I hope you did well in the challenge! I really enjoyed your story. Severus is a hard nut to crack I'll admit, but if you 'hit' him just right, he'll play nice. He's guilt ridden and will be until the end. He'll never forget Lily, and it pains him to know that she is gone. But her son lives on...Great fic!
Wow this is really good. i envy you.
Author's Response: Thanks so much and I'm so pleased you liked it!
this was a great fic..........
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
This is a nice one. Very creative.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Very good fic, thanks!
Author's Response: Thank you! So pleased you liked it :)
When I first began reading this fic my instant reaction was: Excellent, you're writing Severus again, this is going to be good. And I was right. This fic seems to show the more human side of Snape, and portrayes to me just how Dumbledore found it in his heart to forgive Snape even if no one else was. You made it sounds as though Snape truely was sorry, which is something I have failed to see another writer do so far. I also like the way you wrote Dumbledore. He seemed so much like a weary old man in the first part of the fic, and reminded me of how Dumbledore seemed after collecting the fake Horcrux from that cave. In all, I'm very impressed by this fic, and it certainly seems like an event that may have well happened. Well done. ~Ermine the One
Author's Response: Ahhh, don't we all just love Snape! Do you reckon JK will give him to me for Christmas...?!
I'm so pleased you think I portrayed Snape's human side to Dumbledore - I honestly believe that Dumbledore's reasons for trusting Snape will be genuine although if those reasons are actually the truth, only time will tell... As for Dumbledore's attitude, I did my best to base the whole fic around the last few chapters of HBP. I think, for the first time, JK showed us all the characters completely 'naturally'. ie: no strings attatched and no masks held up. I think it is now just left to the reader to decide which way certain loyalties lie. I'm pleased you like it though - I think this is my favourite of all the chapters I have posted on MNFF to date. ~ Stormy x
All I can say is "Wow!" That was a very wonderful story, and you did a great job in keeping both Snape and Dumbledore in character. (From the summary, I didn't expect those to be your two characters, but the story turned out terrific.) Your details and descriptions are fabulous and really help create a vivid picture in a reader's mind. I have to say I really enjoyed this description: The moon, an almost painful, freezing white shone its eerie glow over the landscape to illuminate a small hut in the grounds and the edge of the towering Quidditch pitch. The lake was as still as glass, fragile and vulnerable. It was a great way to set the emotion in the scene, without being too vague or conventional, and not to mention it was very skillful writing. (Great job on that!)
Author's Response: First off, apologies for taking a long time to respond - life has been insanely busy recently!
I'm so pleased you liked it! I'm happy that you thought I got the descriptions vivid as it was something I was trying to focus on. Also, I was trying to keep it emotional without going completely off the rails and losing the plot completely. As for skilled writing, all I can say in response is that I am honoured :)
Thank you so much for your review - I've got a huge grin on my face now!
How nice to find a good fiction submitted as a challenge for the Winter Snows Challenge. I have to admit I found it by clicking on the list and then seeing what kind of stories were being accepted. I do like it, though, so here is your review. :)
The beginning part with Dumbledore at Hogwarts really captured my attention. The first sentence was effective too: He was restless. I’m sure I reacted the way you wanted a reader to: “Who’s restless? Why? When? How?” and so on. I also liked the symbolism of the firework and how you clearly tied that in to Dumbledore’s grief. I also adored this part: Ironic, really, that the time when sympathy is given is when it is least wanted or needed. How true, and how like something Dumbledore would say. In fact, I can almost hear him say it in my head, with that smile of his.
The imagery was vivid in the part where you describe Spinner’s End. Words and phrases like “small, disused mill,” “few flakes of silvery snow” and “particularly dismal” gave me a clear image of the scene. You didn’t go on about it in great length, which I found I liked. That leads me to another thing: your pace. The events and emotions are well played and it’s almost like they’re well timed. Nobody reacted strangely and too quickly. I tend to see that a lot in highly emotional fics. Suddenly a monologue turns into a bursting epiphany when you have no idea how it got there. It’s a relief, then, to say that didn’t happen.
I’d also like to talk about the dialogue. I really loved this line here about going on holiday: Snape curled his lip in disdain as he replied, “Oh yes, I remember now; my last holiday application to the Dark Lord got turned down. The reply was something along the lines of ‘not unless you want to die’ followed by ‘Crucio’ if I remember rightly.” It was delightful! It was also completely Snape, so thank you for that. Dumbledore’s reaction was in character too, sort of what I expected but not out of bounds.
Also, when you get to the part about the Potters and how Harry will hate him, kudos to you for the dialogue there too. It was very tense as Dumbledore tried to skirt the subject but failed anyway, and as Snape completely snapped. The word choice is good too; nothing sticks out or is awkward. But this part did stand out: “Oh, he will know. You just wait. When he goes to Hogwarts someone will tell him eventually; probably at the most inappropriate time possible. Merlin help me when somebody does - I will be as good as dead in his eyes. He will kill me.” Wow. That just swept me away. It’s chock-full of irony, as Harry is told at the “most inappropriate time possible” and that he will want to kill him. I love that; excellent job. It’s one of the best parts in this fic, a quote in the making if I saw one.
I like the actual part about the redemption too. The idea of New Year’s and starting over is not a new idea, certainly, but I never would have thought about it for a fiction like this. The time was perfect too: two months afterward would have allowed time for the guilt to set in and for Snape to gradually become, well, depressed about the Potters. The end is a little unfinished too, but it leaves the very end to the imagination of the reader, and that’s nicely done. I don’t want to see Snape turn around and become a good two-shoes by any means anyway.
Eeek, sorry for running so long, but I had a lot to say. It’s a great story and sticks to the topic very well. I haven’t read anything of yours before (well, I don’t know if you have anything posted, really, since I’ve only just seen this), but if there’s something else, I’ll probably check it out. Keep writing and a good job!
Author's Response: Woah...! The first thing I want to say is thank you so much for such a fantastically detailed review! I just hope my response now doesn't look really stingy...
You're right in saying that I wanted the reader to ask who I was describing so I'm really pleased you did! Also, the bit about the firework was what started this whole story off - my inspiration really. For me, that line os probably my favourite of everything I have written in the past.
I'm really pleased that you don't think I rushed the story too much! I've often felt, as you mentioned, that the very emotional fics happen a little bit too fast to plausible so I did my best to slow this one down without making it drag. I'm also very pleased that you liked the imagery - I'm so pleased that GCSE English with descriptive writing has come in useful at last!
It was too good an opportunity to miss - Snape being sarcastic is something that is really fun to write! As for the characters being in character, I'm glad you think so as I didn't want to stray too far from the canon.
To be honest, I'm so pleased you mentioned that! The irony is just something that seemed to fit so well into the story - I do think that Harry was told at the most innapropriate time posible and I do think that Harry views Snape now 'as good as dead'. I just couldn't resist a little HBP foreshadowing when it presented itself so readily.
New Year has always been seen as a time for new starts and it just seemed to be so appropriate for this story. I tried to stay as close to the challenge task as I could and a new begginging seemed to be the best way of tying in the theme of redemption. As for the two month time lapse at the end, it was coincidence really but it seemed to fit when I wrote it. Without wanting to sound morbid, I am pleased that the Potters were killed on Hallowe'en as any closer to Christmas and this story would never have come into material. Also, the unfinished end was done to let everyone interpret this in the way they wanted to; I didn't want to, as you said, end up with a goody two shoes Snape!
No worries for running too long, I hope I haven't either! Thank you very much for such a fabulous review and I hope you will enjoy my other fics if you do check them out. Thanks very much though and Happy Christmas! ~ Stormy x