That's quite beautiful.
Some parts are rather preposterous, I must say, like the 'There was nothing in him/That could breathe fire' part, but it was quite well-written, and was pretty. It painted quite a realistic picture. You have a wonderful way with words.
Each of us have our hopes and dreams, even those of us who want to deny that side of ourselves! Can really see this in Snape here! Great poem! Very like many of my poems turn out...although I haven't done any Harry related ones yet...hmmm, may need to try here sometime!
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review... and keep up the writing!
Intense, very emotional. Good job. :)
Author's Response: Thank you.
Oh, this one's even better than the other I just read by you (though I am admittedly prejudiced in favor of a certain Potions Master). I especially love this line: "But for Severus Snape the way was blocked / By a barrier of his own design." I can't help but feel that this is why so many of us are drawn to this character; he seems always to punish himself, to hold himself aloof--we just can't help ask, what if? What if someone could make him forgive himself, what if that cold heart started to thaw? Anyway, I can't really comment on the poetry aspect except to say that it sounded beautiful read aloud.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! And yes, I think it's his very aloofness that does draw people to his character. There is something attractive about powerful, quiet men.
I think you did a beautiful job on this, Maeve! I'm no student of free verse, or even poetry for that matter, but I have an ear for rythym and the way you structured your prose is just delightful. ^^; I love the opening and third verses especially, they convey a very weighty emotion and sum up that kind of internal strife very nicely. I noticed especially the way you use the words "and" and "but" at the beginning of certain verses to present and then revoke; they just have a lovely effect! "But what if someone else held the key To his solidly frozen locks of life" Just gorgeous! Your OTP seems like it'd certainly sail with a character like that! Rarely do you get OCs who seem to have such a tangible presence as yours!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Stardust! The OC, Maeve, has been around for some time now and occasionally I get the urge to wax lyrical about her and Severus. Poetry is not my forte, so I'm very pleased you enjoyed it.
^_^ Not exactly a free verse in my book. This poem has a certain rhythm to it. It certainly feels more like a song. I like this form of poetry, it's got rhythm and a strong message.
To light a flare beneath his own coldMaybe re-adjust the break to: To light a flare beneath his own cold stone of night, I do understand that you may be trying to stick with the rhythm, but in my opinion this works better to communicate your message. The sudden break in mid-sentence in this part tends to confuse a reader slightly. Or maybe to keep better with the rhythm: To light a flare beneath his own cold stone.
A stone of night, breathe into life
Where once there was none.
Now that I've finished nit-picking and babbling about the form ^_^ Right about time I move to the move important things: the substance and message.
I love this image you gave of a man lost - How he locked himself in. The choice of words like frozen, ice, dryness and cold conveys the cold facade and loneliness (lack of life) he held inside so well. Then it's fire, heat and melt to represent the woman (Maeve) who managed to melt this cold facade and give him new life.
Excellent poem Jan!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Miel! I say free verse to excuse any lapses in proper metre and rhyme. ;-) I'll look at that suggestion now. :-)
Wow, this is great. I've never read much with your OC Maeve except for the one about Snape being in prison, and I really like the approach you have here. 10/10 definitely!
Author's Response: Thanks, Lilypudding. :-) You should go read DoL and SS. ;-)
That was another nice poem. I like free verse almost better then the structured, rhyming ones. I can see the characters that you have created in this poem perfectly!
Author's Response: Thanks again, Cheslin. You are a wonderful reviewer. :-)