And what exactly does this 'odd feeling' mean???? *shifty eyes*
I liked this chapter a lot too, especially this part:
He was perfect in every way. He had a beautiful body, a face from heaven with a perfect jaw, sweet brown eyes, dark brown hair and a cute mawl to the left side of his mouth that made him look so incredibly sexy. On top of that, he was the captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, a prefect and came from a wealthy family.
Of course, he can't be perfect in every way (but when you have a crush on someone you do think that they haven't any flaws) but he still sounds mighty fine. 10/10!~
Author's Response: And he is mighty fine. Not perfect, but still mighty fine. Thanks for the review.
Well, I can already see why this was nominated for a Quickie! It was very well-written and everything flowed nicely. I'll get back to reading it when I can; I like it a lot (and it's my first slash fic)!~
Author's Response: Welcome to slashdome then. And thanks for the review.
.....That was soo HOT!!! I just started reading this today, and let me say, it has been great so far! 5/5 stars!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you. That means a lot.
keep it up :D
Author's Response: >.> Thanks for the review!
That's an awful cliffe you can't leave it like that post the next chapter soon please!!
Author's Response: >.> I'll try. Thanks for the review.
PLease update, some of us are having serious Ariel withdrawals!! I miss him so bad.
Author's Response: I will update. Don't worry. Just give me some time. You must be thinking "More time that the one you've got?" I know, I know, I'm a horrible writer and I'm sorry for letting you guys down, but Ariel will be back. I promise.
i love this story
i need more... please?
ariel is awesome... and yeah
i love the way you wrote it in first person, the characters are very well developed. anyway, keep writing!!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. Maybe I'll start working on it again, but that's a big maybe. Thanks again for the review.
I can't believe I still hadn't read this chapter... I just reread the whole story in one sitting, actually.
Yay! Action! I've kind of fallen away from fanfictioin lately, mostly because of school. But I've been reading a whole lot of yaoi manga, and then I realised I hadn't checked up on this story in quite a while. So, yes.
A kiss! Wonderful! I loves it!
I'm sorry I have nothing more constructive to say. It's been a really long day and it's 2 am. I'm going to bed...
But great chapter! I particularly loved the ending. And Jacqueline's closet. And the comment about the closet. And the perfume drawer. The bit with Jacqueline was generally good.
So, is Bahir and Sahlah siblings or something?
About the squirrel-egg comment a few chapters ago, btw. True, funny story:
Someone I talked to on the web told me about an ex-girlfriend of his. They were staying in the country on this farm and were having breakfast. She was taking butter and milk out of the fridge, looked at the butter, looked out the window at the cows that were grazing outside, and looked at the butter again before saying to her boyfriend, utterly seriously, "So, if milk comes from cows... Where does butter come from? Like... a duck?"
He replied, "What, you mean, like a duck's egg?"
"Yeah," she said, clearly thinking she was onto something. He started laughing, and the next day she dumped him. Something about him not respecting her feelings.
Author's Response: Yay! Maia! I'm very happy you liked this chapter. And yay for yaoi manga! I have a small collection myself. Oh my god, that story about the butter. It's just too funny. You have no idea how much it made me laugh, heck I'm still laughing. It's something Berenice would say. Thank you so much for the review!
I have to say.
I love the story Its very mysterious and sexy.
And I have been waiting for this moment the entire story.
Please continue writing it.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it, which makes it harder for me. Because I'm afraid this story is on hiatus. I'm not denying the possibility of updating, but it seems very unlikely at the moment. Still, thanks for the review!
i really like this story and i check every weekend to check if it has been updated i love the story line its just so good please update soon
Author's Response: I don't know if I'll be updating anytime soon. Sorry, I'm a bit busy at the moment, but it's great to know there are people out there who want to keep reading. Thanks for the review!
ok...I know I've reviewed on this story several times, but it never gets old! I'm in class right now and someone behind me is listening to that one song by Areosmith that played at the end of Armagedon...can't think of the name at the moment, but anyway, I was reading the part when Ariel and Bahir kiss, and it fit perfectly...perfect mental image, it was great!!! Absolutly beautiful...so I had to reveiw again to tell you that ^_^ Still waiting for you to update and I don't mind if I have to wait forever in order to read the rest of this story! ^_^
Author's Response: I actually had in mind the song "Linger" by The Cranberries for that song, but I guess "I don't wanna miss a Thing" works too. Thank you so much for your reviews!
PERFECT!! Just, perfect!! I'LL
Author's Response: Nothing is perfect, but thanks. You make me blush.
gah! i swear, every time i read it, this scene gets better! i absolutely love it!! I cant wait till you update!!!
Author's Response: You've read it several times? Wow, thank you. It doesn't get boring? lol *kidding* I'm flattered. Thanks for the review!
I'm speechless! Amazing, awesome, breathtaking and stunning are just not good enough! Honest, you are beyond talented!!! Your characters are astonishingly fleshed-out, your descriptions poetic and the whole plot is magnificent!!
I must say that I'm in love with Ariel and I think Nessa is the best :D
The whole Jaqueline scene and the "pimple" issue were hilarious! I love how you use this sofisticated humour touches!
The end of the chapter was so perfect that it even made me sigh! You're awesome! (and I think i've already said that around 3 times in this review, but I wont get tired of telling you what a great author you are)
Thanks for writing this, really! Can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Oh, wow. What a lovely review. I certainly wasn't expecting this. Thank you so much for the lovely words. There's nothing like a review like yours to boost up morale. I'm really glad you like the characters, I like them too. :) Again, thanks for the review.
wow...how romantic! i love this story and i cant wait until you update it!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I was aiming for romantic. :) Sadly, I don't know when I'll be updating again.
I check my mail all of the time just to see if you've updated. You've drawn the suspense out long enough! Where's that update?
Author's Response: I'm so sorry. I know I've been awful to my readers. It's just that I'm going through some family issues right now and I don't have the slightest will to write. But believe me when I say that I think about you guys constantly and that I will update. When? I really can't say. I would love it to be as soon as possible, but I really can't make any promises. Again, I'm sorry and I appreciate you guys so much.
Author's Response: Sorry
FINALLY! Ariel's first kiss with a guy! Or am I wrong?
Author's Response: I can't answer that just yet...
LOL!!! John has to be the funniest character Iíve ever read!! He is always there to add some type of comic relief which is brilliant. The whole note passing thing was a very nice touch. Like Iíve said numerous times (and you probably get tired of hearing this), itís something that happens in real life and itís natural. I love the way your incorporated those things into your fic. I do like that Ariel actually stood up for himself in the note passing and they names they started signing in is hilarious.
Ok first of all, is Nessa completely out of her mind? How could she forget her wand when going into the Forbidden Forest. For all we know, there may very well be another dark lord drinking unicorn bloodÖas unlikely as it may be. But the point is that it was very foolish of her. Maybe she is too stressed out. Second, I hope that Ariel is NOT thinking he can get back together with Christian. I hope he is happy just because their relationship is doomed. I hope he doesnít go back to wanting him. *glares at Ariel* I do like that he is becoming braver though. Itís a bit odd for the scared Ariel to be wandering into the Forbidden Forest just to give Nessa her wand. Yay for brave Ariel.
I was about to turn around and wish mentally Nessa good luck,
This sentence seems a bit worded oddly. I had to read it a few times to understand what you meant. Try something along the lines of ďI was about to turn around and mentally wish Nessa good luck.Ē It flows much better. :)
Your description of settings in your chapters, especially this one, is brilliant. You write in a way that we can actually see where the character is and what is happening. It was a dark starless night, the mist rested over the grounds, and the cold breeze brushed my face. That line is just beautiful and the reader can feel just how cold it is *thinks back to earlier today*. Itís a very nice way of writing and only few people have mastered imagery! Good job.
Arielís and Nessaís relationship remind me a bit of Harry and Ronís. Even though they might fight, they will still stand up for each other. They have a very nice friendship. I actually started to like Jacqueline but she seems a bit nasty at times. She reminds me of Fleur a bit! Did you think of her while writing Jacquelineís character?
*scratches head* Is Borislav okay? Heís in the middle of the forest, barking like a madman! I donít think heís aware of just how many different creatures live there is he? I think its unlikely that Nessa would let herself be silenced without her doing something back to Jackie (thatís my nickname for Jacqueline Ė hope you donít mind). I thought she would hex her back, actually. I ask againÖis Borislav feeling well? Heís weird!!
We looked up once again and this time I almost had a heart failure.
LOL. Ariel has the right timing for everything, doesnít he? Funny line in the midst of all the ruckus Ė nice addition..
HE DID IT! Iím so proud of Ariel. I was getting a bit irritated that all he did was run and not hit even one spider but Iím proud that he asked the big question!! I would have never expected it from him yet and Iím so happy he wasnít turned down and Bahir didnít take it the wrong way. Maybe they both have a chance now! *squees for Ariel*
*gasp* What did Nessa do?! Right when theyíre relationship was getting better, she does something stupid that may spoil it again! Way to go, Nessa. I really love to hate your cliffhangers, Harald! I canít wait for the next chapter!! Iím really interested in finding out what happens!
Best chapter yet!!
Author's Response: Hey, KC!!! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer this, it's just that I've been a bit lurty lately (you might have noticed). About John, he's a lot of fun to write, and he is, as you out it, the comic relief. I want all of the characters to do some comedy at one point or the other, but there some that are just more natural with it. Like John. He's going to get a bit more drama in the future, though. Nessa is mad! It took you a while to realize that. hehe. She just tends to forget and ignore things because she's rash and self-centered, but deep down she means well. Yes, and Ariel is getting braver. Kudoes to you for noticing it, I think you were the only one who mentioned it. Thanks for the help with that sentence. I think it's a bit odd that you say you like my setting because that is the part I have most trouble with. I got in that sentence in the last minute because I didn't have enough setting and it was a hit! So yay, for last minute additions. I would lie If I told you that I didn't have Fleur in mind when I created Jacqueline's character, but the more I work with her the more different she becomes from Fleur. As for calling her Jackie, well I'll let her adress that issue in the future. Borislav is not well either, but I won't say anything about him. There are some things that are better to keep in the dark. Thank you so much for this wonderful review, KC!!!
I'd been looking forward to this chapter - the Yule Ball! - and it certainly didn't disappoint! One of your best chapters yet, Harald - be proud! You know, I don't think that anyone can have read this far and not be in love with Ariel. It's really sweet that he didn't want to ask a girl, even though it would have spared him embarrassment, because he was afraid of hurting her. I thought that was really nice - another example of making the choice between what's right and what's easy - although come to think of it, asking a girl to the Ball wouldn't have been easy either! Yep, Ariel was pretty much doomed (let alone with the Christian/Nessa thing!). But at least he did the right thing.
And then, to top it all off, he gets a spot! "It was mocking me." That really made me giggle! As well as this being funny it was nice to have the little input of further teenage trials, something that isn't always written in, which should be. I also loved the little paragraph about all the pre-Ball goings-on, they made me smile too!
Poor John - being turned down eight times is harsh! "even the ugly ones." *dies laughing* The whole conversation with John was funny, especially when he thought Ariel was hitting on him! Especially with the "bored" (what John thought was, anyway!) innuendo! I did think it was a little blunt of John though.
I know how I always mention how I love your little details, but I'm going to have to do it again. "My mother had given it to Nessa as a present on her fifteenth birthday." As I always say whenever I point these out, they make the characters and the story so much more three dimensional - and more than that, they always make me smile.
"Letís just say that if the Yule Ball was a Masquerade Ball, Ornella could go dressed up as a clown." Oh, that made me laugh! Poor Ornella! That probably wouldn't have helped her nerves too much... It was quick thinking of Ariel to cover his spot with his hair - not quite so sure on John's to be honest, but I loved the comment, "You could practically practice Quidditch against that thing."
Are we going to have illustrations of these Ball outfits coming soon to your Dean's Corner thread, Harald? I think we should - they all sound amazing! Nessa's seemed to really suit her (character and appearance), and it was lovely to see Ornella's transformation. The quote of those few paragraphs has to be, "If I wasnít gay, Iíd be all over you," that was brilliant!
"I would never forget her face that day, she seemed so happy." That line was nice - but to me it sounded a little ominous as well, almost as if there wouldn't be many other times like that. Although that's probably the fever, but that's just how I felt the tone of that sentence. *shrugs*
Aw, poor, poor Nessa! Bad enough that she was semi-stood up (Christian's story does seem a little...unimaginative - surely he could have come up with something more daring or respectable to not go with Nessa!), but she also had her Champion dance to do with him, and it's one of the biggest events of the year! I would really not want to be in Christian's shoes when she confronts him!
You know, Ariel should have really pulled a "Your Mum!" on Ivy - what an evil girl! But what was the thing with Nessa's father - was she just annoyed with Ivy generally (I loved her bitch on the moon come back - that was excellent!), or is there more of a story there? "I still remembered that one time in our third year when she thought that practicing kickboxing with the Whomping Willow was a good idea." *dies laughing* Poor Ariel! You know, you should write a prequel to this...
Something that really made me laugh out loud was when Ariel agreed to go and fetch Jacqueline, and he said, "Iíll be back." I just got such a vivid image of Ariel as Arnold Schwarzenegger, with that accent and menacing look, and it just cracked me up! Sorry about that.
One thing I found a little strange was when Ariel saw Bahir and Sahlah, and commented that "They were embracing each other in a fraternal way." I thought that "fraternal" meant brotherly? And from Sahlah's description, so doesn't sound too much like a brother! I would suggest "platonic", but that could just be my point of view/cultural differences.
Aw, bless Ariel! Things really seem to be getting better and better for him - "Please, don't take long." I'm not surprised that comment meant the world to him! And I'm also not surprised Bahir wants to spend time with him! That was really sweet though - Ariel and Bahir are such a cute couple!
"I opened the door of the closet and while I was staring at the inside, I cursed the person who had come up with the spell to make rooms bigger." That was another great line! Boy, would I love to have Jacqueline's (magically expanded) wardrobe though - it sounds amazing! But gosh, what a poor little rich girl, it must be so hard having all those gorgeous dresses! ;-P
My second (and last!) nitpick - "I needed to use the fashion sense I had inherited of my mother if I wanted to get out of there quickly." I would have used "from my mother" instead of "of my mother" - it just doesn't sound right to me with "of".
I liked Ariel's original plan though, just picking one at random! Especially since it brought this great line (which he really should have said out loud!), "ďI couldíve done that myself!Ē she spat. Yes, but you didnít!" But when they finally picked one - gosh, it just sounds so mesmerising. I really, really want you to draw us some pictures of these, Harald! (Or, you know, just make me one for my prom!)
""Wait!Ē she yelled. ďI forgot about the perfume!Ē This must be a very sick joke..." *dies laughing* I'm really enjoying Ariel's dry humour here, you should stick him in awful situations more often! Now, my favourite line of the chapter: "mistletoe hung dangerously in every corner of the hall." I just loved that! As it's so true - mistletoe should come with a hazard warning, or at least a blaring siren if you get too close.
Oh, poor Ornella! That is so awful what happened to her - literally breaking a stiletto (and I adored Jacqueline's phrase of that!) in front of everybody! And when she looked so pretty as well. And at least she danced again afterwards, like you're supposed to get straight back on a horse after you've fallen off, that was very brave of her (I hope she repaired her heel though). And it's nice that Nessa managed to have a great time, even without Christian there.
I can definitely see why Bahir would be a distraction from Taylor! And the conversation with Nessa outside was very nice, how worried she was about their friendship, and how strong he knew it was. It made me laugh that Ariel "found it difficult to breathe properly" when he was smoking, though!
But - oh my goodness - Ariel and Bahir's first kiss! And under that "dangerous mistletoe" as well! So romantic, so perfect, so fitting after the day that Ariel's had! I bet he's going to be having sweet dreams tonight!
Author's Response: Hey Kiara!!!! *huggles* I'm so excited, this is probably the longest review I've ever received *squeeee* What a nice way to start a day. Ariel's desicion of not taking a girl to the ball, it was hard for him to go alone, but he sure as hell rathered to go alone than to have another Taylor fiasco. I had to include the pimple part! I mean, who hasn't had a pimple on an important day? I sure have! and more than once. They always manage to pop up when you least want too. It's almost as if they had a mind of their own. "I did think it was a little blunt of John though." Well, that's John to you. He has absoloutly no people skills. He's blunt and always says the wrong things. That's why so many girls rejected him. Not because they didn't want to go with him, but because he asked them the wrong way. I made Emily (Ariel's mother) give the book to Nessa on her fifteenth birthday because Nessa is hispanic, and for hispanic girls their fifteenth birthday it's a huge deal. I would love to draw the dresses of the Yule Ball. In fact, I've always had plans of doing so. Now that I have the time, I think I should do it. "I would never forget her face that day, she seemed so happy." I don't think I meant that Ornella wasn't going to be happy with that comment. Or maybe I did? Right now I'm not sure of many things. Nessa has a complicated story with her father, you'll be seeing more of that in the near future. "Poor Ariel! You know, you should write a prequel to this..." I don't know if a prequel, but I sure have more than enough material to write a sequel. I laughed so much with your Arnold Schwarstneger comment. I hand't realized it, but that line is very Terminator. I'm sorry about the "Fraternal" line. All I wanted to say is that they looked like siblings. Nothing else. It's not romance. I think we all want Jacqueline's magical wardrobe. Of course, I'd want it, but not with dresses. lol They'd probably be in there lots of jackets and coats if it was mine. Thanks for noticing the "from my mother" line. It was such a long chapter, it was hard to see alll of the mistakes. I'm glad you like Ariel's dry humor. I'll make sure to insert him in more awkawrd situations like this in the future. His humor is probably the part I enjoy writing the most. I loved your comment about the mistletoe, I laughed with the image of mistletoes with alarms and warning sings. WARNING: STEP AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE KISSED I'm so happy you liked this chaper. And Kiara, in case you didn't know, I LOVE your reviews!!!!!!! Thank you so much for another delightful review!