Hey Livs! Natasha Johnson here, I've changed my penname :). Awesome chapter! I think this is my favorite, for some reason. It was really long, and I love long stuff. It was almost as long as my third chapter! Lol.
There were just two things I noticed. James has hazel eyes, I think, not brown...and "I hope you're mom didn't see that," I think the you're should be your. I know you hate punctuation corrections, but I just noticed that :).
I know exactly what you mean about writing styles changing! I have even gone so far as to delete the last two chapters of my story, but I'm working on improving them and changing somethings. I think since they were "published" my sense of the Marauders and Lily and everybody has changed a lot, and there are certain things I need to put in. So I totally understand :).
Alright, I freaking love this story!!! It's so good! I hope you get the next chapter up soon! Good luck with everything! Love,
Author's Response: I would like completely re write everything I've done so far butI'm too lazy. I totally get what you mean about the characters changing. You kind of get them more. Um...oh yeah, the hazel thing: I'm generally putting brown because hazel is a form of brown and it just sounds kind of stupid if you say hazel all the time because it sounds like you're trying to be all poetic. So I know they're hazel (and everytime I come to write about his eyes I think about this) but I generally out brown. The grammar thing I am changing right now. OH YEAH! Long chapters - I just wrote my longest ever. It was 4353 words and oh man, it is such a monumental chapter. Love it. Anyway, get yours back up soon cos I check pretty much every day and they're never there! Love Livs xxx
oh wow, the other one was way better. sometimes the mods can be crazy not to accept great chappies. anyways i luv the story, update soon!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you. I love it that people are reading the other one because it's just so much better. It slows it all down as well which is good. Thank you! xxLivsxx
Well, after rereading this one a second time, I would go and reread the original, but a very evil joke has been played on HPFF so I cannot until tomorrow. Grr. Good chapter.
Author's Response: Lol the same on Mugglenet.
Great job, I read the original version like you said and it was awesome. I don't know why MNFF didn't accept it, but this one was good too. I loved it! I guess it wouldn't really be a romance fic if there wasn't any kissing ;)
Author's Response: Cool, thanks for reading the other one. It was sucj a bum when they rejected it and I fought quite hard to keep it but in the end it wasn't worth it. And yeah, I love the fluff so much. Thank you for revewing, I'm gonna try to get chapters 7 and 8 up over the easter holidays which will be soooo good cos I can write all day! Thank you so much xxLivsxx
What an ending! I loved it, of course :D. Anything with James and Lily kissing is awesome, lol. I really liked what Dumbledore said before dinner: “Speeches are like after dinner mints – they are for after dinner,” he said, a slight smile on his face. “Let’s eat.” That's so Dumbledore! I will definitely try to read the original version of this as soon as I unpack...yes, I love you that much, I reviewed it right away, haha. And thanks for the review you left on my last chapter, it made me so happy! Bye, another awesome job, Livs!
Author's Response: Yay, I always look forward to reviews from you (and the Hat, of course) and I feel very honoured that you read it straight away! I'm also very glad that you liked Dumbledore cos he's really hard to write and I couldn't think of anything funny and witty and clever for him to say...I was going to be like 'Well, we're all hungry so I suppose we should eat...' LAME! Anyhoo, I'm about to check to see if your next chapter is up... Glad you liked it xxLivsxx
this chapter was really good too......i loved the way you made sirius funny and clueless, but still smart and stuff and the party thing was really cool. also neala's cool
Author's Response: Coolipops - thanks for this and your previous review. I love Sirius cos he is just great and he can get away with anything and I'm glad you like Neala cos I always worry about creating my own characters. That is why there's only one...which is Neala lol....Anyhoo, glad you lied it xxLivsxx
I loved this chapter!!!! it was so good, and i liked the romance. i really hope you write more, and not only on this story!
i absoloutly LOVED this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just update !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! updateupdateupdateupdateupdateupdateupdate!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: WOOOOO! You've made me all hyper! HAHA! I will update soonish...I have to check what I've already done cos the plot gets a bit more complicated now...anyhoo thanks! Livs xx
aww! that was so sweet! it was really funny and the ending was perfect!!
Author's Response: Thank you! It's really hard to make your writing funny cos you don't know if everyone will find that funny or just you...so yeah it's good that it's funny! Livsxx
I love fluff. YAYYYY James and Lily!
Good chapter. =)
Author's Response: Lol thanks. I love it too.
For some weird reason I just started whistling a Backstreet Boys song- woah. That was random. Anyway, pretty good chapter. There were a few places were stuff was a bit off. Ex: "He grinned at Neala as he passed her desk and took a seat behind them with the rest of the Marauders. Neala swivelled in her seat to face him." How can Sirius pass Neala, and then sit behind her?...Oh, and when James is sitting on the couch during the party, who don't really make it clear about who is who. Just check that out. :-)
Author's Response: He walks round in front of her desk and then takes a seat behind her...trust me, it makes sense. And when is James ever on the couch?
IT'S UP! JUST AS YOU GO AWAY FOR 3 DAYS! Well I've said it before, and I'll say it again - THEY SHOULD HAVE LET YOU USE THE SONG! But hey, life is hard, and Mugglenet is annoying. (You know I don't really mean it.) A bon bon bon chapter and I only have one more thing to say: I'm sooooo cooooold! Love you lots, Hats xxx
Author's Response: WOOOOO! YEAH! But the song really did make it cracking. Ah well...what can you do?
very good story so far!!!! i can't wait for the next chapter, i need to find out what happens next!! jeez, though, lily is really being stubborn about james!!! anyway, great story, update soon, yadda, yadda, yadda. 1000000000/10
Author's Response: Wow thank you! Chapter 6 is stiiiiiilll in the queue...
Man alive - where is Chapter 6?!?!
Author's Response: rejected....bummer
Haha, I love that; I'm a "regular", lol. Thank you :). Have you ever read my fic before? Yes, get up chapter 6 soon, and then we can all be happy ;D. Ttyl! ~Jade
Author's Response: I think I might have flicked through yours...not sure - I'll go see. It's still in the queue!
Author's Response: Well, you've read my reviews and I think it is fairly clear that I love yours - it is really, really great! I think that you shall now be my friend. Anyway, so long friend xxLivsxx
Jeez, you're really teasing us here with chapter six, aren't you!?!?!? Darn little author...hehe. No, really, you are a good author, I and can't wait to find out what you're soo happy about in chapter six. hehe. Just one thing. Instead of writing "because" or "'cause" (with an apostrophe before the c) you right "cos" and it is kinda annoying to me. I would recommend going back through the chapters and changing that to make it seem just a bit more...professional. Good story otherwise.
Author's Response: Man sorry...I guess I do that cos (oops I mean 'cause) that is how I write whenever i write as myself. I might go and change it one day but from now on I'll try to remember to do that. CHAPTER 6 IS IN THE QUEUE! AAAH!
Author's Response: Lol just to be fececious - you wrote 'right' instead of 'write'. Hehe. xxlivsxx
That was a great chapter. Very entertaining and exciting! I personally think the "Nobody touches LIly!" was just a bit cliche, but what guy isn't a bit cliche at somepoint in his life, right? I liked it very much, and I am going to go and read the rest of the chapters that are here...
Author's Response: I reckon you're right about the cliche but the first chapters are kind of pants cos I couldn't really remember how to write...anyway I am going to read your next review because I can write in those chapters xxLivsxx
I just sat here and read this whole story, and I must say, it was great! The plot is good, and your literacy skills are too (unlike some of the other authors .. hehe) Update soon, and keep up the great work! =)
Author's Response: Wow...I really don't know what to say that...I'm really flattered - thank you! It's so great to think that there are people out there who actually want to read something I've written. Thank you very much. I have a one shot in the queue which I did for a bit of a break but as soon as that is up I will put on the infamous chapter 6! Thank you again, xxLivsxx
Author's Response: OK so the one shot didn't get through cos apparently there was too much non dialogue but I'm not going to change it cos it will ruin the whole thing so I'm going to go ahead and submit chapter 6. Long sentence...xxLivsxx
I love every single one of your chapters. You just get the reader involved, it's really cool! (btw, I'm also Natasha, but I'm trying to keep it a secret, so hopefully no one will notice this, lol.) I think my favorite part was where Sirius kicks Lily, that was highly amusing. Sirius in general is amusing. Alright, please, yes, update soon! I keep hearing about this chapter 6 and I'm dying, so you know, if you want me to live to review, update, lol. :P, Tehani.
Author's Response: Aw I love you cos you are like 'one of my regulars' lol. Yeah, I totally agree about Sirius - he is just the greatest. This chapter 6 should be good - I cannot wait to see what everyone thinks cos I'm really proud of it lol! Thank you for being lovely xxLivsxx
WOO CHAPTER 5! FINALLY! Seriously, it took a while! (Obviously that wasn't your fault.) One step closer to Chapter 6, baby, means one step closer to GREATNESS! (Those who do not know the song are just missing out. FACT.... I'm feeling in a random mood as you may have noticed.) Chapter 5 was great, but you just wait until the joy that will be the next chapter, folks - it's like... well, you'll have to wait and see. But, personally, I just want Chapter 10. Hurry up, Libs! We may have to meet up so that I can read it before you type it up, I'm thinking. O yeah, and I don't think Remus likes Lily in THAT way, it's more platonic like H/Hr. Toofley pip! Hattie xxx
Author's Response: Lol I have discovered that chapter 10 is actually a bit crap...so I may need to improve that after raising expectations...BUT CHAPTER 6 IS SO COOL! Man I want to get that one up!
Author's Response: OH.MY.GOD. I was just going through and reading all my reviews and I was laughing at the one step closer thing when it came on! AAAAH! It's playing now, what fun.