Amazing! I feel that Peter is an underexplored character, and even though he never speaks in your piece, I feel that I get to know a lot about his relationship with his friends and himself. The sadness is exquisite...
Ooh... so... awful. Not your story. Just what happened.
Incredibally intriguing. Well done.
I found this story very interesting. I liked the way you had things change since Lily and James died. Obviously, things would be different, but it was interesting how Peter was completely different.
I also think you did a very good job of showing how Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus' characters changed with the loss of Peter. I also liked the subtly of it all, everything was revealed slowly, which was a good technique. Everything was also very simple. You got the point across in a few words, while managing to be descriptive and capture the mood.
I really liked this -- "The others are dead. That is their tragedy.
Peter is not. That is his."
Overall, this was one of the best AU stories I've ever read. Excellent job!
I really like the style of writing you use, or rather, the organization style. Obviously I also like your writing style, but I’m also commenting on the organization. I’m not sure what it’s called, but it is highly affective. Also, the repeated phrase “No one knew and no one guessed what Peter kept suppressed” was not only affective conveying the overall feel of the fic, but in emphasizing that Peter stayed strong, and stayed the man they all thought he was. Personally, I really enjoyed reading about Peter staying good, although when reading about Harry’s thoughts, I felt bad for Peter. There is just something about an ungrateful child that irks me . . . but never mind. Once more, I liked this piece a lot and will probably go forth and read more of your work.
First of all, WOW! I randomly clicked on this story because I saw that Rachel had done it for one of her SPEW reviews, and I’m trying to quickly take care of mine, and I just thought, “Hmm, Noldo is usually fabulous for a fic...”
CLEARLY I had forgotten just how true my own statement was. Section one absolutely blew me away. I shall now continue to read. I still have no idea exactly what this story entails, but I’m fascinated and captivated, and I love that you have me reading that way. It hasn’t happened in a while, honestly. At least not at this extreme level.
The Saviour of the Wizarding World is exchanging wry, commiserating glances with the shabby, greying werewolf...
This just makes me laugh. Yet, I’ve totally been there, trying not to gag as a couple carries on with their couple-y tendencies, and you can’t quite kill them because they’re your friends and you just can’t.
Even though the term ‘maternal madness’ brought a smile to my face, that section detailing some of the finer effects from the war pulls at my soul, you know? They are robbed of their former lives, and you illustrate that so well.
And then, finally, the AU element of the story is revealed, and now I love Peter, and I have so much respect for him. Blast! Why couldn’t it have really happened this way?
And then there is the dull reality of the fact that so many, even Harry, will never understand, and will roll on with every day life. What a touching and poignant story.
And I love that you explained everything at the end for people who are potentially stupid. -wink-
I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but your story’s being discussed in the SBBC! [Which you’re obviously familiar with. *wink*] http://www.fanfiction.mugglenet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10721
Anyway, I must say that this story absolutely blew me away. First off: your writing style. Wow is a slight understatement, but I suppose it will have to do. Wow. As I said in my discussion, this story touches on some sensitive topics (the Potters’ best friend being tortured to insanity, the effects of war, etc), and your writing style fits these themes almost hauntingly. If I was asked to describe the impact that the theme of this story had on me, I would use these words: beautiful and heartbreaking. If I were to describe your writing style, I would say the exact same thing.
(Again, I stated this in my discussion, but that’s going to have to be alright.) In a way, I felt really unimportant while reading this story. And I mean that in a good way, believe me. This just really got me thinking about the effects that war can have on people. And looking at Sirius, not being able to laugh, or James, not rumpling his hair, and how different they are from the Sirius and James that we know… that’s just an image that really moves me. I’ve always been distant from war myself, so this was really interesting to see it in such a perspective. I’m really glad that I got the chance to read this wonderful story.
A few lines that struck me as absolutely incredible:
(The others are dead. That is their tragedy.
Peter is not. That is his.)
This line just… gave me chills. It’s hard to explain, really, what effect this line had on me, but I just loved it.
(They are alive. Still, somehow, inexplicably, they are alive. They are alive and so they rejoice.)
This line is just… guh. I absolutely love this. In a way it seems so tragic; that James and Sirius and Remus have stopped appreciating and rejoicing over the little things in life, but are only rejoicing because they’re alive; because they feel that they have to. To me, this is a really powerful notion. Seeing people who we know as so happy, and rejoiced for such trivial reasons, finding nothing to smile over except the fact that they’re alive is such a tragic and moving thought.
(No one knew, no one guessed
What Peter kept suppressed.)
Actually, I liked how you had it written in the summary: “no one knew and no one guessed, what little Peter kept suppressed”. For some reason I think that line flows more naturally. I think that having more syllables in the second line is really effective in this case. Above, the second line seems sort of chopped off.
Anyway. That wasn’t my point. *shifty eyes* I just loved that line. It’s so haunting; a few times since I’ve read this, that line just echoes through my mind, and I stop to think about it. Excellent work here.
Now, as far as the actual plot goes – I thought it was really interesting. Such a strange thought, if Peter hadn’t betrayed the Potters. That opens so many doors that gets the reader’s mind reeling. “Who would Harry be friends with at school?” “Would Neville’s parents have been tortured to insanity?” “Would Draco’s father have been killed at the end of the war? Who would Draco be at Hogwarts?” The domino effect that this one change of events can have is crazy to think about! I’m usually not a fan of the AU genre, but I love the way you wrote this; there was only one change of events (or two, if you include searching for the Horcruxes earlier), that changed everything; it wasn’t like you had to establish a whole new elaborate world for this to be an incredible AU fic.
Unfortunately, other than what I stated about the line above, I don’t have the slightest critique. This story was amazing, Noldo – you have talent that I won’t hesitate to say that I envy.
This story was absolutely AMAZING.
First of all, I love your writing style...it's so eloquent and gracefull, but not obnoxious or wordy. It's also just so creative...I love that you list the things that ended the war in such a clean-cut way in the beginning of the story.
I also adored the repetition of 'No one knew, no one guessed/what Peter kept suppressed.' First of all I thought it was such an eerie sentence, and second it just added so much to the mood of the story that it was repeated a few times. Well done!
The idea of the story as a whole was mind-blowing. It made me think so much about the underlying differences between that phantom alternate universe where the Potters are still alive and the real Potterverse we know. The characters are so different, the relationships aren't the same (some, I'm sure, would be nonexistant in this alternate universe), and everything is less meaningful. Harry's just a normal kid, never having to deal with real suffering or loneliness like the real Harry. I just love that strangeness...it made me realize how much JKR's version really means.
Plus, Peter just totally knocked me off my feet. I personally hate the real Peter for being such a wormy scumbag, but you characterized him so well in this story. At first it seems uncharacteristic of Peter to stand up to Voldemort for his friends, but really it just justifies his being a Gryffindor. I love it! And it's weird that it seems Peter took the Longbottoms' places as for being tortured into insanity...and for no other reason than being brave.
Again, the story was genius. And a very enjoyable read. Great work!
Poor Peter (Never thought I'd say that unless it was for the Pan kind.)
You know, I never thought about what would've happened if Peter hadn't betrayed them. I just took it for granted that that's what happened and didn't question it. Thanks for opening my eyes with a great fic!
What an entrancing vignette, Noldo! You have vividly portrayed a world that is [i]different[/i] because of the choices made, even if those choices were made in fear and were regretted. Your language and imagery is stunning, but above that, it is your ability to capture the quintessence of the story in a few simple sentences that truly brings out its' beauty.
I liked the remaining two objects you chose to signify the end of the war--a mirror cracked from side to side, and Sirius Black, who, presumably, has at least two people to take revenge for: Peter Pettigrew, and his brother Regulus Black (if I've read the reference to the locket correctly). I found your choice of Sirius Black as "the Saviour of the Wizarding World" very apt and ironic when compared to his fate in canon--12 years in Azkaban prison.
[i]"The others are dead. That is their tragedy./Peter is not. That is his."[/i] I was astounded by the range of emotions and ideas that this quartet of sentences conveyed--especially the idea that death could be better than life. One cannot help but pity Peter, who was, as you said, "[i]the greatest one of them all[/i]". Sirius' sentence "[i]May he be blessed with the finest Frogs Honeydukes' has to offer[/i]"--which would, in any other situation, be nothing but an innocence sentence--truly broke my heart.
Like Ennalee, I'd never thought of how Peter could have been a hero, if only he had been loyal to his friends. Thank you for pointing this out--it really goes to show the impact of choice.
Flow was wonderful, along with the poetry itself and the thoughts. Great Job.
That was beautiful, it just seemed to flow. Your use of poetry was very well done. :)
Makes you wonder as you wander what kind of effects our actions have on the world around us. One decision can ripple for generations. Keep writing.
Wow, I am seriously blown away. This piece is one of the best I've ever read on this site, and I am so pleased with it. I love the beautiful poem you have in italics, which is interspersed throughout the story. It amazes me how you use words to change the moods of people who read it--thats what the best writers do. I am blown away, and I especially loved how saying that Harry didn't have a scar, you said his hair hid a scar that was never there. Really really fantastic.
This is really really really good. You are an absolutely fabulous writer! I can't wait to read more of your stuff!
Sad. Very sad. Poor Peter. Great story.
Wow. Just- wow. This is one of the most powerful pieces I've ever read. It was like... like poetry written in prose. Bravo.
I'm thunderstruck, honey.
First and foremost, thank you for reviewing my story. I like to always take a look at the stories written by reviewers and this time, I'm glad I did. I've never been big on AU, but I do love Lily and James, and I love stories in which they're still alive (just not the ones that make it really crazy and have Lily fall in love with Crookshanks or something). That said, this was amazing. I did like the "mirror cracked from side to side" line (let's hear it for Tennyson!) and, just the italicized parts in general. It added a very poetic feel to the story, made it seem almost surreal and very deep. Very, very exemplary writing. Good job!
This is a brilliant story. I love the atmosphere you created, it's perfectly haunting. I could really feel the loss all these people had to ensure. The way that all of them try not to notice the differences in each other really showed how much is changed by war, even if you're trying to return to normal, nothing will ever be the same.
I can't say that I particularly like Peter, but it's nice to see him as not just a tag-along. I really felt sorry for him when he was hiding under his bed every time the other Marauders came to visit him.
I like your writing style. The bits of the poem that were scattered throughout the fic added to the haunting quality of it and really showed the emotions of the characters. I, too, think that some of your sentences were a bit too long and had to many commas in them. I love your extensive imagery, but in some places you could have made two sentences out of one and it still would have had the same effect, if not a slightly more intensive one. The use of both short and long sentences made this story an interesting read, it didn't become boring because of too many long sentences, it has the perfect mixture of long and short sentences and kept me hooked from start to finish.