Please, please, please, please, please, please, please finish it!
Brilliant, a bit strange, but brilliant!
Sirius and James kind of meet Remus nad Peter the same way Ron and Harry met Hermione.
I'm hooked on this story, I love the marauder era. It seems you've not updated for a while but i'll add this to my favourites just in case.
lovely start to the fic i can see the story is gonna be great and i hope so too by the way where did u get the idea of the toad lol
I liked this a lot. It set the tone for a great story. I think that James, Sirius, and Lupin were written beautifully. Wow, James was amazing. He was much less conceited and his age was apparant. I think you really got inside his character. James' parents were very convincing as well. I liked how you explained their meeting.
Stuff to work on:
"“You’re looking for a compartment to sit in?” Sirius asked " If this is from James' POV how would he already know Sirius' name?
"then took place next to the window." you need an 'a' between took and place
"“He is a Prefect, you say? How does one become perfect?” he asked curiously." I'm not sure if this was intentional, but isn't the second one supposed to say prefect as well?
"He assumed now that they are dead." This might sound better as He assumed that they were dead.
"Never mind! Truth is I’ve told them that I’d like to be in Gryffindor house. So they got angry and decided that I wasn’t worth a good-bye.” I loved this line! It was so in character and true about his family
“I haven’t eaten anything this day." I think it would sound better as today.
Sometimes when you keep saying their names at the end of the sentences it sounds oddly formal. Even though they just met they are young and wouldn't stay formal for long, especially without their parents there.
I just wanted to point out the Peter is not Neville. I will read on to see what happens, but he reminded me too much of Neville to be pleased with his character.
Other than Peter I absolutely loved the story and am excited to read on.
Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!Update! please update!.....................................
joanna, I really like how this story is progressing. Beta-ing it has been a pleasure. It is really different from most other Marauder Era stories, and I think readers (including myself) will enjoy that. You write many characters, such as Bella, Sirius, and James, very nicely. I think this fic has a lot of potential, and I am always left waiting to find out what happens next.
Author's Response: Thanks, Nikki! And I will soon send you the next chapter, so you'll find out first what happens next. *lol* Thanks you for your kind words, having potential is always good, you can make progress then, I guess. And I will make that happen. I promise.
I really like that Sirius has random cousins! It keeps it interesting. But wouldn't some of them be disowned for having Muggle/Gryffindor parents? Anyway, you portrayes Sirius's parents very well, as well as the little searching-for-the-toad trio connection. I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for another kind review! I hope you'll like the rest. Glad you liked Theus and co. And I'll have to think that question over, but you might be right. *slaps head* Anyway, glad you took your time to review, thanks!
Wow! This is definitely a new take on things! I was worried at first, but now Im really interested to see just how Sirius "fights it" and how James helps him. Strong start!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review Kerian! I'm glad you liked it.
*CLAP* *CLAP* A job well done :) _
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, hun!
Very cute story, what a good start! Let's do praise first, as that's more practical: The train ride gave off an atmosphere of comfort, friendship and enjoyment. That's always a good thing. Well done. The characters seemed pretty much in the real of who they're supposed to be. I did notice, as the others before have said, that James was a little formal. However, though it may be a little beyond the cannon, it can't hurt to explore different sides of each character. Sirius and Lupin I liked. Okay, now a bit of suggestions: The story seemed to draw a lot from train experiences in "Sorcerer's Stone". I think the reflection is interesting, and I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it's a little too predictable. I'd suggest going beyond the norm with the train ride, or at least changing things that seem too similar to "Sorcerer's Stone" (such as Peter losing his toad or Sirius and James' dialogue on the train). The dialogue was a little stiff at times, and at others more captivating. I especially liked when Bellatrix came in and the back-and-forth between her and Sirius. Stiff moments often occured between Sirius and James. Don't be afraid to liven up their dialogue. I found scenes like the wizard card trading to be particularly well written. Well, good luck then. Keep up the great work, and congratulations on getting added and all that!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review Lupinpatronus! For the stiff dialogues I don't have any excuse, it's completely my fault. But the toad-incident was intentional. I wanted a parallel to Neville, in order to show later that Peter is not at all like Neville. Thank you again for taking the time to review.
I LOVED how you wrote Bella- very evil. But as the previous review said, James seemed OOC. Not, for me, because he was nervous. That's only to be expected. But he seemed overly formal. Calling his dad 'Father' didn't scream 'I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good' to me. The same with Sirius- they sounded a bit like they were reading a script. Other than that, though, I sincerely enjoyed the chapter. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: I imagine James acting formal to his father, I think he is very respectful towards him. I imagine James's parents a bit older than usual and so they tend demand respect. I think he loves them, but also respects them deeply. Sirius's being formal is completely my fault. He will get better though, I hope. Thanks for the review.
Good start. A well written first chapter. But a few bits of advice....
James seemed a little ooc at times. He seemed unsure and a little scared. I think he would be used to magic, so he wouldn't feel afraid of platform nine and three quarters, for example.
I didn't like how Peter lost his toad. That just related to Neville Longbottom a little too much. They're alike in some ways, but they're still different characters.
Bella was written well. Saying that Sirius would be in Slytherin. I always wonder how authors write a younger version of Bella. Some completly blow it, but your Bella was good. :D
I'm hoping you'll update this soon! 8/10
Author's Response: First of all, thanks for the review. Yes, James was a little scared, but he is only 11 and he will show bravery in the later chapters. However, I think that everyone is afraid of the unknown and James's parents decided not to 'spoil' the chance of discovery for him. So he doesn't know everything there is to know about Hogwarts. And like father like son, he didn't read Hogwarts: A History. As for Peter, I know it sounds a lot like Neville, but he'll develop, I promise. I'm glad you liked Bella, she wasn't even in the fic in the first version I wrote. But then I had to rewrite the chapters so now she is in and I pretty much enjoy her presence. Thanks for the review, and I'll update soon.