Hmm…who is Ariel’s mom? I wonder what part she played in GoF or in the books at all. I really want to know. :D I love the ps’s in the letter – very real and funny. I also wonder if John is related, in any way, to the Longbottoms.
As much as I like Nessa, she CAN be a bit rash and annoying sometimes. I didn’t like how she put down Jacqueline without even getting to know her. I guess it’s just something girls do – especially when they’re in competition. I also like the Jacqueline came back with a retort. Just curious – is she a veela or no?
Mr. Wimund seems very annoying. I can’t imagine someone like that in real life. I’d do an Ariel and avoid them.
The only critique is that I think you could have ended the chapter a bit better. It seemed abrupt and nothing big really happened in this chapter like your other chapters. Nevertheless, at least we found out who the Duchamps are and Nessa seems to have a rival.
Nice chapter.
Author's Response: Three reviews on the same day??? This is tooo much! *huggles* Ariel's mother is NOT in the books. She's another OC of mine. Ariel is not related in any way to any of the characters in the books, and John is NOT related to the Longbottoms either. His character is a bit like Neville, but that's where the similarities end. Nessa can be annoying sometimes. Deep down she's very insecure so when she sees another girl that can be a threat she puts her down imidietly. Jacqueline is not a Veela. I don't think she's tall enough to be one. She's just naturally beautiful. Sorry about the ending, I know it was a bit sudden. The porpouse of this chapter was to introduce Jacqueline, that was it. That's why it ended so suddenly. Thanks for the review, KC!!
Yay, Bahir is not another Christian! I love his character and I hope we see more of him. I love the way you started this chapter. I found it very funny that poor Ariel still got himself lost. There is something about him – he isn’t cliché at all. He’s very real and I love the way you write him. And for some reason when he said wrong door and the spell came out, I kind of knew it was going to be the mystery boy finally. It’s about time they talked. I also love Ariel’s thoughts about wanting to tell Bahir about his dreams. I wish he would have told him but then again, it would have been awkward but I think Bahir also dreams about Ariel – he just can’t remember.
I guessed it was something pretty funny because the rest of his mates were laughing uncontrollably.
Will we ever find out what’s so funny? They laugh all the time – I want to join in the joke too lol. These are a funny bunch of kids.
Bahir stood up and some of his classmates, including the longhaired girl sitting next to him, clapped in a very slow paced manner, not showing any excitement at all.
I would very much like to know where they come from and how their culture works. They are all so very mysterious…will we ever find out?
I am so happy that Nessa won. If Ivy got it, or even Christian, I would go ballistic! Neither of them deserves it. I actually thought Ariel’s name would come out of the goblet…due to the title. I’m happy it didn’t though because it would have GoF all over again.
Overall, great chapter. I can’t wait to keep on reading.
Author's Response: Another review!! WOOOOOOT!!!! I'm so happy that you don't find Ariel cliched. When I started writing the story I was very clear with what I wanted to do, and I knew that Ariel couldn't be the typical hero, otherwise it would be very boring to write. Don't worry about the dreams thing, it will come up again eventually. Borislav is actually not that funny, his mates just laugh because they're kissing his ass. Thanks for another fantastic review, KC!!
Ok. I officially do not like Christian, what so ever. How could he be such an asshole to Ariel. Ariel never did anything to him but confess his love. After that, I’m sure Ariel didn’t stalk him or anything. But I was angry at Ariel too. I mean, c’mon, if that was me I would have made sure I left a few hand marks on his face and a few broken teeth. I was expecting Ariel to hit him actually but I’m sorta glad he didn’t because that makes him seem even more real. Not everyone is brave enough to face these types of situations – I’m glad he didn’t cry though or I would have jumped into the story myself and beat Christian up for him.
Ivy. Ivy. Ivy. *sigh* I love to hate her and I hate to love her. She is just one of those characters that you hate but they make the story better – like Malfoy. Without Malfoy in the HP books, it wouldn’t seem the same. I have a feeling something is gonna happen to her. Maybe her and Nessa in a fight.
John reminds me of Neville and makes me want to do a few headdesks. Lol. But all the same, he’s a nice addition to the story.
Last but not least, this mystery boy. I have a feeling that we’re going to like him. I can’t wait to discover more about him. He seems like a really well thought out character.
Excellent job, Harald!!!
Author's Response: Yay!!!!! *loves KC's reviews* Christian can be a real jerk. Girls forgive him because he's hot, but since you're a straight guy you don't care about that stuff anf really hates him *loves it*. I really enjoy how people see the characters in different way. It would be funny if you could get into the story and beat the crap out of Christian. I'm sure you could take him ;) "I love to hate her and I hate to love her." That's the best description of Ivy I've ever heard! I swear, I couldn't have done it better myself. Don't be surprised if it appears in a chapter. She's just the typical villian and I love to write her. John is also a lot of fun to write. He's just a comical relief most of the time. Thanks for the wonderful review, KC!!!
OMG! I absolutely love this story! Ariel is so sweet and believable. I wish I could find a straight guy half as considerate as he is to date! I can't wait for you to update again!
P.S. It was Gabby who forced me to read this story initially!
Author's Response: I think we all wished we could find a guy like Ariel. *sighs* Then I should thank Gabby for making you read it. :D Thanks for the review.
what a jerk
Author's Response: who Nessa?
unionspekted ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Author's Response: ...
unionspekted ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Author's Response: ha ha
Is Ariel A BOY or girl
kinda hard to tell
Author's Response: He is a BOY!!!!!!
whoo slow dowen
Author's Response: ....
eeek
Author's Response: Is that good or bad?
How do you add a story as a fave? Because this will be the absolute 1st story that's going in there!
Author's Response: *squeee* At the end of the each chapter there should be a bar that says "options" if you click on it a list of options (being redundant here) will appear and one of those is "add to favorites"
is ariel agirl or boy
Author's Response: erm, he is a boy...
I love this story to death. I'm dying to find out who Ariel will take. And I'll guess it will be Taylor.
Author's Response: Maybe... who knows? Thanks for the kind words.
Wow. Your story is probably my favorite story on this site! And I actually hate OC stories. I love how you make it sound so incredibly realistic. Your characters have a lot of depth, unlike many fanfic OC's. I can't wait for the rest of your story to come out!
Author's Response: You're making me blush. Stop! No, don't stop. *chuckles* I've spent a fair amount of time working on this character, I'm really happy to see that it's paying off. Thank you for the review!
Oh. My. God. I can't begin to tell you how much I love this story. It is so realistic, yet you never wax melodramatic or teen-angst-y. I normally hate fics with OCs, but I have to say, this is amazing. Thanks for keeping the potter world alive with some real quality work!
Author's Response: Your words are too kind, really! You've put a huge smile on my face. Thanks for the lovely review. PS: You know what's funny? I usually don't like fics with OC's either. Go figure.
