Awwww, it was a nice story.
Sometimes we, as authors, just feel like writing something really beautiful. I felt that in the opening paragraphs of this one-shot. The setting speaks of peace and beauty, which is such a stark contrast to the initial reactions one has when they read the title 'Scars.'
The third paragraph conveys the feeling of relief so tangibly. I loved the pride Harry had for his Quidditch scar. You also made me reflect on the "I must not tell lies" scar. Perhaps it's not completely terrible - after all, Harry stands for good, love, truth and justice.
From a technical point, there were a couple of things I wanted to point out:
“Reminders that my past is real. But it also reminds me that if I have scars it is only because I can heal. That’s what you do, Hermione, you heal me. In ways I never knew were possible. You are always there, quietly putting your laughter and your smiles right on the deepest scars. The ones no one sees but you.” [Remove the quotations here or just combine the paragraphs.]
“Do you want to know why it took me so long to realize my feelings for you?” Harry asked.
In the last paragraph, 'new day' is used twice. That's not terrible, but there are other ways to illustrate the idea. I find it's usually more powerful if you can state an idea multiple ways and can detract if you get too repetitive.
This was just so warm and lovely to read. I don't know quite how to express how great it was. I want to use the word simple, but only in the connotation of it being simple like a flower or a sunrise or a smile. I'm glad I was your SPEW buddy so that I could stumble happily across this gem!
Wow...This was a realy good story! I wish it wasn't a one-shot. Write more!:)
I honestly think that is the sweetest Harry/Hermione story I’ve ever read, honestly. It’s wonderful, not too fluffy, and I think it really stays attuned to the characters of Harry and Hermione. It really is just lovely. Your writing is like a warm bed, or a beautiful sunset, it’s comfortable, it makes you want to stay a long time, because it’s something you recognize, it’s something you know. It’s really very close to a soul of a person, very poetic almost, but not with the vagueness of poetry, you’re writing is very real and familiar. I absolutely adored reading it.
The love you put between Harry and Hermione here was not only adorable and sentimental but exactly what I, as an avid Harry/Hermione shipper look for in a story like this, it could happen. I can see this evolving from where their story ended in Half-Blood Prince, the fight Ron and Harry had. I feel like this could have happened, and that is thrilling.
I love the concept of examining scars and the connection to Harry and Hermione’s relationship, you really fit that in quite nicely, and naturally the title is quite perfect. Scars is really quite fitting to their relationship because their relationship isn’t simple, it was born out of struggle and terrible times. If they came together in different times, or as normal teens, maybe scars would be morbid, but the connection with their past is really great.
“But only because you were my best friend, you were so close, so much a part of me that I began to think things had always been that way and always could be.”
That is so beautiful, I nearly swooned sitting here in my chair…if I were the really sentimental type, I would have cried, I LOVE this line.
My only real critique was that they (Harry and Hermione obviously) addressed each other by name far too often; I think it interrupted the flow of the story a bit. Obviously they are the only two there, and you can see the deep connection between them without all the name-calling, as intimate as it is.
Otherwise though, I thought this was great, this is definitely going on my favorites list, it was a beautifully written Harry/Hermione story, I’d recommend it to anyone! As a matter of fact I probably should post this on the thread on the forums. Good Job!
Okay, this is a well written fic. It has balance, description, introspection, and it's emotionally engaging.
I really loved the following description: She had never seen him look so peaceful. His features were relaxed, his lips slightly parted, even his usually disheveled hair seemed to be at rest as it lay against the pillow. The bit about his hair being at rest, was just perfect.
I tear my heart open.
I sew myself shut.
My weakness is that I care too much.
My scars remind me that the past is real.
I tear my heart open, just to feel.
You were either listening to Papa Roach when writing this fic, or they read your fic when writing their song, one or the other. *smile* (I love that song.)
There was one line that struck me as a touch over the top, a tiny touch melodramatic. She felt her soul complete itself. It's a fine line, and a taste issue really. *shrug*
Umbridge made him write I must not tell lies, not I can not tell lies.
Very sweet! I don't normally read H/Hr (it weirds me out), but occasionally I will find a good story that makes me like it. I thought this was very sweet and well written and thought that your characterization was excellent. Good job, dearie.
This is a nice story. Very rich in details and the pace is perfect. I'm not a H/Hr shipper but this seemed perfectly natural. Very well done. 10/10
“Yes, I am just sad at the thought that this perfect moment is already just another memory. Time goes by so quickly, I feel it slipping through my fingers.” What an utterly despondent remark! Poor Harry.
I like your use of the scars telling a story. I sort of expected more metaphorical use of scars, though. I thought you might do more with the scars that are unseen. Perhaps even something with Hermione's unseen scars. Still, I liked that when Hermione told the story of Harry's scars it ended up being her story.
This is so well written that you make me almost believe that this ship is possible. But not quite. *giggles*
Author's Response: I am obsessed with the passing of time!
Maybe I will go back and correct the things you mentioned about the metaphorical scars and Hermione's scars. I just figured Harry's internal scars would be implied and obvious, maybe not. I just always fear revising. *cringes*
Wow! That well written? Well, that was my plan? Convert the world to H/Hr shippers. Resistance is futile!! Come over to the warm and fuzzy side! Come on, you know you want to!!
Wonderful! I am not normally a Harry/Hermione shipper, but this was great! I love the way you write, you pay good attention to detail and the way you word things is simply breath-taking! Is this a one-shot? If it's not, update, update, update!!! 10 for sure!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! My plan to convert the world to H/Hr shippers is under way! You just wait!! Well, whether it works out in canon or not, I still enjoy writing it. And I am flexible, but it just makes sense that way. I am so glad that you are open minded. And I love the review! They always make my day! And yes, it is a one shot. Sorry. But I think it is complete just the way it is. Maybe another similar one shot at some point down the road. But for now I am concentrating on getting "In Memoriam" approved. Thanks again for the read and the review!!
very interesting. I have never read a fic written like this before, and i like it. pursue writing.
Author's Response: Gald you liked it. Thanks so much for the review. It is always nice to know what people think. *cough, cough* I sure do enjoy writing as a hobby. Happy reading!! I will have a new one shot out soon. Probably within the next week.
Wow, what a wonderful read! I'm thoroughly surprised that only two people left reviews. This is certainly worthy of far more. First of all, your descriptions were fantastic. You really know how to string words together to create an amazing image for the reader. And the last line, about the darkness becoming only a memory, really carried a double meaning, and I loved that. It was so intense, so resonating and true to the theme of the story. Brilliant. I think my favorite part was when Harry woke up. "What are you doing?" Sounds like such a harsh question, but something I can hear him saying. And his initial reaction that Hermione was disgusted by his scares hit me really hard. I can't describe what I felt, but it was a jumble of sadness and intrigue all at once. I also liked that his scars weren't just from the War, but from Ron and Quidditch and things he loved. It sent the message that the best things in life leave marks too. Though only a one-shot, the moral(s) left me quite enthralled, and the attention to detail only rounded the story off perfectly. Personally, I'm not one for fluff, so some parts were slightly too sappy for my taste. But as is clear from my review, I still loved it, and thought you did a nice job. You have potential as a writer, and I do hope you take advantage of that. 9/10
Author's Response: I am so glad you left a review. I was beginning to despair. 800+ reads and only two reviews... I don't want to complain, but it just seems awfully off. I loved ALL your comments, even about it being a little too sappy for you. Other people have told me the same thing. A good friend went so far as to liken it to a "harlequin romance". But I don't mind the criticism, it is good to hear anything. And I love that you had any opinion at all that you felt anything, it really makes me feel good. I was so happy to see this review that I read it several times just savoring it. Once again thanks for taking the time to review and leave your opinion-- it means a lot to me!
Wow! You're a great writer! :) I love this story, 10!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment and for the review!
Wow I just love you're story... It's just sooo nice.... Please write more stories like this.... You are such a great writer... I rely enjoyed reading this story...
Author's Response: Thanks... I am glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to review. Happy reading!