Reviewer: glamorgrl111
Date: 06/07/06 12:00
Chapter: Real Family

i love this story -glamorgrl111

Reviewer: zeefrenchgirl
Date: 05/18/06 15:52
Chapter: The Potter House

Hey, nice story. The only thing you could do to make it better, is to use more contractions. When you say things like, "“She has talked very little,” he continued, “And the only times in which she has talked always about you. ‘Harry said this,’ or ‘Harry did this,’ or ‘Harry and I,’ it is getting frustrating. The rest of the time it is just grunts and mumbles.""
Some of it sounds very unnatural in speech. Instead of someone saying 'it is', they would usually just say 'it's', non? But it's good, I'm just very nit-picky.

Reviewer: LilyDaae
Date: 01/12/06 16:54
Chapter: Real Family

even though its not very far on, i really like you're story, esp the first chapter. update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks!!! More to come...

Reviewer: Hermione816
Date: 01/11/06 15:14
Chapter: The Potter House

I really enjoyed reading this. You have a very strong sense of plot, and I have an idea that you know where you headed with this! Keep it up...wasn't exactly what I expected from something listed under "Romance" fanfic, but very good nonetheless!

Author's Response: There will be more H/G and R/Hr down the road... stay tuned!

Reviewer: QueenHal
Date: 01/11/06 15:05
Chapter: The Potter House

You've done an incredible job here. What a way to start Book 7! We have the intriguing history of Godric's Hollow, cameos from both Salizar and Godric himself, and the tale of the fateful Halloween night from a Muggle's eyes. Brilliant. Here you have a very, very strong introduction to your story—one that is reminicient of JKR's own way of opening her tales.

Not only do you have a strong structure, but you have a wonderful way of writing. I see that you are trying to imitate Jo's style, but I also think you have a strong voice of your own. I'm very interested in seeing what you can do for later chapters.

I'm just curious about one thing. Gryffindor and Slytherin lived about 1000 years ago, yet certain things about the way you describe their town hit me as more modern. For instance, pubs were usually “Inns” that doubled as taverns, and I don't believe that medieval towns had mayors... I might be wrong, though :)

I just have a couple nitpicks: He presented a very fierce look upon his face at times, and was rumored to carry a stick in his right hand at times, about eleven inches in length. you say “at times” twice in this sentence. I suggest just deleting the second, or inserting “often” in there.

A weird since on calmness and coldness filled the room, only to be replaced by more screams. I'm guessing you meant, “A weird sense of...”

“Now young Potter. You look extraordinarily like Prongs. Except, you have your mother’s eyes. But, alas, I have no more time for you. AVADA KEDAVRA!!!” For some reason, this doesn't sound like Voldemort to me. I'm just being very picky here, but I think that your story is so wonderful in almost every way, so Voldemort's characterisation here just kind of jarred me. I imagine him saying something a bit more evil and toying... for example: “Now young Potter,” he hissed, “your sneaky little parents are dead, and there's no one here who can save you. See, you existing is a bit of a problem, a problem that I plan on disposing of very soon.”

But truly, even with the nitpicks, you've got a truly wonderful beginning here. I'm definitely adding this to my favorites, and will be looking for more from you in the near future!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll fix the grammatical problem right now... I was surprised to get any reviews today as this story has been up for weeks, I just submitted chapter 2, and it must be far down on the list! I had a heck of a time getting Voldy to do what I wanted to do... A hard characted to write about. This chapter has everything to do with the rest of the story, and I have written up to chapter 7 already. Once again - thanks!!!

Author's Response: Sorry, typo, character, not characted.

Reviewer: something_flowery
Date: 11/30/05 23:27
Chapter: The Potter House

interesting.. sad to think about their lives ending that way, but it had to happen.. awaiting the next chapter! good job :-)

Author's Response: Yeah, I couldn't exactly make them die without any pain. Thanks! More to come.

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Marred Boy by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
The two Marauders who were outcasts in their own homes. I am Padfoot11333...
A Seer Named Rosemary Snape by PlutoLovegood 3rd-5th Years
In 2018 Neville and Harry deliver a Hogwarts acceptance letter to Rosemary Snape...
whimper by psijupiter 6th-7th Years
I play to my strengths. As do we all. In the midst of the first wizarding...
Over A Mug of Tea by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
I think of her as a sister. The words rang clearly, loudly in his mind. I...
Gaps Between by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Falling in love teaches Dennis Creevey that sometimes, needing someone isn't...
To Fear the Flame by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
Neville hadn't expected his boggart to ever change. Perhaps he should have done.
Good King Ragnuk by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Ragnuk, King of the Goblins and master silversmith, forged a sword for Godric...