That was great!! Really well written..10/10 =p
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this is a little above me and perhaps not quite my writing style, but i am amazed at how well you developed the characters of your story and that you gave a very good thick descrpiation behind every detail...amazing 9/10!
p.s. i had to go relook up the part where ron said scarlet woman, good job because i thought i knew the books like the back of my hand...*looks at hand* hey! that's new..ha ha good job!
it was kind of umm... well VERY discriptive. but all the same i absolutly LOVED it!!! it had me sitting on the edge of my seat wondering what would happen next!!! and if i said it once i'll say it again! i LOVED it!!! ^_^
I luv it soooooo much. Is it completed? I hope not. U should REALLY CONTINUE. I love the awkwardness between them, and the passion that comes out. I so wish this soud actually happen. PLEEZ keep writing! 100000000000000000/10
Wow..great story! I love how you expressed their feelings in a very intimate way! im giving you a ten!
I REALLY enjoyed this chapter, as it captured Hermione and Ron's feelings really well. Please, PLEASE write more! 10/10 and in my favorites!
wow i loved it! you captured their feelings and actions so incredibly well! already on my top ten, pleeeeeeeeeeease write more! 10/10!
You have done an excellent job of capturing the awkwardness of that first kiss and the passion of the one that follows. Although Hermione/Ron is generally not a pairing I go for, these two really appeal to me in your story. They both seem very in character, and the tension between them is completely believable, as is the gradual decrease of that tension as they come to understand what the other is thinking. I like that they both have doubts—Hermione wondering if she’s that bad and Ron thinking he has probably moved too fast—I remember feeling that type of insecurity myself.
You did an especially nice job creating the flashback and setting the scene for the romantic interlude with these lines: “When they reached the untidy room, they both sat on Ron’s bed and suddenly the atmosphere changed drastically. Even Ron’s Chudley Cannons posters were less animated, as the photographed players seemed to watch the pair with anticipation. There was nowhere else on earth she wanted to be, but at the same time Hermione felt unsure and afraid of what would happen next. Ron had stopped looking at her, but she could just make out his face screwed up in concentration. She longed to speak his name and feel it flow past her lips, but her voice abandoned her.” This creates such a nice picture in my head as I read it. You show us what Hermione is seeing and feeling at this moment without being overly descriptive as others might be tempted to be.
Iliked it, it FELT REAL ! good work!
that was amazing! write more soon!!
why don't you have another chapter? add more!
I thought it was really good. My favorite type of fic, long, but not too long. It also had believable action... something that a lot of people miss.
perfect... its just what i want to happen and its so real for their characters and emotions y'know? i loved it
wonderful. can't sya much mroe than that, other than it's bloody brilliant! =)
really great writing, 10/10, it's in my favorites already!
very tastefully described actions. very good writing. you really should write more!!!!!!!!!
Really good. Write more in a hurry!!
Perfect. It captured the awkwardness between Ron and Hermione perfectly; well done.