Reviewer: the nutty imp
Date: 04/03/06 8:34
Chapter: Shield against my Sorrows

Some suggestions:

A brief look of understanding was all that passed between the two women, but it was enough to convey the mutual agreement to forget any previous discrepancies.

He had a habit of staying up late to research or just to enjoy a good book, as did his dad. ~I just think 'father' would work better here because the Malfoys would be a more formal sort of family

Dark Lordís wishes and(,) if she was to trust Severusí letters ~I don't think the comma would be needed there ^_^

she craved, but(,) although she adored her sister ~I don't think the comma is needed there and I suggest that you use 'though' in place of 'although' - no real reason, but I think it sounds better that way

Narcissa had tried to accept it and move on, but the doubts

leave for Hogwarts again; Bella arrived looking haggard but exceedingly pleased.

Narcissa half-shrugged, ~ this is me being nit-picky again... I always pictured Narcissa as too classy to just shrug ... maybe a mor feminine gesture like bowing her head or closing her eyes?

I think I ought to stop the nit-pick and concentrate on the more important things. There are lots of things that I like in this story. First is the sisterly relationship between Bella and Narcissa. Most people don't show this side of Bellatrix, but the fact that she accompanied Narcissa in Spinner's End ought to show that she does care for her sister. You showed this well in this story of yours.

Another thing I liked is the relationship between Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy those details of the nickname and how she depends on him to give him strength and even compared Draco's actions to Lucius's own. Its showed great Malfoy Family dynamics.

The ending where she firmly believed that this will be better. It sets such a nice contrast: Despite all the dark acts/politics in the family, Narcissa clings on to the light and though she thinks herself weak, she actually provide light to both Draco and Lucius. Brilliant ending and story :)

Author's Response: I never believed that Lucius was an abusive father or husband and from what we see of Narcissa in HBP, I think that she loves both her husband and her son very much. I enjoyed showing this slightly different side to a dark family, although I was afraid that they sounded a bit too loving at times. I don't know why but I have a really soft spot for the Blacks and the Malfoys and I can't stand them being portrayed as completely evil without any love or compassion, not even towards each other.

Reviewer: Hamstergeist
Date: 02/19/06 8:27
Chapter: Shield against my Sorrows

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Welcome to SPEW!

Author's Response: Thank you! *huggles* *feels special* Today isn't such a bad day after all^^

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Blaise Inglorious by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Ginny is stuck at Hogwarts while Harry, Ron, and Hermione are on the run. Blaise...
A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers by Piwakitt 3rd-5th Years
This story has a bit of everything in it. Humor, romance, Slytherin schemes...
Get Older by ellie oh 6th-7th Years
Lily is having something of a breakdown, unsure of where she fits as graduation...
FEATURED
Tarot by DeadManSeven 3rd-5th Years
A reading that consists of only cards from the Major Arcana indicates the destiny...
Rat by DragonDi 6th-7th Years
The Potters' Secret Keeper, Sirius Black, is presumed dead. Remus Lupin wants...
The Ruin by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Even in its abandonment and slow disintegration, it retains its power to destroy...
CATEGORIES