MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Right Here

Name: AmayaBlack (Signed) · Date: 05/08/08 19:23 · For: Right Here
it so sweet....

Name: happyday (Signed) · Date: 07/01/06 23:01 · For: Right Here
this was one of the first fanfictions i ever read (but that was a while ago) and i loved it.

Name: muggleclaw (Signed) · Date: 03/23/06 0:05 · For: Right Here
Short and sweet--a very nice read. Great job!

Name: Adelfore Flamell (Signed) · Date: 03/01/06 14:17 · For: Right Here
very nice. Small, simple, but beautiful.

Name: Adelfore Flamell (Signed) · Date: 03/01/06 14:17 · For: Right Here
very nice. Small, simple, but beautiful.

Name: witchymuggle810 (Signed) · Date: 12/07/05 14:07 · For: Right Here
very good piece of writing, i loved it it was interesting to read. very good use of the english language Finally! Thanks for that. As i said very well written, 10 out of 10.

Name: patronous (Signed) · Date: 12/05/05 12:49 · For: Right Here
good story. i like how you make ginny and harry connect. you make it look like harry and ginny are one, not two seperate beings. its really cool.

Name: AlexisTaylor (Anonymous) · Date: 12/04/05 10:37 · For: Right Here

Hola! I ran across your fiction on the Recently Added page, and decided to review. My overall feeling about this was that in the beginning, the chapter fell into heavily clichéd romantic language. Talking about the lady being awashed in moonlight and the twinkling stars and such. Then, as it progressed, it began to sound more realistic. Harry turned into a real guy, instead of a woman’s fantasy guy. The writing style flowed very well, and I didn’t notice any grammar problems, though!

“What was she doing now? Sleeping peacefully, or maybe lying in bed, thinking about him too?”

Here, I think there was meant to be a paragraph break, but it’s welded to the next one.

“…seeing himself as James… and her, as Lily.”

As a reader, this correlation has often been brought up…but I seriously doubt Harry would think in that particular way. For one, a child never wants to think of his parents in a sexual light, and that’s what seems to be happening here. It’s more of an analysis thing than Harry’s shown us he’s capable of. It’s very Oedipal, and creepy.

“She was standing right in front of him, and a full moon glowed and a sky of stars flashed behind her.”

Here’s an example of the clichéd romance thing.

“He loved the feeling of being with her, just them like this, and when all of the thoughts almost burst from his head, he turned his head and his face was even with hers.”

During the moment, when the thoughts fly out of boys’ brains, they’re not enjoying standing up against their lady loves in quiet harmony….it’s jarring for girl to realize, but he’s thinking about how he can take this action further…lol.

“…her closer and her knees touched his.”

This is very nitpicky, but Ginny’s awfully short in canon. Harry’s at least a fair bit tall now…how would their knees be touching if they’re standing face-to-face?

“What did she mean? She had to mean with her, right? Or was she just wondering about Voldemort? But why think of Voldemort now?”

And this is how you brought it back! Wonderful portrayal of Harry’s confusion, and his desire to bring the subject back to what he would like to do with Ginny. Brilliant.

‘“Yeah. I’m not going anywhere. It’s going to be okay, someday. We’ll make sure of it,” she assured him, with that grin of hers.’

I absolutely love the ambiguity here. It could be about her or Voldemort, and it doesn’t matter either way. I love that Ginny didn’t give in to Harry and make mad, passionate love to him in her bedroom (after all, I’m fairly sure they’d get caught). I love that she changed to subject to something looming in her mind.

Grammar-wise, the story was pretty tight.

Great job!

Name: something_flowery (Signed) · Date: 12/04/05 0:07 · For: Right Here
short, sweet, sensual.. i love how little conversation they have, yet seem to know what the other is feeling and are on the same level.. looking forward to the next chapter :-)

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