Reviews For Amortentia
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/05/12 4:47
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

Great job! My goodness, I fell in love with this story! I really enjoyed the characterization of these two characters. I think my favorite part was when he renounced being a witch- broke her wand, dumped the potion. It just shows that she finally realized not everything could be solved by magic, and all it had done was ruin her pitiful life. I felt so bad for Merope! Maybe one day, an AU fic will make its way onto this website that lets Merope get a happy ending... :)

Author's Response: Wow, I had almost forgotten about this story. Thanks so much for the response. It means a lot that people still read these old things... :)

Reviewer: Merlynne
Date: 12/14/07 23:37
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

Beautiful story! Your portrayal of Merope's desperation and Tom's indifference is wonderfully accurate (or so I'd imagine). The cultural references really added something to the story, as well. Great touch. Your writing is also beautifully fluid and poetic. I enjoyed this story very much. Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks for your comment. I appreiciate it!

Reviewer: mrsmcclnt
Date: 06/07/07 16:20
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

Yes. This is a good heart wrenching fic.

I wrote a story about Merope too, but I didn't go into depth on their relationship as you did here. So it's interesting, for me, to read someone else's take on Merope's story.

It had me feeling for her as I was reading it. When he came to in the cafe, after the effects of the potion wore off, I was scared for her. And I felt embarrassed for her as people looked on as they were arguing and as she was dragged, by Tom, through the streets. It good that you can hook the reader in with these emotional scenes.

Great fic.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. It's wonderful as an author to read reviews like this. Good luck in future writings!

Reviewer: cmwinters
Date: 08/30/06 18:07
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

I like have you the alternating timelines here. :)

And Tom?! Gave Merope money? Wow! I didn't see that coming. But what happened to Cecilia?

How did Merope *get* to Knockturn Alley, anyway?

Poor Merope. She's really very tragic.

Author's Response: Cecilia doesn't exist in this story. Heh. And Merope got there by train, just like how she had gotten to Romania. And yes, I think she's quite tragic as well. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: cmwinters
Date: 08/30/06 17:54
Chapter: Chapter Five

Whoa - I wasn't quite sure how Merope ended up in bed - I went back and re-read the bit of the last chapter. I thought she'd fallen asleep at the table in the lobby for some reason (you didn't actually say that...)

Was Merope not using any magic at all? You'd think she'd have put an alert on the room - but maybe she was too devastated/hormonal/whatever.

God, this is still going on during Martisor. *facepalm* So much for good omens. *sigh* Of course, she's about to birth the Dark Lord - so I don't think there's much of a good omen to be had.

Sad that the line of one of most distinguished Wizarding families ends this way, really.

I wonder how even miniscule droplets of water would affect the water supply - more properly, those who drink it.

Also, wasn't Hagrid's wand snapped in two? But he's using it inside that pink fluffy umbrella, right? She could, theoretically, piece it back together?

So Tom took all the food, even the honey, but missed the Amortentia and the wand? Did he just miss it because of Muggle-Repelling charms?

Author's Response: Let's just pretend there's a Muggle-Repelling charms put up there. Hehe, whoops? You look too far into things, cm. But that's why I like you so much. Hehe. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: cmwinters
Date: 08/30/06 17:41
Chapter: Chapter Four

Thinking about this, I'm not entirely sure that someone as aristocratic as Tom is *suppose* to be would say something like "bloody hell" - for some reason I think that's a "working class" expletive. Although I'd have someone who's *actually* British check that. ;) Since I'm not, and really don't know what I'm talking about.

It's so poignant that he never actually yells at her like he initially wanted to. And even MORE SO that he "doesn't want to become a murderer" - since his son had *absolutely* no qualms about that very thing.

You're missing a space after Merope starts to go to her room.

Merope had been watching the town through her window and occasionally saw him running around letting off steam. Ok, I just have to tell you, this painted the FUNNIEST PICTURE in my mind - Tom literally running around the town in circles amok, flailing his arms with steam coming out of his head. If you haven't seen that avatar on LJ where the guy runs screaming and flaling through the icon, let me know - I'll show it to you.

Was Tom really going to tell Sarah about his plan? And did he really like beer or was that the dreaded "red herring"? ;)

Also, check with Chris, but I'm not sure how prevalent phones were in small hotels in small villages in 1926 in Romania . . .

I'd feel that Tom was a bad guy at the end of this chapter (and granted, he's not a stellar character by any means!), but you know, he was pretty violated - no wonder he's skipping out.

Author's Response: I sort of wanted you to think he was the bad guy, so I'm glad you did think that way. As for "bloody hell", I guess I just sort of wanted to put that in. No, I haven't seen that icon, but I'd love to if you have it. Tom doesn't really like beer. I just sort of assumed there were phones. And...did I mention you give the best reviews? Thanks.

Reviewer: Dippy David
Date: 08/30/06 14:42
Chapter: Prologue

Great story although I don't think Tom would be so easily persuaded to come over and fix the leak. Remember that in his opinion the guants are complete scum. He may even think that she's jealous of him and the drink is poisonous. I thought the bit at the end when Merope was thinking 'Please do, please do.' was very good. Overall an excellent story.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, and I srot of agree on what you think in the beginning, but he had to get there somehow. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: POTCgirl1337
Date: 08/30/06 10:34
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

So long fabulous story! Great story and a great ending! I really like the way you jump back and forth , it makes it seem like the finale and adds to the sorrow and tension of her situation. The title is also great, really fits. Birth of a Ledgend. *claps*

Author's Response: *bows* Thanks. I'm glad you enoyed it.

Reviewer: POTCgirl1337
Date: 08/30/06 10:22
Chapter: Chapter Five

Awww, so she has given up on magic, thats so sad. *note sarcasm*. I think you did a really good job of showing her lonlyness and her sorta abandonment. WIth Riddle, and shes out of communication with the Romainians. You can really tell she's depresed.

Author's Response: Thanks, I worked hard on the decriptions. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 22:53
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

I really like how things flash from Merope's labor, back to different parts of her pregnancy. I'm impressed that Tom gave her anything, but I'm glad that it got her at least one good meal. I also really like the way you worked the locket into the story. The last lines of the story really do wrap it up very well. Thanks for a very good story!

Author's Response: You're welcome. Thanks for reviewing it!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 22:41
Chapter: Chapter Five

The description of how Merope saw everyone was acting was amazing. I really love this passage:

"Itís so normal, she began to think to herself. Itís always moving, always flowing, yet it still seems happy. It always sticks together as a family, but is not afraid of change. It is never still, yet it never seems tired. I wish I could feel like that."

Merope breaking her wand, and losing her ability to talk the the people around her was a great illistration of how isolated she really was. I love the way you portrayed that. This really is a very interesting story to read.


Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. It seems like everyone liked that passage about the water. It's just that water has always intrigued me. Thanks for the reivew!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 22:33
Chapter: Chapter Four

Poor Merope. I knew that something like this was going to happen, but I still feel bad for her. She got abandoned right when she needed Tom the most. Tom taking every trace of himself I think is very like him. It was kind of sad that he took every gift that she had been given. I figure that is part of what makes her give up on life. Knowing it truly was the potion that kept him with her, and that even with time he never grew any feelings for her would drive almost any woman insane.

Author's Response: Yes, I much think the same way that I would be driven insane knowing this is how my husband feels. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 22:24
Chapter: Chapter Three

I figured Merope was pregnant when she wanted the strange stuff for breakfast. A festival of love supposed to be a good time to find out that you are going to have a baby, but then we all know what happens later on. It is nice to know that Merope has at least one person that is somewhat a friend. It is also funny that Tom really isn't a morning person. I have a feeling that it is also partly that he doesn't like that he is married to Merope. It will be interesting to see what Tom's initial reaction will be.

Author's Response: Having fun reading the next chapter, then.!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 22:14
Chapter: Chapter Two

It is very interesting to learn about customs from other countries. (I know that is what the challenge this was for was about). I'm finding these customs very interesting. Merope's reaction to Sara was exactly how I could imagine it. It is interesting that Tom didn't notice, even though he was under the potion's control. It was also interesting that he didn't remember why the alarm was set and wasn't able to make the amulet.

I did find a few typos...
"but Tom could find the time when Merope wasnít looking to buy the supplies he needed"
Could should be couldn't.

This is a fun story to read.

Author's Response: I'm glad you understood the challenge before you read this. You don;t know how many people have asked that question. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 22:02
Chapter: Chapter One

Tom's bad temper when he hasn't had his "drink" I think is really fitting. At that time he is definitely realizing that something is wrong, and he is lashing out because of it. It is also interesting that he needs more or less of it to effect his mood from day to day. I think that is a realistic way for things to effect him. I am really enjoying this story.

Author's Response: Thanks, I also thought the way Tom acted before the drink should be angry, but not yelling. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!

Reviewer: Cheshlin
Date: 08/28/06 21:49
Chapter: Prologue

I love the way you show all of Merope's insecurities and fears. I was totally aware of how hard just approaching Tom Riddle was for her. It was nice seeing the small glimpses of Tom's thoughts too. It was funny when he almost freaked out about the word condition. I also find Merope's fears at the wedding interesting. The pause that Tom gives gives just that hint that the potion might not be as strong as she hoped, but then his "I do" comes. I can totally visualize both the scenes in this story. A great thing in a story.

Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

Reviewer: malko050987
Date: 08/28/06 6:41
Chapter: Epilogue ~ Birth of a Legend

This chapter is written differently than the others (I'm good at stating the obvious, eh?)

Nice change. Mixing present and past worked great. :) I disliked the inclusion of Sara, but hey, you're the author :D And it did help advance the plot.

Nice story, over-all :) not a pairing or time-frame I usually read, but I like it :)

Chris

Author's Response: Yeah, I wrote this chapter almost a month after finishing the fic. But I rather like the way it's written. Thanks for all your reviews, Chris.

Reviewer: cmwinters
Date: 08/28/06 6:33
Chapter: Chapter Three

Hm. I personally found "civilians" and "personell" a bit jarring - I don't know that Iwould normally come into play in a HP fic unless it were Aurors talking amongst themselves. You sound like an Army brat (and you should know that coming from me, that's no insult). ;)

Would it be *called* a "Continental breakfast" - er - on the Continent? That sounds like an American description to me . . .

I'm having trouble understanding why Tom doesn't know what coffee is? O_o

Do you know you have "smart quotes" enabled in this chapter?

Poor, poor, deluded Merope. She's such a tragic figure, really.

So - pregnant Merope doesn't want Peanut Butter, eh? ;)

Author's Response: You made me laugh forever in that last part. But yes, I guess she doesn't. *giggle* And, I guess I'm very "American style". I don't think there's any way to change that, though. As for Tom and the coffee...that was a mistake. It should have been the other way around. *sigh* Whatever. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: malko050987
Date: 08/28/06 6:31
Chapter: Chapter Five

Whoah. Very emotional chapter. Nicely written, too.

This paragraph could use some work, tho: "Merope noticed here how alone she was. She had no one to go to, no one to lean on, and no one to go to for help. She was stuck in an exotic country with no where to go. She felt useless."

You could write it as, "Looking at the flowing water, Mereope realized how alone she was. She had no one to go to, no one to lean on. Nobody was there to help her. She was stuck in a foreign country, and had no idea whwere to go. She felt as if she had no more use."

Well, I hope that helps. When I read it, it sounded a bit off, so I tried improving it. Wether I did that is your choice.

The decision to snap her wand seems a bit harsh, I think. The circumstances excuse her, tho.

Masterfully written chapter.

Chris

Author's Response: She had to snap her wand or it wouldn't follow canon, and then just seemed like the best time to do it. And yes, many people have commented on that line, I will fix it eventually. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: malko050987
Date: 08/28/06 6:13
Chapter: Chapter Four

Well, that answers my question. Great chapter, altough angsty. I'm not a fan of angst, but I knew what I was in for the moment I started the fic :)

Tom's actions are plausible, and well-thought out. Writing it from Mereope's PoV was a brilliant choice, as it gave us a glimpse at how mush she had lied to herself.

Keep up the good work :)

Chris

Author's Response: Thanks, Chris. And too bad you don't like angst, because that's pretty much all I write. You should learn to like it, though. It's fun!

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