Wow, first off let me say that was a beautifully written one-shot, it was really moving. I almost felt like I was her, because I could relate so intensely with her character and emotion. The emotion and mood was perfect, you really have a grasp of the human emotion and feeling and I respect that greatly, because it entrances me while I read. I completely envy that talent.
Second off, you don’t get many great stories examining Minerva so this was a gem to find. It’s really brave of you to take on a story most people would touch because she isn’t one of our well-known characters. So nice risk-taking.
They had failed her.
That simple sentence in itself is so powerful and brilliant it really sets the reader up for what is about to come and evokes a lot of emotion. I really like this.
Another illustration I like is when you are describing her tears: Tears rolled down the girl's cheeks and chin, cascading like falling stars…
That was beautiful, I really liked that illusion you presented especially how you continue to mention the stars around her throughout the end of the story, it’s really nice. I find it hard to describe…but just the way she was drawn to the very thing that led her astray. Her belief in the fate written the stars had betrayed her yet she still found hope and safety in them. I found it very moving. I absolutely loved how you continued to tie them and relate them to her again and again.
A few critiques though, they are little and easily fixed I’m sure.
They had started on Vanishing Spells, and she had managed to master them before class was out. But those classes were always fun, and as such not a source of great excitement.
I don’t think that second sentence needs to start with “But” you could probably just lead into it with “Those classes were…” The “but” makes me think you are about to make an exception to the last sentence when you really aren’t. Also, you say the classes were fun but not a great source of excitement. Isn’t that kind of contradicting yourself in the same sentence? Correct me if I’m reading this wrong but it’s sounds like you are saying too different things at once.
Later on there is this,
He had died fighting, killed with a single curse.
You say this though above you mention both her parents not returning so I think you mean “they” and not “he”. Or if you do mean he, you might want to mention the mother in another sentence, because that was kind of confusing, just mentioning one parent.
Nice job though, I really enjoyed this story and I think others will too. Your talent for writing human emotion is incredible; I deeply envy that. ~Ashley
Author's Response: First of all, thank you for leaving such a lovely review! I've already con through and taken out the 'But' and changed 'He' to 'They.'
I'm glad you liked what I did with the story. I think we see glimpes of a softer Minerva underneath the strict professor, and I wanted to explore that side of her. One of my favorite things to do when exploring a character is to take a strong character and put him or her in a situation where (s)he is vulnerable. The results can be interesting. I'm glad you were able to identify with her, it's nice to know that it's working!