Reviewer: sayiansirius
Date: 12/28/06 21:30
Chapter: The First Task

Goodness gracious Nessa can be such an asshole sometimes!!! I understand why she is upset but if she took a minute to actually think…maybe it’d be resolved. Ariel wouldn’t intentionally try to screw her up…but then again, it’s not just about him. It’s about Bahir also. I feel so bad for Ariel though. In the beginning of the chapter…I was torn between the two. Nessa was right. But so was Ariel. But now…I just can’t see why she won’t just take a minute to think about it. It’s her ego and high confidence in winning that’s getting in the way. Nessa is a bit harsh sometimes also. It was terribly wrong to say that she doesn’t have time for his “queer-drama” and I constantly found myself shouting at Ariel to scream back at her (in my mind of course…I wouldn’t want my parents thinking I was crazy talking to myself). That deserved an “oh no you didn’t” with a finger wag. I do hope they repair their friendship soon!

Is it wrong to want to kill a character? If it’s not…I’d like to talk to Mr. Wimund for a few lol. He has got to be one of the most annoying characters I’ve ever met. I wonder if he had friends in school…

This chapter is drama filled and I think this chapter opened a new side to the story. In the early chapters, we’ve just been hearing about Ariel’s relationship problems and finding out about Bahir (who I felt very sorry for in this chapter!!!) but this opened up another problem.

But still, even with all the emotions running haywire, you still left space for a few funny things. I will never EVER see a squirrel the same for one! I laughed out loud at that line. Just thinking about them laying eggs…*shudders* just plain creepy. John just has to be a funnier Neville. I never even knew you could stun a snitch! Great lines and additions here.

In the beginning, I noticed you use beat twice in two consecutive sentences. They seem a bit too repetitive. Try using “I’m really tired” or something of the sort.

“Of course you will,” I said sarcastically under my breath.
That should read “Of course I will,” …if I’m not mistaken.

Nessa’s eyes were furiously for someone through the group of people and that person was me.
There needs to be a “searching” before “furiously” and after “were”.

I can NOT wait to see what happens next! Great job!!!


Author's Response: *dies laughing* I just keep thinking of Ariel saying "Oh no, you didn't!" with the finger wag. LOL I have to write that one down for the parody. Nessa can be very bitchy. She really loves Ariel, but she has a huge ego and lets it come in the way. Ariel should've shout at her, but he was caught of guard. Is not wrong to want to kill a character. That's actually a compliment for me. If you want to kill him then that means he awoke some sort of emotion in you and that I've done my job as a writer. I don't think anyone will ever think of squirrels the same way after Berenice. She marked our lives. Thaks for the wonderful reviews, KC!!!!

Reviewer: sayiansirius
Date: 12/28/06 19:54
Chapter: Isaac

Such a lovely cliff hanger, Harald! The “date” started out as I imagined but sure didn’t end like it. Now there are even more mysteries and questions that you leave us thinking of. It was a bit surprising that Bahir couldn’t see what Harald saw. I thought they were connected, which meant that they’d see the same thing. Also…the questions that were being asked…do they have any meaning? And why is Harald all of a sudden scared of Bahir? Why is he burning? That was really creepy!! Wow, Harald! You’ve really got me captured with this! Nevertheless, the date was really good. I can’t say this enough – you’re writing and things you use seem so very real. Who would ever think of writing a character that has a hole in his sock?! That was great!!

I’m also loving the bits of courage that you add to Harald in each chapter. I like when he says that Christian will never again ruin his day. I like that he’s actually taking a stand for himself and not falling for Christian again. I think I’d freak out if he did.

Hmm. Nessa Nessa. I’m not sure what to think of her. Sometimes she can really irritate me. Her ego is so big but she may just be hiding her fear. But now…she has to fight trolls. I wonder how she’ll feel after that happens!

Nessa and Ornella’s sings were HILARIOUS! Especially Nessa. Those are the moments when I like her. She is too much indeed. That was a very nice touch to lighten up the nervousness and tension of him actually going over to Bahir’s tent. When he leaves the castle, I do like how he starts getting a bit nervous and ends up thinking that they sent the girl to get rid of him. Great comic relief.

I did find two very minor errors though:

That’s something that sounds more fun that it actually is,
The second “that” should be “than”.

Without knowing I had spent the whole afternoon with Bahir.
There should be a comma after “knowing”.

Overall, another great chapter! Can’t wait to read more – I’m very intrigued to learn more about what happened in the crystal ball.


Author's Response: Yay!!!! KC reviews!!! I do like my cliffhangers. ;) I hope you like them too! Bahir is one big mystery, sometimes he's also too myself which is a problem since I'm the writer. haha. "I’m also loving the bits of courage that you add to Harald in each chapter." Don't you mean Ariel? It was a bit confusing to read my name all over the place. Ariel needed to have a hole in his sock. He put so much effort into his outfit there had to be something wrong. Besides he's the kind of character who would have a hole in his sock. Nessa, Nessa, she's truly something alright. The things about her is that she does everything BIG. She can be the best friend ever, but can also be the biggest bitch. Thanks so much for the review, KC!!!

Reviewer: sayiansirius
Date: 12/28/06 0:28
Chapter: An Article and a Revenge

Don’t think I was done with you quite yet, Harald. I’ve just hadn’t have enough time to stop by but I’m here and ready to continue. :)

Even though I took a break from this, unintended of course, your writing immediately brought me back into the story. I thought I would forget the characters and how real they were but I haven’t. Your writing immediately grabs the attention of the reader once more by how real it seems.

By then, I was curled up in a ball trying to protect myself from Nessa’s mighty pillow blows.

I love that line. I could see that actually happening and being half asleep, I’d probably do the same thing.

The ‘revenge’ was a very nice touch to this chapter. It added a lot of suspense and comic relief at the same time. I’m angry with Ariel for not being able to put the dungbomb in Ivy’s bag! Will he ever stop thinking about the bad in everything? I hope he stops being scared soon because something tells me that he’ll need confidence as time approaches. Nevertheless, it does make him seem even more like a realistic character because not everyone is strong or capable of playing a prank on someone. Even though I want him to get his revenge on her, I do like that he thought twice about it and was too scared to do it. I feel awful for poor Berenice though!

Hmm…things are starting to look up for Ariel. I love that he had the confidence to actually talk to Bahir even though we all could tell he was very nervous and shy. I love Bahir’s character. He seems so carefree but at the same time, I feel like he’s such a mystery. All we know is his first name and that he came from somewhere in the desert. I love that you’re keeping him as the mystery character through this all and that you’re slowly building up the relationship between him and Ariel. Hopefully Ariel doesn’t have another coughing fit during their “date”. Lol.

I did notice a couple very minor errors in the early part of this chapter.

I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, grunting how unfair it was that girls could come up to the boys dorms, but we couldn’t go to the girls dorms.

There should be an “about” after “grunting” and before “how”.

…the Triwizard Tournament is being held once more at the prestigious school of magic and wizardry, Hogwarts…

“Magic” would sound much better if replaced with “witchcraft”.

One more thing: Is Ornella by any chance related to Hermione? Or did Hermione actually go somewhere with the whole SPEW thing and now everyone knows about it?

Great chapter! Nice flow, use of detail, characterization, and comedy. You’ve got it all in this one. Keep up the good job!


Author's Response: Hey, KC!!! I feel so flattered that you think that my writing is realistic. It puts a smile on my face when someone says so. When it comes to Ariel's bravery you have to understand that he was facing Ivy, who is the bitch. It is more than understandable that he was scared out of his mind, but you are right. He has to start being braver. He will need the courage in the future. Thanks for pointing out those mistakes, I'll go check them out. Thanks for the fantastic review!

Reviewer: Oppungo
Date: 12/26/06 16:08
Chapter: Between Girls, Boys, and Boys

Absolutely first thing - I am so, so sorry it had taken me so long to review, I've gotten really behind myself this time. I will try really hard to be quicker for the next chapter. Next thing - oh yeah! Who totally predicted this way back in the forth chapter? I did!! And who re-thought that in the last chapter? I did! Seriously, go and check my reviews - and my amazing Divination skills! =P *giggles* Okay, enough gloating and back to the chapter!

I thought you wrote the opening very well, reminding the reader (as if we could forget!) of the cliff-hanger from the previous chapter, and immediately sending our minds spinning to the endless possibilities that it could be - especially with the stereotype of girls giggling brining to mind several options, along with Ariel's thoughts, I thought was extremely well written, a great start to the chapter.

Oh, come on Harald! You can't keep denying us comment that Ornella isn't Ron and Hermione's daughter! Everything pointed to it - her going to the dance with Borislav, her not being so happy about anything since getting an Outstanding in Potions, the fact that R/Hr is so canon, her hair! *giggles* It's all there! But I loved her excitement at going to the dance, it showed a lovely side of Ornella getting so animated about it, it was very sweet.

Ariel's thoughts were really entertaining, as they were so human - it reminded me of the note scene a few chapters back, it was so funny and real, and really shows how well you bring your characters to life. I really liked it's in put there, as it explained things better than narration probably would, his thoughts coming straight from the horses' mouth as it were. Also, "What am I going to wear?" made me laugh out loud!

My one tiny nitpick of the chapter - you closed a set of speech marks where it wasn't needed: '“You’re talking to each other again?” You finally made peaces?”' The speech marks shouldn't have been closed after 'again?' as Ornella continues to speak.

I really loved your description of Nessa at breakfast, her actions really portrayed how she felt, which I feel is great characterization of Nessa as she really seems the person who would do that, showing and saying exactly how she feels in all aspects. Also I always just heart your description, but I feel it particularly shone here. It was also great at building up the tension, and of course, bringing back to the forefront of our minds what Nessa did!

I know that I've already said how human and real your characters are, but I just had to bring this up: "Something was off and I knew it because she broke her diet." I really, really liked that. It's an issue so rarely raised except when it's drawn to extremes, such as anorexia or obesity - but it is so common, for a regular girl to go on a diet. It's just one of those little details that bring your whole story to life, and I absolutely love it.

"Stop torturing me!" Oh, how I laughed at that line! It was so overboard when Ariel hadn't said anything, so representative of her guilt, so totally Nessa - so hilarious! That really made me giggle, along with the rest of Nessa's outburst (which I must admit, made me gasp with glee!).

The thing that I noticed was how Nessa said, "it would look very good if I went out with him" Now, I've already mentioned this to you on AIM, but I'll mention it here again. So Nessa doesn't really like him for him, just because he's popular and handsome and so on? It's really interesting that you showed this rather than sixteen year olds experiencing "true love" which would be so unlikely - this, when you think about it, is far more likely - but I wouldn't have expected it in writing, if that makes sense. I know that my friends have gone out with people because they're popular or good-looking, rather than for who they are - I've done it too, admittedly! So it was interesting to see Nessa admit this so openly, and not seem to think much of it - did she mean to say that?

"A few people were looking at Nessa like she had lost her mind." *giggles* That happens quite often to Nessa and Ariel, doesn't it?! But on a more serious note, I really, really liked how you showed Ariel going through all that mix of emotions, first with the narration and then with his thoughts, it came across really well. It does seem exactly like what a person would go through, and complete with your vivid description I could really picture it all - Ariel's catherine wheel of emotions running around, Nessa biting her lip wondering what he'll say and the rest of the school looking on eagerly. It was great. Similarly, I really loved the similarity of the head vs heart conflict and the constant references to the two I thought was a great use of repetition to display Ariel's confusion.

*dies laughing* "“So we’re calling him Boris now?” I asked, a bit shaken by the nickname." Better Boris than Vicky! Ooh, Ron is not going to be happy when he hears who his daughter is dating!

I thought it was very sweet of Ariel to show at least a little compassion for Ivy, as it must have been terrible to be her right then. But to be fair, she did more than deserve it. And also how true - sometimes the worst thing when you're feeling wretched is for someone to give you a hug, as it's that sympathy from someone you care about who'll push you overboard, so it was nice to see Bahir recognise that. That Bahir - he's still such a mystery! I hope Ariel will unravel that mystery soon! *dies laughing at the thought of Bahir going to the Ball with Taylor* Although wouldn't it be awful to be her and to have turned her two boyfriends gay - and for each other! (But so funny!) As of course, we know that Bahir will end up with Ariel - right? As you know, I really think Ariel can do with his happy ending right now - bless him, how awful must that be, so have both his crushes going to the biggest event of the school year with other girls. I really want to give Ariel a hug right now!

Aww, bless Nessa! The little speech that she gave to Ariel was so sweet, especially as she offered to give Christian up for him - and it was even sweeter that he refused. Yay - their world is (practically!) good again!

"He was like a chewing gum for thoughts." Oh, how I loved that simile! And it was nice to see John's little cameo in this chapter. And that end bit! I actually laughed so hard at that! *is still giggling* Only one week left - you'd better post the next chapter soon so we can find out what happens, as I'll bet you anything that something will! Another wonderful chapter, as always, Harald, I really can't wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Don't worry about taking long to review. Trust me, your reviews are well worth the wait. And yes, I do remember that you said that there might be something between Christian and Nessa. (It was in the second chapter if I remember correctly). Why do you keep insisting on Ornella being Hermione and Ron's daughter? I'm not going to give you a straight answer! At least for while. I'm glad you liked Nessa's characterization in this chapter. And you're right about her. She's is the kind of person who just says everything she's feeling. As I've told you before, Nessa is not in love with Christian. She thinks he's hot and that's it. She's going to the ball with him because of who he is and she probably wouldn't have admited it on a normal situation, but she was "under preasure" here. I'm so happy that you liked Ariel's emotional ride. I paid a lot of attention to it while writing it. I guess it came out well because I've been through the same thing. I know how it feels when you know you have to move on, but you can't. "Although wouldn't it be awful to be her and to have turned her two boyfriends gay - and for each other!" I don't think Taylor would survive something like that. LOL, and Taylor/Bahir is an ODD couple. I hope the next chapter comes out soon. Thanks so much for the beautiful review!

Reviewer: lupins_girl2006
Date: 12/21/06 14:26
Chapter: Between Girls, Boys, and Boys

AMAZING!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/20/06 11:23
Chapter: Between Girls, Boys, and Boys

haha that Ornella thing really got me, but I should have known better. Too funny. Sad about Bahir already having a date, but I somehow think that won't be the end of it.... Keep up the good work!! ~GG

Author's Response: I'm glad you found Ornella funny, and you're right that's not the end of it. I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Thanks for the review!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/20/06 10:57
Chapter: Spider Hunt

what an eventful chapter! I hate it when friends fight....and now whatever Nessa is hiding from Ariel promises to make it worse. Yikes. And those spiders were crazy, too, but good thing Bahir was there to rescue Ariel. ;) And for a moment there I thought he was going to say he was totally straight and break Ariel's heart again, but thankfully you took care of that one nicely. Very well done chapter with much excitement and still more questions to be answered!! ~GG

Author's Response: Yes, it was quite a long chapter with tons of things going on. Maybe what Nessa did will make things worse, who knows? And Bahir is full of surprises :D Thanks for the reviews!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/19/06 11:01
Chapter: An Article and a Revenge

oooh an invitation to the purple tent, how exciting! ;) I was also pretty impressed at your quoting Gauguin--you sure do know your French Post-Impressionist artists. He was a talented man and his quote suited perfectly to the chapter. Well done. ~GG

Author's Response: Yes, I found the quote and I thought it was perfect. I think you're the first person to recognize the man so kudos to you. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: hogwartsduchess
Date: 12/19/06 9:11
Chapter: Between Girls, Boys, and Boys

Dearest Darling SPEW buddy...my favouritest one yet!

Firstly, I have to congratulate you on Ariel. He's beautifully written - of course, you know that, having won the award!

Secondly, I must *squee* KRUMNESS!!!!! Even though it isn't Viktor, it's still Krumness and I adore it. Boris is GREAT. Definitely wins my vote for sexiest NextGen character.

I adore the way you've laid the story out, the characterisation, and the entire build-up of frustration to this point. I despise Christian - what a git! AND, I really hope that stupid witch gets what's coming to her.

Your story flows well, like warm molassas and the plot is fresh and crisp, like lettuce, which is an analogy I only use for the best of the best, which this is. (I think it might be the third time I've used it - but it works - though, perhaps celery is a better word...must ponder that.)

Moving on...Ornella and Nessa are great, and Nessa reminds me very much of a friend I had by the same name - so well done there too. I know I should be critiquing, but I simply can't. It's too good. And you know me, I'm the overcritical witch of SPEW...

I adore you and your writing and I'm firmly hooked on this fic. Update soon dearest!

~Kasey

Author's Response: Hey Kasey!!!! I won the award but I like to be reminded of it everyonce in a while :) hehe. I think you're the first Borislav fan we have, but it makes sense since you're the number one Viktor fangurl. I never would've thought of a story as a lettuce or any other vegetable for that matter. Stuff like that is why I love you. The next chapter is with Lys. She'll send it back to me as soon as it's ready. Thanks for the review, Kasey!!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 17:05
Chapter: The Champions

I knew it! Nessa is Hogwarts champion! Though I was totally wrong about Christian in the last chapter. What a jerk.

Author's Response: Yay!! She's the champion!! and yes, Christian can be quite the jerk. Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews!!!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 16:39
Chapter: Special Guests

Oh wow! It's getting really exciting now. Where do I start? I'll get the nitpicky things out of the way first, so then we can end on a good note. In the second paragraph you left out a word: "which (was) an even worse rumor" and about 1/3 of the way down the "s" in "she asked, in an ironic tone" shouldn't be capitalized. Other than that your mechanics are very well mastered.

Now on to the happy stuff! First, I must say Nessa's reaction to the Beauxbatons girls is dead-on. Most girls say they don't get jealous, but it's all a lie. Jealousy is there, whether they express it or not, and you did a good job conveying that.

I was SO surprised to see that another school would be entering the tournament! I've been thinking about that dream since the beginning, obviously, and now it's come to something real! I do wonder if Ariel ever got a chance to talk to the Divination professor about it, though I'm guessing not since he was so shocked to see the other boy at Hogwarts. I'm seeing this boy replace Christian in Ariel's affections very soon...

Also I do beleive Ariel is being shortsighted by not thinking Nessa is good enough to be Hogwarts champion. Something tells me she will be! Hm. Can't wait to find out what's in store!


~GG

Author's Response: I'm oh so happy that you're enjoying my story. So, so, so happy. I've been told about that missing "was" but I'm too lazy to go and fix it. XD I love when girls get jelous about other girls, but they don't admit it. There is just soomething so funny about it. Don't know why I like it so much. He never got to talk to the Professor Polara about the dreams, that will happen sometime in the future. Thanks for the review!!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 16:25
Chapter: The Declaration

Awww, poor guy. It's good he did it though, get it off his chest. But for some reason I think Christian likes him too, but maybe he panicked or something. There's more to this than you're telling us....I wonder why Christian was crying.

And I really don't like Ivy. People who resort to name-calling are just insecure with themselves. But that's the reality, and again you write it nicely. ~GG

Author's Response: Yes, rejection is tough, but sadly it is a part of life. And you are right there is more to Christian's storyline that I'm not saying. All will be resolved at it's own time. See, it's the second chapter with Ivy and already you don't like her. I've done my job. Thanks so much for the comments.

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 16:16
Chapter: First Day of School

Nessa gives sound advice, she does. I hope Ariel takes it (though I hope he kicks that smoking habit before he does, lol). And Neville is a professor? I could see that, presuming he gained some confidence after all those years fighting Death Eaters. I wonder now if we'll ever see anything of Harry or Ron or Hermione?

Again I keep being reminded of characters in Harry's year: Ivy is a lot like Pansy Parkinson the way she rules Slytherin. I can see she'll turn out to be one of those characters we love to hate.

You tackle some fairly big issues in your story, too. Nessa's right about girls' worst fear of turning guys gay (though we all know it doesn't *really* happen like that) but nonetheless finding out a guy you're dating doesn't even like girls is always tough. I'm glad she and Ariel are still friends though. He really does have all the great qualities a guy should have. ~GG

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 16:16
Chapter: First Day of School

Nessa gives sound advice, she does. I hope Ariel takes it (though I hope he kicks that smoking habit before he does, lol). And Neville is a professor? I could see that, presuming he gained some confidence after all those years fighting Death Eaters. I wonder now if we'll ever see anything of Harry or Ron or Hermione?

Again I keep being reminded of characters in Harry's year: Ivy is a lot like Pansy Parkinson the way she rules Slytherin. I can see she'll turn out to be one of those characters we love to hate.

You tackle some fairly big issues in your story, too. Nessa's right about girls' worst fear of turning guys gay (though we all know it doesn't *really* happen like that) but nonetheless finding out a guy you're dating doesn't even like girls is always tough. I'm glad she and Ariel are still friends though. He really does have all the great qualities a guy should have. ~GG

Author's Response: Nessa does give sound adivice. She's just not the best example. With her is sort of "Do as I say and not as I do." Yes, Neville is the DADA teacher. I thought it would be ironic since he's a bit of the "coward" in the books. All of my girlfriends tell me that one of the worst things that could happen to them is that their boyfriends turn out gay. I felt the need to put that in there because I just think it's so great. Thanks for the review!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 16:05
Chapter: The Beginning of a wonderful Year

Oooh the foreshadowing grows thicker. I'm a little intrigued by Nessa's behavior...she seems to be quite ambitious to the point of insanity. Maybe she got sorted in to the wrong house and really belongs in Slytherin? Surely not, but I do hope she doesn't enter the tournament.

As for when the three of them changed robes on the train, too cute. Oh the benefits of having gay friends--you get to treat them like one of the girls. ;) Very realistic.

John Green's character is amusing and a bit sad--reminds me of Neville, some. He seems likable enough and I'm glad ot see that Ariel and his friends are civil to the less socially accepted of their classmates. Good kids.

I'm curious what's going to happen with Christian. He seems like the perfect guy! Oh if only those kind of men existed in reality our lives would be much simpler, eh? What is even more exciting though is this odd feeling Ariel has about the Tournament. He knows about the dangers and everything, so I'm wondering if he'll start to worry about Christian entering and possibly being killed. Hmm...guess I'll have to read on and see! Excellent work. ~GG

Author's Response: Yay!!! Nessa is very ambitious, but not to the point she's a Slytherin. Her Gryffindor qualities shine more than her Slytherin ones. She's insanely brave and even if she doesn't look like it, loyal. Deep inside, she worries a great deal about her friends. I felt the need of putting Ariel changing with the girls because it's somthing that happens to me quite often as a gay guy. John may seem a bit too much like Neville at the beginning, but there are diferences. They certainly have the same porpouse of comic relief. You're right about the perfect guy thing. There is no such thing and Christian is anything but perfect even if he looks like it. Thanks for the reviews!!!!

Reviewer: GryffindorGoddess
Date: 12/18/06 15:51
Chapter: September Morning

Off to a promising start. I can't wait to read the rest! I love the way you describe Ariel (beautiful name, btw) as not being a morning person and with parents who nag and worry over him. He seems a bit like Ron, actually. And strangely (or not, depending on if you planned this), his friend Vanessa is reminiscent of Hermione. I especially love the part where you described her: Vanessa is a small girl but what she lacked in height she made up with her mouth . I totally laughed out loud at that part! Great use of words, and an exciting way to start out the year with the prospect of another Triwizard Tournament! Simply wonderful. ~GG

Author's Response: Oh my God!! I really can't believe that one of the writers I respect the most is reading my story!!! I'm so happy. It's really funny that you compare Ariel with Ron. I had never thought of it, but he does have a couple of Ronesque qualities to him. They're both loyal, kinda dorky, a bit lazy, jelous, and Nessa is a bit like Hermione in the sense that they're both stubborn and very ambitious, but that's were the similarities end between these two. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!!!

Reviewer: prophyle
Date: 12/10/06 15:16
Chapter: Between Girls, Boys, and Boys

I must begin this review by admitting that I am not usually one for fan fiction at all. I signed onto MuggleNet FanFic just to see what was out there while waiting for the next book. However, I've found myself pleasantly surprised by the work out there, and your story is currently one of the best I've come across (in the top three surely.) I love how you take from the HP mythos, and yet infuse so much heart and humour into this particular story. It's part of Rowling's creation, but it's still entirely your own (maybe that's why I prefer OC creations.) I really find myself identifying with Ariel, and when I read any given chapter, I find myself transported back to the good days in high school, spending time with friends and gossiping about who likes who. I think that's a sign of great writing - where one's words can make you feel things and associate memories from your own life with the events happening on paper (or screen, in this case.) Great job Purplemage; it's absolute torture having to wait weeks and weeks between the installments. You're a gifted writer, and I really appreciate that you've written a gay character that is fully rounded and three-dimensional. I'm hoping that he and Bahir are forever (ugh, did I actually just write that?) I'm so lame.

If I were to offer any criticism, it's that the "Isaac" song usage in a previous chapter kind of took me out of the story. But still, you used it in the best way possible, and it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Good work, looking forward to Ch14!

Author's Response: Your review put a huge smile on my face and for that I'm grateful. Reviews like yours are what makes this worth it. I'm honored that you think my fic is so good. I've put a lot of effort and thought into it, so I'm really glowing of happiness that people apreciate it. I'm usually against using modern songs in fan fitcion, I just felt that the song was perfect for what I wanted to do, but don't worry that's the only chapter-song that I'll be doing. Thank you so much for your kind words and a delightful review. Chapter 14 is with the beta, it shouldn't take too long to come out.

Reviewer: s_evans00
Date: 12/04/06 22:34
Chapter: September Morning

I love this story and I can't wait for the next chapter. your character development is excellent. keep it up!

Author's Response: Yay!!! I'm so happy. The next chapter is with the beta it should be ready sometime soon. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: sophykat
Date: 12/03/06 15:37
Chapter: Between Girls, Boys, and Boys

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Author's Response: is that a laugh or a scream?

Reviewer: sophykat
Date: 12/03/06 15:20
Chapter: Spider Hunt

exiting

Author's Response: thanks

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