I really liked that story. It was really well written. I thought that you did a very good job with Harry's feelings. I really felt like I was inside his mind. It was exactly what I would imagine him to be thinking. I also liked your descriptions, not only about feelings, but about...everything. For example, I really liked this line: His brandy coloured eyes seemed to be looking right through him. Just those little things...I really like them. :D The only thing that I would say needed work was Lupin's character. He didn't radiate the same feeling of saddness as he usually does...besides that though, it was a really great story!
When I first saw this challenge I prepared myself to read a lot of Snape redemption fics. Yours is truly original in that Harry feels the need to be redeemed. It makes perfect sense though, we know from canon that he carries around a lot of guilt and he does think that some part of AD’s death is his fault. I also think it is totally feasible that Lupin would be doing the redeeming. I have always seen him as somewhat of a father figure to Harry, where I saw Sirius as more of a fun-loving older brother type. I think that Lupin and Harry have a lot in common when it comes to carrying around guilt and I think that you have done a great job here in relating that to us. I really feel a connection between the two of them.
"Harry, one thing you are not is a bad friend," Lupin said mildly.
I really liked this line because I think there is a lot of truth to that, both in HP and in real life. Harry is feeling guilty for putting his friends in harms way while at the same time he’s been saving them just as often if not more than when they are in danger. We often only see our faults and Lupin is right in pointing out some good to Harry. After all, they are at war and bad things are always going to happen.
"I know," Lupin nodded, leading Harry out of the room. "And I forgive you."
I think Harry needed to hear this more than anything and I really believe that Lupin is the only one who could tell him this and make a dent. I think that if it had been Ron or Hermione Harry would have just shrugged it off. It’s amazing how six little words can hold so much power.
All in all I think you did a wonderful job. It was truly enjoyable to read a different take on the redemption theme. Well done!
Go Hufflepuff! You're sure to win us some points for this one! Nice work!
awesome.toatally awesome!!sad,true,but AWESOME :.)
Not bad, but a little out of place, I think. It's six months after D's death and Harry is sitting in Hogwarts library doing nothing? Isn't he supposed to be out looking for horcruxes and Voldemort? Lupin seems a little out of place and character as well. Oh well, it's still a good fic. happy writing!
Author's Response: Without wishing to sound rude: a) he's not at Hogwarts, and b) He's with the Weasleys, at a safe house, at Christmas, and c) guilt doesn't go away overnight, neither does it go away even after 6 months. Guilt can last a lifetime. I wanted to show this in my story, that Harry has lost someone dear to him and he believes himself to be at fault. I know most people would choose Hermione, Ron or Ginny to be his redeemer, but I chose Remus for this challenge. I simply felt Remus might have better understood feeling at fault after losing someone (the Potters, Sirius, Peter, and failure to protect them). Might I request you re-read the story? Thanks. ~Lydia
Excellent story, I just have to agree with what everyone else has said =D I especially liked the line 'there was nothing you could have done' [Is that a canon line? it seems familiar....I don't know, maybe not] The only thing is; why was Lupin in the library all on his own? I was looking forward to finding out what was up with him. Anyway, great fic.
brill ur really a gr8 writer! 10! Lisa xxx
woah. that was really good. especailly that last line. i was like wow you're an amazing writer. sigh.
Wow! Amazing! Suberb! Really leaves in imprint in your memory. This is so good it will put my story to shame. The ending sentence is a really, very powerful one. It is well...there's really no word to describe it. Can't wait for the next chapter! (If there will be another one:)
wowz, great story, 10/10
This is really good. It makes my entry look like crap. Congrats on being the first to enter!
Great. Now I'm afraid to submit my responses. :P Yours is too good; mine are going to be put to shame. Fortunately, I wasn't planning on responding to this challenge. Well, what to say about your story...frankly, SomberBallad covered it all! *bows to SB* It was nice to see an in-character Remus for once, although Harry, I felt, as verging on a little too...I don't know. Sad doesn't seem to fit, but I always see Harry as getting angrier and bitter when he's depressed. It also took me awhile to understand the "safe house" thing, but then, I might just be slow. Otherwise, nothing negative I can say about this fic! It was extremely well done and, again, makes me wish that I was a better writer. Ah, well. The bad ones make the good ones like you shine all the more, eh? *wink*
Hi, i really liked this. You captured Harry's emotion very well and i liked the exchange between him and Remus. Well done.
Very nice! I like the kind of "hidden power,"if you will, behind Remus and Harry's exchange. I'm writing for Hufflepuff, as well, so good luck in the challenge. Badgers unite!
Very good story :)
Kudos to you! Wonderful story. You're style of writing is very unique. I love your figurative language in it. It makes it all the more emotional. I could feel Harry's pain and sorry. The story just leaps off the page. One of the best one-shots I've read! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Wow, I am truly and amazing stunned at this story, it was very good. One of the best one-shots I’ve ever read, you really took the challenge and used it in a unique way. You took the canon, and heart of these characters and caused them to interact in a realistic and meaningful way. I am so impressed, this really was a magnificent job, and I really hope that the rest of the Winter Stories will match this caliber of writing. I am very impressed.
Lupin and Harry were very much in character by themselves and with one another. I liked how you reflected back on their relationship, reminding us how close they really were once upon a time. I was pleased to see how you brought up Lupin’s “knowing glance”. I honestly smiled when I read that. Lupin taught Harry a lot of lessons his third year, and I think Harry realizes in a way that Lupin was like a dad to him in a time that he needed a dad. In this story, Harry really needed a dad, and so once again Lupin was there to be one. I mean, you could have used Hermione, Ron, or Ginny to be the one to give absolution. I think using Remus was so much more realistic in this situation so nice pick.
There are just a few things I have to critique…
However, in truth, he didn't want these thoughts to let go.
I would suggest rephrasing this sentence, there are other ways you can put this that make more sense when you read it. Say it out loud and try rearranging the words. There are a few different ways to help clear this up.
Lupin had hit home with many of his words --
Maybe it’s just me…but with such an elegantly written story I hate the phrase “hit home”. It seems a little casual or something; it doesn’t fit the flow of the story. Again it might be just me, but I think if you changed that phrase it might sound a little nicer.
"I know," Lupin nodded, leading Harry out of the room. "And I forgive you."
This sentence, this final sentence was GREAT!! It was so powerful and I loved it. It was a strong ending to a greatly written one-shot. It evokes a lot of emotion, and really shows the meaning of the story, just in that line. Nicely done. I was truly impressed with the whole thing, keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Yeah, I bristled a little at the "hit home" whenever I re-read my work. I was never sure what to put in there. :- I'll see what I can do with that. I'm glad you liked the story. I had started writing nearly as soon as the challenge was released, and was really proud of it by the time it was completed. But yes, as you've pointed out, still a few flaws that could be done with fixing. Thanks. ~Lydia
Excellent! I think Remus was a nice choice for Harry's redeemer (if that's what you would call it...). I wish you luck!
Fabulous! I really like this story; and I just want to hug Remus sooo much sometimes. I especially liked the line "Harry's train of thoughts derailed". I liked that very much. Great job!
That was really good. Good luck! Also, I'm from Hufflepuff too, so *YAY FOR HUFFLEPUFF!*