ooh, nice start. i can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thanks! Unfortunately, I have no immediate plans to finish this story :( However, you may like some of my other romances.
hey i can't wait for the rest of this story!!! keep writting! ♥
Author's Response: Thank you! I will!
Awesome! I love your style. Please keep this story going. Your attention to detail and portrayal of events from Remus/Hermione's point of view are well done.
(quote) "Now, she looked slightly nervous, but her bossy façade seemed to have left her somewhat. She still had appeared ready to explain anything she knew to anyone who would listen, but there seemed to be more real confidence behind that know-it-all show. She could not know exactly where she was going or what she would do when she got there, but she would go."
All the sentences in this paragraph are compounded with 'but.' Try different constructions to avoid repetitiveness.
Take care and keep writing Starmaiden. Pax.
Author's Response: Ooops. Thanks so much for your compliments and criticism -- it's so helpful! I have to say this story isn't top on my priority list right now, but I promise that it will get done.
amazing!! i can't wait for the next chapter! nice job
Author's Response: Thank you muchly!
I normally don't like Remus/Hermione fics, but I liked this one. Great start!
Author's Response: That's the ultimate compliment, to convince a non-believer! Thank you!
Let me start off by saying that I have never read or thought of reading a Hermione/Remus story before, not that it is a bad pairing it is just, well, different I guess, I never could see it.
Now to begin my review, I really loved the time frame you have chosen for this story. I love the Order of the Pheonix and Sirius, and seeing everyone together again makes me very happy. Though it’s AU, I noticed that you are still following the fifth book very closely, and I like that, because it gives me a familiarity and makes me want to read more. It’s almost like the side of the story you never read, and everyone likes deleted scenes!
I like the way you showed the change in Hermione through Lupin’s eyes, most people focus mainly on her physical changes, while you focus more on her emotional and mental changes, which is far more reasonable. There were times when I felt like you were being a little repetitive though, as mentioning one thing over again but just describing it a different way. I think most of this was describing her maturity, and how much braver she is now. You also don’t need to mention it quite as much, because you do a good job showing it when she talks and the way she presents herself. I do like though that you have kept some of the Hermione that familiar to us readers like the smile when she has been complimented. She has grown up but she isn’t an adult yet, you do a good job of showing that.
Now, she looked slightly nervous, but her bossy façade seemed to have left her somewhat.
I think instead of using “but” you want to use “and” because you aren’t really contradicting that she was slightly nervous, but you are just describing another feature of her looks.
She was still holding the wicker basket. “Sure,” Kingsley answered, “I like cats.”
This part made me laugh, not that I doubt that he likes cats, but I seriously would have never though Kingsley a cat person. I guess I think of Aurors as tough guys, and it was just funny.
Lastly, I really like your set up for a romance here, it is very “seemingly” platonic right now, but I can see the looks and the thoughts. You are going at exactly the right pace to make this story realistic. Well done!
I really like this story, and will be looking for updates. It provides a reader with a familiar story from a different point of view and that is very cool, for lack of a better word. I hope I don’t sound too harsh, because this is good and I’m eager to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the feedback! No, you're not too harsh at all. I will take a look at the description. I like making my stuff better.
About the time frame -- I didn't want a TimeTurner story. It's awkward, but really -- it insinuates that Lupin isn't good enough for Hermione when he's older. I like him the way he is, so . . . .
Heehee. Here's how you can tell that you are already setting up a wonderfully-spun romance: I scanned your author page very breifly before I picked out this story, and my eyes weren't fully focused, so I thought I had selected a Ron/Hermione story. However, as I read, I kept saying to myself, "Maybe I've just read too many Remus/Hermione stories, but it really is a shame that she's planning on pairing Hermione with Ron. Hermione and Remus have much more chemistry in this; it would make a great Hermione/Remus."
You had me convinced, even when I thought for sure that this was Hermione/Ron! Lol. That was a true test of your abilities. :P You passed with flying colors, then! And, now that I know that it is a Hermione/Remus...I'm very excited to see how it goes! I have no doubt that you will build an exciting, believable romance, and I can't wait to see you do it.
Now, on to nit-pickyness, and to be honest, there was very little to pick up on at all. Your grammer and punctutation were obviously very good, and you used lots of nice big words that made me smile. I'm a fan of verbosity, as strange as that may sound. However, this setence tripped me up:
The only audible instruction that Dumbledore gave him was to not use magic, it was not exactly hard to guess where the half-giant was going.
This seems to me to be a run-on sentence, or at least two sentences stuck together as one. Either a period or a semi-colon where the comma is now should fix it.
Percy, who had apparently had some sort of fall-out with the others, was not there, nor Charlie, still in Romania, but all the other seven were.
If there are seven Weasley children in all, shouldn't it be the other five? :P Maybe you meant all the others of the seven, as in out of the seven, which makes sense too. Sorry, that just made me recount a few times. I'm not good at keeping track. :D
All in all, though, fabulous job, particularly with your characterizations of both Remus and Hermione. Too often, I've seen Remus' sense of humor and good-natured side down-played, and he's portrayed as being sort of the weaker species of human. You've stuck to canon Remus brilliantly! And already, you've added some chemistry in there--I don't know how you did it (literally, I haven't a clue; I couldn't go back and pinpoint exactly what it was that made me say "This would make a good Hermione/Remus story") but you definetly did. :D
Hermione peered out the window and shivered, whispering to herself, “As far as we know.” That was probably my favorite line in the entire story. Despite the fact that you're weaving an older/younger romance, Hermione and Remus both still share their care and worry for Harry (maybe that will bring them together? Hmm...), and this line just struck me as being really simple and effective.
I thought the way that Hermione could see the Order Headquarters right away was really cute; that definetly made me smile. Interesting about the Fidelius Charm, though--I had no idea that it worked that way, that once you saw the house once, it never vanished again. That makes a lot more sense, now that I think of it, but didn't the house vanish when Harry left at the end of the summer? Maybe I'm making that up; I have no idea. Clever, though, I liked knowing that tidbit, and it got me thinking. :P Wow, who knew you could do that?!
All in all, fabulous story. I love it because of your distinct manner of writing, but moreover...I love the Hermione/Remus goodness. Mmm. Absolutely cannot wait for more! Lol!
Author's Response: Ahhhh! I love long, brilliant reviews! I'm sorry I didn't answer this one sooner. This one doesn't get as many reads and I keep forgetting to check it. Anyway.
Thanks for the feedback. I fixed that stuff -- I tried to count the children beforehand, but somehow I miscounted...agh -- and I thank you a thousand times over for your comments. I get so giddy when I read lovely reviews. I'm a geek for sure. Thank you!
Author's Response: Oh, and I don't think the house vanished again when Harry left, but I should check. I was writing it and thinking of how it worked and figured that if you knew it already, why shouldn't it be there? And it was a chance for Hermione to show off, heh heh.
hi. I really like your other story- 'Transformations.' I'm a real R/T shipper. It's interesting that you would write about Hermione and Remus together- I know they're similar in personality and character, but the age gap is like twenty years and... well, I guess I'll never understand some things, but hey, it makes you happy. : } I suppose there could be worse pairings, like Remus/Sirius or Draco/Hermione. Yes, much worse... Hey, if it weren't for the age gap- like if Hermione lived in Remus's time- like if they were closer in age- then I think it would be a great ship. But since we live in this world, Tonks is Remus's true love. : )
Author's Response: I thought about changing their ages, but I'm pretty devoted to canon (probably a weakness, but that's how I work, at least so far) and I didn't want to have to work with time travel, or displace either of them. Part of what they are is when they are. If it makes you feel better, absolutely NOTHING is going to happen until after she graduates Hogwarts. There is no way I'm doing a true teacher-student liaison.
Hi! SPEW mascot, here!
I do so love your writing! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you! I plan to!
I like how this story is starting. How you kept in with the canon events despite this being an AU. Showed what might have taken place before the events in OOTP
In this chapter you managed to convey Remus's quiet demeanor. I especially like his silent observations about Hermione. Her personality, strenght, loyalty, etc. It's the hint of musing of a teacher/guardian who's seeing his students grow up, but imbedded within is the possibility for more.
It's also great that you still showed us the personalities and quirks of other characters though they'll only play a minor role. Hermione's parent's reluctance despite having been birfed by Dumbledore is very realistic. They allowed their daughter to go to Hogwarts thus maybe they're more accepting of magic but, coming from a different world ... their doubts are expected.
Oh you've got a missing word: Barely a week after Grimmauld Place had been in use, most of the Weasley clan was set up in the ancestral Black home.
That aside, I have to say that's a good ending 'her laughter, quiet though it was, was a glimmer of light in the gloom of the house.' It gives the hint about Hermione's light touching him.
I have to say it's rare to find a Remus/Hermione fic that does not involve a timeturner and you're off with a good start with this story. Welcome to SPEW!
Author's Response: Yay! Thank you! (I'll add that missing word right away.) I didn't want to use a TimeTurner because it felt like cheating, somehow. Time travel gets messy -- how do would she explain her presence, she can't stay, it's just harder. And it felt like an interesting challenge to try and write a May-December romance (for some reason, Remus/Tonks doesn't feel so much like that to me). Thanks for your comment!
This is a great start to an unusual pairing. I liked that you started the chapter by explaining the formation of OotP in Remus' POV and that by the end of the chapter we had hints at the aspects of Hermione's personality that Remus will come to love: example courage, loyalty, and impressive grasp of knowledge. The scene where Hermione is picked up from her home was written very well too. With her parents being reluctant to let her go and Hermione's impatient 'you-have-to-trust-them mood.' My favourite parts of the chapter would have to of been Sirius' attempt at setting his mothers portrait on fire and the last line 'Remus followed slowly with the trunk, and thought that her laughter, quiet though it was, was a glimmer of light in the gloom of the house.' It was a very beautiful last line. I hope you are planning to continue with this story because I would like to read more. *10*
Author's Response: Awwww! Thank you so much! I have to admit I don't know how quickly I will update, but I promise that this story, like my other, will NOT moulder away alone. Nope. Never.