Very nice. I loved this fic because it provided a spot on characterization of Lucius, and a really nice backstory to the torture of the Longbottoms.
I was completely convinced that the boy was Draco untill the very end, and the way you revealed who it was was really well done.
I actually never characterized Scrimgeour as the type to go in for that sort of deal with Lucius, even though he does prove to be more concerned with his image than the truth in HBP, I would have thought this was a change that happened to his personality when he got the Minister position, but it makes sense the way you've written it.
Anyhways great fic and keep writing!
I liked this story a lot. I never would have guessed it was Lucius narrating it, but it fits. I was thinking if he would really show himself in public with Bella and the others so close after Voldemort's fall, but I think he would, because at that point in time they weren't convicted as Death Eaters yet. His character was spot on, as was Bella's. Barty Crouch Jr. was very nicely done, although I'm not too sure if it's possible for him to have been friends with Frank while he was at school. I always thought Frank would have been out of Hogwarts for a few years already when Crouch Jr. started, but that's just me, so you might be perfectly right in saying they were there together for at least a few years.
I like the way you structure this story, focusing on the dialogue to further the plot and only occasionally mentioning details about their surroundings, it gave the story a mysterious feeling. You created great suspense with not showing us who the narrator is at first, I never would have figured it out on my own, but it kept my mind occupied the whole time. I, too, was surprised that Bella didn't try to talk Lucius into coming with them when they left, but then again she was so far gone in her fantasies of bringing Voldemort back, that she mightn't have noticed him staying behind like Rabastan did.
Wonderful story! I love your idea for how the torturing of the Longbottom's originated. I think it was a great idea hiding the identity of Lucius, as well as Crouch, for most of the story. Creating the story from Lucius's perspective also adds more than if there was a general narrator. Not many stories are actually told from his p.o.v. I also like the idea of Lucius being a traitor and turning the others in. He would look after #1 (himself). Your overall descriptions and details into the characters' personalities were very well-written. Bella was just evil! And I loved it! I was really drawn into the story. Great job!
Great fic, overall. I wouldn’t have expected it to be Lucius who was narrating, good job. It gives a good explanation to why the Longbottoms were tortured.
I especially liked your characterisation of Bellatrix. Though I’m not a great fan of her, I could see that you portrayed her like we see her in the books. The way she talked Rabastan into coming along, especially, was very Bella-ish. However, I was surprised to see that she let Lucius Malfoy go just like that. I would have expected her to talk Lucius into coming with her or something. But she just says “Coming, Lucius?” and he doesn’t reply and they leave. That’s the part where I was slightly disappointed. I would have wanted to see her at least try and persuade him into coming, but that’s just me.
…he pouted, am expression that extenuated the youthful lines of his face, making resemble look a child denied a chocolate frog rather than a hardened Death Eater.
That line was very funny and articulate. I could simply imagine Barty Crouch Jr’s face that way. A few typos I caught: he pouted, am expression…
an not am. Also, the next part of the sentence reads making resemble look… it should say ‘making him resemble’ or ‘making him look like’
And then comes the scene where Lucius tells Scrimgeour about the Longbottoms. It was very Lucius-like to go and tell on people, but funny how Bellatrix didn’t figure it was he who told them. She’s clever enough, but maybe she didn’t think Lucius would tell on her and the others. It’s also funny how Scrimgeour keeps up his promise to Lucius. This is all just me speculating, but I would expect Fudge or someone to obey what Lucius says. Scrimgeour, however, is a different story. He just doesn’t seem the type to me who would follow what Lucius says. He would probably have gotten the information from Lucius and told the Ministry that he was the one who found Lucius and got a confession out of him. Maybe, it’s just me, but I don’t think Scrimgeour would have followed what Malfoy said.
Anyway, the fic provided a great “missing moment” from the books and I enjoyed it!
Wow... that was amazing. I thought that you did an amazing job with the grammer and the technical aspects of it, as well as capturing the emotions perfectly. This was an incredibly well-written fic. Excellent job! 10!
Wow! This is a really well written fic! I totally did not suspect the speaker to be Lucius! AND the fact that he turned in the four we know to have tortured the Longbottoms for his own safety, that was brilliant. That really shows the Slytherin aspect to his personality- cunning and self preserving. The characterization was well written. Overall I think this was excellently written. Good job!