The writing wasn't tops, and i found it quite rushed. Keep writing, though!
sound very perfact.
this is good i hope this is the way the real author seen how the par got together.
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see what you write next!!!!!!
It was cute, but short. I think you might have put the dialogue in at the beginning, instead of just describing it all. It's also hard to believe for me that she just "wakes up" one day and decides she likes the boy she's despised for six years, and then kisses him on the spot. But then, I've always been a little cynical. :-)
plzplz plz write more
u r and amazing writer i love wour story
AWWWWW!! You should have developed it more! Still cute, though :)!
That was sweet. Short, but sweet. Hehe.
Awww...that's so sweet. I like your story, I wish you would continue it. It's very good! Keep writing, you'll get better as you go along! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks! I have no idea what I would do to continue it, honestly. I just wrote this before I went to bed one night and it actually turned out pretty descent. I'm working on another fic that got refused by mugglenet but I'm fixing it and resubmitting it soon...
This is pretty good. But I do think that there is room for improvement. One thing that I thought I should point out is this: "I honestly believed he had stopped liking me, but then today happened. Then..." You have two 'thens'. You don't need both, as you are repeating yourself. I also don't think that Lily and James could have gotten together overnight. It probably took a while for Lily to warm up to him. This has the potential to be very good, maybe if you just worked on it a little more. I hope my review has not discouraged you, I only mean to be helpful.
Author's Response: Thanks, I didn't even notice the two thens. And don't worry it doesn't discourage me, it's very helpful when people point out my mistakes.