I like your story a lot. I like time travel fics, and I like the Marauders *snorts* (understatement of the year)....But I also love Ron/Hermione, and obviously this isn't the right for that kind of shipper, but I'm not so particular. One thing though, I know it makes things a whole lot easier when you are writing Hermione with another character to make Ron seem more of an idiot than he is. And honestly, I really don't like that.
I thought your trio was OC. I agree that Harry and Hermione care deeply for each other, but they don't act like mother and father to each other. It's touching how much Hermione worried about Harry, but I'm pretty sure Ron cares just as much. But I can sort of see why you have to write Ron OC, because or else it couldn't be anything Ron/Hermione, as that's the way JK writes.
However, so far, that is the only thing I haven't like. Your writing is nice, and I like the feel of the atmosphere...can't wait for some romance. You have a very intricate plot. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to come up with it. Nice job!
I didn't leave a reveiw for eachchapter since I knew I would read it straight through. Glancing at the last time it was updated, I really hope you finsih this. It is very well done and a great story. Several people have nominated it for an award so I thought I would come check it out. The only flaw I saw was that there should be a lot more baby Harry, newborns are pretty much attached to their mom, espically a first born child. I really loved the idea of the letters, that was a nice touch and I can imagine the overwhelming emotions Harry is going to feel when he gets them.
Please post soon! I love this story so much!
Heh, for hating transition chapters, I enjoyed this a lot.
I enjoyed the moment between Remus and Harry very much. It actually made me think about what poor Remus is going to do once Hermione comes back to the present.
Would he try to talk to Hermione? Would he try to forget it ever happened?
I think, poor fellow, that Remus is remembering how much he loved Jane and he's going through brokenhearted-ness again because he has to relive all of the memories of her while Hermione is gone.
Gah! Poor Remus. For his sake, I hope Hermione finishes the mission and comes back soon!
Excellent job, by the way.
Something that I found interesting was how Lily declared that she couldnít protect Harry all by herself. Heh, the fandom has always depicted Lily as an extraordinary witch Ė so it was a tad surprising to read that. However, I doubt that Lily couldnít defend herself and Harry, but I do realize that sheís trying to lay guilt on James. It would be, of course, much easier (if itís ever easy!) to fight off Death Eaters if there were two adults who knew what they were doing. I actually enjoyed seeing the rather vulnerable side of Lily because it is so rarely written.
I was blown away by the ending! I had nearly forgotten about Ron (bad me!). I can't wait to see how Hermione explains this to Ron, or if she ever talks about it with anyone. Should prove fascinating!
Right then. This was very painful to read. I almost cannot believe that Hermione would have it in her to be so tactless, so cruel, withour meaning to. It worked for the story, though, don't worry! I actually found it higly realistic, however horrible it was to endure.
I felt for poor Remus so much! I liked the way Lily and Sirius tried to keep them together and it was clear that they had at least, understood what was going on. I do have to mention one thing, though. I don't know why, but something didn't quite click at the way Sirius spoke here at this last scene. Maybe it was the idea that he would hurt his best friend in the world, because he had in turn hurt a girl whom they had just met, although endeared quickly enough. This might just bring out the gallant and gentelmanly side of Sirius, but it reamains a bit weird for me.
Anywho, the very feel of the chapter was ... wow. Hermione was very IC, as usual, trying to submerse herslef in books. I felt that worked particularily well. And last this one sentence:
ďYouíre breaking his heart, Jane,Ē he uttered softly, with a tinge of bitterness. ďKnow that.Ē He then silently disappeared into the hallway.
*tear* I felt all of the emotion and pain that Remus was feeling poured into that one sentence. Wonderfully done! I must add, that you seem to have a knack for ending chapter in the most beautiful ways!
Lovely ... but very sad.
I really like your writing style and I love how every sentence gives off a feeling of very powerful emotion here.
I really adored Remus' transformation and I did like the little detail about him feeling pre-full moon pain. It seemed to fit the feel of the stroy perfectly. The transformation itself was written very, very well, IMO, and I could just feel the pain that Remus had to endure. I loved how Jane was the person he thought of before transforming. Heartwrenching!
I also really, really liked the constant care Jane kept showing Remus and I can see how he would be able to confess his love to her. Perhaps, as you showed wonderfully in the flashbacks, no one had ever been so very attentive to him. Hermione's reaction I was less pleased to see, because, although it was very IC, it was horrible to see Remus have to go through all of that. He deserves muchos more.
I do hope Hermione gets a grip on herself, realizes her love for him, and than you can take it from there. Lol. Very nice indeed. Keep it up.
Oh no, not another set-back! Why does Hermione have to make everything so complicated? She wouldnít be Hermione if she didnít, but sometimes she can be very frustrating. Although Remus was a bit forward when he said she made him her best friend, lover and sometimes-mother. I would have expected him to try and talk to her about what the kiss meant for them first, before saying things like that, but heís still young in this story and he canít always have been as reserved as he is when he is older, so just saying these things without talking to her first fits in with his character quite nicely.
Sirius had cigarette ash on his chest? Doesnít that hurt or something? *shudders* Anyway, I liked how they are as puzzled by Peter finding Hermione as I was, but Sirius is right, Remus seemed to totally not care why Hermione was there even though she shouldnít have been there either. I wonder what important werewolf place he forgot about there being, maybe it is the graveyard Hermione is looking for?!
Whoís that ĎRobertí Sirius is talking about in the end? Is that Remusís dad? The name came out of nowhere and caught me completely off-guard, I have no idea where to put it so it will make sense.
I enjoyed the first scene with Harry and Remus very much. As in the last chapter your descriptions in this scene are superb and really show the atmosphere of the house while theyíre waiting for Hermione to come back. And Harry finally noticed that Remus might know more than he lets on, I wonder if he will dare ask him about it and what Remus will tell him if he does. The orange ball was just what the story needed to have another lighter moment. All these little stories about adventures of the Marauders are a nice and funny change from the otherwise more serious mood the story has taken on.
Another brilliant chapter and I hope Hermione can clean up the mess she made with Remus soon, I really feel sorry for the poor guy having to suffer from her indecision.
:sigh: I was reading the discussions in the SBBC, and I can't believe none of you remember who Robert Lupin is, lol. Geez. ;)
In chapter 10 during the flashback when Remus talks to his father, I mention the father's name. And, Remus wasn't being TOTALLY serious when he said the best friend-lovers thing. He's a Marauder at heart, too. Toying with people's heads would've been a hard-learned specialty. XD
Thanks for the awesome review, love! :)
Yay! They kiss! What a little danger and a near-death experience canít do to a personís logic. *giggles* Poor Remus, he must have gone nearly crazy with worry waiting for her to wake up. Why was he not in the room with Hermione though? Both Potters were there, but Remus seemed to be more worried than either of them when he came into the room and yet he didnít wait at her bedside for her to wake up, I wondered why that was.
So Peter found her, no? That surely isnít a good sign. I doubt he would just randomly stumble over her, he must have been there on a mission, maybe Voldemort is already looking for Benjy Fenwick? It would make sense that he wasnít a random casualty but that his murder was planned as well as the making of a new horcrux.
When she passed the very last house, she found herself facing the mouth of a dense forest. Trees that stood nearly a hundred feet high towered oppressively over her, their shadows crawling over the ground like dark slivers of ink. The description of the abandoned village, but especially these sentences describing the forest made me shudder even in the warmth of my room. I can picture the village and Hermione walking through it in my head. This last image, the crawling shadows, is really creepy and captured the atmosphere of the place beautifully. You always seem to find exactly the images you need to create moods for your story, Iím impressed.
Something was nagging at her at the back of her mind, though, but she dared not turn to it. Anything bothering her right now would be a sign of doubt, uncertainty, and she didnít want that. She didnít want that at all. I think you can delete the bolded words, because either something is nagging at her or at the back of her mind, but not both and especially not both without a comma separating them. I quoted the whole passage instead of just this one sentence, because this is another perfect example of Hermioneís characterisation. I love how she has doubts and tries to focus on something else and not think too much about what happened for fear of wavering in her decision. This shows that even though time has passed, she still thinks about what she did and is still uneasy about it, itís very Hermione!
I loved this chapter very much. The Remus/Hermione relationship is picking up speed, but Ron isnít completely forgotten yet and I like that Hermione still thinks about him, although she is giving in to her feelings for Remus.
So after seeing the eighty nominations for the QSQ's for this fic (and then deleting them all and then making poor Beth go and put them all back in), I decided to see what all the fuss was about. To sum up, I read the whole thing thus far in (mostly) one sitting and then I went straight back to the QSQ forum to add an eighty-first nomination.
Lei dear, this story is fantastic. Time-travel fics in general make me weary, because they usually have more plot-holes than a seive. Not so here. I love that there is Horcrux information in 1980 England, and Hermione is just the girl for the job.
I wonder, when did Remus figure out that Jane was Hermione? Was it just when talk of this mission came about that he put it together? Will she tell him while she's there? I'm very interested to see how it will be when Hermione returns to the present and confronts her Professor. (If I have an idea for how it should go, am I allowed to write a fanfic of a fanfic?)
Remus is absolutely loveable. This is really the first Remus-centric fic I've read, and it has set the bar exceptionally high. *tries not to stray to far from the Snape beaten path* His gentle humor is delightful, and what I really love are the warm-fuzzies I get reading about this beginning romance. It makes me really long for the sweet akwardness that comes with a new relationship (though don't tell my hubby I said so).
In that respect, I also love how they both can be a little foolish when it comes to relationships. I can completely see where this would be Lupin's first real relationship (though I would love to know more about that sixth-year experience with Sirius!), and through canon we know that it is Hermione's. It's just another touch of sugar on an already sweet tale.
Now, I must confess that part of the reason I didn't read this sooner is because I knew it wasn't finished. I don't always like to read WIP because I hate the waiting in between chapters, and my biggest fear is that a story will be abandoned (even though I'm just as guilty of that as the next). If you abandon this Lei, so help me, I will hex you into next week. Before I read this, I had mentioned that nothing excites me as much as seeing an email in my inbox that tells me Sins has been update, but I certainly believe you will give Jenna a run for her money.
Looking immensely forward to more...
Author's Response: *beams* THANK YOU, Kim! That is positively one of the most glowing reviews I've ever had for this story. I'm trying my very best to get this done - and I WILL get it done, come hell or high water. And... you just gave me an idea. I just might write that sixth-year experience as a treat (and maybe as an apology for delays?).
I'm so glad to have reached this point in the story. I absolutely love the plot thus far, and I find your writing captivating. I canot wait to finish this (once you finish writing, that is).
Oh! Poor Hermione! Sheís so confused, and, like always, is putting the well being of her friends and the Wizarding world ahead of herself. It is such typical Hermione that itís ridiculous, and, again, I feel that you have her characterization down pat.
Now, to move on, I love the way you describe Remusí transformation! From his point of view, we donít see the change into a wolfís body. No, instead we see the loss of control of actions and thoughts, which actually leads us to be able to really see his affection for Jane/Hermione better. Also, there are no details of the destruction he causes or anything. No, instead there are the descriptions of what happens before a full moon, during the transformation, and how he feels afterwards.
Itís written in a perfectly lovely way, and I adore your writing style.
I liked how you showed Hermioneís side in this chapter and let us see how she is feeling about the whole mess. Keeping her hands busy with mindless tasks, trying to lose herself in her books, those are reactions that I can see Hermione having to emotional upheaval like this and I feel as sorry for her as I do for Remus.
I was a bit surprised that it was Sirius who came into the kitchen when Hermione dropped the plate and that it was he who followed her up to her room to talk her into staying with Remus and not Lily, but I suppose Lily will try to get Hermione to talk to her later on when the two of them can be alone, because surely she can see that something is wrong just as well as Sirius can.
Sirius himself was brilliant, he displayed just the right amount of concern for Hermione and bitterness because she was hurting one of his best friends. I liked how you tied his temper in with the way Hermione thought him to be frightening after he escaped from Azkaban sometimes. This younger Sirius is so much more playful than his older version that itís sometimes hard to see that they are the same character, but moments like this show that very well.
I donít really have any concrit to give on this chapter, itís simply too good. ;)
Aww poor Remus! I felt really bad for him in this chapter, he goes through all this pain, imagining Hermioneís face to keep himself sane and get through it and then when he tells her his feelings sheís horrified.
I can understand Hermioneís feelings though. To her Remus is still her Professor, a younger version of her Professor, but that doesnít change that much, and she knows that she will have to return to her time sooner or later, so she wouldnít start a relationship when she knows she would have to hurt Remus in the end. She must feel awful, hurting him like this.
As the full moon reached its peak, every inch of Remusís body tingled . . . and it wasnít a pleasant sensation either. Knife-like stabs echoed throughout his limbs, and as the noxious madness crept into his brain, he screamed out in agony. The wolf was taking over. I loved this passage where you describe the agony Remus goes through while he changes. Even if I canít really imagine the pain he must be going through, your description conveys how painful it is and also how long the transformation takes.
The flashback in this chapter, is that something that Remus remembers while changing, or did you just add it to show the significance of his hopes and feelings for Hermione? I tend to think he remembers it, because it seems as if the flashback triggers the realization that Hermione is exactly what he was looking for all his life, but Iím not sure.
The pre-full moon soreness is a very good idea, although I felt as if it was maybe a tad too strong. It seems almost as if the day before the full moon is worse than the day after, or equal. Still it shows how much time you spent going over every aspect of a werewolfís life and this amount of detail makes it even harder to believe that some werewolves enjoy what they are and almost look forward to their transformations, like I expect Greyback to do.
So yes. This is my very first review for this fic, but I have to say I've really, really enjoyed it this far! It's very refreshing to see a new take on the going-back-to-the-past scenario--instead of doing it by accident, it was done with a purpose. Very nice.
Now, this chapter. My favorite so far, I have to say. I loved the whole Dearborn scene and how he gives Hermione so much of the info she needs. Just his presence and the way you wrote him, radiates a sort of warmth and light--in my mind I was getting the feeling of a Patronus. Hm, maybe it's just me, but this character seems to give hope. I'm loving the plot so far, and I can see that remus might have to end up helping Hermione in the end. *crosses fingers*
The romance in this chapter was delightful. I love the way their friendship is slowly blossoming into something more and I love how that's not happening overnight. I have heard Clair de Lune and it's very pretty, I'm just wondering whether Remus would playing the piano wuld be very cannon. There's nothing to say that it's not, but to me it seems a bit overly-romantic. Also, I wonder that he knows how to go about seducing a firl (ie. the ending paragraph) when he's been so influenced by his condition his entire life. Just my two cents.
I really like the birthday partuy scene! It added much lightheatedness to the fic, something I think every good fic, no matter how dark it is, needs. A nice touch with the broomstick joke as well! Very teenager-y of the both of them, but I enjoyed it as it seemed so cannon.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, that I love your writing style, simple in a way, but filled with so much emotion. It's something, I think, every author-especially every romance author-needs. Very well done, indeed!
Oh my goodness. Where has she heard Caradoc Dearborn before? I really want to know that, because I have a feeling it will be instrumental to the plot!
Anyways. I feel that I must tell you how much I adore your characterizations of James and Sirius! It is so nice to be able to read about James and Sirius still being a bit wild, although I must say, I do feel bad for Remus and Hermione. Itís not their fault that they decided to get very drunk and then rant about the two of them! Although, I have to wonder if, when sober, James and Sirius think that Remus and Jane/Hermione should be a couple, or if itís just their interpretation of what Remus and Jane/Hermione were doing together upstairs when James arrived to tell them about his party.
Now that I think about it, I believe that I have played Clair De Lune on the piano. Iím pretty sure that I have, actually.
Author's Response: Heehee, thank you so much for all your reviews! Caradoc Dearborn was a member of the very first Order of the Phoenix. He disappeared six months after the Order was founded.
Yay! We finally met Peter! Let me tell you, Iíve been waiting for that one for awhile, and am glad that it finally happened!
Again, I love your characterization, and in this chapter you do so well with Hermione! When she met Peter, I was happy to see some inner conflict, and for the first time she really has to struggle with herself so as not to blow her cover. (Of course, that kind of is ruined once she admits that she knows about Remusí lycanthropy, but she covers that up nicely.) When she grabbed Peterís arm, I was just like, ďOh dear, how is she going to explain this one?Ē While her asking him about pancakes was a brilliant cover up, it seemed a little weak to me. But, then again, Iím the reader, so I know her ulterior motive. *shrugs*
I was so happy to read about Remus and Hermione finally having some shippiness moments! Itís so great to read about them, and although itís taken awhile, I am glad that it did. Because you built up their friendship and their relationship in general over multiple chapters, it makes it that much more believable and lovable when it finally happens. Especially because youíre easing into it!
Please keep the shippiness coming, and I canít wait to read more!
I have to say, I love the way you flash in between 1997, where Hermione left, and 1980, where she is. Itís fantastic, and gives us the chance to get a full understanding of the situation.
Also, Iíve said this before and Iíll say it again, I feel that you are a master at characterization. First, with the Harry and Ron, I love the way you write them. They automatically assume that life and Hermione will be the same once she gets back; they donít assume that the adventures she is undertaking/had undertaken (depending on how you look at it) will change and affect her in any way.
Your characterization of Remus is so refreshing! Instead of him being the so-serious guy Iíve read way too many times before, heís funny, charming, sweet, and serious when the time calls for it, like everyone is.
I just love your writing, and really hope that you update soon so that once the SBBC has finished discussing this I can keep reading it.
Itís good to see Hermione in the Archives again and working on her mission as it shows she has not forgotten about why she came there and Hermione really isnít the character who could forget about something like this. Ever since Hermione thought the name Caradoc Dearborn sounded familiar, I have the feeling that he should ring a bell with me too, but he doesnít. Of course, without Hermione thinking that the name would have seemed wholly unfamiliar, but I trust Hermione to remember names and things like that better than me, so if she thinks she should know the name, I probably should too.
So now we know how to destroy the amulet, now Hermione just has to find out where the second half is. I loved the Alpha-Beta theory and everything else Caradoc told her about the amulet. The huge amount of information on werewolves you incorporate into this story is really enjoyable, especially since werewolves are never really focused on in canon. Itís nice to see someone take the time to think about them and give them a history etc.
ďBut it isnít that simple,Ē he added quickly as Hermione opened her mouth to ask something. ďThat is where the Amulet of Selene comes in. You see, merely killing your Alpha wonít suffice. You need the Amulet to do it. On a full moon, the Beta must wear the Amulet around his neck and strike his Beta with Seleneís Hammer. Only then will he be released from his curse.Ē I think the bolded word should be Alpha, because itís all about the Beta attacking his Alpha, right? I had to read this paragraph twice and only when I exchanged Alpha for Beta here did it make sense.
I donít really know what Iím supposed to think about Jamesís birthday party. It really came out of the blue and didnít seem like it was really necessary for the story. When Peter was mentioned as being there I was looking forward to some Sirius, James, Peter interaction, but none shown. I was a bit disappointed that Peter was just mentioned as being there and then as being gone, he could have at least said Ďhelloí to Hermione or something. Apart from the frequent hints that Peter is already a Death Eater he seems a bit bland in this story and is oftentimes just passed over, which I think is very sad. Even if he has distanced himself from his friends, he would still have to be around them quite a bit to collect information for Voldemort, wouldnít he? Thatís kind of what Iím missing in this story, Peter being part of the group.
Anyway, I still liked the chapter and am looking forward to seeing how Hermione will go on in her search now that she has all this information on the amulet.
*nod* I get your point about Peter. And I agree. When I wrote this story, I fell victim to the common "Ugh, I really don't want to deal with him" phase, but as the story goes on, he does play a huge role. Well, not really "huge", per se, but he will come more into the story. It IS a mistake to leave him out so much, and I recognize it. I'm in the process of weaving him back in, since I do like writing him, despite my reluctance to include him too much. *shrug*
The birthday party may seem unnecessary, but I included it because I needed a scene to balance out the heaviness of the amulet scene. And yes, that should be Alpha there. Oops.
I just have to say that I LOVE the way you incorporate canon into this! Like the Ron/Hermione, and how Hermione is always saving Ron and Harryís backs, even when heís a baby! I read that and was just like, ďomg, she starts doing that when Harryís just a baby! I wonder if she realizes it.Ē Also, I loved how the Remus/Hermione-ness is starting to come into play. Iíve never read a Remus/Hermione fic before, but I love the way you write this. I just canít stop going ďaw!Ē. Youíre a fantastic writer.
Keep the chapters coming! Once the SBBC is done discussing this, I want to keep reading it.