Reviews For Phases
Reviewer: Hermoine Jean Granger
Date: 10/30/08 8:41
Chapter: Phases

I like the free verse in which you've written this poem. The comparison to the phases of the moon has been brought out well. The allegory to the different phases does seem to reflect Nymphadora's mindset, and it is something which I've never thought of before. You have connected two seemingly interconnected lives in an intricate manner, that of Nymphadora, and that of the moon.

but not my heart -- there each of your words is a dagger.
In this line, however, I am confused as to the speaker and the subject being spoken about. I could make out that the person speaking is Nymphadora herself, but who is the person being spoken about? It's a little confusing in this line.

I loved the way you've incorporated the love-death-rebirth concept into the poem. It is something which has been woven in very intricately into the poem lines itself, and doesn't look forced or jutting out of the flow of the poem. These lines, especially, created quite an impact on me.

you grow smaller
shrinking and growing in a never-ending cycle
a cycle of life, death and rebirth
but love of him has halted the wheel




leaving me trapped here in the bowels of death and loss.


Here, however, I fail to see how Nymphadora is trapped under the bowels of death and loss. Death of whom? Loss, again, you haven't been very clear about. I think it is the loss of Lupin that you're talking about, but it feels a little too confusing when we read it together.


new moon
dark as the sky
with a veil of stars
a veil that might be mine
a raiment of glittering teardrops
if he would only admit that he loves me.


Here again, I find this a little confusing. The veil of stars is compared to teardrops, yes, but why would she want to have it? You mention earlier in the poem that her face had already become numbed due to the overflowing tears, so I really can't see why she would wish for another veil of darkness filled with teardrops.

Reviewer: snapelover17
Date: 01/11/07 19:44
Chapter: Phases

ok a bit dark 7/10


Author's Response: eh...I was depressed. s'good, then.

Reviewer: goobersam9
Date: 07/01/06 15:29
Chapter: Phases

Good, but I wish you had put a story with it.

Author's Response: Who knows? I might someday...heck, I'm going back to band camp in a week. Maybe I'll write it then...

Reviewer: Antipodean Opaleye
Date: 11/17/05 21:41
Chapter: Phases

Hi again, sorry to be pedantic but shouldn't you use capital letters.....

Author's Response: Yeah I thought about that...but that's the way I wrote it and I didn't really want to change it. Besides I was getting a real feeling of lostness and surrender from this.(Does that make sense? It doesn't much to me.) But glad you liked it! I love Remus/Tonks too and wish there was more fic in the Mugglenet archive.

Reviewer: Antipodean Opaleye
Date: 11/17/05 21:40
Chapter: Phases

Very good! So descriptive! I love poetry :D I have a Remus/Tonks poem too. Anyway it's brilliant, I like how you used the phases of the moon. I love the moon! :D

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 11/11/05 21:41
Chapter: Phases

That's good. The repitition of the verses is a bit confusing, though. I like it.

Author's Response: *squints at page* Oh. Oops. If I was smoother I'd say I did it for literary reasons,but I think I just pasted it in there twice. Thanks for catching that!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
M.I.T.: Entente Cordiale by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
FEATURED
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...
CATEGORIES