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Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 02/06/06 22:21 · For: Chapter 9 - Chosen By Fate

For the fourth time today, I open my review document in Word. See, this review should probably not be written now, because I’m in major fangirl mood and I have a mad R/Hr shipper dancing wildly inside me. But I’ll trust you to be as understanding as ever. :)

Remember I mentioned a shiver rushing up my spine at the very beginning? Yeah? Well, it was just after reading this: And upon her flesh, her skin rippled with undefinable energy. In that moment of resolution, Lanette had bound herself to fate. - powerful, so powerful. It’s like she, up until that very moment, had a choice, and perhaps without knowing it she made a decision, and now there is now going back. The mood for the scene is of course already perfectly set with well-chosen descriptions, and you show us that shivers don’t run up spines by coincidence, no, there is a well-written path that lures them that way.

In the next paragraph, you have us realising that the chapter title - Chosen By Fate - was not about Lanette alone. No, you clever thing, you had me thinking that it applied to only her here, just to remind me a few sentences later that canon has put Harry down as the “Chosen One”. It’s not that I forget – it’s the fact that I was focusing on something else and you made me go “Oooh, yes, that’s right! I knew that!”.

Then… *blushes and is delighted* Ron and Hermione. I see that you have changed the scene slightly since graciously allowing me a peek, but it is only for the better. Very good of you to combine the worried letter with the warm morning scene, it kept it far and well away from the risk zone of cheesiness. If Hermione had been all smiling and relaxed, a line of Ron’s like “I just wanted to say that I'm so glad you chose me.” (*silently dies in front of her laptop*), might have felt forced and false. As it is now, the previous day’s events – both horrible and more pleasant – seem to still linger in his mind, and he is calm and peaceful like we have so rarely seen Ron; yet I find him to be both convincing very much I character! And oh, am I glad that you, in your almighty position of author, let Hermione go back to bed. *smile* Though… one thing… I know I have admitted having a thing for red-heads, but that does not mean you can make me like Ron simply by letting him show off a freckled chest and some new muscles. Honestly, I would never… >.>

And, the final scene… When I look at it again, I realise that it’s really not that long. But oh, *shivers again*, the words you’ve chosen are the right ones. Clear in a way, yet mysterious, revealing tiny things that make me want to roll on the floor and scream for more chapters. And the very last line: “Yes. Tonight, the Spirits of the Storm ride once more.” - you’re doing it again. The story title has been there from the very beginning, I’ve read it countless times. The very thought has even passed through my head, that The Spirits of the Storm would lay within the fortress. It’s been there constantly, but still not on my mind. And here, you just show it to me, knock me off my feet with images and realisation. They are the Spirits, and in a frightening flight they have taken off to fetch Lanette… I’m practically bouncing in my chair.

During my über-excited reading I only came upon two mistakes:
- She really had to get that letter sent off to Harry. . . . - four dots, where I think there should be three?
- She found herself collapsing back onto the bed and taking Ron's hands into hers'. - according to my Bible-resembling grammar book (I had to double-check, of course), there shouldn’t be an apostrophe on the very last word, “hers”.

Well, what do you know? You sent me an innocent IM, telling me that Ch 9 was posted, and now you’re stuck with a fangirl. We’re demanding creatures, you ought to know, who crave excerpts and sneak peeks and whatnot. But fear not, for we are rather cuddly as well. ;)

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 02/06/06 12:15 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar

Tomorrow… Yeah… You know… ;) Better late than never, right?

You know, as I came to review this chapter, I realised that it held a lot more than I registered at first. There is more than Hermione, or even Hermione and Ron, here. For example, you found an excellent way of including a bit of Hogwarts history, with how there used to be a castle there before the school was built. (I’m particularly pleased that you let Godric find ruins, as opposed to a whole castle, because I have a suspicion that canon at some point told us that the founders actually saw to the castle being built.) You make sure to address the Horcrux issue as well, which makes me happy. It has become a mark of your writing, that you are an author who can be very original and find space for your own ideas, and still stay true to that glowing thing – canon. I also liked how you used the Horcrux “goose chase” as a way to temporarily unite the trio – once again, as it was meant to be after HBP.

Friendship… *nods* You’ve put some excellent emphasis on it in this chapter, and I suspect it was also a very good time to devote chapter space to it. Now we know where we have the trio, you are free to go for more action, and their later reactions should be well founded. Now, Anna is going to do some quoting. :)

It was a battered but beautiful gold pocket watch, the kind that told you far more than the time if you knew what to ask it. – Such a delicious sentence. It’s a wonderful gift, and your words about it are intriguing: what, exactly, might the watch tell you if you ask the right question? Also, I think it says something about the Ron of your story, that he chose this gift. I mean, a watch that once belonged to his grandfather (not even grandmother) is hardly your average young-boy’s-gift-to-girlfriend, is it? You’re not likely to give something so personal to a friend you plan on losing…

Instead, he preferred to work by himself, going off for long hours in the fashion of his old mentor. - I know that an even clearer sentence describing Harry’s feelings follows this one, but this was what filled my eyes with tears. It’s perfectly in line with Dumbledore’s man, through and through. The age difference between Harry and Dumbledore was so great that it can hardly be discussed, the older man’s experience was so much vaster than his student’s. Yet still, I always thought that Harry and Dumbledore had something in common, like seeds from the same plant, and I love how you have included something of a similar idea.

“Must you always be useful?” demanded Madame Pomfrey once, when Hermione came to her asking for something to do. – It’s an excellent, spot-on line of Poppy’s, and it sums up Hermione’s character and current situation so well. I would like to mention though, as I’m quoting this line, that I think it’s supposed to be “Madam Pomfrey”, without the “e” on the end. I thought this might be from the American versions, but I checked the Lexicon (which most often gives the American names, I think?), and it said “Madam”. It appeared at some other place in the chapter as well.

Brilliant use of Pensieve, and the “plops” – oooh, they made me realise the silence Hermione sat in, how the castle is deserted of everyday noises of students. You play on all my senses, Haley.

Ginny… I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll continue on that thought. Even if you have no intention of ever reuniting them (people can die in comas, I’ve heard *cough* – and I’m saying that as a non-Ginny-hater) I like to see that you continue on your true-to-canon road and allow Harry to have feelings for her. I’m very much looking forward to how you will handle this particular situation (as far as time allows, this is not in the romance category after all), and I’m also very curious about when Harry will meet Lanette… >.>

I spotted a few things apart from the Madam-e:
-Hermion, though, was of a different mind; she couldn't help but miss the days of lugging schoolbooks around and learning intricate and subtle new magics. - you’re missing an “e” at the end of “Hermione” at the beginning of the sentence.
-They're hungry, they're desperate, they're evil, and they're ready. - There is a quotation mark missing a the end of this paragraph.
-I love you both dearly, but until you two get over your damned issues, I will not be attending these nightly unpleasentries. - A bit of Harry’s outburst. I’m not sure what I think of the very first part… In my mind, I can hear Harry say “I love you both, but…” without the “dearly”, or even less emotional with “You are both my friends, but…”, but I think the combination of “love” and “dearly” might be a bit too pompous. This is only my personal view, though, and I’m willing to accept the change in Harry’s dialogue if it’s because of the serious times and/or because he’s been reading a lot of Dumbledore’s writing and been affected by his way with words, or something similar.

And the final line – OMGSqueeeYAY, Haley awakens the R/Hr shipper in Anna! (If this is a good thing or not, I’ll leave it for you to decide.) Oooh, the embrace… Mmm, way to end a chapter, dearest. All in all, this comes through as one of – if not the - best chapters so far. Thank you!

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 02/04/06 22:04 · For: Chapter 7 - Devil's Arithmetic

*looks at excellent reviews already posted for Ch 7* No, I will still review. Because this is as wonderful as it is terrible. I know this would fascinate and frighten me from the first glimpse you gave me.

I like the distance you keep, how you introduce and mention details about Ron and Remus, as if we didn’t know them already. This makes them less important, in the sense that they are just two members of a big team, no more heroes than anyone else. Yes, Ron’s reactions are of course important to him as a character and to show us how awful this is. I’m fond of Ron, and I think you’ve made an excellent choice in letting him experience this. He might not always be the brightest crayon in the box, but he has a good heart and spontaneous reactions – a perfect set of eyes for us to see this through.

I’ve noticed quite a variation in year 6, 7 and post-Hogwarts stories, in how violent the authors choose to portray the Death Eaters. With this chapter, yours just became one of the worst (as in most violent), in a shocking way. Death and destruction are not easy to write, partly because your readers will be used to it. I mean, turn on the telly… you only have to flip between very few channels to face either violent series or films, or even worse, news. Still, here you have me feeling slightly sick, from a blend of poetic details, clear and straightforward telling of what’s before us, and Ron’s reactions. Yes, you know I sometimes cry when I read, but here it’s different. I just cover my mouth with my hand and mumble “Oh my God…” and close my eyes for a moment. It was just a baby. Just a baby. Haley, I don’t know if I’ve ever hated the Death Eaters this much.

The little girl… Oh, my heart aches. I can’t see how you could have written it any better. She’s telling it with such detail, but still in the words of a child. Her words… and he adults’ silence. *shudders* And Greyback, the bastard, specialising in children. Is it understandable that I want to strangle him with my bare Muggle hands?

I found a tiny thing to bring up, that had not been mentioned: “Professor Lupin, we have to stop them . . . just a baby . . . helpless . . . .” - you’ve got four points at the end there, as opposed to the usual three. Talk about being picky, eh? ;)

I saw that Patrick mentioned it in a review, and I can only agree. You’re a woman with so many talents, and being your friend and admirer is most rewarding. I’ll review Ch 8 tomorrow, and I’m hoping to see 9 before too long. *huggles*

Name: TheVanishingAct (Signed) · Date: 02/03/06 16:06 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar

Haley, my dear, you truly are a master of all trades. You not only can create beautiful and flawless banners (which, might I add, are the best I've ever seen- any stranger would think you do it for a living), but you can write as well! I loved your chapter; I loved having the oppurtunity to beta for it and see it before it was on Mugglenet. I am happy. You should be too! It was great. You can twist and turn anyone into believing anything. I was twisted back into Ron/Hermione, after a ruthless struggle to conform to the delusionals. But- amazingly enough- you twisted me back to my old habits at the end! Purely amazing, it is.

You, simply put, are a great writer. You can evoke emotion, throw in a figure of speech for pizazz, and blow someone away with characterization. Like I said, you have the package. And now you'll look like a box in my mind's eye. -_- Oh well... getting over it right... now. Yes. Anyway, you can leave a longing for a new chapter that I've rarely seen- so many fics I love, but for some reason, I'm able to wait. However, I cannot with you. Please. Chapter nine. Soon. Very soon. *puppy eyes*

I notice I ramble too much in reviews. Eh. Bad me! Doing it again. So, I read through, and normally, writer's just have :flashback: and then- leaving someone confused. I'm very guilty of it. However, choosing to use a Pensieve was genius. A clever way to give those bits and pieces that normally would be cut off. *sigh* 'Tis wonderful m'dear. All I can really say. And you gave us history for the Founders! *lusts history of Founders* I wish there was more, really. But... Harry and his friends will have to do. ;)

Now, you are a stickler for detail, I noticed- and, to my surprise, you gave Hogwarts, A History its own companion book! Brilliant! Hee. I'm getting all excited over a detail. Figures. Anyway, what amazes me is how you break the friendship but seam it together- sort of like ripping a delicate lace quilt but only to sew it back together again. Quite interesting how you do it as well- remind me to fanboy squee sometime when I'm not on the pressure of fifty gazillion deadlines.

Now, since I beta'd this chapter, I can't nitpick. Because that would be evil. Truly. (Although, I didn't see anything after reading it over again) So on to the next item on the agenda. Dobby is hilarious! I love you using "z"'s instead os "s"'s, for some odd reason -- it makes it a lot funnier, and makes him seem even more innocent than he really is. Astounding, my dear lass.

And now I must be off. Excellent job Haley, all I really need to say.

Name: SomberBallad (Signed) · Date: 02/02/06 23:20 · For: Chapter 4 - Sunrise, Sunset
Haley, I'm going to be honest, I was quite tentative on reading this story for a long time, but I am so glad I did because it's brilliant!

Your writing is like canon, it sounds so real and so natural, it's hard to believe I'm not reading the 7th book. Harry is golden, you couldn't have done his character more justice than you did in the first two chapters (or prologue and chapter rather). It was right on. I don't say that lightly, I've never read a more accurate Harry than I have here. Oh and Falcor!! Not only did you tie in a Narnia reference but also a Neverending Story reference, oh the nostalgia of that first chapter, it made me grin stupidly.

And the wizarding school in Salem is incredible, and the way you describe it and all the students, and going-ons there is so real, and that is unfortunately the best way I can describe it. I feel like I'm there, and I'd love to visit there, it's a gorgeous place. It's still very much a part of the wizarding world but it's not Hogwarts and so many writers forget that not every school has to be like Hogwarts. The Salem school is an entity all it's own and it thrives off your writing skill. I actually want to visit there more than I would Hogwarts!

This brings me to Lanette, when I first saw her on that banner and when I first read her name I knew she was a special character and one I would adore. You didn’t let me down at all. She is brilliant, I want to be her best friend, I can feel the pain she goes through at the school and I can relate to her worries and insecurities. Just be careful to not make her so disconnected with society, though she has the right to scorn it, she can’t always run from it, and something tells me (though you know best) that sometimes, even if very rarely, she wishes to be a part of it; and maybe not a part of the gossipy girls and pureblooded madness, but to be a part of something more than herself. I do love her very much though, I’m learning more and more to believe in the OC’s of SPEWers.

The last few chapters had a lot of backstory, and backstory is hard to write when aiming to please. The way you did it though was captivating, I felt like I was following Lanette and her Grandmother around the school and up the stairs and in the rain. You also start to weave a mystery so people are dying to know more, you are giving us a cup and slowly filling it with water but not enough to satisfy. It’s very tricky, but you’ve got it down to a tee. Very well down with background information, you didn’t bore me to death. Speaking of which, the tragic story of Rowena Ravenclaw was beautiful, oh, perfect for a hopeless romantic like me. *sigh*

There is one thing I wanted to address before I stop reviewing, and I know this is awful long review I apologize. You tend to get jumpy and some parts, like the transition between the Prologue and Chapter One, I was really confused for the first paragraph or so. There is another part too, but I can’t remember off the top of my head so I won’t think too hard on it, it must not have been that grave.

You have a very deep story here, and the depth you reach is outstanding. I wish I could see inside your mind to know the great lengths this story will reach, because I know my mind does not write stories (and sadly will probably never) like you do. This story is intelligent and I am highly impressed. I look forward to chapters 5-8, fantastic job. I will review again later, and work more on grammar stuff when I’m reviewing chapter by chapter rather than a “grouped chapter” review.

Not that this review didn't already say it, but this is now on my favorites list. :) You are brilliant Haley.

Name: paceysgl5 (Signed) · Date: 02/02/06 7:21 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar
wow, the way you write is incredible. this chapter was great and I was very interested to read more about what was happening at hogwarts. I am a H/H shipper however, so I had to turn away at the R/H stuff! (don't hate me!). But I did love how you portrayed Harry and Hermione's bond when Harry told her he was leaving. Anyway, can't wait for more!

Name: lilkaykay (Signed) · Date: 01/31/06 18:26 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar
This is really good! I can't stop reading it, and I can't wait to read more of this amazing FanFic.

Name: deanine (Signed) · Date: 01/31/06 16:38 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar
Chapter 5

Okay. Lovely chapter, richly descriptive and Harry-filled. I love Harry, did you know that? *sigh* Harry as a scruffy turnip was TOO much. I smiled, I laughed, I read the section three times.

Spell-Check Moment: After all, it was an incredibly valuable object, amoung other things.

Chapter 6

Okay, supremely descriptive as always. With developments that are, interesting. This council is like the Switzerland of the Muggle world. Ginny's in a coma?! No! *weep*

Chapter 7

I'm just going to say chilling and leave it at that.

Chapter 8

Nice with the Hermione and the Ron. Umm… but but but… you're killing me. I need Harry. Harry and the council. They acted like they might kill him. They aren't going to kill him, are they? Come ON. You can't keep wandering away from your primary plot in circles. You just can't. … Can you?

Love and huggles and happy writing :)

Author's Response: *huggles* Awwww Bridge I'm so glad you caught up! Thanks for the nitpick, I'll get on that. And.... Harry as a scruffy turnip? *giggles* It just makes him hotter, eh? Not that I think my own character is hot or anything.... <.<

And Harry's comin' ;) Go on and read the next chapter!

Author's Response: *huggles* Awwww Bridge I'm so glad you caught up! Thanks for the nitpick, I'll get on that. And.... Harry as a scruffy turnip? *giggles* It just makes him hotter, eh? Not that I think my own character is hot or anything.... <.<

And Harry's comin' ;) Go on and read the next chapter!

Name: Masked One (Signed) · Date: 01/29/06 17:50 · For: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar
I’m beginning to fan girl you, which wasn’t my intent. But you’re showing this so well, with real tensions and problems. Friendships are difficult to maintain - it’s fabulous that you’re including that. The Pensieve was a wonderful way to show the history too.


Author's Response: *giggles*



What's Harry doing? Well... I'm not sure even he knows. Thank you for your constant love! I know it took you a bit of prodding to get here in the first place, but I'd like to think you're here for other reasons now ;)

Name: Masked One (Signed) · Date: 01/29/06 17:12 · For: Chapter 7 - Devil's Arithmetic
I have to admit, when I read the summary of this chapter I wasn’t excited about it. I just don’t like Ron, at all, ever. But this chapter wasn’t about Ron - it was about the War, about Greyback, and Lupin, and the poor little girl who got away. And it left me stunned. That girl’s story did what the descriptions of a dead town didn’t, and really shocked me.

I was thinking that she took it too calmly, but then I realized that she didn’t understand it. She doesn’t know what the magic was, doesn’t know what happened to her brothers and her friends. The poor, poor little thing. I feel so much sympathy for her, at the same time as I wonder what will happen to her. She worked wonderfully as a writing device here, as well.

I expected angst in this chapter, but this girl’s story was so simple that it left me shocked instead.

Name: Astrea (Signed) · Date: 01/29/06 13:04 · For: Prologue
So, I decided to find out what everyone was raving about. Why didn’t someone tell me what I was missing out on?! I think I like this more than Ivory Tower. (Don’t hurt me for saying that…)

“eyes that stared blankly into the gloom ahead.” I think this sets the tone for the whole chapter, perhaps even for the whole story. I see Harry staring ahead, but not like one who is focusing on what is ahead, but what is beyond what he has to do. Eye on the prize sort of idea. The gloom is what is ahead, and he knows he has to pass through it. poor Harry.

“The boy’s hair and robes were as dark as his Thestral’s mane; his skin, so drained from lack of sleep and prolonged exposure to the cold, was as pale as death.” Wow, I can really see that! It makes me even feel cold, or maybe that’s just from being in the basement, nah, it’s your words. *shivers*

Falcor- love the name. Oh, is that from the Never Ending Story? Interesting parallels. *ponders* Where's my cookie?!

“He longed to be warm, well fed, and clean shaved again.” Isn’t it clean shaven? Is there a difference? I don’t know for sure.

The whole time I was expecting to find out where Harry is headed. No such luck, bummer. But I loved the tone you set for this bit. And I didn’t mind the length at all, I feel like you accomplished what you needed to accomplish in this bit to set up for the rest. If you had continued for length’s sake, well that would just be silly.

All in all, great start, I am off to read more!

Name: HermioneDancr (Signed) · Date: 01/27/06 20:19 · For: Chapter 7 - Devil's Arithmetic
Well, Haal, I have to tell you how absolutely gripping this story is! I meant to be a sensible person and read and review the first chapter, but no, that wasn’t possible. I couldn’t stop myself, and so here I am reviewing the most recent addition to this lovely story!

Now, I am the queen of nitpicks (:: points to tiara on head ::), so it’s off to nitpick land we go! In the fifth paragraph from the beginning, you have It now lay in shambles; grey piles of charred wood, brick and debris lay strewn across the cobbled main street. While technically what you have is not incorrect, I think you should change it either to a colon (:) or to dashes (––) because you are providing description and expanding on the statement given in the previous clause. Technical, I know, but that’s me for you.

My only other nitpicks come towards the end of the story, six paragraphs from the end. He stared at the child, feeling pride and pity for here all at once. It’s just a small typo, but that should be her rather than here. Then in the final sentence of the same paragraph, you have He knew for a fact that he could have never watched his friends suffer like that, and still be around to relay the tale. While it’s kind of a long sentence, it’s grammatically incorrect to have a comma there.

All right, enough nitpicks. I have a lot of good things to say about this story, but to keep this review to a reasonable length I’m going to talk about what I specifically liked in this chapter. First of all, I really liked your characterization of Ron. Ron’s a tricky character to write well, but you did a great job with him. You captured both his almost naïve innocence and his iron determination very well. His character really leapt off the screen!

The other thing I really liked was how you wrote the little girl’s dialogue. You did a really excellent job of capturing what had happened from the perspective of a muggle child who doesn’t know what Death Eaters are. It’s a real challenge for you as an author to make the descriptions really come from her perspective while still giving the reader enough pertinent information to figure out exactly what happened. Well done! The girl’s descriptions felt very childlike and her terror was completely real. I think the way you used “An’ then, an’ then, an’ then” to tell the story really worked.

I absolutely LOVE this story so far! You have me totally hooked. I may get behind on it sometimes because my schoolwork does tend to pile up like that, but I will certainly be reading the rest as it comes out.

Name: paceysgl5 (Signed) · Date: 01/24/06 6:55 · For: Chapter 7 - Devil's Arithmetic
This chapter was just fantastic! I can't wait to see more of where Harry is though. Post more soon!! Thanks!

Author's Response: Thank you!! The next chapter is posted, so you can find out quite a bit more of what you want. Go! Run! Read! Hehehehe

Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 01/22/06 21:10 · For: Chapter 6 - The Menagerie
*wanders in, with very overdue review* Okay, if I haven’t said it already, I love this story. I rarely have no interest in reading Seventh Year fics [Ironic, eh?], unless they have something special about them that drives them and makes them worth it – and you have it.

Your development. Fantastic – you are not in a hurry [though I’m sure inside your head you’re just racing towards later chapters and revelations – you’re still managing to take your time]. I love that about this story. Sometimes I read fics that jump into the plot halfway through the first 1,000 word chapter, and it just does not work. And here you have Harry still wandering around this mysterious place, six chapters into the story, still making it work. Sometimes when you try to make something work for too long, it stops. Readers get restless – but this is still gripping and entertaining. Masterful is really the best word for it.

Characterisation. I love the tone of Idel’s dialogue – not only does it speak volumes, but it’s so consistent. Very important aspect of characterization, whether it’s staying true to a Canon character, or creating a whole new person.

Dragonesque. You totally pulled a Jo there – that’s just not actually a real word, and I love it. *giggle* And the Crumple-Horned Snorkack! OMG, fantastic. XD I love small inclusions like that, nodding back to canon.

Two tiny nitpicks: When Harry first enters the menagerie, after Idel tells him to ‘Look about’, you spelt ‘transgressions’ wrong. When Idel talks about wizards playing Polo, you have ‘Quidditch’ spelt wrong.

One very intriguing aspect of this chapter was Idel’s thoughts on the issue of Light versus Dark. I felt Harry’s frustration, because I completely agree with him. I can see where Idel’s logic comes from, after all the Dark side most likely does justify its own acts – but there is a reason the Light is the light. But, it just made my head spin and I wanted to jump in there with Harry and help him argue his point [and then perhaps celebrate victory or find comfort despite our loss, back in his bedroom, because you’re Harry is too sexy for someone under 18.]

It also shines more light on the Council – they’re non-partisan stance. I like it because, they aren’t just this all-knowing eternal council of Mary-Sues. You could have easily gone in that direction, but this fortifies them as an enigmatic and very well crafted group. The more Harry learns, the less mysterious they become, but with this revelation, they remain mind-boggling.

“Only in the eyes of the Light. Do you think they see their own views as wrong?”

“If they have any bloody sense.”

OMG. I love that. Excellent. Harry is definitely IC. At time he tries to be formal and respectful, but it’s just not in him to be talked down to. He was even like this with Dumbledore – he has a tendency to speak out of turn or in a manner which most people wouldn’t, but it’s so raw and real. eeee.

I’m really sorry that I have no criticism for this chapter… how about you just remain consistent on all the things I mentioned were great? Yeah, that should work ;)

Author's Response: *hits head* I know I'm taking my time, and I'm getting there I promise!! A couple more chapters, and we'll be around the first big bend of the story.

There is so much more info coming up in the next couple chapters that I don't even want to respond to some of your comments for fear of giving something away.

But as always, your Harry comments make me squee, as I *secretly* feel the same. Poor kid just needs some love ;)

I honestly can't believe there isn't something to criticise besides a few retarded spelling errors! That's a great compliment...

Thank you, as always... you make me want to keep writing. *huggles Jenna*

Name: Hamstergeist (Signed) · Date: 01/22/06 20:47 · For: Prologue

Author's Response: Squeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaak! *gives Hammie a wheel*

Name: Amangalath (Signed) · Date: 01/22/06 8:42 · For: Chapter 7 - Devil's Arithmetic
Yeah! Another chapter!! I really should be revising… but hell, I can’t ignore a new chapter from you… Again, you’ve given us an amazing, detailed chapter. It’s the most depressing thus far, but it shows it all. You’ve changed the Death Eaters from ‘evil people who do this and that’ to real, realistic criminals, villains capable of horrors, doing anything to win the war. Your story is so full of emotions. The anger, hatred and despair, it just flows of the screen. The survivor’s account of what happened… it gave me Goosebumps. Amazingly done. I can’t wait for more.

Author's Response: It's a toughy, yes, but it had to be written in order to emphasize the true horrors the Light is facing. I wanted to do it in the most tasteful way I could while still remaining true to the material. Thank you for your kind words! They give me the hope that I've succeeded in this. More is on its way! In fact, it's already in the queue... And it's a happy chapter :) Sorta...

Name: lilkaykay (Signed) · Date: 01/16/06 22:43 · For: Prologue
This is really good! I just started it, but it is amazingly well written and seems like I'm diving right into part of a book.

Author's Response: Ooo great! Glad to make that kind of impression :) Thanks for reading, and thank you especially for reviewing!

Name: SEAMUS_124 (Signed) · Date: 01/16/06 21:46 · For: Chapter 2 - Of Labyrinths and Destiny
Wonderful. Your describing skills are beond words. I was pulled into your story like a six-year-old is to candy. Who is the strange person?? I will go an read the next chapter.. but not before I get some more popcorn *runs off to get another bucket of popcorn*

Author's Response: Ooo... nice analogy. I'm flattered! Thanks for your continued interest :)

Name: Masked One (Signed) · Date: 01/16/06 12:04 · For: Chapter 5 - Eyes of a Griffin
Harry is so wonderfully Harry! He does so wonderfully in front of the council, but give him a bath and let him relax, and he’s back to being his usual, not exactly polite, self. It’s wonderful how you’ve kept that, despite the situation you’ve placed him in.

I’m becoming curious as to what this council is, to be as rich as they seem to be. And I’d love to know the magical mechanics of this castle they live in. It’s so strange, and yet, so perfect for them. Of course I want to know what they are, but I’m guessing that asking isn’t going to help me there.

Dumbledore. I think he knew these people (things?). One, he has a magical creature for a patronus. Two, he taught the order how to communicate using theirs. Three, I very much want him to be involved. And I just feel like he is, which might be completely irrelevant.

Author's Response: Isn't it fun to see him bathe? *hides* Yes, I like to see Harry bare his true self... and not just in the naked way. He's dealing with some tough situations, but I don't want to take Harry away from Harry.

The castle has no mechanics, and every time I try to sort them out, they laugh at me. It's strange, it's magical, and it's ancient. I'll leave it at that for now ;)

Dumbledore... I won't even go there yet :)

Name: Masked One (Signed) · Date: 01/16/06 11:38 · For: Chapter 4 - Sunrise, Sunset
It’s not fair!!! You want me to stop and review, when I’m absolutely dying to find out what happens next. Hermione, Ron, Harry… so many questions. Your cliffhangers are evil. You know that, right? You’re going to kill all your loyal readers with them, and then there will be nobody left to review for you.

Getting over my angst… wow. So many complexities. I love the inherent bitterness in Lanette, and the way the first Lanette treasures the… well, treasure. You’ve set up some very real flaws in these characters who would otherwise be extremely Mary-Sue. I want to know what happens. I want to know how Lanette connects to Harry. I want my cookie for guessing who made the tapestry. I want to know about the founders.

Speaking of which, it’s wonderful that Ravenclaw invented the Time-Turner, and that she did it out of obsession. For some reason that seems extremely ominous, as though it shouldn’t have been made, and, now that it has been, as though it will play an important (and negative) part in the war.

Oh! I nearly forgot. I love the prejudice that Lanette shows-- so different from the way the books tell us to think. It put me off immediately and made me a bit squeamish, but I’ve always been fascinated with the way different characters view magical bloodlines. I’m very glad you’re addressing it, even if it makes me dislike your character a bit. And, I rather hope she meets Hermione. That will be an interesting confrontation.

Author's Response: Mask. You are really, really good. I'm glad you picked up on the time-Turner thing... you're right, it will play in later.

And about Lanette's prejudice... we can't very well make her perfect, can we? *giggles* But she can't exactly help it, as that's how the society she lives in thinks. In many ways she dislikes the world she lives in, but on the other hand it's the only way of thinking she's ever known. And yes, the Hermione confrontation will be fun :)

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