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Reviews For Difficult

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 06/17/08 19:55 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
Beautifully written, I wish I were there.

Name: Wicked_Quill (Signed) · Date: 09/05/07 17:07 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
great! I loved it!

Name: whomovedmyquil (Signed) · Date: 11/20/06 19:32 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
awww that was really cute. i think i may have warm-fuzzy syndrome *gasp*

Name: 3gothchic (Signed) · Date: 07/31/06 12:27 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
i think its a really good story.u should finish it up woth some other story about what happens after christmas.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it and that you read more than one of my stories! Hee!!

Name: Astrea (Signed) · Date: 07/02/06 0:13 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
“Percy might even go to the dinner. So he, Hermione, Ginny, and Harry planned” It took me a minute to figure out that you were talking about Ron because you switched from Percy to Ron from one sentence to the next without making it clear who was the subject of the sentence.

“Now let’s skip the pleasantries and just get to the gifts, shall we?” This made me laugh. It is really so like Ron to say this. I can see his impish grin, his freckles and his rumpled hair and pajamas as he asks too. Wonderful characterization in just one little sentence.

The paragraph in which you describe what each person got was very touching, but the sentence structure was a little too much like a formula for me. There was not one comma in the whole paragraph. You could have used semi colons, commas and simple restructuring to vary the style of each sentence and achieve a much better flow. For example: “Everyone got lumpy scarves and hats that Hermione knitted. They matched the jumpers his mum had sent. as well as, “She was thrilled. It was hard for her to get new books out in the woods. In both occasions, the sentences could be combined. Ie. “Everyone got lumpy scarves and hats that Hermione had knitted to match the jumpers his mum had sent.” And, “She was thrilled because it was so hard to get new books out in the woods.” I am not suggesting you avoid all periods, but by removing a few and combining a few sentences you will gain a much more polished piece.

“The air about the house was still thick with sadness and longing.” You mention the sadness and the longing, but you don’t show it in your characters too much. What do they do that shows that sadness and longing? Was it something they said? Did someone mention or do something? They all seem pretty cheery to me, doling out presents and making Christmas dinner.

It was hard for him to understand, what he should do now that his life was finally his own.” This sentence really doesn’t need a comma and I would change understand to know or discover, realize or decide because I think it goes more to the point that understand.

“The wind felt luxuriously cold and cleansing.” I loved this sentence. Even though it is the first of July, I could feel the cold, almost hear the crunch of the snow and the creak of the tree branches. That sentence shows just how much is lurking under the surface in this little one-shot.

This was a tender little story about friends watching out for each other. It was cute. It was like my own little Christmas in July. I was also thinking that it may have been cute to add in a little humor. The two bits that I saw that seemed to just be begging for it were where Ron cuts the roast, I thought it would be funny if he uttered the wrong spell and Hermione had to save him. Another bit of humor might be in the girls making their first ever Christmas dinner on their own. I can just imagine (well, not much imagining as I did it for the first time this past year) all the mishaps that can happen when making Christmas dinner for the first time. I am glad I found your little piece. Keep writing!!

Author's Response: Thank you, Astrea, for the very detailed comment! I really do appreciate the time and effort that goes into such a review. I won't make excuses for myself, or for what I think is my own poor writing here, but I will say that I do agree with your comments about the style of this story and I hope that with some practice I've improved. :)

Name: hpboy13 (Anonymous) · Date: 06/28/06 23:19 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
aaaawwwwwwww, that was such a sweet xmas story, i loved it. howeveer, u cant let george die! the twins will both live to be as old as DD, joking all the way! *takes deep breath* anyway, great job!

Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry about George! Part of the challenge requirement was that there had to be deaths that were being mourned and George just didn't make it. I'm glad you liked it anyway, though!

Name: Periwinkle (Signed) · Date: 06/12/06 15:51 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
I liked this story, yet I didn't like it as much as I would have wanted to. It was a sweet, warming, pleasant fic, but it was lacking something. I think it was the action, or the dialogue. There wasn't enough of either to make the fic captivating. The description was fine, you did a great job of it, but maybe there was a bit too much of the description, and not enough of the other aspects to make up for it and balance things out. I was starting to read the fic, but then the lines began to blur and I didn't feel like reading anymore. It was slightly boring to read it all. There were a couple small conflicts - Harry trying to find himself, but those weren't strong enough to create a dilemma and get the reader's attention. All of it would have been fine to include in the background information, but the author had it [the conflicts] as the 'major' problem of the story. It wasn't enough to capture the reader and keep him/her there.

The story was heavy on description, and it was the perfect story if you have a lot of time. I've noticed that the more description the story has, and the less dialogue or action, the longer it takes for a person to process the information. In this particular fic, I had to read the sentences slowly, so I could get what I needed out of them. It wouldn't be the case for other fics that are moving along at a faster speed. The more action the story has, the faster a person read. The less it does, the slower they do. This is the perfect story to read on a rainy day with a jar of cookies nearby ;).

Apart from that, I quite enjoyed it. It was a interesting concept, definately original. You had a lot of ideas put into the fic, creating a medley of possibilities.

You had a great characterization of the characters. I particularly like how you wrote Ginny...very Ginny-like and realistic. My favorite sentences from the story are these:

She stubbornly had stayed with him anyway and helped him every step of the way through the war. Now with the war over, his excuses were running out, even in his own head. Her feelings were still very clear and he knew that if he asked she’d wait forever.

It shows what strong love can do to others, and how it influences them. Ginny will not give up on Harry - it just shows how much she loves him, and it finally hit him how much.

The various little details here and there - the snowman, the albums, the decoration, Hermione's worry, the atmosphere outside made this a gratifying fanfic. Overall, great job!

And Mr. Christmas was really quite touching, ;)

Author's Response: First off, I just want to say thank you for the thoughtful review. I really appreciate the time and effort it takes.

As for the tone of the story, I actually tried something a bit different here. I wanted to see if I could get into the characters heads. Rather than writing about their interactions with one another, I wanted to see if I could give them different voices through their thoughts. I think this is the reason why you found it slow reading. I'm not entirely sure if I was successful with my experiment or not, but I am glad that you enjoyed the description and characterization overall. And, of course, Mr. Christmas who is everyone's favorite waving snowman! :)

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 06/10/06 17:12 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
very good! since the HP books probably will only cover the final battle, and maybe a little bit afterwards, it's always really interesting to read stories about the time after the war, and this one is an especially good job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I've always liked the idea of exploring what could happen to the Trio after the war. I'm glad you enjoyed this little taste of what their lives could be like.

Name: KitKat517 (Signed) · Date: 05/30/06 15:18 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
good story. I liked Mr. Christmas! :) He was fun.

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Name: the nutty imp (Signed) · Date: 03/09/06 8:09 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
This is a very sweet piece with a touch of humour in it. The way they are cannot be with some people they love yet the fact that all four of them are together makes up for it.

I especially love Ron here ... his just comes to life in a way :) Great story!

Author's Response: Thanks, Nutty! I'm glad you mentioned Ron because I actually had some trouble with him in this story, so that means a lot.

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 02/01/06 20:03 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
That's wonderful, sweet without mushiness. I was going to write for the challenge, but somehow I never got around to it *rolls eyes*, which is all right, seeing as I have such wonderful other entries to read! The use of humor is good, and the whole feeling of trying to cope with such unspeakable loss -- not just the people, but the whole way of life. That's all Harry's known since he was eleven. Very good job. 10/10!

Author's Response: I barely got this one in for the challenge, so I know what you mean!

I was really trying to get across the idea that your life does change when you lose those you love, but it also needs to go on. I'm glad you got that theme and also enjoyed the story.

Name: megan_lupin (Signed) · Date: 12/18/05 16:36 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot

Hey, I just found and read your story today, and I have to say that it is fabulous. It has slightly humorous parts (such as Hermione scolding Ron with the cookies :) ), but it also has some more serious parts (such as Hermione worrying about Harry and Ron.)

Also, I love the style in which you wrote this piece, showing everyone's point of view at different times. You also did a wonderful job with staying in character with all of them --- Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Harry is just like I always imagined him being after the end of the war (sort of withdrawn, and having a lot of things to work through), and Hermione reacts in the perfect way, worrying about her friends and wanting to help them. Ron and Ginny were also written fabulously (and I'm so glad that Ginny stayed with Harry through everything; I always knew she would.) Also, I love Ginny's gift; it was immensely touching, and definitely pulled on one's heart.

I didn't see anything major in terms of grammar mistakes or other typos (everything was done beautifully). Again, great job on this lovely piece.

PS: I absolutely LOVED Mr. Christmas! That was so hilarious, yet so sweet at the same time :) .



Author's Response: I'm glad you felt that everyone was in character as I was very concerned with making sure their reactions were in line with canon. I wanted to make sure they were more grown up, but not too different.

Thanks you so much for the thoughtful review, megan_lupin!

Name: hattiepotter (Signed) · Date: 12/16/05 4:49 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
I really enjoyed this story. I like how you wrote it from all their different points of view. Your writing is very descriptive and fluid in places which is good. I also did this challenge, and I think this is one of the best challenge 2s I have read so far!

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments!br>
Oh, you also wrote for this challenge?! Yay! Good luck! It was my favorite also - such a great bunny! *runs off to read hattiepotter's entry*

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments!br>
Oh, you also wrote for this challenge?! Yay! Good luck! It was my favorite also - such a great bunny! *runs off to read hattiepotter's entry*

Name: pandafan81 (Signed) · Date: 12/15/05 23:08 · For: Difficult ~ one-shot
What a sweet story! The Mr. Christmas bit was hysterical! I love that Hermione is so worried about Ron and Harry, and yet still scolds Ron about the cookies! I see hope for Harry and Ginny and it warms my heart! Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much, pandafan81. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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