Reviewer: aintcrazy4you
Date: 09/28/06 20:09
Chapter: The First Task

First to review! First to review! hahahaha! Let's conga! *congas* HIIIIIIII! ^^ P>P

Author's Response: *dances conga* thanks for the review! *keeps dancing*

Reviewer: butterflykisses
Date: 09/23/06 20:33
Chapter: The Beginning of a wonderful Year

Okay, I have to leave a review. I stumbled upon this and when I read about Nessa talking about a Puerto Rican guy she met in Miami that did it for me. I'm hooked. *is a proud Puerto Rican*

Your characterization with Nessa is great! Hispanics are loud to the point of obnoxiousness and always speak their mind. I'm really glad you added this to your fics, it gives it a hint of uniqueness. Many authors are afraid to add different ethnicities to thiers, but I believe it just adds flavour!

Great Job

Author's Response: Yay!!!! A fellow hispanic! *huggles* I'm from Venezuela. I had to had a south American in my fic, at least one, and you're right about the being loud thing. hehe. Thank you for the review!!!

Reviewer: butterflykisses
Date: 09/23/06 20:31
Chapter: September Morning

Okay, I have to leave a review. I stumbled upon this and when I read about Nessa talking about a Puerto Rican guy she met in Miami that did it for me. I'm hooked. *is a proud Puerto Rican*

Your characterization with Nessa is great! Hispanics are loud to the point of obnoxiousness and always speak their mind. I'm really glad you added this to your fics, it gives it a hint of uniqueness. Many authors are afraid to add different ethnicities to thiers, but I believe it just adds flavour!

Great Job!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: silverpadfoot
Date: 09/23/06 16:58
Chapter: Isaac

I really like this fanfic! I hope you update it soon. I really want to know what happens between Ariel and Bahir. Though I was rather puzzled that you didn't put Ariel into the tournament... or is there a reason for that? SilverPadfoot x

Author's Response: I wan't to know what happens between the two of them also! LOL Ariel wasn't in the tournament because 1 - He didn't put his name in the Goblet and 2 - Even if he jad put the name in the Goblet he wouldn't have been picked because he's not physically strong enough. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: HarryPotter is my LIFE
Date: 09/07/06 20:15
Chapter: The Beginning of a wonderful Year

Christian sounds abosolutely gorgeous. *drools* I can see why Ariel fell for him.

I like how your characters have some flaws. Many authors think that their characters are imperfect, but in reality, the are fairly close to perfect.

Nessa seems to be a bit impulisive, and rash in her decisions. I've yet to see for sure, but it seems that way. She will make an interesting character if that's the case.

For Ornella seems to be a bit lacking in seld confidence. She wasn't entirely comfortable with her appearance, and when Ariel called her news a rumour, she seems so hurt.

The only character I'm still a bit confused about it Ariel. He seems to be kind, and slightly cautious.

Can't wait to read chapter three!

Author's Response: Christian IS gourgeous!! lol, I'm happy that you can see the flaws in the characters. I really spent a lot of time in them trying to make them believable. Nessa is a bit rash on her desitions, you'll see more of that later. Why are you confused about Ariel? Well, I guess he can be a bit confusing at times. Thanks for the lovely review!

Reviewer: HarryPotter is my LIFE
Date: 09/07/06 19:25
Chapter: September Morning

I decided that I was going to check out Gabby's story of the week, and I'm so glad that I did.

Although we don't have much on characterazation yet, but I can already tell that I'm going to like Ariel. I can already tell that he's his own guy, just because he wasn't cold to his parents, like many people are.

I like the fact that you're re-introducing the Triwizard Cup, and I like it even more that you're not having it back in Harry's year (which I've seen before) but 23 years into the future when it's much more believable.

I can't wait to read on and see how the story develops!

Author's Response: Thank you for deciding to give my story a shot! (Remind me to give Gabby some cookies later) I hadn't thought about it, but I guess there are quite a lot of characters that are cold to their parents. I had to write about the Triwizard Cup, I mean it's my favorite book! I hope you keep reading. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Oppungo
Date: 09/04/06 8:28
Chapter: Isaac

Yay!! Ariel and Bahir's first date! That is so cute! Ooh, I see you worked Milan in there! *huggles homesick Harald* Again, I love how you work in the little details, like how Ariel wanted to go see dragons, and how he doesn't like tracksuits, they all really add to the characters and make them so much more real. I have to say that's one of the things I like best about your stories - how real the characters are - and all these things that make them so.

I can see Nessa's ego shining through a bit here - which again, adds to her character. Although I have a feeling it's just because she's nervous. I loved Ariel's comment - “Actually, today she’s too much"! *Giggles* I liked Nessa's theory on getting around technically not asking for help! Bless Ariel - such a good friend! I so can't wait for the first task! (Especially now it seems Trolls might be involved! How did Bahir find out?)

*Giggles* Oh my gosh - Nessa and Ornella's signs! So funny!! And Ariel's dilemma of whether to smoke or not made me giggle too - just the first date nerves in general made me giggle! "At the end I chose not to smoke." To me it sounds more natural to say "In the end" but maybe that's a American/British thing?

*Lol* Poor Ariel, worrying about a tiny hole in his sock! It seemed he'd prepared for everything else apart from that! Wow - the Karakum tent sounds like an Arabian palace - so cool! *Giggles* Uh-oh - finger food! Ooh, that's kinda spooky, with Ariel's dreams being real and so on - what's going on? I hope that's not a prediction or anything... Another great chapter, update soon!

Author's Response: *Dances because of the Kiara review* The funny thing is that I wrote this chapter when I was still in Milan, so I wasn't homesick then. I still had to put it in though. I love that you love the characters, the most enjoyable part for me as a writer is to add those little details and see what I can come up with. You're right about Nessa, she's just nervous. You'll see how Ariel found out in the next chapter. You're right about the in the end thing, I'll go fix it. Thanks for the lovely review! I'll update as soon as I can.

Reviewer: Choggstar
Date: 08/31/06 9:51
Chapter: September Morning

Your story's interesting. Though I have to admit the name Ariel brings back terrible memories of the mermaid from The Little Mermaid, but hey it's your story and your names! Your description is good, you have a nice distinctive writing style...blah, blah blah, you probably already know all this but you're clearly a good writer.
One problem I do have, and I know it's a little early to say this but hey, why not, there doesn't seem to be any struggle in your story with Ariel being gay. His family accept him, the school and the society he lives in has no problem with him being gay. Maybe it's the effect you're going for but there's still a lot of prejudice against gay people in society, we're on the brink, teetering on the edge between being people tolerant of it and people being deadly against it and I just kind of feel it would be interesting to see this in your writing. It would just add some grit and tension to it to stop it going down the same predictable teen romance path so fan fictions about straight people follow. But that's your choice.
I also think it would make your writing a bit...sexier, no maybe that's not the word...more sensuous if you used the five senses more, especially when describing his dreams. It would just really bring Ariels feelings alive for the reader.

Cheers

bye!

Author's Response: Thank you for the compliments. First of all, not everyone is ok with Ariel being gay and his parents don't know he's gay. Second this story takes place almost 20 years into the future, it may be naive of me, but I hope in those years society might be a bit more accepting of homosexuality. As for the sexy part, as the story progresses it gets more steamy. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: DreamingOfRon
Date: 08/29/06 19:09
Chapter: Isaac

aaaaaaaaahhh! no! why must you tease me so! have to wait a bazillion years to find out what happens. =(

Author's Response: I'm sorry it takes so long to update, but I have to check it through several times and send it to my beta. You don't want me to submit a crappy chapter do you? Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: MoonGoddess
Date: 08/27/06 17:38
Chapter: Isaac

oh yes! new chapter.. hmm. what to say... ah..the part where Nessa and Ornella were holding up good luck signs was really funny. oh how embaressing for Ariel. haha good friends he's got. yea.. I dont mean that sarcasticly

im still wondering though..did Bahir see this as a date? because it would be the whole Christian situation all over again.. which would be really bad..

oh that dream thing with the binding of the hands was so creepy. as is the song. im pretty sure though, that the foreign language the man was chanting was hebrew. just a fun fact, i guess

the end was confusing.. what DID happen? what WAS he getting himself into? ah you wont answer..i know that. ooh but im excited now ..i want to know whats going to happen next... anyways, cool chapter. keep it up! toodles!





Author's Response: Ariel has some really good friends, he just doesn't quite know it yet :). I can assure you that Bahir it's not going to be Christian all over again.Do you think it's creepy? Maybe without the music sounds like that. I think it's quite beautiful. You're right! I won't answer that question. I'm evil buahahahaha. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: 90glassslippers
Date: 08/26/06 16:49
Chapter: September Morning

Hi, responding to earlier review, I don't trust Bahir because of the images Ariel saw in the pensive-like object. And if Ariel feels he can't be honset with Bahir, then how can he or even the reader be honest with him. Don't get me wrong, I love Bahir, there is a difference between not liking and not trusting. P.S. Sorry for my typo in the last review too, I feel like such a dork! Anyways, Update soon!

Author's Response: I understand now. I guess he's not very trustworthy and don't worry about the typos! I make a lot of them too.

Reviewer: MaiaMadness
Date: 08/26/06 11:36
Chapter: Isaac

My goodness. Very interesting chapter, this. Very good. Much suspense.

I very much love the way you describe Ariel's feelings. You know, those feelings of inadequacy you get when facing someone you're truly in awe of. When you first fall in love with someone, it's so strong that you really worship that person. You describe this so well by having Ariel so nervous. About making a fool of himself, the hole in his sock, sweaty hands, etc. It's all very realistic, and that's what I love about Ariel's character, and this story.

Still, though, Bahir is a rather scary character, because at this point in time we don't know where we have him. What's up with him and his school, really? And the whole dream thing is very exciting and thought-provoking. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter very much.

On a different note, I seem to be liking Nessa less and less. She reminds me so much of these self-centred people I've been around my entire life. I hope she'll shape up a bit eventually, because I have a feeling that Ariel doesn't think much higher of her than I do at present.

Update again soon, you hear? I'll be waiting. :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like how I describe Ariel's feelings. He's defeetly not the person that feels confident on a first date. Coming from you that means a lot. Bahir is an interesting character for sure and a bit tricky to write. Nessa is a bit full of herself right now, but don't worry it won't last long. Thank you for the wonderful review!

Reviewer: blackpaw93
Date: 08/26/06 7:40
Chapter: Isaac

Ohhhh... poor Ariel. I hate getting nerves like that. They chew your insides and when you try to speak, the nerves spit out the rest of your insides and you end up blabbering or your end up running away.

The tent sounds beautiful! I like big pillows and cushions and everything. I went to a party and thw whole place was themed indian. I also burnt my throat eating spicy foods, whcih I usually love.

I like it how Ariel is kind of battling himself in his mind. it's cute!

"You're finally going to lose your virginity!". That was hillarious, I almost wet myself laughing. Next time, try "Use protection!". That's something my Mum would say, even though I'm 13. Oh god, how humiliating.

Author's Response: That's a good way to describe the nerves of a first date! Most people go through them. That's Ariel in a nutshell battling himself in his mind. Use protection! LOL, that was funny. That's a good idea. Thanks for the review

Reviewer: aintcrazy4you
Date: 08/26/06 1:32
Chapter: Isaac

Oh....Oh...Oh.....I really liked this one and....and....and....I don't know. I don't know what to say now. ?.? Anyone have any suggestions? @>@ Umm.....I guess Update soon and I love the story! ^^ @.< ?.?

Author's Response: Lol, I'll try and update as soon as posible. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: 90glassslippers
Date: 08/25/06 22:51
Chapter: Isaac

How intriging !Does Bahir perform Occulmency? As much as I am both fasinated and smitted by Bahir, I don't trust him.

Author's Response: Why don't you trust him? >.> He doesn't perform Occlumency, it's similar, but it's not the same. I'll explaine it in the future. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: BeautyInTheBreakdown
Date: 08/25/06 21:40
Chapter: Isaac

Well, what a date that was... Shall I start with a crazy fangirl-ish comment... OMG!!! SQUEE! AMAZING!! WHAT A CHAPTER! I LOVE IT! AHH! DID I MENTION AMAZING??!! *ahem* Now...

At the end I chose not to smoke. Yay for Ariel!!! way to make your life longer! How can he live happily ever after with Bahir if that cigarette killed him before their date??

It was then when I noticed the hole in my right sock that showed one of my toes.

*gasps* It wasn't his pinkey toe, was it??!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist that one... it's an inside joke between my friends and I... I realize you don't get it, but that line made me laugh for like ten minutes. I'll explain it in a PM if you want. Pshh... I live with holes in my socks... most of the time I have like... two different socks on and there's most likely a hole in them somewhere... I've gotta stop dancing with socks on.

Outside the tent I didn’t think twice before I lit a cigarette. *sigh* and he was doing so well without it... smoke-aholic, much?

Anyway... I found a mistake!! *gasps* dun dun dun!!!! somewhere in the middle, it says, "That’s something that sounds more fun that it actually is," Shouldn't 'that' be changed to 'than'? just thought I'd point that out.

Oh, and just so you know, I still ship Ariel/Bahir~dreamy man of mystery who lacks a last name even though he has creepy 'transport you to the desert and show you my burning tree' talents.

As a last note, you best be updating this story soon. I'm not a very patient person *smirk* oh yes, back to the fangirl-ish squee-ing. OMG!! IT WAS FABULOUS!!!1!!one!!!1!!!11111

Author's Response: My 100th REVIEW!!!!!! *SQUEEEEEEE* You have no idea how much I laughed reading your review. You crack me up! It wasn't his pinky toe the one that showed up, it was actually his big toe and you're right I don't get the joke, you'll have to explain me later. *gasps* le mistake! I have to go and change it. Thanks for pointing it out. "I still ship Ariel/Bahir~dreamy man of mystery who lacks a last name even though he has creepy 'transport you to the desert and show you my burning tree' talents." I almost cry laughing!!!! HAHAHA, that's so funny. I'll try and update as soon as posible!

Reviewer: arbee
Date: 08/24/06 17:54
Chapter: An Article and a Revenge

cant wait for the next installment. excellent story.

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

Reviewer: hermione210
Date: 08/23/06 11:45
Chapter: An Article and a Revenge

Hi, Harald! I saw others praising your work in the CR, so I decided to check it out.

What a lovely story. I absolutely love Ariel! And he's got a date! Yay! I felt so bad for him when Christian started dating Ivy. I love how you've portrayed everything about him. His love of sleep, how his mum thinks he doesn't write often enough, how he and Nessa get along- I just love it!!!!!!

I can't wait until Chapter 10 is validated! (*pokes almighty modlies* Validate Chapter 10 PLEASEEEEEEE) I will definitely be following this story from now on!

~Becca

Author's Response: Yay!!! A fellow Gryffindor!! I'm so happy you decided to give my story a chance! I can't wait either till chapter 10 gets validated, *pokes mods with Becca* Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: BeautyInTheBreakdown
Date: 08/22/06 15:48
Chapter: An Article and a Revenge

OOOHH!! I think Ariel is in Luuuurve!! Yay for Ariel! Pshh...y'all know it was love at first dream. I have an issue with the fact that I can't read the next chapter yet!! Why is that?! This story makes me smile. And laugh. And feel bad for Ariel. And ...and... I adore this story. hurry up and update! I NEED to read more.

Author's Response: He's in Luuuuuurve, Lol I loved that! Love at first dream, I should make a banner with that line or something. I'm so happy you like my story :) I hope the next chapter gets validated soon! *crosses fingers* Thanks you so much for the reviews! You're too much really!

Reviewer: BeautyInTheBreakdown
Date: 08/22/06 15:25
Chapter: Jacqueline Duchamps

AHA way to go Jaqueline! I mean... aww Poor Nessa *smirk* shouldn't choose sides... Lovely chapter. I can't wait until the next one is up! Oh wait! It already is! *goes to read*

Author's Response: Lol! You're the first one to side with Jacqueline, the rest of the people side with Nessa.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
M.I.T.: Entente Cordial by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
A Squib's Journey by ntoforhp 6th-7th Years
Jeffery Potter always had sensed he was somehow different from his playmates...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
FEATURED
Five Christmases by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
It took four Christmases for Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks to get together...
Coming Alive by The owl 6th-7th Years
Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas...
Graves by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and...
CATEGORIES