lol, well, I have to say these were ammusing if not a bit transparent.
I liked how you portrayed the personalities of the authors into the letters. Although there are some awkward sentences in a few, specifically in "Harry's"
this problem is being very detrimental to my education,
would sound a little better without the "being"
And although I loved "Ron's" question on advice on how to ask out "Hermione" was cute, it was a little difficult to read with all his side tracks to convince Dumbledore that it was "his friend". One or two would have done it for me, specifically since this is a written letter and suposedly people could edit or rewrite a letter to fix all of those. I also thought it was funny that the potions essay from the first chapter is mentioned again (still unfinished), but seems rather presumpteous that he'd ask Dumbledore to do his homework for him.
The letter about the broken nail was rather rediculous (obviously it was supposed to be). But it seems silly that someone would really worry that much about a broken nail and resort to asking Dumbledore about it. Plus it seems odd that he'd recommend Hermione for the solution (Hermione's far from being that bothered by fingernails, she'd use a fingernail trimmer and leave it at that). Which of course, would have been the easiest response! But obviously the writer is that vain...
Charming chapter and I look forward to what rediculousness I'm in stor for next!
Author's Response: Yes - the wizarding community haven't quite figured out the art of subtlety yet! I'll have a look through Harry's in particular after my re-vamp of chapter one - thanks for picking that out! *giggles* Ron's letter confused me as well - and I was supposed to know what he was going on about, since I was writing it! ("Supposed" being the key word here!) But I thought I ought to keep it up for continuity. As for Ron asking Dumbledore for help - well, he's a Gryffindor - he's brave! =p
Urgh - I hate the nail letter, it's so stereotyped. But you could say that I was making fun of clichés - and that sounds better, so let's say that! Yes, if the writer had used some scissors or something then her nails would have been short - and that won't do! ...Not sure why though...
Well, at least you're prepared for further ridiculousness - maybe I'll find you, stuck in the middle of it when I'm spring cleaning it! If I am, I promise to pull you out from the gloop! *huggles* Thank you again dear, for another wonderful review!
Hello Kiara love!
This is your favorite SPEW buddy, ready and raring to go on this most interesting fic. I have to say, I've seen the banner around, and was pleased to finally have an excuse to sit down and start reading it (darn procrastination-itis).
Anyway, this is a very appealing beginning to your fic. A good intro that's kept my interest and makes me want to hit the next button.
The characterization so far is okay, there are some stellar moments, and some iffy ones. For example, Ron, I loved the line:
“What’s that?” Hermione asked, gesturing towards the empty piece of parchment now lying forgotten on the table in front of Ron.
“Nothing, unfortunately.” Ron replied, glaring daggers at it.
The response was so witty and sarcastic, so Ron. So often people want to make Ron the dunce, or laughing-stock, when Ron's humor is more subtle. The only problem I had with his characterization was that Hermione teased that he wasn't the first one to lunch, and immedately he ran out the door tipping over chairs. I really think he might have scowled at his parchment some more, and weedled Hermione into helping him with it so he doesn't starve or something along those lines.
I also thought it was a bit off that the boys would choose to be lazy and wait for Hermione to tell them what's on the notice board instead of investigating for themselves... We know that they are both inquisitive. Although, the bantering about their suggestions as to what the announcement might be was quite humorous. Although the paragraph,
So Harry sat down and they bounced ideas around, which ranged from there being another Ball (“No! It was enough trouble last time! I don’t think there could be another one with me still alive at the end of it!” Ron looked positively sick at the mere prospect), to there being a Hogsmeade trip (“Nah, to boring,” Harry commented. “You couldn’t make a decent story out of that.”) to the teachers deciding they’d had enough work, and were cancelling all exams (“That‘s why Hermione‘s not here then! She‘s probably gone to complain!” Ron joked), to Snape having been eaten by the Giant Squid (Ron got particularly excited about this one, they had double Potions next and he hadn‘t finished his homework.
is all one sentence. I know that you are trying to keep a flow going and interject the reactions to each suggestion, but it's a bit much to take in one sentence. Also, all of the parenthesis make it a little difficult. I might suggest breaking the whole thing up into smaller sections. like one line, then on the next, put the reaction in italics or something. It would be easier to read visually I think.
I hope you don't think this is too harsh! *hugs* because I really did love this and am going to read the next chapter right now! I can't wait to see what kind of problems Dumbledore is faced with in his column and how he chooses to respond to them.
I am curious though, is his column for all of the wizarding community (like in the Daily Prophet)? Or is this going to be just for Hogwarts? I'm sure I'll figure that out soon enough, but that's my only question upon first impression.
*Hugs* Thank you for a delightful and fun read!
Author's Response: Amanda!! *huggles* Thank you for such a lovely review - and for being my favourite SPEW buddy! I really don't like it when everyone makes Ron out to be stupid, as he's not - look at all the things he's done in the books that are extremely clever, like the chess match and figuring out that there was something up with Hermione when she was using the time turner. To that end, I completely agree with you on the food thing - I will have to change that right now, as I hate it, I really do! In fact, *whispers* I'm not too fond of this story, certainly not the beginning anyway. It was my first fic, and this was before I'd discovered the wonders of a beta, so it probably won't be very good. Although I don't mind a few of the later chapters - but anyway!
You make a good point about the boys' inquisitiveness - I'll add something in about how they've just got back from Quidditch practice, and are trying to make each other go and look as they're too tired, resulting in them waiting for Hermione. And yes, I'll change that run-on sentence!
Hun, of course I don't think it's too harsh! You've given me loads to think about - and if anything, I'd say you could be plenty harsher! I completely agree with you on all those points (and several more you've probably been too polite to mention!) - the only thing that's stopped me going back to revise this so far is the fear that I'd likely as not delete it all! Well, that and the fact that I was lazy. But, I think now the time is ripe to delve into the depths of my first fanfic - ahh!
The column is for the entire wizarding community, as Dumbledore would like to help everyone, only he really doesn't have the time, so it wouldn't really be fair to just have it in Hogwarts. You'll find a few letter from pretty much everyone later...but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing!
Thank you for your lovely review, Amanda! *huggles*
omg i love all ur letters!!!!
Author's Response: I'm really glad, they were all fun to write! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
can just ask hu the second letter was from?
Author's Response: *lol* I really hope you're joking here - as Fudge is even less subtle thqan everyone else put together - and that's saying something!
hehe i love this.....
Author's Response: Thanks!
lol this is reli good so far....i love Ron...HIS FRIEND'S letter and the response to the first letter from Harry 'if im rite...'
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it - yes, Ron's letter was fun to write! As for whether the first one is from Harry, read on to find out - although I'd say you're on the right track...
This is the best fanfiction I have read on here. Seriously. It's amazing! I really hope you right some sort of sequal or something.
Author's Response: Wow - thank you, I'm really glad you enjoy it so much! There are a lot of other good fics out there - check my favourites, there are some great ones there. As for a sequel - never say never...
oh, nice!! poor voldy... *gives a tissue*
Author's Response: Poor Voldemort?! Have you missed all the murders he commited?! Well, I guess he did have to wear a pink hat...
santa again! ingenious!
Author's Response: Yes - the evil genious returned!
santa...oh my gosh. Hilarious!
Author's Response: I'm glad you think so!
Author's Response: Yes, laughter is good...
lol. I love this ending. I thought the final chappie was the last one so I didn't read this anymore. But thankfully, i did. This is, as usual, funny!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed it and carried on reading!
I loved this story. The ''Crazy Frog'' thing made me really crack up. Thanks for making me laugh!
Author's Response: No problem - thank you for reviewing!
Awesome! I really enjoyed it, so I'm kind of sad it's over. Can't wait to see more of your stories!
Author's Response: Thank you! Ah, well, everything has to come to an end. I'm thrilled that you want to read the rest of my stories, I have several others up which all have some humour in (I actually like most of them more than this - but shhh!). Thanks for reviewing!
great chappie! btw tho, it was goats, not sheep. GOSH! and u cal yourself a harry potter fan... JK!
Author's Response: Oops - I'll go change that! Thanks for catching it! ...Actually, I don't call myself a harry potter fan - it's my secret! Thanks for reviewing!
can it be folks... nah... but YES it is! It's a..... love PENTAGON! Ron, Hermione, Dean, Pavarti, and our beloved Bulgarian face off in The Jealous Couples! k that was random!
Author's Response: *giggles* Yes, it was random - but randomness is good! Who will be the victor? YOU decide! Er - wait, no you don't - I decide! =p
lemme gues... is is Misinterpreted.. The Bloody Baron? lol
Author's Response: *Bingbingbing!* Yes - that was the sound of a correct answer! Well done!
come on now ron... SO thick! btw, right now i'm really supposed to be typing up an essay... shh!
Author's Response: Ah - well that's boys, for you! You can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!
very subtle pen names lol! I really like this story... I mean erm... my friend really like this story... I mean erm... can you do my Geo homework, I already have 1/2 a pharahraph, can u do 7 1/2 more on the use of Feaudaism in modern society? thanks...
Author's Response: Yes - aparently subtlety isn't a class taught at Hogwarts, although after these letters they are seriously considering it... Well, I'm glad someone likes the story! Sorry - I don't take Geology, and if you're talking about Geometry - hahaha!
hehehe, u have Ron down perfectomundo! great jobolina! (so I love word endings, sue me!)
Author's Response: Thanks! Well, since JKR is being so kind and not sueing us for using all her characters, I'll follow suit and not sue you!