I like the free verse in which you've written this poem. The comparison to the phases of the moon has been brought out well. The allegory to the different phases does seem to reflect Nymphadora's mindset, and it is something which I've never thought of before. You have connected two seemingly interconnected lives in an intricate manner, that of Nymphadora, and that of the moon.
but not my heart -- there each of your words is a dagger.
In this line, however, I am confused as to the speaker and the subject being spoken about. I could make out that the person speaking is Nymphadora herself, but who is the person being spoken about? It's a little confusing in this line.
I loved the way you've incorporated the love-death-rebirth concept into the poem. It is something which has been woven in very intricately into the poem lines itself, and doesn't look forced or jutting out of the flow of the poem. These lines, especially, created quite an impact on me.
you grow smaller
shrinking and growing in a never-ending cycle
a cycle of life, death and rebirth
but love of him has halted the wheel
leaving me trapped here in the bowels of death and loss.
Here, however, I fail to see how Nymphadora is trapped under the bowels of death and loss. Death of whom? Loss, again, you haven't been very clear about. I think it is the loss of Lupin that you're talking about, but it feels a little too confusing when we read it together.
dark as the sky
with a veil of stars
a veil that might be mine
a raiment of glittering teardrops
if he would only admit that he loves me.
Here again, I find this a little confusing. The veil of stars is compared to teardrops, yes, but why would she want to have it? You mention earlier in the poem that her face had already become numbed due to the overflowing tears, so I really can't see why she would wish for another veil of darkness filled with teardrops.
ok a bit dark 7/10
Author's Response: eh...I was depressed. s'good, then.
Good, but I wish you had put a story with it.
Author's Response: Who knows? I might someday...heck, I'm going back to band camp in a week. Maybe I'll write it then...
Hi again, sorry to be pedantic but shouldn't you use capital letters.....
Author's Response: Yeah I thought about that...but that's the way I wrote it and I didn't really want to change it. Besides I was getting a real feeling of lostness and surrender from this.(Does that make sense? It doesn't much to me.) But glad you liked it! I love Remus/Tonks too and wish there was more fic in the Mugglenet archive.
Very good! So descriptive! I love poetry :D I have a Remus/Tonks poem too. Anyway it's brilliant, I like how you used the phases of the moon. I love the moon! :D
That's good. The repitition of the verses is a bit confusing, though. I like it.
Author's Response: *squints at page* Oh. Oops. If I was smoother I'd say I did it for literary reasons,but I think I just pasted it in there twice. Thanks for catching that!