Yet again, very good. How you worked in the arrival of Dumbledore and Harry was seamless. I also like how you kept the awkward bumblingness of Tonks throughout all the chapters, along with her brashness. The only thing I would like to see in this chapter is for more conversation between Tonks and Molly.
Regardless, I really enjoyed this. If you are going to continue this, that would be glorious; I'd love seeing it progress further.
Author's Response: Thank you :] It's been quite abandoned, I must admit. But it will be continued. I don't intend to finish it so suddenly at all.
I really enjoy this. I like how well you captured the Order; that is exactly how I pictured their meetings.
For the record, in the 5th paragraph,you left she out of the first sentence. [b]When had seen him fall slowly through...[b]
And this is just something curious I thought of, but might the scourgify spell not make the noodles disappear because of Gamp's Laws? Just food for thought (pun unintended but accepted.).
Author's Response: I'm glad you think I captured the meeting well; it was something I really tried hard for. As for the little nit-pick, I'll go fix it right away. And Gamp's Law is what exactly? *goes to look it up* Heh, nice pun. Thanks for the review!
Awww, are you going to continue this?? Because I REALLY enjoy it, it seemed to be written by JKR herself. Please continue, this is really good, it really drew me in from the moment I read it. You captured Tonk's personality from the start, instead of what most people do, which is write what they want. I will be awaiting your next chapter.
Author's Response: Yes, I will continue. It just takes me a while to get the chapters out. And I have been out of town for 3 weeks, so I haven't written. It'll keep coming! Slowly but surely.
i love it!!!
i dont know how you do it but its almost like it's a real part of the real books! it flows so perfectly and its not the least bit confusing! hope you update very very soon!!!
A lovely story I was glad I could read! I’ve decided to review all three chapters at once; I hope that’s okay. :) To start off, there’s a small formatting error in the first chapter towards the end. Nothing major, it’s just distracting!
“She had stayed up late the night before attempting to organize her small flat.” A teeny Brit-pick for chapter Two, changing an ‘z’ to an ‘s’ British-ises it. That’s usually the case with more Americanisms. There was also … “once she had realized that it was Tonks,” and “Remus apologized as he headed “ in Chapter Three that was Americanised. Sometimes your computer can automatically change an s to a z, I know my auto-correct does that sometimes!
I loved the tension you built in between Remus and Nymphadora, especially in the restaurant scene, and how you flicked back and forth between the two of them, after he delivered the letter. The flashback was very effective – I liked how you sort of skimmed over it, and then returned to it later, in detail. It was a good technique! And, how you tied in so seamlessly with Canon was really well done. It didn’t seem like you were writing Tonks into the scene like many people do, you actually managed to show that scene from a different perspective.
It was a sad ending, but by no means a disappointing one. I would have liked to see you carry on to the Hospital Wing Scene in HBP, seeing as how fluidly you inserted the first canon scene, but what you had here was just as much of a joy to read. A great Fic.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! This is an absolutely fantastic review. I'm very American, so thank you for the little Brit-picking there. I definitely need it. Thanks you for the positive reinforcement. I am definitely carrying on this story, it will just be a while because I am leaving town for a month!
I don't think Tonks is too girly. After the first chapter, Tonks's emotions seemed to be more believable. I do think she's emotional, but she's not giggly. Tonks has shown her emotion, but I think she's just about at the point to begin a repression stage or something of the sort that we see during HBP. I think Remus has been too forward, though, but I think she would be the one to tell him her feelings first.
"Was Remus Lupin asking her on a date?" is not the first reaction I think Tonks would have. Maybe it would be something like her other thought about Sirius. This might be a better thought added later on as she muses over the note. Also, Remus's lines when he first talks to Tonks that begin with "I’ve just lost my last remaining friend" just don't seem to have the hesitance I think Remus would have talking about these issues. I think he would feel more hesitant and slightly evassive when he first spoke of these things to Tonks. Also, Remus's comment about women seems slightly OOC, too. However, the rest of the conversation, after Remus's sudden gut spilling, has a more organic feeling to it. Tonks grabbing Remus's hand, while extreme, is believable, and the name arguement is also appropriate.
I liked Remus's thoughts, but I still am getting the feeling his actions are just too extreme for his character. He's all about surpressing his emotions and not getting close to people. Even when Tonks practically attacks him at the end of HBP, he doesn't really react. I think you need to convey more of the evassiveness of Remus's character.
Author's Response: So, I'm being too upfront abotu Remus? What I was trying to do what give a little bit of lead up to Tonks looking "mousy" at the Burrow on the night that Harry arrvies. It's a bit difficult to do so in two short chapters, but maybe I should... make Remus less foward, which would make Tonks even more unhappy because she wouldn't know what he was thinking...?
I liked how you began this story. You described Tonks's apartment and her mannerisms so that the reader could put themselves in that place with Tonks. The beginning part is really probably the strongest part of this chapter.
As I began to read, Dumbledore's speeches didn't click with me. "I assure you this will be a very trying task but stay optimistic, for this will lead to the weakening of Dark power" just doesn't seem to be something Dumbledore would say. Maybe he'd say it with more wit? Also, I think he'd have some people report information at the meetings. "Her cheeks reddened as Dumbledore shifted at her outburst" doesn't seem like something Dumbledore would do, either. I think he would probably give her a knowing twinkle or something similiar. Also, Tonks went from mourning Sirius's death to being silly at dinner almost instantaneously. You might want to make your emotion transitions make more sense because this just jarred your story. I was left wondering why Tonks was now giggling instead of being sober and thinking about Sirius.
Also, I felt Remus was being forward Tonks in the last line and throughout the story. Maybe this is what you want, but I felt Remus's actions weren't as subtle or as business like as they typically are described.
Author's Response: What a fantastic review! Thanks so much for looking at my story MorganRay, it's just what I needed. I think I'll be looking through my original chapters now and making a few adjustments.
Great! I need nore soon!
Well done! The forum chats seem to be helping :D. Remus is very nicely done. For a while I thought you'd made him a bit OOC (last chapter) when he seemed rather clueless, but his subsequent inner thoughts cleared that up. Tonks is maybe a little too conventionally girly in spots, but overall she's not bad. Great job, keep going!
Author's Response: Thanks for the pointers, I'll keep that in mind.
i wanna cry!! the end was so sweet that i've got tears in my eyes. i wonder who apologised. i hope it wasn't Remus, but knowing him, it probably was. Tonks was the one in the wrong, she should apologise first
hey i love this story it's so sweet pleas up date soon
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! it ended to soon!!! >sobs<
Author's Response: ...it's not over yet?
Please update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really like it! I can't wait for the update!
Interesting story. Keep writing. :)
really good and keep up the good work. update soon
Ok, erm, what exactly did you update?
Och, now i feel bad. =( Sorry to rant on you like that. Please forgive my rudeness. I just can see that you have a great story in the making and I was hoping that you wouldn't end it. Thanks for replying and happy writing! =D
Author's Response: Haha, no it's quite all right. I needed that extra little boost anyway because I was going to put it off a little more but I am really hoping it'll be up sometime this weekend!
Hey there, just wondering if you're gonna update soon. It saddens me to think that this story is over; if you're not going to continue, please tell us- if you're still visiting this website, that is....
Author's Response: I'm really sorry! I just have vacations and was out of town for three weeks and now i have exams and have absolutely NO time to write at all right now... so I will have this updated by the end of next week. I am sooo sorry for the delay!