I really love the writing style used in this. It honestly wouldn’t have been the same if it was in first person; it’s as though you’re telling a story and allowing the reader to assume the emotions. I really enjoyed that.
In the first paragraph you mention that Sirius already has a rather bad record. I can understand this, of course—he’s not really a person who abides by the rules—but somehow I can’t even see him risking showing-off his magic to Muggle girls. I can, however, see him doing something slightly more inconspicuous, and perhaps that’s what you meant. I wouldn’t normally pick at something so small, but this is the first paragraph. ;)
But he had had so many good times ... The moment he thought this, his mind came to a halt. He couldn't remember. He racked his brains, trying to remember at least one good thing that had happened in his life. But try as he might, he couldn't remember. Something about this really stuck out to me. In a good way, mind you! One tends to think about what it would be like to be in Azkaban while reading PoA, but somehow this really catches it for me.
There was a small bench in the corner, and a tiny rag. He picked it up and studied the scrap of cloth, and realised that it was a blanket. Despair washed over him. He was to live here? For the rest of his life? This is another excerpt that really made me think. When you can make the reader think about what it would be like to be in the same situation, it makes the situation much more realistic; nice job!
Small nit-pick: They were responsible for their crimes. They deserve to be here. As much as I really love this sentence (it’s the reason I caught the little tiny mistake in the first place—I reread it), I think “deserve” should be in past tense.
Overall, I thought the writing style of this is what made it so great. It really makes you want to keep reading, even though we all know what happens to poor Sirius. Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Thanks! And thanks for pointing out that last bit. I've re-read this thing loads of times, but it's a sort of thing that all writers seem to have ... we miss out on our own mistakes. And as for that first bit, about how it is to be in Azkaban, it sort of just came to me like that. Once again, thanks!
IT SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!! it made me cry of what Sirius went threw! I just think he would have not of had cried so soon. I get very sad with that kind of agony. I still love it completly.
Author's Response: I'm glad that I managed to portray Sirius's emotions proeprly! Thanks for the review!
Nice, I really like the way you prtrayed both Sirius's mind-frame and the atmosphere in Azkhaban. The description was really nicely done. Good Luck with the challenge...=)
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Good luck to you too! =)
Hi Madnessisme, I'm IceCreamFairy on MNFF forums, remember? ; ) Wow I never knew you can write so well!!! I'm very, very impressed. You write in a kind of dark, mysterious tone... lol I hope in the future there'll be more fics from you! ~Luv
Author's Response: Aw, thanks, S! Glad to know that I managed to convey teh dark-ness in the fic. And yeah, I hope I'll write in the future too. It's just a matter of whether the plot bunnies are willing to nibble on my mind or not .... :)
Wow. Great. Fabulous. It was very...Sirius-y, for lack of better adjective. Good job!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, and that I managed to capture the Sirius-ness (snort) of the situation. Thanks for the feedback! :D