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Reviews For In Memoriam...

Name: SomberBallad (Signed) · Date: 06/27/06 23:04 · For: One shot
Wow, I am completely stunned, and moved and just in awe of this story. I am completely stunned to see that this story has only four reviews, people are really missing out. As I finished reading the author note I was even more moved and a little sad that it took such an experience to write an amazing piece such as this. Though I don’t know that anyone could write something like this without experiencing loss of some form. From my perspective as a writer I also gain a new sense of respect for this story because writing based from real life experiences is hard plain and simple. There is so much emotion attached to a real life situation that can’t be expressed exactly right from the point of someone else because they are not you of course. But the way you did this was incredible. You brought realism to fanfiction to the point where someone reading this could believe that this could happen to them, and it could. It made people who don’t understand what it’s like to lose someone, feel like they had lost something. It is gripping, it is dramatic, it is sad, but most importantly it is real.

Ginny was absolutely perfect, the way she would be hurt by the “comforting remarks” and reply stingingly to their remarks her in mind and the way she wanted to cry and didn’t and how she did cry when she couldn’t hold it in anymore. I felt I could relate to her very much and I have never really been in a situation like hers before. There was nothing unnatural about her feelings because being apart of something like that makes everything irrational.

I love the twist with the diary that Charlie gave her, that was very good. Words are really important. I don’t know if I’ve ever read a fanfiction that had a valuable lesson like the on yours presents. That is very advanced writing. I really am quite stunned at how eloquent this came out considering the influence.

She would always remember it as the day she stopped being a child. This is a hook, line and sinker. Anyone who reads this line will want to read the rest of the story, plain and simple. You are an amazing walking English paper writer that has not bored me out of my mind.

There was one part that confused me though. The transition between when she was talking to Percy, the flashback with Charlie, and then George talking to her about eating confused me. I got confused as to where Percy went, or if she had switched times from before the flashback to after the flashback. I read it a few times and still didn’t get it; maybe it’s just me. I’d read that part over though just in case.

I really loved Scars, it is my favorite pairing in the whole world, on my favorites list (which isn’t that extensive) and was well written. You can look at my comment, I’m a fanatic. But this story is first class; it makes Scars look like a juvenile story (which is definitely isn’t). I’m not sure how you did it but this story but you deserve an award of some kind.

Now I’ll tell you my secret. (I don’t like Ginny.) But I remained absolutely sympathetic and riveted to her the entire story. And a good writer can make even the most stubborn people love the character they hate. You are definitely one of my favorite authors and one of the best writers I have come upon here. Keep up the fabulous work.

Name: deanine (Signed) · Date: 02/27/06 20:43 · For: One shot
Killing Weasley's is just mean. You know that right?

You wrote a really powerful grief-fic. I think the most powerful section for me was the part with Percy. It just rang true.

Constructive Criticism:

Ginny said nothing, he did not need to say anything else, she could read it in his eyes instantly.

This is a comma spliced sentence. These phrases shouldn't be joined by commas at least not without a conjunction.

Name: Insecurity (Signed) · Date: 01/29/06 10:32 · For: One shot
Reading this, I could see that there was a personal voice shining through each word. The way you describe each small event, each poignant image, and each falling tear reflects the true agony of bereavement. I’ve never lost anyone close to me through death, but I’ve occasionally feared such an event happening, and so I can sympathise with Ginny, if not yet empathise. Yet, anyone who has lost their Charlie is very able to empathise with this story; it provides a realistic view of death, whilst also bringing a spark of hope through the diary. The way you moved from the present time of bereavement to the past events was very effective. Snippets of memories are always more useful than long extracts, in my opinion, as the reader can access the mourners mind as it laments. You did this with Ginny very effectively, creating a strong connection between the two siblings through normal, domestic events that bring families together.

They had each drifted to a solitary land that no one else could penetrate. Each had their own unique grief.
I liked this small extract. It gives the impression of each person being alone in the world at the end of the day, and only able to deal with their own grief in their own way. I can just imagine a big family like the Weasley’s, pulling together to share in their grief, but underneath the surface they would be reacting to it in different ways. Whereas some would break down, others, like Ginny, would just keep the emotions locked inside. Grief is a very personal, subjective thing and you portray this well throughout the story.

if life was blatantly throwing normalcy in their faces to mock the grief they now had to bear. The rest of the world carried on, pausing only a second to remember Charlie Weasley, while hers had come crashing to a sudden stop. This section reminded me of a poem I studied last year called “Explosion” by Phillip Larkin, where life stopped for a second to lament the loss, and then continued on barely wounded. It included the idea that the world does mourn a great tragedy, or a loss of someone brilliant, for a moment, the circle of life continues on. I really sympathised with Ginny in this moment, as she would undoubtedly have been angry at people for getting on with their lives. It would be difficult for her to resume a normal routine, especially if the rest of the world is moving on around her. You really evoke a sense of despair in this way, and it becomes very easy to warm to her character.

I understand your pain…were you his little sister? If there is anything we can do for you…can you bring him back to life? When I lost my mother…a mother who lived to a ripe old age and died in her sleep, not tortured like Charlie. I thought this bit was quite witty. Ginny’s canon character shines through at this point. She isn’t someone to take superficial sympathy from people, and is likely to be irritated by anyone who tries to ‘understand’ her. By moving into her mind, you allow the reader to see how she is coping with the social situation of facing the relatives, and allow us to feel irritated with Ginny at their ‘kind’ words. Anyone who has been in a similar situation would empathise with her bitterness. I also think it’s a good way of her coping with the bereavement – by mocking those around her who she doesn’t care too much about. I guess it’s not a virtuous thing to do, but it is very human, and I admire her for finding some relief in being sarcastic about others.

Death is not a tangible thing; however it is sitting right now in my stomach, churning and threatening to expel all its ugliness.
I am a great fan of imagery – and I really loved this! You portray death like a gruesome, pitiless monster that consumes all the joy and happiness that the mourner once had. I like how it is almost dormant within her, mulling around under the surface, until another small memory sparks off her grief. With what little experience I have of grief (when my favourite pony died!) I remember that it came in waves. So I would go an entire day absolutely fine, coping with it and moving on, until a song would come on or I’d see something that reminded me… and it all came flooding back. Anyway, I’m off on a tangent… All I meant to say was that the image of death you’ve created is very realistic, and very powerful.

What then, is the use of language? I find it amazing that a series of lines can represent so much more. They can immortalize someone.
The Ravenclaw in me was cheering you on when I read this line! It is so true… Not only for someone who has died, but for a well-written character in a book, a poem written in dedication for someone or even an autobiography. Words have such a powerful meaning, they can provide a legacy so that people after us can learn from our life, be taught from our mistakes or open their minds with our ideas. Now I am going all philosophical… But… I like how you use the diary as a way of continuing on Charlie’s memory. It mirrors the Tom Riddle incident with his Horcrux, in the same sort of spiritual immortalisation, but in a positive and loving way. There is a much stronger, deeper connection between Ginny and Charlie than there ever was with Tom.

The creamy blankness of it was in stark contrast to her churning soul. Oh my… I just love the imagery. You really have a way of creating vivid pictures in your readers mind, and evoking powerful emotions. Truly wonderful.

I am stickler for grammar, I am afraid, so I am going to point out a few nitpicks that I found along the way…

..and some had never met him but had come anyways
It would sound more correct if you said “anyway” I think. Anyways is half-colloquial, something we say in conversation.

Ginny put down the book she had been reading and stood up to cross the living room only to open the door and find Lupin standing there looking worn.
I felt that this sentence was a little too wordy. Perhaps divide it into two… “Ginny put down the book that she had been reading and crossed to the other side of the living room. She opened the door and found Lupin stood there, looking worn.”
Only a suggestion.

“What I’m trying to say that I already lost one brother, and I don’t want to lose another,” she said.
Teeny nitpick – Putting “is” after “to” and before “say” would sound better.

I found a few dialogue errors in your story also, including…

Ginny took a deep breath, finding the courage that she knew would have come easily to Charlie, “I think this has gone on for far too long…”
Here, there should be a full stop after Charlie. If you are describing how the person says something then it would be a comma, though. Seeing as this sentence is detached from the speech then it should be a period.

Ginny looked up into his eyes and shook her head, No, she thought, she would never be ready for tomorrow.
Again, a period/full stop (Bridget has just let me know that a full stop for Americans is something to do with driving) after head because that is detached from the thought. Also, seeing as the thought is in italics, it would make more sense to have it in first person rather than third.

“Ginny?” said a voice, interrupting her thoughts, “Ginny, are you alright?”
Also here I would have a period rather than a comma. It is an ambiguous one, seeing as dialogues that are broken off mid-sentence can be divided with commas. But this one asks a question, breaks off, and then asks another question, and so I think a full stop would work better.

“I’ll try for you, Charlie. I’ll try to be the girl – or woman – that you believed I could be.” , she thought. This time it is a comma, not a period, hehe. Bring the comma before the closing quotation mark, and kill the period. Also, seeing as it is a thought, you don’t necessarily need quotation marks.

This story has been an absolute pleasure to read. I look forward to snooping through the rest of your collection. You have a great talent for writing; you use words to convey the deepest of human emotions, and do not shy away from the big issues. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for everything you mentioned. I really appreciate it.

It's true, sadly, the easiest way to write such deep emotions is to have felt them at some point. It felt good to write this down. I really encourage people to do something with what they feel.

I am so glad that you thought Ginny was canon, I really didn't plan much of this. It was one of those stories that just comes. But I know it still needs some polishing, and that's why I am glad you spent the time to write this amazing review.

Thanks again for the review and the encouraging words!

Name: Hamstergeist (Signed) · Date: 01/28/06 15:46 · For: One shot
First of all, Welcome to SPEW!

Now, down to business: How could you kill Charlie! *weeps little undead hamster tears* I'm glad that you at least had the sense to bring Percy home for the funeral.

Author's Response: Just for the record, I didn't kill him. *hands out tissues*

Name: HermioneDancr (Signed) · Date: 01/28/06 1:30 · For: One shot
This isn't a SPEW review, I'm afraid, but I had to leave something. Perhaps I'll review it properly later. But this was a lovely fic, and a lovely tribute to someone you love. Love in the present tense, because even when they're gone, you never stop loving them.

:: huggles ::

Author's Response: Thanks.

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