Reviewer: magick
Date: 12/06/05 16:35
Chapter: The Dark Mark

This story is amazing! Please update soon, I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Lol, thanks for the double review.

Reviewer: Morphin
Date: 12/04/05 13:07
Chapter: Memories

That was very good- I would not have thought it to be your first fan fiction! The emotions seemed real, and you gave a proper reason for Malfoy acting so strange.. However, in the summary it says: 'will Hermione put the past behind her, or will she turn him in?'. She already has when she wrote to McGonagall. Did you intend to answer that question in the first chapter?

Author's Response: Hi Morphin, thanks so much for your review. No, she's not going to turn him in. I could not think of a single thing to say for that summary, I'm really sorry if it was confusing!

Author's Response: Just to tell you, I've just edited my summary so it's a bit more appropriate now. Thanks for letting me know.

Reviewer: dracos_angel918
Date: 11/24/05 12:23
Chapter: Memories

i lik it so far! update soon!!!!!

Author's Response: I couldn't find your review for so long! And you were my second reviewer for my firstchapter! Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story and hope you enjoy the next chapters

Reviewer: nonsequitur91
Date: 11/24/05 10:15
Chapter: Memories

Dear mooncalf, Wow, what a wonderful start to a great plot. Your word choice was terrific, not too many repetitive words... Although your story was well written, I had a few questions in mind: What was Malfoy doing in a car park? Where EXACTLY is Hermione? in her neighborhood? few blocks away from home? Why did Malfoy yell "obliviate", was he aware that he was hexing Hermione or did he suspect it was another death eater? This line, "She shook her head to dispel the image, raindrops flying from her mane of bushy hair" created such a realistic image. Some of the characters' actions were written in the same style, such as: "she thought...she imagined...she shook...." it gets redundant after a while and they were all in the same paragraph (try to cut back from the same pattern or scatter them throughout your story). Your transitions were good, "Curious, she looked around the corner into a nearly empty car park. What she saw made her gasp loudly". I thought Hermione was in character but she blushed every few seconds, I'm exaggerating but still... Her self esteem isn't THAT low! Malfoy seemed like such a funny character...I guess losing one's memory will do that .... he seemed so nice.... Also, I thought it was great how you left snipits of the magical world in Malfoy's memory banks "A Pepper-Up Potion? What was…" Here, "His blonde hair was covered in grit and dirt, giving it a grey colour. Water, dirty from his hair, was trickling down his face, leaving dirty smears behind it", was such a descriptive line! The ending was somewhat humorous, "She didn’t think they’d be too happy at finding a wanted Dark wizard staying at their house. They weren’t," and what a great way to end, it held suspence for the next chapter and it put the character in another difficult situation. Good writing. I look forward to your next update.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'll definitely keep on with the fic now and I'll try to keep the points you mentioned in mind. The questions you had: Hermione is about ten minutes from her house- sorry, I didn't make that very clear. The other questions should be answered later on. Thanks again!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
The Marred Boy by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
The two Marauders who were outcasts in their own homes. I am Padfoot11333...
FEATURED
whimper by psijupiter 6th-7th Years
I play to my strengths. As do we all. In the midst of the first wizarding...
Over A Mug of Tea by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
I think of her as a sister. The words rang clearly, loudly in his mind. I...
Gaps Between by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Falling in love teaches Dennis Creevey that sometimes, needing someone isn't...
To Fear the Flame by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
Neville hadn't expected his boggart to ever change. Perhaps he should have done.
Good King Ragnuk by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Ragnuk, King of the Goblins and master silversmith, forged a sword for Godric...
CATEGORIES