MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Astrea (Signed) · Date: 04/21/06 0:41 · For: Chapter 11 - Suspicion
I love the idea of the gift that changes colors and then turns drab grey. Very original.

“for reasons that I cannot indulge to you in this letter.” Don’t you mean divulge instead of indulge?

“being in her lap at and all.” I think you meant to choose either at or and but forgot and left both the at and the and.

“And as she slept... the wind revved up for another attack...” I love how you continue the action and yet keep bringing the reader gently back to the issue with the wind. It really works well. The reader understands that something is different, something is off.

“Hastilly, she carried her tray to the waste bin.” Hastily is spelled with only one L.

Dumbledore! Yay! I am so glad that he is making an appearance in this chapter. The next chapter, if you follow for previous structure would be a Harry centric chapter, right? Therefore, ending the chapter with Dumbledore is a good segway into the next chapter.

Very well done, very well worth the wait. May the writing muse be with you and continue to bless your little story with wonderfulness! Oh and as a side note, I love the new layouts, amazing job!

Name: paceysgl5 (Signed) · Date: 04/20/06 6:26 · For: Chapter 11 - Suspicion
oooh how interesting. This Deirdre girl is an odd character, but I wonder what Lucius is up to! Great job at writing the chapter, it was very well done.

Name: electronicquillster (Signed) · Date: 04/20/06 2:43 · For: Chapter 11 - Suspicion
I liked a lot of the changes you made from the other version of this. The second half, especially, was much more chilling this time around. There was the air of apprehension lurking around every punctuation corner and paragraph break. You handled your descriptions well. I'm at a loss as to why Lanette was too sick to eat, though I guess it's safe to assume that it was the part of the magic of her surroundings, pushing her on through the plot. That line about magic in everything was pulled off very well. No sniggering here. Dierdre has really started to show her true colors, though I felt you lost something in Lanette's character. Lanette has been presented as such a strong character for the majority of the story, and here at the end she seems to have lost some of her control over the situation. It reminds me a lot of Harry's characterization - a competent character who is overwhelmed by particular characters and/or situations. I love the little nuances and clues in the last section. I suspect some Extendable Ears and a pimp cane-carrying man on the horizon.

I'm absolutely fascinated by your writing. You're in with the league of authors that can write things that are simultaneously boring yet fascinating. What I mean to say by that is that even when "nothing" happens, it's a beautiful thing to watch through the eyes of a reader. Lovely, lovely, Hal!

Author's Response: Thank you, my darling Mar, for this review. Even after all you've done for this chapter (which reminds me, I still have to go back in and note that you were my beta!!! *feels ashamed for forgetting*), you've still managed to make me squee all over again. Where have you been for all of my writing career!? *giggles*

"Lanette has been presented as such a strong character for the majority of the story, and here at the end she seems to have lost some of her control over the situation."

Ah hah! See this is something I disliked about my previous version of this chapter. She was taking everything too well... she was too "in control", too... blah. It bothered me when I was rereading it to make corrections, and it took me a while to put my finger on exactly what it was... and then I realized that she was just out of character. After all that's happened over the past few days, she was bound to be far more suspicious--and observant--of things going on around her. Plus I really needed to get that "evil wind" thing in there--and by doing that, it just changed the entire tone of the second half of the chapter, and I had to keep going with it.

"I suspect some Extendable Ears and a pimp cane-carrying man on the horizon. "

*snorts* Your wish is my command. Well, only because that's what I've planned for the next chapter anyway ;)

"You're in with the league of authors that can write things that are simultaneously boring yet fascinating."

HAH! Go me ;) Again, thanks for your review dear. I'm all inspired to continue on, now...

Name: Uncle Sam (Signed) · Date: 04/15/06 4:09 · For: Prologue
You know, whoever you are, you are GOD! I could have read story as good as the seventh book. Are you a peofessional writer??? If yes, please let me know the names of any books you have written. I have become an absolute fan of yours!!!!!!!

Author's Response: I'm not a professional writer... not yet, anyways ;) But that is a huge compliment. Thank you so much! I hope you continue to follow the story. The next chapter is on its way very soon!

Name: Periwinkle (Signed) · Date: 04/10/06 18:12 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection
I have to say I throughly enjoyed the fic. From the first paragraph of how you described the beginning of Harry's journey to an unfimiliar land, to the last paragraph, was smashing! The strongest points of your fic is the description. You choose the right words and place them in the right place to make the sentence sound right. Whenever you described something in this story, I could see it in my mind's eye clearly. I like how you manage to include a lot of things in one chapter without getting the reader overwhelmed. That's a great feat not many are able to make. I look forward to more of your chapters. Great job, Hal!

Author's Response: Thank you, darling!! :D I'm glad you said that about my description... I've become rather proud of it, but I worry that I overdo it sometimes. Anyway, thank you so much for your compliments and stick around for the next chapter!

Name: JAbel1990 (Signed) · Date: 04/10/06 13:46 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection
this whole story was awesome! i couldn't stop reading it until i was finished. when are the next chapters going to be here!?!?

Author's Response: Soon! Soon! I promise :) And I'm glad you liked it!

Name: paceysgl5 (Signed) · Date: 04/07/06 7:33 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection
Fantasium, I thorougly enjoyed reading your review, and from one newly-engaged to another: congratulations!!! :)

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 03/30/06 19:41 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection

So, I’ll try to limit the amount of fangirl squeeing of a newly-engaged and try to focus on the actual reviewing instead. =) Yes, I know that there have been Lanette chapters before this one, but they have held so much information about other things that I have sort of forgotten to look at her personality. After reading this chapter I feel that I have a better idea of her, sort of in the way that I would recognise her from her words and behaviour if she would appear in a chat one day.

Grunting in a fashion that Salem's society mistress would find terribly improper, she rose and drew the draperies across the window. - Hee. I must simply love this sentence. Lanette is so refreshingly normal. The other Salem girls remind me a bit of the girls in that film… what’s it called again… yes, Mona Lisa Smile, appearing to be such products of the society they live in.

She was just Lanette Little—a plain, overly tall, lonesome teenage witch who attended Salem Institute by day, and was somehow supposed to help aid in the change of the very definition of Wizarding kind by night? - Another one of my favourite parts. The first bit, “She was just Lanette Little”, reminded me of Narnia and Peter’s, “But we’re no heroes!”. But it also makes me smile; the whole by day/by night idea made me think of classical super heroes and defenders of peace, such as Batman. *giggles*

Deirdre Bennings – I’m not sure I like her, and I feel very suspicious indeed. Her seemingly-friendly attitude has got a bit of Death Eater to it, I think, and I don’t like her interest in Hogwarts and Lanette. No, I’m keeping my eyes on her, and wishing Lanette good luck with getting her hands on Hogwarts – A History. Oh, and speaking of it, the titles of the books are supposed to be italicised, aren’t they? I thought about the same thing for the banner above the bathroom door, the text on it is pretty long and would be better separated from the rest of the text if written in italics.

In this sentence - “And I'm sure you know that far more about that than you let on.” - you need to remove the first “that”. It makes me smile though, because this is exactly the sort of mistake that I make all the time when I write.

One last thing to pester you about:
“You're not as ignored as you think you are, Lanette Little. You're like magic in that way—hardly as simple as you want people to believe.

“Oh, and nice necklace.”
If you want to keep the two lines separated, there needs to be an end quotation mark after “believe”. But I thought about suggesting something else, because it looks a little odd the way it is, with two of Deirdre’s lines at once. You could just move the two parts together, but then you would lose that little pause. Perhaps you could stick something in between them, something like “She paused and gave Lanette a closer look.” (Or whatever, I seriously couldn’t come up with a good suggestion there, dear, but you get what I mean.)

Grumbling about Salem girls and their strange obsessions, Lanette stuffed her rolls of notes into her satchel and left the library. - *giggles* Oh, I’m growing so fond of Lanette! The “strange obsessions” is perfect, whether it’s referring to their unusual willingness to study or to their fascination with the English wizarding culture. Lovely chapter, my dear. I would really, really like to encourage you to spend more time with Word and less with Photoshop, but I’m not going to. Everything you do is brilliant, and if you were writing instead of designing I would be missing your graphics work. No, I think we’ll just have to think of a way to give you more hours every day. =) *hugs*

Name: Her My Own EE (Signed) · Date: 03/29/06 12:40 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection
Another great chapter. Maybe Lanette isn't going to be lonely after all... I'd like to see what happens with Deirdre Bennings. She seems like a very interesting character.

Author's Response: She IS a very interesting character. You'll see her in the next chapter!

Name: KalHoNaaHo (Signed) · Date: 03/27/06 12:18 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection
Wonderful chapter, Hal! Not as action packed as some others, but you have a knack for balance in that aspect.

I really liked Lanette’s revelation of her own loneliness and the way you introduced it. And Deirdre…Deirdre is quite an interesting character, no matter that we’ve only heard a few lines from her at best. I was worried when she came in, that for some reason Lanette would “make a friend” and everything would be all happy-go-lucky. Congratulations on disproving my fears. I simply loved her characterization and the way that she was friendly, terse, and mysetious.

I also enjoyed seeing more of a mischievous side to Lannette, and laughed during her battle with the storm. The last part, with the satchel and the toady-girl, was my favorite. You just know how to pick up on those tiny details that happen all the time but are rarely found in writing. Another thing that stands out with your style is your choice of words. They really work well in conveying the images. Sometimes, however, I feel like the characters talk with a little more maturity than we see in the books. But fear not, I do it as well.

And you’ve gone and done it again with the ending. I am satisfied for now, but as you’ve made a bit of a fangirl out of me, do expect some prodding for more soon. ;)

Name: paceysgl5 (Signed) · Date: 03/23/06 7:30 · For: Chapter 10 - Reflection
Yay!! Finally a new chapter. I love learning about Lanette, but please please post more soon, the wait is excruciating!!

Author's Response: I know and I apologise... redesigning MNFF took a lot out of me the past month. But I'm back on track, I think! The next chapter should be out soon.

Name: SomberBallad (Signed) · Date: 03/09/06 23:10 · For: Chapter 5 - Eyes of a Griffin
Haley, you are a writing genius, your ability is amazing, it is really hard to find things to critique is this story. Granted, that isn’t too surprising, this story is one of the belles of Mugglenet isn’t it?

So to start off I just want to say I absolutely adore Harry, he is written so realistically. I liked the efforts you went through in the chapter to show how he has changed not just in appearance but also spiritually so to speak. He has developed in a short amount of time, and some might consider that premature but I don’t believe it is. War changes people, very quickly, and the fact that Harry has become a man in such a short time span is completely acceptable and realistic for what he has to deal with at this time. I do appreciate though that you can still see the bits of a teenager left in him (“Delicacy!” he half-shouted. “It smells like rotten cabbage! I thought you all were going to discuss my future, not kill me as soon as I got here!”)

Though I absolutely adore the descriptions of the council and I can see it perfectly in my mind and hear their angelic voices in my head, a question finds itself wandering through my head. I think you might have addressed this already, but I’m going to ask anyway. Why are they all women? That seems like it would be really intimidating. By saying that they are women are you indicating a female superiority in the wizarding world? I’m just curious actually; I’ll give my opinion on it later if you really want to know.

The way you weave a mystery is incredible, I’ve always admired anyone who can keep a good suspense filled story alive, it’s so hard to not ruin the surprise. As I read this, I feel myself asking questions and pondering what the truth behind the Council is and what the war is doing in Europe, and how Lanette is connected. You really write a thought-provoking story, and that is always good writing.

One thing that did bother me, and it’s minor really, is the convenience of Ron and Hermione being together. I mean, okay, so they couldn’t go with Harry, but if the war needed them for different reasons, why are they still together? I see what you are doing; I see it from miles away. *eyes narrow* It’s okay, it’s hard to get them together any other way, I understand albeit I am a bit disappointed. I’ll try not to hold shipping against your great story…I guess everyone has their setbacks.

Despite that one little thing (and really don’t worry about it, I’m a little crazy with R/Hr ness), this chapter was great, I really cannot express what love I have for the way you have written Harry. Not that I love Harry himself but the way you have written him, you attention to detail is perfect, but you know when to stop to keep the reader entertained. I’m just very impressed, you have so much potential, I’m pretty sure you could write anything.


Author's Response: Wow, honey... thank you so much!! Your review has left me speechless with happiness... And a "belle" of Mugglenet?? Oh dear, is it really? *hides under security blanket*

As to Ron and Hermione, I can't leave canon in the dust, as this is, above all things, a Year Seven story. (er, well, sorta) I'm going to address all the ships, as well as other things, brought up in Book 6. Now, as the story progresses, things may change... but don't judge everything by how it seems now! Besides, you haven't even gotten to chapters seven and eight yet :D

Anyway, I am SO very very glad that this story has you so entertained. *pets SotS* I do love it so. I think it's about time I get to work on finishing up that pesky Chapter 10! Thank you for the inspiration dear, I'm off!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 15:39 · For: Chapter 2 - Of Labyrinths and Destiny
Wow, Haley! This story is fascinating, and I'm mad that I don't have enough time to read another chapter today! I love the idea that Harry has gone to an enclave of what seems like magical priestesses! It reminds me of Mists of Avalon with the sense of wonder Harry gets as he's walking along the corridors, experiencing it all. The tapestry was a stroke of genius! Though I can't recall where I've heard of something like that before, I still know that it's a powerful thing. I hope Harry gets to see it again.

Again, you keep the suspense going in this chapter. Having us limited to Harry's POV allows us to have the same nervous questions that he does. I also like that you mention Hermione and her advice in this chapter. It lets us know that Harry isn't completely alone. Again, your descriptive powers are formidable. I particularly liked the way you described what Harry was feeling and seeing as he gazed at the Tapestry. In particular, I liked your description of the figure that seemed to breathe as Harry acknowledged it. That part just gave me chills!

Another great chapter! Maybe I'll be able to get back to this story in the next few days!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 15:11 · For: Prologue
You made me such a beautiful banner, so now I owe you a review!

First of all, let me say how lovely the suspense was in this chapter! As I was reading, I was thinking, "What's Harry doing travelling by himself, in the middle of the night? Where is he going? Why won't he be welcome there?" I'm now completely hooked and that's the job of an effective prologue/first chapter. I liked how you named the Thestral Falcor - I giggled at that!

I think you have a great talent for descriptions. The way you describe Harry's eyes, in particular, was what sold me on this chapter. Since HBP, I've imagined that Harry has a bit more steel in his spine, a greater hardness to his demeanor. I'm glad to see that you've acknowledged that. Since Mask has already mentioned the one nit-picky thing I noticed (the gender of the Thestral), I won't go into it all that much. I think that you've got a great start here. I look forward to reading the rest.

Name: Masked One (Signed) · Date: 02/18/06 5:52 · For: Chapter 9 - Chosen By Fate
Everything really fell into place in this chapter. Before there were three stories: Harry’s, Lanette’s, and Ron and Hermione’s. During this chapter - perhaps by moving from one to the other so quickly - you really tied them all together. I could feel fate pulling at them all, and it made me think of Devil’s Snare, which made me think of the Tapestry, which in turn makes me wonder how much has been set up by the Founders, and how much by the Council.

I think I sense a bit of a power struggle there. The Tapestry won’t reveal it’s secrets to the Council… that’s an interesting development. I wonder what it was the Founder’s had that made the Council agree to help them, and how far the Council is bound to remain helpful. I’m sensing bad things ahead for Lanette; somehow, I don’t think it’s going to be a pleasant experience when the Council catches up to her.

You mentioned a clue. I’ve read this chapter twice now, and I still don’t think I see it. Well, I see lots of clues, but I don’t think I’m seeing ‘The Clue.’ Maybe I’m looking too hard, maybe ‘The Clue’ is pointing somewhere that I don’t want to see, or maybe there’s some obscure canon fact that’s slipping my mind. Or, it could be that I’ve lost my mind. Why is ‘elf-made wine’ ringing a bell? Why do I think Dumbledore gave some to Fudge? Why am I sounding like Bridget with my conspiracy theories?

*goes insane* In any event, this was one of the best chapters yet. And you know, I rather like this Council; just because they don’t get along with the majority of the Wizarding world doesn’t mean they aren’t good people. And (why is there always something else popping into my mind) maybe I’m being crazy, but I rather suspect Harry will prove harder to trick than the Council seems to believe.

Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 02/17/06 0:23 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar
Another beautifully written chapter with a biting sense of realism. This is one of the best fan-fictions I’ve ever read. That said, I do have a bit more criticism this time around, so I’ll get that out of the way first.

The nitpicks: Hogsmeade, not Hogsmede. And you’ve spelled McGonagall wrong on two occasions [Hermione had taken it upon herself to receive private tutoring from McGonogall and…, as well as Professor McGonogall insisted that she had never been better in her spell work…]. Also By the time the Godric Gryffindor came upon the ruins of the old castle… the Godric Gryffindor? The part in which Harry recites what is known of the Harpyiae Council -- “I don't even know myself. All that's written is: 'Fare the Harpyiae Council in Scandinavia…” One thing struck me in this part and that was how odd it was that he just… recited all of that. There is no mention of him reading it from something. It’s understandable that he had read it so many times he had it memorized, but I think that is something that should be including. Something about the tone of his voice, or an added detail that tells the reader why he can recite that. [If it were Hermione, it would need to explanation ;)] Harry’s outburst, that I saw Anna also mentioned, to me was just a bit off. The first line was spot-on, I think, and the intention was right – but the words were wrong. There were parts just seemed too formal for him and such – for a moment I even thought he had spent so much time reading Dumbledore’s papers he had started speaking like him, too, but I don’t think that Harry will become like him in that way. There’s something endearing about Harry’s lack of eloquence, because he’s not a royal hero of grandeur or something… he’s Harry. Just Harry ;)

I was also a little confused as to where Ron had been. There wasn’t a complete explanation, but the most sensible thing seemed that the ‘detail’ referred to what we saw in the previous chapter. But I thought I recalled Hermione being there. I remember commenting on her and everything – and then there was the part in this chapter saying she’d never been to a battlefield. I kind of cleared that way thinking ‘maybe that referred to the actual heat of the battle rather than the setting of.’ But admittedly, with all that mixed in, i couldn’t really find the lines of clarification and I’m left a bit befuddled.

I felt a definite gear change with this chapter. To be entirely honest, I liked it less, but not through your fault… I like the narration of what’s happening, and so far that’s how you’ve been doing things. But we’ve gone through a good number of chapters, and a lot has happened in the back story and there comes a point where you need to tell the reader what exactly is going on. What is happened, where are these people, what are they doing, how are they feeling, what is the state of affairs. That’s what this chapter established. I liked how you changed it up. You started and ended with Hermione in her present situation. You gave her a bit of internal reflection time so you could slip in a good deal of the back story, and then you used the Pensive to elaborate, to fine-tune, to clear even more up. Excellent.

Little details – I loved the mention of ‘ Hogwarts: Defying History., and the history you worked in there. And this lovely line every lead was a wild goose chase, and each chase was shorter than the last. -- I can’t say what I loved about it, just that I do adore it :) I also adored the WAND thing, *love* the acronym. Fits perfectly with the Potterverse, and I also love the inclusion of some of the people who were also invited: Neville, Luna and Angelina. Two characters we know and love dearly, who we KNOW are capable and don’t get a chance.. and a third more obscure one, but who we know has that Gryffindor heart and who kicks a lot of ass :)

Ron and Harry did exceptionally well, of course, thriving on the raw challenges presented to them. Hermion, though, was of a different mind; she couldn't help but miss the days of lugging schoolbooks around and learning intricate and subtle new magics. I love this for a few reasons. Number one – not Harry, but Ron and Harry. Yes, Ron is capable! Thank you. And the whole prhase ‘thriving on raw challenges’, brilliant, I can just imagine them getting in there, getting gritty, throwing out everything they have… maybe taking off a few clothes >.> *cough* And as for Hermione, I’m glad you didn’t feel the need to throw her in there with that. Yes she’s brilliant and yes she’s a Gryffindor, and yeah, Emma Watson got beat around with that Whomping Willow, but Hermione’s not an action girl. She’s Harry Potter’s best friend, not a James Bond babe sidekick. She misses learning, because that’s what drives her, but of course… she’s not going to whine and hide in a hole and pretend there isn’t a war raging and that there are priority issues. She’s going to put her brilliant mind and thirst for knowledge that to good use, isn’t she?

Though she despised the latter, she knew she could contribute far more to the cause by brewing complex potions than learning how to slap the ground and roll when falling. Haha, I loved that. Extending on what it is she’s learning that’s of use, and that last bit was cute – a very Hermione thing to think.

“Of course not! I hardly think that entering myself into a program that promotes certain death is worth being envious over.” Still raving about your Hermione characterization here – because this is what takes first prize. So you got that she’s smart and likes to learn and isn’t an action hero, but a lot of people get that. You’ve captured a much bigger, much more real flaw here that a lot of people don’t see. It makes her a bit hypocritical, but Hermione can be a bit tactless. Ron is very proud here – this is huge for him. It’s glory, it’s an honour, it’s a moment for him to show his bravery and do something for the wizarding world – and of course he knows it’s dangerous. She’s upset of course, but she doesn’t always handle what she says in the best way, and this was a hurtful way to greet Ron’s good news. Overall, another excellent chapter [I know I offered more crit than usual, but it was still superb]. It scares me a little with wonder to think of where this is going. It's that feeling I get when I think of Book 7, or the end of ALIAS... *shivers with delight* Can't wait, Haley dear!

Name: TheVanishingAct (Signed) · Date: 02/11/06 11:30 · For: Chapter 4 - Sunrise, Sunset

Haley, there is a time when I once thought about forgetting about genfics and going on with my happy (erm... angsty, rather) darkfics. However, Haley, I just love reading anything of yours. It makes me get all gooey inside. And that is such a good thing -- I love the mentions of the Founders in your fic. It's excellent to have background, keep it up, Haley, keep it up!

Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 02/09/06 21:58 · For: Chapter 7 - Devil's Arithmetic
Haley. Phenomenal.

Wow. I can hardly form words. But you know me ;) So here we go…

Again, I envy your ability to begin a chapter. I can never get quite the right start, but you always find the perfect opening lines. And, again, your description astounds me. Vivid imagery that establishes the tone brilliantly.

Characterisation: When you know who’s talking before any of the quotes are attributed, you know the author is spot on. I knew Moody, I knew Lupin, I knew Ron, I knew Hermione. I knew Greyback, even. I esp. loved Ron’s first speaking line. He spoke clearly in my mind, resonating, and… I’m not sure. Everything before that was kind of hazy… cloaked in terror, I think. It was evanescent, like opening imagines of a film while the credits are still rolling, but that captures your attention in a powerful kind of way. And then when Ron speaks, I feel – I don’t know, it switches gears in a good way. For me, it was that moment where the movie has drawn you in, and the scene really starts. And then Hermione, echoing Ron, speaking clearly in my mind. Wonderful – you spoil a reader.

Continuing on characterization, I want to touch on the little girl’s dialect. Very risky move, but… wow. Amazing, consistent, realistic, and it really brought something to the scene. There was something very beautiful about her. And, not only in dialect, but in tone, she was clearly a child. You wrote with the perfect balance of perception and innocence. Not infantile, but not too old, either. And it added a more human angle to the destruction, because we have a first hand account of the terror.

I won’t make my review look deceptively long by quoting the entire selection, but the paragraph containng: Skeletons of streetlamps loomed above it, casting dark, ghostly shadows.: amazing. “you see here only a small fraction of the horrors that the Death Eaters have committed tonight This line is very powerful, and I feel it might be for a very silly reason. It really says how terrible the DE’s are… and for me that hits home, because I think of Siobhan, and I think of Lucius. But, it makes me very, very sad. Not just because ‘Oh, that’s horrible, they’re horrible people’, because anyone can feel that way about any number of terrorists. But, I feel I have a personal angle on it, and that line just struck me in the heart.

I love Fenrir. In the sense that I hate him. He’s twisted and horrible, and it captivates me in a horrified way. You gave him that horror that shocked me in Half-Blood Prince. It was very true to Jo’s character, you didn’t hold back on how terrifying he is. It’s disgusting

On a few final notes: (1) I found something about Jo in this chapter. It was very Harry Potter. It had something about the narration and description that fit perfectly with the world. Except… it had a bite of realism, it was powerful, and poetic. It was like reading Harry Potter, but at the same time it wasn’t. The best of both worlds.

And (2) I love your ability to write these three coinciding PoV’s, and it’s still the same story. I’m mostly in touch with Harry, I think, because I feel that is the main tale, what he’s doing is most coherent to the single thread. But Lanette’s PoV and R/Hr’s PoV bring us out into other parts of the world, the rest of what’s going on, and I cannot wait for it to get together. I love a story that’s so many chapters in, and it’s captivating, entertaining – but you just know it hasn’t even really begun yet :D

Name: paceysgl5 (Signed) · Date: 02/09/06 7:59 · For: Chapter 9 - Chosen By Fate
Wow what an unpredictable chapter, I am very interested to see what the Spirits of the Storm have to say.. One thing though, Hermione wouldn't write He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named...I think she'd write Voldemort...but of course that doesn't matter I just noticed it :) Great job!

Name: KalHoNaaHo (Signed) · Date: 02/08/06 18:43 · For: Chapter 9 - Chosen By Fate
Ah, Haley, I finally managed to read your fic in all its published entirety today since I got to stay home, seeing as my knee has oddly been hurting worse than ever and I got sick *fakes a cough*

I’ll admit, this is one of the few chaptered fics that I’ve gotten through reading, so feel a bit special that you’ve managed to capture my rather sorry attention span with your imaginative writing. I’ll be a loyal follower from now on. =)

Anyway, this is a bit of a cumulative review. I love your writing style; it reminds me of a Persian rug, or even a tapestry – thick and ornate, but in all the right places. Your descriptions are wonderful; when Harry was taking a bath, I was ready to go jump in the tub myself! The wordings are fantabulous; you really know how to make me melt, yell at my computer, and smile happily.

I am dazzled by the way you effortlessly tie good and bad moments together in a chapter, especially The Menagerie chapter (the Crumple Horned Snorkack!!) and the Ron/Hermione scene in Chapter 9. I’m a bit partial to that ship, but you never heard me say that ;)

On a note of constructive criticism, you might want to check some typos in Chapter 7, I believe. Also, with this chapter, I think you should’ve kept our illusions that the Council wasn’t so bad despite Hermione’s research, but nonetheless, it was an incredibly well-done scene and things are definitely starting to get messy.

The one thing I really love about your story is the ending of each chapter. They have just the right amount of mystery and finality in them. They are great transitions because you can anticipate the events of the next chapter through them, but not so clearly as to give away the whole story.

I also enjoy how well thought-out your plot is. You seem to know exactly in which direction you are taking this fic, and that’s always a good sign.

So I am anxiously awaiting Chapter 10, and I wonder what misfortune will befall poor Harry if Hermione doesn’t send the letter in time (which I doubt she will be able to). Ah, the pertinence of timing! I’m intrigued by how far he says he’s willing to go and how much he will sacrifice to get what he needs. I’m also hoping to hear more about Ginny, her coma, and Harry’s vision. And I really enjoy the Lanette chapters and wonder what role Idel will play throughout the rest of the story. Your characters are wonderful; very multifaceted and original.

Best, Kal
P.S. – Any hopes of seeing Chapter 2 of [i]Ivory Tower[/i] soon? I know you’ve got your hands full with the BA (which I’m rather addicted to) but you’ve got a truly well-written start and I would never want to see you give up on it.

You must login (register) to review.