*Sighs happily* I just read the whole story and loved it! I really needed a good romantic story and have to say, it was the perfect for the job! I've never read a Lily/Sirius fic and this was a great one. I loved Sirius's character. It was cute and funny how he was just looking for his "soulmate".
I love how you had both Sirius and Remus sacrifice for friendship. I also love how you had it James/Lily the whole time, well, underlying. Throughout the story, it was obvious that Lily was James's and just trying to make his jealous (when she asks if James is looking at her).
The whole thing was just *great*. And I loved the last line! It was perfect -- a fantastic way to end it.
I feel bad for Sirius, but to me, it seems that Tamara is better for him. (Since Lily is James's).
It was a really fresh idea and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It wasn't the average story and I really liked it! Great job and thanks for the great read! Made my night much better. :D
Wow! I really enjoyed this chapter! You know, it only makes sense that Sirius and James would spat like that – I mean, Harry’s pretty irritable, and he had to get it from somewhere! Haha! But seriously, I really liked the way you characterized Sirius. He’s a difficult character to write, and one of my absolute favorites, but I think you did fantastic job. The whole “soul-mate” idea was wonderful! It gave Sirius the “bad reputation” but the sweet inner personality that I absolutely LOVE in Sirius. I think I’m hooked. :)
Okay, I retract my last review. Sirius had his own plot too. I'm happy that Sirius isn't hurt (mentally) but I'm pretty sure that even though the players can, the balls can't fly into the stands. Still, I liked it. I'm starting to fee really bad about the last review.
So her dating Sirius is just a plot to make James jealous. Oh, that's just heartless. I'd love to see it back fire and blow up in her face and have her really fall in love with Sirius. I'd hate to see my favorite Marauder's heart broken.
Great job...that was really sweet. And sad, but mostly happy. Thanks for the great read!
Thats such a good story! :)
Hello, I’m back again, after a terribly long period of time, I’m sorry I didn’t review sooner, school and stuff has been crazy.
This is a good follow up chapter to chapter one, lots of familiar scenes and favorite marauder traits are apparent throughout the chapter and that is very enjoyable for me to read at least.
Let me start off with Sirius, he is very well written, and I am a pretty harsh critic with him being my favorite character and all. For the most part you keep him very rugged, very handsome, and very mischevious, which is exactly what, he is supposed to be at that age. I would definitely fall for him, even if he is a little bit of a bad boy, but at this point that might be what Lily wants, something different, out of the ordinary. There were a few things that made me second-guess your awesome Sirius character though.
One is “Lils” I don’t think Sirius would use a cutsie pet name like that it doesn’t suit him, however he would definitely use a pet name of some kind, “Lils” just seems way over the edge cute for him to say. Maybe something like “Evans” or something a little more rough and tumble, I get the impression he is attracted to something that in her is a bit wilder, he wouldn’t be one attracted to the perfect “cute” side of her, so maybe try a nickname that suits what he is interested in her. I hope that makes sense!?
Another thing is that you had him dress up really nice for their second date, which is fine, but you go into detail that he has trousers and that really sounds like he is trying to hard. And Sirius wouldn’t need to try too hard because some part of him knows that he has an advantage, after all she is on a second date with him.
Then finally this conversation:
“I really adore her,” he confessed with a smile, which indicated that he was slightly embarrassed for being found out. Lily thought it was cute. “I think she is the best thing that could have happened to me,” he said then earnestly. “She taught me honesty and loyalty. Something my parents neglected to do,” he admitted. “We are here,” he announced then, clearly not wanting to talk about the subject anymore.
That little bit of information seemed kind of awkward, it sounds like he has a crush on her or something. I can see her respecting her as a teacher and that he learned things from her that his family lacked…or didn’t teach him but he seems a little obsessive which isn’t really his style, especially and school.
Again, I don’t mean to sound too critical, everything else was excellent and I am a Sirius fanatic.
Lily was pretty good in character too, nothing really stands out in my mind about her so she must have been okay.
The date sounded really fun by the way, I’d totally love to do that, and I can see Lily breaking out of her shell and trying some things new just to prove she could do it.
I’m looking forward in future chapters to see more of Lily and Sirius’s state of mind and why they like each other, you’ve shown us their actions and their chemistry. Next I’d really like to see the inner thoughts and feelings of each of them. Why would Sirius like a goody-goody Evans? And why would Lily go for the bad boy in Sirius? I’m dying to know as a fan of the ship.
Really good chapter, I really adore this story, nobody takes on this pairing and it’s so brave of you to do it, and I’m looking forward to reading more so please update soon.
Absolutely loved your story! It was really good!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
wait.... this story is done?!?!?! grrr.... this could go so many places tho!!! *cries*
Author's Response: Hi Kaelyn, I think you've read the story why the third chapter is still in queue. Anyways thank you for your review.
this be a vera good story... I love romance fics!!! update soon!
Author's Response: thanks for the review!
Hey--this is a neat beginning! I like how you describe Lily as feeling like a fairy princess, and I'm equally enchanted with the notion of Sirius as a soulmate-seeker instead of a "playboy" :) A jealous James seems juvenile, but very IC at the same time :p
I'm quite intriegued as to how you'll have this play out--because Lily did kiss him, didn't she?? Hmmm... :) Looking forward to more!!
Author's Response: Yes, she did kiss him... However, Lily did marry James. Thanks for the review, hun!
Great Story! Can't wait to read the rest!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Ah, a fine fic. I enjoyed it immensely, although items such as "lilac sofa" aren't really needed in describing it. I think the reader's imagination might get to play a little more if you just gave us little hints that it might be lilac. I enjoy the way you put forth the setting, however; the mood seems to be perfect when you go out there and release more story into the faces of the readers. Great job, and I cannot wait to read more items of yours!
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind review. I'll watch out for those things in lilac.
An excellent story! i really like the way you express yourself however i am still going to give you a few pointers what i liked was your choice of words , your plotline and your excellent writing style. However your story became a drag towards the end. It simply was not fast enough. You are capable of writing much better though
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Especially the encouraging words.
Really love your story. I hope you update soon!
Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review, and the last chapter is with my Beta now, so next week the story ends.
This is such a nice story...finally we get a Sirius/Lily story and its quite amazing, keep up the good work and update soon becuase you are in my favs... :)
Author's Response: Well, thank you so much. And I've just updated. The next update - due to the close of queue - is planned for the first week of January.
I love this idea for a story, I've been searching for a good Lily/Sirius for some time and this one looks promising. Looking forward to an update.
Author's Response: Thanks for letting me know. I'll try to update soon.
I thought this was a wonderful beginning for your story. I was quite excited to read a Sirius/Lily story. I have grown quite fond of the pairing and stories like this are few and far between so I was excited to read this. I was quite lucky to find that this story was even a good one! You stayed true to the Marauders and Lily from what I can see (with a few slips, but that's human nature) and the romance is even convincing. I really like how this dialogue stays true to the characters; you did an exceedingly good job with the magic I like to see with the Marauders. They have chemistry that you have captured quite well.
I just have a few suggestions.
The first one is that your spacing between your first two paragraphs at the start of the prologue and the start of chapter one is a bit off. You might want to add an extra break between those two paragraphs. There are also another two paragraphs about four paragraphs into Chapter 1 that could be split up with a break. That is just a formatting mistake, easily fixed.
Along with that, you have the prologue and then Chapter 1 in the same page. I think it would be nice if you tried splitting them into different chapters on MNFF, so it’s easier to read because in the middle of reading you all of a sudden see a 1 sticking out and it disrupts the flow of reading. So giving the Prologue and Chapter 1 two separate pages or chapters would be really helpful to the reader.
“Yes, my family is a bunch of nerds and evil bastards,” he told her with a harried smile. “Tell me about them” Lily pressed on.
Now Sirius just got done saying that his family was so terrible and yet Lily responds with “Tell me about them.” Now that seems a little unnatural. I can see her response being maybe, “I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Or “Why do you say that?” Or something like that but wanting to hear about terrible people just because seems like a weird response. It was a little awkward the way I see it. You might want to change her reaction.
“Were you just as cute as a child?” She looked at him suddenly.
This was a really random thing for Lily to say out of the blue especially as a question. Anyway, I like what you are trying to get at, but take a different route to get there. It might just be easier for her to flat out say “I bet you were cute as a child.” Or something like that. It’s kind of awkward for her to ask a guy if he was cute as a kid, especially when it was off topic. You might want to have her ponder it a minute and ask him or try to bring it up a different way.
“You see, I have this theory that everyone has a soul mate somewhere. You only have to take the time to find them,” he began to explain. “So I’ve decided to search for mine. I began here at Hogwarts.”
I also like at the idea you are getting at here with Sirius and him finding his soul mate. It shows a side of Sirius we don’t get to see very often, but I can’t see Sirius just deciding he’s going to find his soul mate. Lay a little more background for this. Perhaps it started out as a game and then he saw the seriousness in it. Like he got tired of just messing around with love and decided it was time to sober up or just some sort of background. Why would Sirius Black want to find his soul mate? Like I said I love the idea, just support your idea a little bit more.
Well, that’s all I have for you. I really love this story; I’m looking forward to an update. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review and I'll try to bear in mind what you have said. Thanks again.