furthe, I can really see Voldemort's mother here. Perhaps the victim of unfortunate circumstances, but: no, that's not really an excuse for their actions. And the little flash of anger that arises in her jealousy, that was perfect. I instantly connected Merope with her son in that moment.

Other than two mispellings of 'vendors', where you used an 'e' instead of an 'o', my only nitpick is really that sometimes your dialogue doesn't quite sound like it belongs to characters from 1930's Britain [Merope's dialgoue, as she's a pureblood witch, would probably be even more traditional.]

The general use of dialogue is well done, though, and the narration is soft and seamless. I also enjoy that, not only have you twisted and developed a plot here, but that you've flavoured it with this Romanian culture, and used it to give the story even more originality. I can't wait to read this rest of this :D

Author's Response: Finally got around to this, huh Jenna. ,)

Wow, I wasn't expecting for you to read the whole thing as I know it is rather l9ong, but I'd be happy to see your opinions on the end. The first few chapters of this I wrote so long ago that much of the writing isn't at the same level as I am now. I'm actually surprised that you gave it as good of a review as you did. You certainly were nicer then I would have been.

I know I need help with the dialogue on this thing, but it's so old, and it's finished, so in my mind it's like I don't care about it anymore, you know. But I probably should go through and fix it up, huh. Heh, maybe I'll do it later...

Thanks again for the review, and I hope you do enjoy the rest of it.

Name: ForbiddenLove (Signed) · Date: 06/28/06 10:30 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
Wow! I loved this story so much, my natural reaction was to add it to my favorites. I'm really sorry I haven't reviewed sooner, but when I tried my computer shut down and I had to restart and all that junk. Well, anyways, I offer you my complements on how well your characterization is! Merope and Tom are very vivid: The readers instantaneously feel sad for Merope and want her to succeed and I absolutely had to loathe Tom for what he did to her! This is a very original fic; I've never read a Merope one! Honestly, you should be awarded something, like a bag of ridiculously large chocolate chip cookies! Unless you don't like those, of course =]. This is really fantastic and I would take my hat off to you had it not been for the fear of showering you in spearmint bubblegum (tee hee). Well, you get my point.

Author's Response: Why thank you! I don't think I've gotten such a kind review before!

I myself am pretty proud of this piece as well, but it's nice to know that someone else likes it as much as I do.

Name: Ginny_Weasley_Potter (Signed) · Date: 05/28/06 20:51 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

Author's Response: Why thank you. But, I really appreciate comments that have more to them. I'm glad you liked it, though!

Name: x_lily_evans_x (Signed) · Date: 05/20/06 0:39 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
Oh wow! What a story! I like it! Tom Riddle's just so evil though.):

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad to hear that you liked it. I enjoyed writing it as well. Yes, Tom Riddle is a verey bad boy. ;)

Name: JC_Cainstone (Signed) · Date: 05/19/06 10:06 · For: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend
That was soooo good!!!!!! It's going on my favourites! I might've said this before to you, I can't remember but, I take my hat off to you!

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I love favourite lists! I did work very hard on this epilogue, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. Thanks again for the reviews!

Name: JC_Cainstone (Signed) · Date: 05/19/06 1:50 · For: Chapter Four
That's so sad! Of course I knew it was going to happen from HBP, but still....*sob*

Author's Response: Yeah, I was having trouble keeping things interesting since everyone already knows what's going to happen. I'm glad you liked it though!

Name: JC_Cainstone (Signed) · Date: 05/19/06 1:43 · For: Chapter Two
Uh oh!!!!!! Next chapter!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: *hits next chapter button*

Name: JC_Cainstone (Signed) · Date: 05/19/06 1:29 · For: Prologue
That was very interesting, I've never actually read a fic featuring Merope and Tom Riddle. Very good start!

Author's Response: Why, thank you! Thanks for the review!

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